Super Robot Evangelion
by DancingBrain
Summary: Ever imagined if Shinji had the guts and brawns of the pilot of Mazinger Z? Or Getter Robo? Well, look no further. FILLER 2 IS DONE! Now with cutins by Excel Excel and the boys from South Park, among others.
1. Shinji Arrives!

**EVANGELION: Super Robot Style**

**A/N:** I've browsed through some of the fics and read something about having a different Shinji. Well, this is one of them. Enjoy.

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Shinji stood in front of the monorail entrance. He had just gotten to Tokyo 3 and was waiting for his escort to appear. In his left hand, he held a picture of said guardian, a purple haired lady in a pose that could have made the cut for a Playboy cover. His yellow scarf billowing in the wind which somehow always encircles him, he studied the woman's face, committing it to memory. He heard the loud booms from the missiles dropped somewhere in the vicinity, but did not pay attention to them. Until one decided to land in his vicinity, that is. He rolled out of the smokes of the explosion and landed in a crouch. A stylish crouch(whatever that is).

He looked up and, as if on cue, a red Renault screeched to a halt in front of him and the passenger door burst open.

"GET IN!", the woman in the driver's seat ordered. Shinji moved as the woman instructed and got into the car. The Renault sped off just moments before a stray missile dropped behind the car, creating a small crater.

"Miss Misato?", he asked as he compared the woman to the picture he had in his hand.

"That's me! And you are….", she replied and studied the boy in the driver's seat. His face looked like the photograph in her bio file which she was holding in her left hand, but she wasn't expecting a longer hari that went down to the eyes and a short ponytail.

Or a long yellow scarf tied around the neck, which, despite the windows being closed and a broken A/C, was blowing backwards.

Or the fact that his collar was up and he had 3 buttons unfastened below the neck.

Or that the former allowed her a glimpse at a well-developed chest. Speaking of which, so were his hands which, while skinny, looked taut with muscles.

Not to mention his eyes, which holds a lot more fire in them than the picture suggests.

"….You ARE Shinji Ikari, right?", she asked.

"Yes, ma'am. My name is Shinji Ikari", he replied. Misato felt her facial muscles tighten slightly.

"S, Shinji….I would really, really, _really_ appreciate it if you never, ever call me ma'am again. OK?", she said slowly and clearly.

"Yes, MA'AM!", he replied instantly. Misato felt a twitch coming on.

'Calm down. Calm down. He's the boss' kid, and as much as I hate babysitting someone who calls me ma'am, his general mood will be the measure of my paycheck. So, then….namu namu namu namu namu namu namu….it's not working! OK, lessee…buildings…flying concrete…pavement…rubble….missile…wait. MISSILE!'

And such was the end of Misato's internal monologue as a stray missile hit ground zero right in front of the car, which flipped up in the air 5 times before sliding to a stop.

"….Are we dead yet?", she asked a few minutes after the car stopped rolling and opened one eye.

"I think not, ma'am. I mean, miss Misato", Shinji answered as he start to extricate himself from the upside-down car.

"Well, that sucks…I still have 33 payments more to go on this baby. I thought at least in heaven I can ask for a new one", she said as she followed after Shinji.

"No, miss Misato! You must never give up hope in life! I am sure that you can pay the whole cost even with your as-yet-undisclosed meager salary!", Shinji roared (yes, roared) as he turned towards Misato, his right fist clenched and raised to his chest in that heroic pose.

"……….Um….er….yes….I…uh…I won't, Shinji…thanks for that…uh…advice…", she replied while looking at him in a mixture of embarrassment, a very small bit of gratitude, and a large amount of incredulity. "Now, shall we-"

"Let's turn the car over!", Shinji cut her off.

"…yeah…let's do that", she replied, still looking at him in that 'He's gotta be an alien or I'm killing myself' look.

The 2 of them pushed the overturned car from the side and, to Misato's surprise, corrected its position in one try. Shinji was definitely stronger than his size suggested. With that done, they continued their kamikaze drive through the streets of Tokyo 3. The missiles seem to be more forgiving this time around, but that wasn't their biggest problem. Oh, hell no. Their biggest problem was waiting right beyond the next block.

"Oh, shit! It's the Angel!", Misato cried out as she drifted the car into a stop.

"An Angel! What is the messenger of god doing destroying a city!", Shinji cried out as he braced himself in his seat. Misato decided it would be a waste of 30 minutes to explain.

Their savior was just beyond the corner, however, and it tackled the monstrosity before it could do anything to our young protagonist. Misato didn't waste any time taking this chance to escape and revved up the engine to the red, speeding off in the general direction of the NERV headquarters.

"Is it going to be OK?", Shinji asked, looking back at the purple humanoid giant robot-thingy fighting the angel and losing…badly.

"I doubt it…", Misato answered, then had a mental image of Shinji rushing off to save the purple thing and ending up dead. This was continued with a mental slideshow of what would happen to her after that. Losing her job. Losing her house. Losing her car. No Yebisu beer to drink. That last one shook her up. "BUTDONTWORRYSHEWILLBEFINECAUSEWEWILLBLOWITUPWITHN2!", she screamed to Shinji, who was looking for the door lock.

He didn't get half of that, but he did get the 'it(?) will be fine' and stopped trying to bail out. Of course, on hindsight, it may not have been for the better since it was at that instant in time and space that the said N2 was dropped in the vicinity, blowing the car away to land a kilometer away, surprisingly intact, upside down, again. It did not take them long to get going again the second time around, if that is any consolation.

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The rest of the journey did not contain too many surprises. The Renault pulled into an elevator that leads into the heart of NERV. As soon as it did, the elevator shuddered and brought the car down.

"So my father is the head of NERV?", Shinji asked Misato, who was currently calculating the damage to her clothes, sunglasses, and car without succumbing to depression.

"Yes, Shinji", she answered curtly as she tried to calculate the cost of a new paint job.

"The savior of the world?", he asked again.

"Yes, Shinji", she answered on autopilot, wincing inwardly when she came up with a 6 figure sum.

"So I am the son of the defender of love and peace? Upholder of justice and protector of the weak?", he asked again.

"Yes…wait…what was that again?", she answered, not really hearing the question. If she had, she might not have agreed to all that. "Oh, wait, nevermind. We are here", she continued when they reached the end of their destination. Shinji seemed to have not paid any attention to the fact that they were now in an underground cavern, focusing instead on the fact that he was the son of a hero with a look of heroic determination and striking a heroic folded arms pose all the way down.

They walked around the complex for a while after that. Shinji was still oblivious to the fact that they were going in circles. A fact that Misato Katsuragi thanked the gods for, if they exist. As they went from corridor 49, to 54, to 87, to 65, to 34, and back to 49, Misato began getting desperate. Sure, Shinji still seemed oblivious, but she doesn't want to push her luck. After all, he had shown an unprecedented amount of strength and focus during their journey. Who knows what he might do if he knew she got them lost. Luckily for her, however, her savior was around the corner.

"What the hell are you doing here, Misato?", a female voice called out from in front of her. She looked up from her map, relieved to find a familiar voice.

"Ah! Ritsuko! Sorry, sorry, I was just giving Shinji here a tour of the place", she said and scratched her head with her left hand. Shinji looked up to see a blonde scientist in a white coat.

"Ah. Got lost again, eh, captain?", she replied. There was a stabbing sound near Misato's head. If there were word bubbles in this story, that would have been the cause. Meanwhile, Shinji was looking at Misato with newfound interest.

"You're a captain?", he asked her. The latter just nodded. Shinji suddenly took 3 steps backwards and bowed. "FORGIVE ME FOR SHOUTING AT YOU EARLIER, CAPTAIN!", he shouted in a volume that would have put EVA-01 to shame.

"I…it's OK, Shinji…no offense taken", she replied after clearing her ears of the ringing sounds caused by Shinji's shout.

"Are you…the 3rd child?", Ritsuko asked hesitantly. Shinji nodded as he stood at attention and gave a salute. "It's OK, Shinji. I'm not a military officer", she said, and immediately wished she hadn't.

"I UNDERSTAND, MA'AM! HOWEVER! I! MUST! RESPECT! MY! SUPERIOR! OFFICER! MA'AM!", he shouted again, even louder this time. It was said that at that moment, a certain angel over Tokyo 3 lost his balance due to a small unrecorded earthquake. Misato, prepared this time, had covered her ears and was mouthing to Ritsuko to just hurry up and get him to the commander. Rtisuko nodded. She swore one of her eyes was still turning in its socket.

"This way then. AND NO NEED TO THANK US!", Ritsuko said, adding in the last part when she saw Shinji drawing up a breath. They quickly led him to the EVA cage, where Gendo overlooks the entire operation from a control room high above. "Now, remember Shinji. Your father has a weak heart, so don't speak too loudly", she warned him. He nodded as he marveled at the purple giant robotic thing in front of him.

"Shinji", a booming voice called out. Shinji instinctively placed his right fist close to his hip, put his left arm up, fist drawn and ready to strike, and lowered his body into a cat stance, where 80 of his body weight is placed on the right leg, the one supporting his body while his left leg hangs, ready to kick, as he turned towards the source of the ominous voice. Needless to say, this surprised everyone in the room. Even EVA-01, which flinched inwardly.

'_Damn, where the hell did Gendo send him off to?', _it thought. Everyone else had their mouths open. Except for Gendo. He was too badass for that. It surprised him, though.

"Um…Shinji. This is your father", Gendo tried his little greeting again.

"Dad?", Shinji asked as he straightened up and looked up at his father in the command room. "How come you sound like Dr. Hell? Or Darth Vader?", he asked. Gendo looked around at his staff, all of whom shrugged their shoulders.

"That is beside the point, Shinji. Now, do you know why I have brought you here?", he asked.

"Give me a giant robot of mass destruction so I could keep peace in the world?", Shinji replied.

"Yes. I mean, NO! Wait! Yes! No, wa-Ah, to hell with it….Shinji, I want you to pilot that robot", Gendo replied not so truthfully, or fully, for that matter. "Should you refuse…", Gendo clicked his fingers and in comes an incapacitated blue-haired girl on a rolling bed. A lot of her body parts were in casts and bandage. "She will-"

"I'll do it!", Shinji shouted. Gendo blinked. He looked at his staff again. They shrugged. Again. He made a mental note to add a new rule about answering with words. "However! I have conditions!", Shinji continued. Gendo smiled. This was the way it was supposed to be.

"Name them", he said. Shinji took a deep breath and puffed his chest, which got the attention of the ladies. He was not supposed to be able to do that.

"I want a motorbike. Not just any bike. I want a transformable GTRX-4232, complete with a gun rack, missile launchers, extendable seats, and a turbo powered Shinseiki 45643 2000HP engine. Oh, yeah, black paint job", Shinji said, reading from a note his uncle Tatsuya had given him.

"…Any of you got that?", Gendo asked his staff. One of them, a nameless staff who's really into tokusatsu raised a hand. "Good. Take care of it", he said to the nameless staff. Said staff quickly nodded and ran off to take care of it. "Anything else, son?", Gendo returned to Shinji, who had gone to the girl in the rolling bed and was looking at her. She looked back with her red eyes. She was obviously in pain. They looked at each other like that for a good minute before looking back at Gendo.

"Just remember this, dad. I, Ikari Shinji, shall fight only for the sake of justice and peace! I fight for the sake of people like this woman here who was obviously injured in the angel attack! I shall not defy your orders! Unless it leads to evil! IN WHICH CASE I SHALL SHOW YOU HELL ON EARTH!", Shinji roared (gasp, again) at Gendo, striking his heroic fist-up pose. Fuyutsuki glanced at Gendo. Gendo glanced back. Both shrugged. The girl in the bed seemed inclined to say something, but given her injuries, couldn't make a sound. "Oh, and my scarf stays with me everywhere I go", Shinji finished.

"Done. What?", Gendo said, realizing too late Shinji's last words had gone unnoticed. Shinji nodded and followed the technicians who would suit him up and load him into the EVA.

"…….Seriously, man. Where the hell did you send him?", Fuyutsuki asked Gendo. The latter shrugged.

"He was supposed to have stayed with a wimpy uncle and turn out a wimpy boy, not…….this…..whatever he is…..", Gendo replied, miffed that he did not get the chance to pressurize his son this time around.

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Shinji sat in the cockpit of the EVA, suited in his blue-white dive suit, his red scarf floating in the liquid. LCL began to pour around him and enveloped his entire body. He had been told he was to breathe normally by Dr. Ritsuko. It was hard at first, but he got used to it quickly. Now, he sat in the cockpit, ready for whatever was about to come.

"Are you ready, Shinji?", Ritsuko said from the control room. Her face was on a screen to Shinji's right. He did not glance at the screen when he answered.

"Ossu!", he said. His eyes looked forward, never straying to any distractions.

"What's his sync level?", Misato asked Maya, one of the staff in the control room.

"Um….95...", she answered. The others turned to look at her, stunned.

"That high…without training?", Misato said to herself.

"Looks like he has great focus", Ritsuko followed.

"Well, then. EVA-01! LAUNCH!", Misato yelled.

"SHINJI IKARI! LAUNCH!", Shinji roared inside the cockpit just before the catapult shot upwards.

"Did you really have to shout?", Ritsuko asked.

"I can't help it! Watching him is like watching Mazinger Z or Getter Robo for the first time again!", Misato said enthusiastically. Ritsuko took a step away.

Outside, Shinji had reached the surface and started to move out of the catapult, the angel a distance away in front of him.

"Now, Shinji. Try to walk", Ritsuko said from the control room.

"Walk?", Shinji asked the image to his left.

"Yes, Shinji! Focus your entire mind into it! Become one with the EVA! Now GO! Bring peace unto the world!", Misato shouted from somewhere to Ritsuko's right, who took another step away. Shinji nodded and began to focus on a walking sequence.

EVA-01 lifted its right foot and brought it down gently, heel first. It quickly shifted its weight onto the instep, then toes, and switched foot.

'Alright. Now, stop', Shinji thought. The EVA didn't stop, however. 'So, you wish to fight, then', he thought again, and the EVA walked faster. 'As you wish….', Shinji thought and focused on running full tilt towards the angel.

The EVA dashed forward, body bent low. The angel did not react until it got close enough to deliver a blow.

"ORYAAAA!", Shinji roared(ga…ahhh, get used to it) as the EVA threw a powerful right haymaker. It was stopped a distance away from the angel, but he managed to follow through and push the angel back several paces.

"OOOOOHHHHHH!", the entire staff in the control room cheered.

"Be careful of it's AT barrier, Shinji!", Ritsuko warned him.

"A barrier, huh? Well, then, I shall take it down!", Shinji yelled inside the cockpit as the EVA quickly closed the distance, dodging a laser beam from the angel as it did so. "USELESS!", he roared to the angel. Somewhere, Yui Ikari looked on with a feeling of pride and uneasy embarrassment rolled into one.

"EAT THIS! BURNING FISTS!", Shinji roared and assaulted the angel with a rapid-fire barrage of left and right punches. They were weaker than his first haymaker, but each hit steadily and surely wore down the angel's AT field. By the 3/4th of the move, the barrier was gone, and Shinji landed his punches all around the angel's front half.

"YEAHH!", the people in the control room yelled. Most of them had gotten popcorns and soda. Misato was drinking a can of Yebisu and popping popcorn held in Ritsuko's hand into her mouth.

"He has a named attack?", Ritsuko wondered. Her face says 'I don't really want to know'.

"Of course! He is a pilot of a Super Robot! He MUST name his attacks!", Misato answered animatedly before perking up her ears. Someone had set up some BGM.

"Pegasus Fantasy?", Ritsuko asked incredulously.

"How do you know that song?", Misato asked. Ritsuko turned red and did not answer. She shrugged and continued watching the show, er…battle.

"Now…finishing MOVE!", Shinji yelled as EVA-01 grabbed the stunned angel with both hands.

"TEN!", he roared and threw the angel up several kilometers into the air.

"CHI!", he roared again as he jumped up after it. Once he caught up, he grabbed the angel by its face and angled his body so that both the EVA and the angel had their heads to the earth.

"OTOSHI!", he roared and pushed down. He wasn't aware of it, but he had formed an AT barrier behind him and kicked on it to propel them downwards at incredible speeds. The altitude ensured they won't be coming back down for a while, and the angel used this opportunity for a last-ditch attack. It wrapped itself around EVA-01 and exploded in a cross of fire.

The people in the control room stopped cheering and looked at the screens. A minute later, they cheered again when they saw EVA-01 standing below the explosion, its arms crossed, its eyes looking towards an invisible horizon.

"This fight!", Shinji shouted in the cockpit. The control room fell silent once more.

"MY VICTORY!", he finished in a loud roar, which was a cue for the staff to start cheering again.

"Alright, Shinji! Come into the elevator now!", Misato said to the pilot. EVA-01 didn't move. "Shinji?", she asked. No response.

"What's wrong?", Ritsuko asked her staff.

"….It appears that EVA-01's power has run out…", Maya answered.

"What? How…oh...yeah…", Ritsuko said, recalling the moment before the throw where Shinji had grabbed the power line and pulled the plug out of the back. She marveled at the kid's intuition. That EVA will never reach that height with a cable sticking out its back. She also marveled at the kid's stupidity. "Send recovery teams. We shouldn't have any problems getting him out", she continued.

"By the way, Ritsuko…", Misato began. Ritsuko turned towards her. "Do you think we should have told him to go for the S2 engine?", she asked. The latter thought for a while, then shrugged.

"What's the point? He already won. Besides, if we told him that, we'd need to explain what it is in the first place, and that could take a while given his…er….mental condition…", she answered.

"Good point", Misato said and went back to watching the screen.

Somewhere in the control room, Ikari Gendo was getting twitches at the side of his lips that was close to a smile. He had not expected that kind of power from his son. Not by a long shot. He'd need to remind himself to give Yui's brother a call.

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"So, do you get all that?", Ritsuko said to Shinji, who was sitting in the hospital bed in a pajama, his red scarf still around his neck and moving slowly along his back. He was not hurt, but the doctors had done a CAT scan on Ritsuko's orders, just in case. He nodded.

"Forgive me, professor. I should not have done it. I shall endeavor to be more careful in the future", he said and bowed his head.

"Those were some nice moves though. How and where on earth did you learn all that stuff?", Misato asked.

"Oh, Burning Fists is a move I created long ago during my trainings in mount Fuji under uncle Tatsuya's guidance. Ten Chi Otoshi was created by my dear departed uncle Musashi, and passed on to me by uncle Benkei. It was originally called Dai Setsu Zan Oroshi, but since the EVA structure was not suitable for it, I had to improvise", Shinji answered. The 2 women in the room looked at each other, each wearing odd looks on their faces. Do they really want to know? Deciding the answer was no, they turned back to him.

"So, what do you plan to do now?", Ritsuko asked.

"Yeah. We have yet to decide on your residence. And there's the matter of your unorthodox style of combat. We'll need to do some modifications to the EVA", Misato followed. In its cage, EVA-01 sneezed. It came out as a loud snort/growl that surprised the techies working around it, who quickly decided to work extra fast and end the shift early. _'Who's talking about me?'_, it thought.

"Oh, yeah. About that…I believe I have something in my bag for that", Shinji replied and groped around inside his black duffel bag, which had been all but forgotten throughout this story. Moments later, he pulled out a disk and handed it to Ritsuko. "Here. This should give you a good idea what my fighting techniques will be like when optimized", he said. Ritsuko took it and looked at the label.

It said 'Shinji Ikari's super awesome burning spirit fighting techniques, on foot and on a robot. Plus: Things that should be added to ensure peak performance in a bare robotic model. Will turn trash cans into super weapons of destruction! BOOYAH!'. Ritsuko read it several times and made up her mind that whoever taught Shinji must be a mad scientist. Not her kind of 'supergenius' mad scientist, of course, but the 'mad' mad kind.

"Oh, and Ritsuko! Don't forget the scarf!", Misato added, pointing at Shinji's red scarf. The person she spoke to sighed. Who knew Misato was such an otaku? Was that why she broke up with an as yet undisclosed member of NERV? That otaku was currently giving her a puppy-dog look. She inwardly sighed again.

"Alright, alright. I'll make sure to add it to ensure…uh…dynamic stability…or whatever…", she replied. Misato drew her fist into the 'yes' position while Shinji looked outside the room door at the injured girl he saw earlier. She was talking to his father. The latter left quickly, not even bothering to glance at Shinji. Shinji, being the Shinji he is now, didn't pay attention. He just looked at the girl, who was looking back at him. He thought he saw some negative emotions in her crimson eyes, but she was wheeled away before he could be sure.

"…so, OK, Shinji?", Misato asked.

"Huh?", he replied. Apparently, the 2 ladies in the room had been talking about something while he was busy observing the girl.

"I said, is our living arrangement OK?", Misato asked.

"Uh…OK?", Shinji voiced his confusion. Apparently, Misato was not a very good judge of phonetics and took that as a statement.

"Alright then! Meet me in the parking lot later", she said and bounced out the room.

"You weren't really answering her question, were you?", Ritsuko asked.

"What?", Shinji replied, still oblivious.

"sigh Never mind…", Ritsuko said and left the room, leaving the bewildered Shinji in the room.

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End Chapter 1.

Well, there we go, Shinji as a mix of a bunch of hot-blooded heroes rolled into one.

Things to appear (much) later in the story:

An original Ultraman

2 very famous classic giant robots

More famous classic giant robots

Etc.


	2. Settling in

**Super Robot Evangelion: Chapter 2**

**Settling In; also, where fourth walls are broken**

**A/N:** First of all, thank you for the review. Good or bad. Second of all…never mind. On with the story.

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"Captain Misato?", Shinji asked as he stood in front of an apartment door, his red scarf hanging down his back. In front of the door were boxes with the label 'Shinji Ikari' on them. The lock was electronic with the option of a card key or manual numeric code input. That was not what Shinji was concerned about, however, since those things are pretty much standard.

"What is it, Shinji? And stop calling me Captain. Misato is fine", she replied, her hand, holding her keycard, hovering above the reader, ready to slide it into the slot.

"Is this where I am supposed to be staying?", Shinji asked again.

"Yes. Is there a problem?", she replied.

"Why is the name on the door Katsuragi and PenPen?", Shinji asked.

"Oh, that", she replied and seemed to think for a while before taking out a permanent marker from her skirt pocket. She opened the cap and wrote Shinji below the previous names. "There! That should do it!", she said cheerfully. Shinji was speechless as his brain tried to process the event that had just transpired.

_The apartment is labeled 'Katsuragi'_

_Captain's name is Misato Katsuragi._

_She just wrote my name below hers._

_She means for me to stay here._

"…Captain! I must not!", Shinji blurted out as the truth sank in. Misato looked at him, confused.

"What?", she asked.

"Captain! I cannot stay with you and become a burden to your household!", Shinji said loudly as he straightened up and bowed.

"But, Shinji. You already agreed to this a few hours ago", Misato said. Shinji looked up.

"I did?", he asked with a blank stare. Misato nodded.

"The commander wanted me to watch over you during your stay here, remember? I asked you about this back at HQ and you said OK", she replied. Shinji tried to replay the conversation in his head, but he could only remember that pale girl with crimson eyes and blue hair. After a long silence and several unsuccessful mental replays, he finally spoke.

"Very well, then, Miss Misato. A man must never go back on his words, and since I agreed to this arrangement-or at least I think I did-I shall endeavor to be as little nuisance to you as possible", Shinji said and bowed again. Misato gave him the 15th odd look of the day and shrugged. She unlocked the door and went inside, followed by Shinji who carried a total of 3 boxes in his left hand and a freestanding sandbag in his right.

Some sceneries are a sight for sore eyes.

A beautiful mountain valley.

A newborn baby.

Misato's cleavage.

Misato's room is not one of them.

Her dining table was full of…stuff. Most of them were cutlery and kitchen ware with _lots_ of empty food packages strewn in between. Most prominent of them all was a pyramid made of empty beer cans. Some were old newspapers, some were crumpled up old newspapers, and some were girl…er…women magazines. Adult…women…magazines. Below that table were boxes, old socks, dirty clothing, and what looks suspiciously like ladies' underwear.

Shinji's eyes took in all of this and he began to formulate an idea why he was ordered to live with her. Following Misato as she pointed out the rooms and facilities in the apartment, he solidified that idea into a concrete reason.

"Miss Misato", Shinji said firmly. Misato stopped talking and turned to look at him. "I understand now why I have been assigned to live here", he continued.

"Eh?", Misato said, a confused half smile popping in her face.

"It is obvious to me now! I have been sent here to rid this place of all mess plaguing this area! Fear not, captain! I, Shinji Ikari, student of Mugen Tatsuya, shall not fail you in this task! Daunting as it is, this mess is nothing in the face of a master of the ShinKoRyu Karate style such as I!", Shinji stated, puffing his chest out, doing his heroic fist-in-front-of-chest pose and facing the mess that is Misato's room.

"Now, captain! Please stay back! This may get dangerous! Oh, and hold these for me, please", Shinji said as he passed his boxes to Misato before she had any chance to say anything. Caught unaware, she caught the boxes and a sandbag clumsily and promptly lost her balance. With a loud boing, she fell, butt first, to the floor.

Shinji did not notice as he began to tackle the mountainous task that is Misato's room. The apartment was filled with various noises for the next few hours. Most of them came from a vacuum cleaner, a duster, and many, many dirty plates. Amidst all this, Misato could only sit on the floor marveling at his incredible ability to seemingly keep everything intact despite how fast he was working.

Within 2 hours, it was done. Misato stood up and looked in wonder at what Shinji just did. Her apartment no longer had any trash in it. All the garbage had been gathered into 2 large plastic bags and brought outside the room. The dining table was clean. Too clean. There was nothing on it but a reflective surface. The rest of the house was pretty much in that kind of state.

"All done, captain Misato", Shinji said as he took off his apron, masker and a head cover made of a piece of white cloth.

"Uh…thank you, Shinji", she said as he helped her stand up and picked up his stuff. 'Well, so much for my little game…", she thought, looking at her left hand which had formed into a pair of scissors. "Shall I show you to your room, then?", Misato said and led him down a corridor to a small room with a tatami floor.

"Thank you, Captain. I believe this is more than adequate for me", Shinji said and put his boxes down. The freestanding sandbag was placed in the center of the room.

"Great! Now, let's have dinner!", Misato said and went out of the room with Shinji in tow. When they reached the kitchen, Shinji's ears perked up. He had heard something being opened and closed.

"Waark…", a hoarse voice called. Shinji immediately dropped into his 'ready' stance and scanned the room for any unusual activities. Misato looked at him and tried to suppress a giggle.

"Relax", she said and pointed to the floor near the fridge. Something that looks like a penguin with a bag was standing there, its eyes eyeing Shinji sleepily beneath bushy eyebrows. "It's just-", she said and was immediately cut off by Shinji.

"DINNER!", Shinji yelled and dashed towards the penguin. Misato had about a quarter second to react before Shinji went for the kitchen knife placed near the kitchen sink.

"Wait! Shinji! NO! THAT'S NOT DINNER!", she shouted and dived for Shinji. She might have caught him if he turned out as wimpy as his father wanted. This Shinji, however, was not so easy.

"WAAAAARRKKKKK!", the penguin screamed and ran away from Shinji, who had gone from heroic to psychotic in a matter of seconds since he picked up the knife.

"HOLD STILL, DRUMSTICK!", Shinji shouted as he chased the penguin around the apartment.

"NO! DON'T KILL PENPEN!", Misato shouted as she chased Shinji around the apartment.

"WWAAARRKKKK!", PenPen(the penguin) shouted as he was chased by a hero about to commit poultry homicide.

There was no sleep for the residents of that apartment block that night. They were haunted by loud sounds like 'Don't move, meat', 'No, not my black beauty', and a loud, hoarse, incessant sound that can only be described as either a couple really going at it, or a chicken getting strangled.

-------

"Misato….", Ritsuko called to Misato, who had her head on top of the table in front of her. Currently, they are inside the NERV headquarters where they are supposed to review Shinji's first battle performance.

"….Hmah?", Misato replied sleepily. She had black bags under her eyes, and her cheeks were sunk in.

"Were you so desperate to have done it _that _many times with _that_ boy?", Ritsuko asked. She was wearing an expression usually reserved when one has to eat a shake made of maggots and roaches, which was apparently gaining popularity in western televisions.

"THAT'S NOT WHAT HAPPENED!", Misato screamed her reply. Ritsuko eyed her suspiciously. She did not think it was drinking that got Misato like this. She had seen Misato drink twice the amount of alcohol necessary to kill a gorilla and show up to work the next morning without so much as a hangover.

"What _did_ happen, then?", Ritsuko asked again. Misato sighed and slumped against her desk.

"Well, apparently Shinji had been taught by his uncle Tatsuya how to hunt for food in the wilderness of mount Fuji using nothing but his bare hands and whatever sharp object he has in hand", Misato replied slowly and paused. Ritsuko gave her the 'go on' expression. "Apparently, _food_ in mount Fuji includes penguins", Misato finished.

"Ah…", Ritsuko said.

"Yes…it took me 5 whole hours to stop him from cooking PenPen and explain to him that PenPen is not dinner", Misato said. Ritsuko was about to say something when she was interrupted.

"He also cleaned out the apartment last night. You know, he is a real hard worker. Everything was spotless when he was done", Misato said, smiling sadly. Ritsuko was about to smile and say something, but was interrupted, again.

"Yes…everything was spotless…INCLUDING MY BOOK RACK AND REFRIGERATOR!", Misato finished and buried her face in the crook of her arms, bawling. Ritsuko was beginning to sweat and she decided that now is a good time to get away. She quickly got up and quietly went out the door, leaving Misato to wail about buff, naked German models with their hot, naked gay lovers and Yebisu beer. Apparently, Misato has a theory that if Yebisu beers cease to exist, so will the universe as we see it.

--------

Class 2-A has a new student. His name was written on the board as Shinji Ikari, and his introduction to the class has left a large portion of them temporarily deaf. A young man shouting his name, age, fighting style, hobby, and purpose in life at 110 decibel tends to do that to people.

Said new student was currently sitting in his seat leisurely. All around him were buzzing sounds that contain the phrases 'rock star', 'robot pilot', 'rockstar robot pilot', 'mad robot pilot', 'super pilot', etc. He could hear those buzzes from all corners of the classroom except from two spots.

His glance went to one of the quiet spots. The person sitting there had long, wavy brown locks, a freckled face, and wears a pair of geeky glasses. The other spot was occupied by a blue haired girl with bandages all over her. His eyes widened slightly when he recognized her as the girl he had seen prior to boarding the EVA-01 and in the NERV hospital.

He wanted to greet her, but put it off for later. After all, the teacher, and antique piece of human biology, was reciting the day's lessons in a dull, flat tone that could be used as a hypnotic weapon should NERV ever considered researching into it. The class secretly thanked Shinji in their hearts for giving them their temporary inability to hear anything less than a cannon being fired into a nuclear missile silo.

That temporary salvation was gone by the time recess comes.

Shinji found himself being surrounded in his desk by a bunch of male and female students, who were all looking at him with hesitant looks on their faces. Most of them wanted to ask him something, but none of them knew how to start.

"…Can I help you?", Shinji asked the group after several minutes of silence.

"Um…", one of the girls began, but clammed up again when Shinji glanced at her.

"Uh…Are you the pilot of that giant robot?", her friend who was standing right beside her asked the question that had been plaguing the minds of all the students gathered there.

"Yes, I am", Shinji stated simply.

"YES! I WIN!", someone from the back of the group shouted in joy as his friend grumbled and handed him 200 yen.

"So it's true! You were the one who beat that giant angel thingy?", a boy to Shinji's left asked.

"Indeed it is", Shinji answered. The students then began speaking amongst themselves excitedly.

"Damn, man! You must be really brave to fight angels the way you did!", another boy shouted. He had actually not seen Shinji fight directly, but the rumor mill in Tokyo 3 was apparently strong enough to run 6 countries.

"Yeah, man! You must have used a super weapon or something right?", Another boy asked Shinji.

"….Now that I think about it…no", Shinji replied, cupping his chin in his left hand.

"What! That robot beat the angel without weapons?", the boy with long, wavy brown hair Shinji had spotted earlier shouted as he pushed himself to the front of the line.

"Indeed. I had to do it that way since my superiors had not the time to train me in their use", Shinji replied. "However!", Shinji said loudly, interrupting the boy who had asked him the question and was about to say something else. "My burning spirit was more than enough to defeat any evil! Remember this!", he roared as he jumped onto his chair and stood on it, his right leg on his table. His right fist was raised and he was looking out towards the window, which probably represents the horizon in his mind.

"Hah! Is that why you were so clumsy, you stupid pilot!", a boy shouted from the rear entrance of the classroom. His brown hair was shaggy and unkempt. He was wearing a set of athletic trainer suit and a scowl on his face. Shinji and the rest of the class turned towards the boy. One of the girls who had been hanging back behind the group went towards the boy. She had freckles on her motherly face and her hair was tied up in a pair of pigtails. In her hands, she held a clipboard which contains a paper sheet with her list of chores. The name on the top of the sheet read Horaki Hikari. She held out her hand towards the boy as soon as she reached him.

"What?", the boy asked her, an annoyed frown gracing his face.

"I need a permit for your week-long absence, Toji Suzuhara", Hikari replied.

"Like hell…", Toji growled and pushed past her towards Shinji, who had gotten down from the chair and was standing near his desk. "Come with me, shrimp! We need to talk", he growled and pointed towards the door. Shinji shrugged and motioned with his hands for Toji to lead the way.

5 minutes later, they arrived at the back of the school building. Shinji stood facing Toji in the middle of a small dirt clearing used for storing bicycles, his red scarf blowing in the wind.

"You're the pilot of that robot, right?", Toji asked, scowling at Shinji as he did so. His arms were crossed in front of him.

"Yes. I believe I made that clear in class", Shinji replied. His hands were in his pocket.

"Humph. You know, my dad and granddad works at NERV. I didn't believe they'd work with someone as stupid as you!", Toji growled.

"…You seem to think I have done you wrong. May I ask why?", Shinji asked. Toji's eyes narrowed dangerously. Now, this would have sent warning signals in any other person's mind, but since this is our Shinji we're talking about…

"Of course I do, you idiot! Your fight yesterday damaged my apartment and injured my little sister! WHAT IF SHE CAN'T MARRY BECAUSE SHE HAS A SCAR ON HER FACE, HUH!", he screamed. Shinji's eyes widened and he did the most diplomatic thing to do in this situation. He straightened up and bowed.

"Forgive me", he said softly, much to Toji's surprise. He looked to the brown haired, freckled boy who had followed them to the bicycle park with questioning eyes. He was replied with a shrug and a shake of the head. That did not go on for long, however. "If it will make you feel better, I am willing to marry her should her face truly was scarred!", Shinji continued. Needless to say, this pushed Toji's anger level from 'annoyed' to 'I'm gonna kill you, and I mean it'.

"YOU SICK PERVERT!", Toji roared and launched a right punch at the still bowing Shinji. He was about to make contact when he suddenly found himself looking at the sky. Shinji had intercepted the punch and flipped Toji onto his back with a simple ippon zeoi, soft enough not to do any damage and fast enough to stun the latter. The bespectacled boy looked on, unable to comprehend what just happened.

Toji looked up at Shinji's face, which was calm but had the eyebrows drawn slightly upwards. He quickly scrambled to get up and launched a 1-2 punch combination. Shinji easily evaded them, his red scarf and ponytail zigzagging as he swiftly moved his upper body to the sides. Toji repositioned himself and launched a clumsy but powerful right low kick aimed at Shinji's left leg. Shinji swiftly lowered his body and placed all his weight on his left leg as he let his right leg dangle forward, rooting himself to the ground. Toji's kick rebound on impact with a loud bang and he slumped to the ground from the pain in his right shin.

"…I suggest we stop this before you get injured further", Shinji said calmly at the fallen Toji. The latter merely growled and launched himself towards Shinji in a tackle. Shinji sighed as he lowered his body and pushed Toji's shoulders up using his palms and the force from his legs and waist. The latter was launched upwards, his feet several inches from the ground. Wasting no time, Shinji quickly grabbed the collars of Toji's trainer jacket and turned himself around so that his back was facing Toji's chest. He quickly bent his knees to lower his body and pulled forward and downwards. Toji was thrown forwards and slammed the ground with his back. Shinji had not been so gentle this time around, and it shows in the dust that rises from the throw's ground zero and Toji's eyes, which had swirly things in them to replace the irises.

By this time, several students had appeared at the bicycle storage area. Horaki Hikari was one of them, and she immediately ran towards Toji who was sprawled at Shinji's feet. She quickly confirmed he was unconscious and turned towards the freckled, bespectacled boy, who was apparently named Aida Kensuke. Shinji bowed to them and turned to leave.

Unbeknownst to him, a certain blue haired girl was watching him throughout the whole event from the 3rd storey window of the nearest building. Her face did not register any emotions, though Shinji could probably discern some amusement if he looked hard enough.

---------

"How are you feeling so far, Shinji?", Misato asked from behind a reinforced glass window at Shinji who was currently sitting in EVA-01's cockpit. The robot had been outfitted with several devices made using Shinji's disc. On its knuckles and forearms are what looks like blue colored glass reinforcements. The ones on the knuckles are placed at the…well…knuckles. The ones on the forearms are placed along the length of the bottom of the forearms. The glass-looking devices were also present at the shins, knees, elbow, and 6 strips of them are placed on the chest, 3 on each side. Their shapes vary to best fit the respective body parts. Of course, Ritsuko did not forget to add in a red scarf, as per Misato's request.

EVA-01's thoughts had been ,'Hey, this ain't half bad…'.

"…I'm fine, captain…", Shinji answered as he waited for the next batch of computer-generated angels to shoot with a huge rifle made specifically for EVA's use. Misato looked at Ritsuko, who looked back with worry at her.

"Are you sure there is nothing wrong with Shinji's synchronization?", Misato asked her. Ritsuko shrugged.

"All the figures are within acceptable deviation levels. He should not be having any problem doing this…", she said. Misato shrugged and sighed as Shinji

shot…and missed. The simulation had gone on for 3 hours, with as many as 50 angels appearing so far. Out of those 50, Shinji had managed to shoot down as many as 3, barely scratched 47 of them, and had blown up as many as 500 supply bases. HIS supply bases.

"Damn he's a terrible shot…What do you think is the cause of this?", Misato asked Ritsuko, who was busy rubbing her temples.

"I dunno…maybe the fact that he is not wielding his weapon like he's supposed to?", she replied and pointed at EVA-01 with her pen. True to her words, EVA-01 was wielding the rifle with one hand. Each time it fires, EVA-01's weapon arm would shake, throwing off the aim.

"Shinji…you might want to use 2 hands for that rifle…", Misato said to Shinji. He nodded and held the rifle with 2 hands…like a baseball bat. Misato could only stare while Ritsuko continued rubbing her temples. Before any of them could correct him, he had flung the rifle towards the simulated angel. Amazingly, it hit the angel's core and immediately killed it. Misato's jaw dropped and Ritsuko stopped rubbing her temples. Maya could only stare in disbelief at that stroke of pure dumb luck.

"Captain Katsuragi?", Shinji asked. Misato took a moment to reattach her lower jaw before answering.

"Y, yes, Shinji?", she replied.

"What do I do now?", he asked her. Misato's face was blank. She turned towards Ritsuko, who shrugged and answered him instead.

"Shinji, why don't you try using your new weapons now?", she said. Shinji looked at her in mild surprise and nodded.

"I see…this will be a good opportunity to test them…", he replied and placed both of the EVA's knuckles in front of him. Misato looked at Ritsuko questioningly and she replied with a shrug. Apparently, she had no idea what to do with them either. Shinji answered that question quickly when the next angel appeared.

"SHINE BLASTER!", he roared as a streak of light ran through the blue glass attachments along the arms, collected in the knuckle attachments, and was released as a beam of concentrated pale blue light roughly 1m in diameter. The beam of light hit the angel's core dead on and destroyed it. Misato could feel her jaw fall to the floor again. This time, Ritsuko and Maya's did the same.

"Next! COBALT CRUSHER!", Shinji roared again as he stretched out both of the EVA's arms to the side. The attachments on his chest glow and gathered their energy at the center of EVA-01's chest into a large pale blue ball, which was then released in a large beam of pale blue light which encompassed the angel and totally obliterated it.

"Next! STORM BUSTER!", Shinji roared a third time as the attachments along the arms and feet glow and formed small balls of plasma energy. Once they are solid, Shinji flung both hands forward. The action lowered the EVA's body and sent the plasma bullets rushing towards the next angel. The bullets hit the angel in numerous places, destroying it piece by piece.

"Next! SHINE!", Shinji roared and threw his arms to the side and straightened up. The EVA looked like it was gathering energy, DBZ style. All the attachments on the EVA-01 glowed like miniature suns. When the EVA's green eyes started to glow, it raised both of its hands upwards as a large pale blue ball of energy began to accumulate between its palms.

"Hey, Maya…", Ritsuko called after she managed to place her lower jaw back into its socket.

"Yes, professor?", Maya answered and turned to look at the former.

"How much energy was consumed in the previous attacks?", Ritsuko asked. Maya began to immediately assess all the data they had missed during Shinji's little light show.

"…There were small fluctuations, but there were barely any change at all…", she answered while looking through the data again to make sure she got it right. Ritsuko blinked once and looked at Misato, who was still busy getting her lower jaw back into place.

"Ho 'ook a ee…(don't look at me…)", Misato said when she noticed her friend looking at her like she had an explanation. "Hrr hh hynhssh (You're the scientist)", she continued before finally clicking her jaw back into place. Meanwhile, EVA-01's energy ball had grown as large as half of the EVA's body.

"FLARE!", Shinji roared as the EVA pulled the energy ball to the center of its chest and compressed it so that it fits into the EVA's closed palms.

"…This is strange…those attacks he just used should have used up a lot of energy. Those beams are pure concentrated energy…", Risuko mused, not noticing Shinji's latest move.

"Uh…professor…", Maya tentatively spoke. _She_ had seen what Shinji was doing.

"Relax, Ritsuko. I'm sure it's because of his burning, red hot battle spirit!", Misato said, waving her hands dismissively. Ritsuko looked at her like she was the missing link between Homo Sapiens and Neanderthals. Not in the 'she's gonna bring me a Nobel Prize' way, but in the 'she's way too stupid to be human' way.

"…Um…captain…", Maya spoke again. Shinji's energy ball had begun to become unstable and streaks of light could be seen from between the EVA's fingers.

"What is it, Maya?", Ritsuko asked as she and Misato turned to look at Maya, who was pointing towards EVA-01 at this point with a very shaky finger. They followed her gaze, and their eyes widened when they saw what exactly she was pointing at.

"BUSTEEEERRR!", Shinji roared loudly as EVA-01 thrust out its palms widely in front of him, one above the other. A large beam, not as large as the Cobalt Crusher, but a lot more concentrated, flared out of his palms and hit the simulation angel, immediately destroying it.

And kept going.

Ritsuko, Misato, and Maya could only watch in horror, mouth agape, as the rough, pale blue beam of energy blasted a hole through the simulation chamber and didn't stop until it caused something to explode deep within the NERV facility. They weren't sure what it was, but they could hear a loud, agonized scream from where the beam ended.

Somewhere deep within the facility, a certain angel on a cross howled.

"_OH, YOU FUCKING CRUEL GOD! I WAS ACTUALLY GRATEFUL TO BE DEAD! BUT NOOOOOO…….YOU JUST HAD TO WAKE ME UP WITH THAT BLUE THINGY, DIDN'T YOU! I SWEAR, ONE OF THESE DAYS!_", the angel thought. Further explorations of the angel's psyche at this point would be interesting, but the author has decided that this chapter is long enough as it is without performing angel psychology, and so, we shall move on.

-------

"……..", was Misato's words when she went back into her apartment.

"Forgive me, captain", had been the words Shinji was saying over and over and over and over since the first second they left the NERV facility. He's still saying it as they went back into the apartment.

"Shinji…", Misato said, breaking Shinji's tirade of apologies. He immediately stood at attention, complete with a salute. Misato looked at him with eyes that harbor anger, sadness, and disbelief rolled into one. "I am going to take a bath. Get the food ready", she said lifelessly before walking into the bathroom.

As she took her shower, her mind wanders to the damage Shinji had just done to NERV's facilities. They were lucky no important facilities, or people, were injured. 'Shame that. If he was going to blow a hole in the place, might as well take out his bastard of a dad out', she thought as hot water ran down her hair. Her mind then wanders to what Gendo had said to her during their debriefing. She and Ritsuko are, fortunately, going to be punished for Shinji's little 'experiment'. They will, however, have to pay for damages. Damages that can only be displayed with a 20 figure sum in any currency. 'For now, the committee had settled for a small pay deduction. Oh, not much, just 50. For the rest of my life. Nothing much. Right? RIGHT!', Misato thought again and began laughing maniacally.

"Uh…captain Katsuragi?", Shinji said from outside the bathroom. Misato snapped out of her minor case of insanity.

"Yes, Shinji?", she asked sternly.

"May I go to the nearest market? We need some grocery", Shinji said.

"Yeah, sure, go ahead. Do you have any money on you?", she replied.

"Yes. Oh, by the way…", Shinji replied.

"What is it?", she asked when Shinji left his sentence unfinished.

"You might want to put your observation report on me in a more discreet place. Anyone can see it if you just leave it on your table like that", Shinji finished and walked away, leaving a stunned Misato behind. Her negative feelings were placated slightly by Shinji's generosity, or stupidity, whichever it was. It only lasted until dinner, however.

Apparently, uncle Tatsuya had taught Shinji that nutritious, bland, tasteless military rations, that included toilet paper that's very hard to distinguish from a piece of bread, was the only thing to eat when you're in unfamiliar territory.

Misato gave up eating after her 3rd bite into the toilet paper.

-------

Shinji sat cross legged on the roof, his hands cupped and facing upwards on his lap. His eyes were closed and his red scarf was fluttering behind him in the wind. His breathing was even and slow.

"Hiding away in a place like this…what a hero!", a voice called out from behind him. He recognized it. It was the boy he threw twice over his back the day before. He could also sense another person beside the boy.

"…Do you need something from me?", Shinji asked, not even opening his eyes.

"What makes you think I'd want something from you!", Toji shouted and approached him.

"Well, you must be pretty bored to come looking for me…", Shinji said evenly.

"I'm not bored so much as pissed, asshole! You think I'm gonna let you walk away after that stunt you pulled on me yesterday?", Toji shouted again as he stopped an arm's length away from Shinji.

"…So, in other words…you want a fight…", Shinji said as he stood up without using his hands. "…am I correct?", he finished and turned towards Toji. He was smiling slightly, but his stern eyes told Toji that he was not joking around. Toji gulped and took a small step backwards involuntarily. His mouth moved spastically as he tried to form a sentence to throw at Shinji. Before he could do that, however, he was interrupted by a female voice coming from behind him.

"Pilot Ikari", The blue haired girl wrapped in a lot of bandage called out in her soft monotone. The 3 boys quickly turned to face her. "There has been an emergency dispatch", she said.

"I see", Shinji nodded and drew up his right wrist close to his mouth. On his wrist was what looks like a black watch.

"…We shall meet there", the girl said and turned to leave.

"Wait!", Shinji said loudly enough to make the girl turn back to face him. "It's much faster if we take the bike", Shinji said as he pressed a pair of buttons on either side of the watch.

"…I am not aware you have a bike, pilot Ikari", the girl said in her monotone. Shinji smiled and gave her a wink with his left eye.

"It just came in this morning", he replied.

"COMBAT RUSHER!", Shinji roared into the watch. Toji and Kensuke stared at him as they would stare at a monkey using a cell phone. The girl looked at him with no expression whatsoever. It did not take long for a rumbling sound to break their attention. All of them except Shinji turned towards the side of the building the noise was coming from.

Within seconds, the rumbling grew much louder, followed by the roaring of a machine. Toji and Kensuke could only stare with gaped mouths as a large black object flew up from the east side of the building and landed behind Shinji. The wind caused from the landing blew Shinji's scarf and his upturned collars to his right. Shinji quickly got into the front seat of the large black bike and twisted the handle back a little to give its throttles a test, producing a very loud roar. The bike was aerodynamically shaped with no edges whatsoever. The large tires are hidden beneath the cowling, as was the large engine. The headlamps are shaped like a pair of sleek eyes on either side of the front of the bike.

"Come on!", Shinji said to the girl as he pointed with his thumb to the back seat. The girl strode over to the bike and sat on the rear, sidesaddle style. Shinji looked over her injuries. "Switch sides and hook your good arm to my waist. This is going to be pretty rough", he said and she did as he instructed. "We shall have to finish this another time, Toji Suzuhara", he said to Toji before looking forward and twisting the handle once.

The bike roared and stood up on its rear wheel as it started to move towards the western edge of the building. As the bike built up speed, its front wheel slowly started to descend. When it reached the railing, Shinji pushed a red button on the left handle marked 'COMBAT BOOSTER'. This activated a pair of boosters placed in the middle of the exhausts which launched the bike up over the railing in a high-arc jump.

Kensuke looked over at Toji, who was still gaping at where Shinji had just jumped off.

"…That was close…", he said. Toji snapped his gaze towards him and approached him, glowering as he did so. Kensuke gulped as he started to sense hostility from his friend.

"ARE YOU SAYING I WILL LOSE TO THAT PUNK!", Toji screamed as he placed Kensuke in the nookie position, except that it was punches raining down on the head this time. Kensuke lasted for all of 10 punches before succumbing to sweet, sweet unconsciousness.

Meanwhile, Shinji had landed on the ground a distance away from the school building, the incredibly powerful rotation of the rear wheel providing a solid cushion to the fall. The front wheel dropped to the ground and Shinji accelerated as he readjusted the balance of the bike. After 2 fishtails, he was out of the school grounds and was speeding on the roads of Tokyo 3, heading to NERV as per the instructions of the girl sitting behind him.

"Go left here", the girl said as loudly as a monotone goes as they came close to a traffic light in a 4-way junction. The strong wind and loud roar of the engine was making it difficult for them to hear each other. Her left arm was curled around Shinji's waist tightly. He was right about the rough ride. Shinji did not reduce his speed, powering the bike through a 90 degree curve. The tires burnt some asphalt and the bike immediately sped away as soon as the curve was completed.

"May I ask you something, miss?", Shinji said as he leaned forward and accelerated the bike past 75mph, his red scarf flying behind his neck. He was talking loudly too.

"…Yes, and I shall answer as long as it is not classified information", the girl replied. Shinji smiled as he decelerated, shifted the bike's weight and let it slide until he got to the next right turn. When he could see the long straightaway, he immediately sped up.

"Who are you? How do you know who I am, and what's your connection to NERV?", Shinji said as the bike pushed past 90mph.

"My name is Rei Ayanami. I know about you because it is my duty to know at least the names of a fellow pilot. Does that answer your question, pilot Ikari?", she answered. Shinji's eyes widened slightly.

"…A fellow pilot, you say?", Shinji asked softly.

"Yes", Rei answered. Shinji was quiet for a while as the bike climbed past 120 mph.

"…Are you the one who piloted EVA-01 and helped captain Katsuragi and I escape?", Shinji asked again as he pushed the bike past 140mph. The wind was almost deafening now.

"…Yes", Rei said as she tightened her grip on Shinji's waist.

"I see! Thank you for saving us!", Shinji shouted as the bike broke 170mph. Rei's eyes widened ever so slightly (a little over 0.01mm). She pulled her body up and placed her mouth very close to Shinji's right ear to make sure he can hear her.

"There is no need to thank me. It is my duty", she said close to Shinji's ear. Her breath on his ear caused his body to shiver involuntarily and he nearly lost his control of the speeding bike.

"I…I SEE! WELL THEN! HANG TIGHT! WE'RE ALMOST THERE!", Shinji roared as he placed his chest to the bike's cowl, leaning as low as he could. Rei followed his movements. He pushed a button on the right that said 'MACH BREAKER'. The bike began to transform as soon as he did it. The overall length of the bike increased as it stretched to the front and back, lowering is overall height and reducing air drag. The boosters exploded to life, propelling the bike forward to speeds exceeding 200mph. Shinji's face was protected from the incredible winds by the windshield in front of the speedometers. Ayanami had to press her forehead against Shinji's back to protect herself from the winds.

At this point, if anyone were to look at Combat Rusher, they would only see a black streak flashing past them before they had to reel back from the strong gale that followed in its wake.

That afternoon, Combat Rusher broke the record for the fastest time from school to headquarters at a mere 10 minutes. It also broke the record for the most traffic offenses in one day by one vehicle, having ran over more than a dozen red lights on its way.

--------

"Are you ready, Shinji?", Ritsuko asked from the NERV control room. Shinji was in EVA-01, waiting for the go-ahead to launch.

"Yes, ma'am!", he said clearly over the intercom.

"Alright! Shinji, this may not be the best time for an angel attack since the commander is not here. However! Do not forget that you are in control of mankind's ultimate weapon against angels! The EVA! Now go! Show that angel the fire that is the human spirit! EVA-01! LAUNCH!", Misato said over the intercom. Her voice gradually became louder and more fiery as she went on, and she had pointed her right index finger forward and upwards towards the screen where the angel was visible. She had also assumed the 'bridge commander' pose, with her feet spread out and her body turned slightly sideways.

"SHINJI IKARI! EVA-01! LAUNCH!", Shinji roared as the catapult propelled the purple giant upwards. Back in the control room, Ritsuko was staring at Misato with her eyes half closed.

"What?", Misato asked when she noticed Ritsuko's expression.

"…You know, that kid is having a bad influence on you…", Ritsuko replied.

"What do you mean! Thanks to his little traffic stunt, I have finally decided on a soundtrack to play during the show…I mean, battle!", Ritsuko said as she motioned with her hand for the music to start.

"…I rest my case…", Ritsuko replied as the speakers blared to life. Fuyutsuki, who was hanging back on a high platform, started to nod his head to the tune he had heard a lot during his childhood.

-------

"DAMMIT! THEY NEVER SHOW US THE GOOD PARTS", Kensuke shouted to his video camera's monitor. The screen was filled with a panoramic view of Tokyo 3 with an emergency broadcast message. The view was from shelter #334's topside.

"What the hell are you babbling about now?", Toji asked beside him. They were sitting on the floor of the shelter along with the other students.

"This!", Kensuke shoved the camera towards him. Toji took it and looked at the screen. "They just give us this warning message while hiding the truth! All the time!", Kensuke continued his rant.

"…You're really into this shit, huh?", Toji asked as he continued looking into the monitor.

"Oooohhhh! I really want to see it in action! Even one look would do!", Kensuke said, then slowly averted his gaze to Toji. "Y'know what? Let's sneak out of here", Kensuke said. Toji turned and looked at Kensuke like he had just been lobotomized by a lab rat.

"…ARE YOU NUTS! There's no way we're coming back alive if we do that!", Toji shouted. Kensuke quickly put his finger to his lips and hissed for Toji to quiet down.

"It's not like we're 100 safe down here…besides…you owe me a favor, you know…", Kensuke said, his last words dripping with venom as he pointed to his bandaged head. If you remember, that was the spot which Toji had practiced '100 deadly sakura punches NOOKIE'. The nurse said that Kensuke was lucky not to have suffered any permanent injuries, though he had been walking funny for the first hour since the incident.

Toji laughed nervously and scratched his head. "And aren't you curious about how Shinji fights? If you're going to insult him on his piloting, you should at least see him in action once", Kensuke continued. Toji stopped laughing and scrunched up his face. He hated to admit it, but his friend was right.

"Alright…you convinced me. Let's get one shot and get the hell out!", he said. Kensuke did the 'YES!' pose and dragged him towards the nearest exit.

------

"Alright, Shinji. Remember to take down the AT field before engaging it in combat", Ritsuko said.

_Toki o koero Sora o kakero Kono hoshi no tame_

"Yes, Professor!", Shinji said from inside EVA-01, which had just made its way to the surface. It walked out of the elevator as soon as it stopped.

_  
Kimi wa mita ka Ai ga Makka ni moeru no o ?_

Shinji did not notice 2 small figures on top of a hill a ways away to his left. They were no bigger than ants, after all. Meanwhile, Fuyutsuki was starting to shake his body to the song.

_  
Kurai yami no soko de Kiken na wana ga matsu_

Shinji's EVA-01 dashed forward and turned to the right once he reached the end of the block. He saw the angel, a floating creature that looks like a composite of a jellyfish and a….caterpillar, maybe. Without wasting any time, EVA-01 placed both its fists in front of it and focused its energy to the knuckles.

_Shinjiru yatsu ga justice Shinjitsu no Ooja_

"SHINE BLASTER!", Shinji roared and let loose a pale blue beam of light towards the angel. The angel evaded the attack by dropping its body to its right. The beam shattered the AT barrier close to the right…shoulder, and left a large gash as it narrowly grazed the…shoulder.

_  
Yume o mi tsuzukeru koto ga Ore no fantasy_

"Damn!", Shinji cursed as he withdrew his knuckles and prepared for another blast. The angel wasn't that stupid, however, and unleashed its beam whips, which was concealed in a pair of arms at the bottom of its…head.

_  
Ikiru koto ga suki sa Aoku ukabu cosmo_

The whip lashed out quickly, attacking EVA-01 from all kinds of random directions. Shinji concentrated on evading the whips for the next minute, ducking, jumping and rolling all over the place as the whips destroyed buildings close to their target. His luck finally ran out when one of the angel's whips managed to encircle EVA-01's left foot. The angel pulled and tossed the EVA high into the sky, pulling out the power cable in the process.

_  
Toki o koero Sora o kakero Kono hoshi no tame_

EVA-01 landed with a loud crash after flying in the air for several seconds. Its fall destroyed a temple on a hill it landed on.

_  
Atsuku moyase Namida nagase Ashito iu hi ni_

"Shinji!", Misato shouted with concern in her voice. Ritsuko's mouth had opened slightly and her eyes were registering shock. The angel was not supposed to be that agile. The bridge bunnies, in the meantime, were thinking of switching their bets. Fuyutsuki was still groovin' to the music. It was interesting to note that he had begun waving his fists around, flexing his arms and chest once in a while.

_  
Kamen Rider BLACK Kamen Rider BLACK_

"Ugh…I was careless", Shinji moaned as he started to will the EVA into standing up. That's when he looked to his left and saw 2 people stuck between the EVA's humongous left middle and index fingers. "What the!", he gasped.

_Kuroku hikaru body Heart ni chi ga kayou_

The screens in NERV's control room shows 2 frightened faces belonging to 2 boys. Both had tears in their eyes and their mouths were curled in a mix of relief and fear. The entire crew, excluding Fuyutsuki who was still enjoying his nostalgia, looked on in disbelief at the 2 civilian boys. The names below the photographs read Toji Suzuhara and Aida Kensuke.

_Kaze ga hakobu uta ni Kimochi ga futo yureru_

"What the hell are those kids doing there!", Ritsuko yelled.

_Shintai shitagaru magician Ayashige na esper_

The angel had moved closer to EVA-01 during the time Shinji was distracted and prepared to launch another attack. Shinji quickly turned back to the angel, just in time to catch the whips it threw at him and did the only thing he could think of. He opened the plug.

_Tatakau toki wa soldier Ore no hokori sa_

"GET IN!", Shinji roared, holding back the pain he was feeling in his hands from the angel's whips. They were burning through the EVA's hand protectors. Toji and Kensuke looked at EVA-01's face. They had heard him, but they weren't sure how to react. "HURRY UP!", he roared again.

_Kono chikyu ga suki sa Kokoro yurushita tomo_

"What the hell is he doing!", Toji shouted at Kensuke.

_Towa ni mamore Wakasa hajike Kono ai no tame_

"He's protecting us! If he moved, we're dead!", Kensuke said as he quickly moved to the plug's entry hatch. Toji followed him after a few seconds of hesitation.

_Ima o moyase Tsuyoku ikiro Kyouto iu hi o_

"What are you doing, Shinji! Civilians aren't allowed into the plug!", Misato shouted when she saw the boys getting into the entry plug.

_Kamen Rider BLACK Kamen Rider BLACK_

"Synch rate down to 90!", Maya shouted, catching Ritsuko's attention.

"Of course…it's only natural when you have extra people in the plug", Ritsuko said to herself.

"Shinji! Your reserve power only works for 3 more minutes! Hurry up and retreat!", Misato shouted at Shinji's image.

_Shinjiru yatsu ga justice Shinjitsu no Ooja_

"What the hell are you doing, you idiot! Let's get out of here!", Toji screamed as soon as he got used to breathing in LCL. Shinji looked at him, his mouth firm and his eyes burning with an intense fire.

_Yume o mi tsuzukeru koto ga Ore no fantasy_

"I'm not retreating!", Shinji said loudly and willed the EVA-01 to leap backwards as it stood up. The motion pulled the angel forward and it lost its…footing. "RRAAAHHH!", Shinji roared as EVA-01 pulled on the whip and started spinning around, dragging the angel in a large circle with it, going faster with each rotation, along with the increasing volume of Toji and Misato's screams telling him to retreat. All those are not heard by Shinji, who was focused on beating the angel. After 5 rotations, Shinji let go and the angel was flung in a high arc.

_  
Ikiru koto ga suki sa Aoku ukabu cosmo_

Shinji did not waste any time rushing towards the angel with EVA-01's forearms crossed loosely and glowing with concentrated energy.

_  
Toki o koero Sora o kakero Kono hoshi no tame_

"CROSS!", Shinji roared as EVA-01's crossed forearms went forward like a barrier, glowing and crackling with a large amount of concentrated energy.

_  
Atsuku moyase Namida nagase Ashito iu hi ni_

"CHARGE!", Shinji roared again as EVA-01 leapt forward and kicked on the AT barrier it had formed behind it, causing it to streak towards the falling angel at breakneck speed. It slammed against the angel's back, close to the S2 engine, where the energy began to rip and tear at the angel's flesh.

_  
Kamen Rider BLACK Kamen Rider BLACK_

"BREAAAAKKKKK!", Shinji roared a final time as EVA-01 uncrossed its arms and pushed diagonally upwards and forwards by kicking at its second AT barrier. It drove right through the angel, leaving a crackling X-shaped mark in the middle of its body, right across the S2 engine.

Time seemed to pass in slow motion as EVA-01 landed hard on the ground in a crouch and the angel slowly ignited and finally exploded in midair.

"HENSHIN!", Fuyutsuki yelled after a minute of doing a move he used to practice as a child, and still remember to this day. The bridge crew turned to look at him.

Most of them were confused. Some of them were frightened. Ritsuko was experiencing both. Misato was experiencing something else entirely.

She was angry at Shinji for disobeying orders.

She was pleased with him for showing her another cool(?) move and destroying the angel.

She had newfound respect for Fuyutsuki, who was apparently also an otaku of tokusatsu (Hey, that rhymed).

The author has decided to let the reader figure out for themselves the exact balance of what she was feeling here, since he/she/it has yet to experience this mix of emotions.

"…Um…clears throat…continue, everyone…", Fuyutsuki said and went to find a toilet to hide in until the incident passes from everyone's head…which could take a year or more.

"Professor! EVA-01's movements have stopped. No angel activity is detected", Maya said from her post, 10 full minutes after Fuyutsuki's departure.

"…Thanks for stating the obvious, Maya", Misato said softly, dangerously.

"…Captain?", Maya asked hesitantly and looked at Ritsuko, who just shook her head. It's not good to provoke Misato when she's pissed off. The last person who did that was turned into a devout homosexual.

------

"Why did you disobey my orders, Shinji?", Misato asked in a calm tone, though her face shows her anger. Her hands were crossed across…erm…below her…assets… "I can understand your decision to let your friends into the entry plug, but why did you disobey my order to retreat?", she continued.

"Forgive me, captain Katsuragi…", Shinji replied with his head bowed as he stood as straight as he could. He was dressed in a white t-shirt and his school dress pants. "I had been taught to defeat my enemy no matter what, and I disobeyed your orders because I had believed I could win…", Shinji continued. Misato sighed and relaxed her shoulders slightly.

"Look, Shinji…I can appreciate your burning desire, but you must remember that I am your superior officer. You are obliged to follow my orders!", Misato said. Shinji could not say anything in response.

"…Besides, you must think further ahead than beating your enemy. Do you realize what would happen if you had been defeated by the angel? NERV and Tokyo 3 would be left defenseless!", she continued. Shinji was still silent. After several minutes, Misato sighed.

"Go back and rest, Shinji…We're done here", she said. Shinji walked backwards to the door and exited without once looking at Misato. She sighed again. This could turn into a long business. She had no idea how right she was. The author does, and is close to crying when thinking how long this chapter is going to be…

-----

"Shinji's missing?", Ritsuko asked from her swiveling chair. Misato nodded.

"Yeah…I realize I may have been a bit hard on him, but I didn't think he'd run away…", Misato answered.

"…Some guardian you are…", Ritsuko said and sipped on her coffee, quadruple double espresso, enough to turn a sloth into Carl Lewis.

"I don't think this is the time for that kind of talk…", Misato replied.

"Well, you're right. Let's file a report", Ritsuko said as she turned her chair around to face her computer.

"Wait! Is that really necessary?", Misato tried to intercept.

"Well, do you have any better idea?", Ritsuko asked back. Misato reeled back slightly.

"…No…I have no idea where he might be…", she replied. Ritsuko shrugged and began to make some calls.

Meanwhile, in Shinji's class, Toji sat on a table close to a window, watching the view outside. Kensuke was sitting in a table beside him.

"Wonder how he's doing?", Toji said to no one in particular.

"Who?", Kensuke said, half absorbed in his model aircraft.

"Who else? That stupid pilot", Toji replied.

"You worried about him?", Kensuke asked.

"Fuck NO! I just want to know what kind of mess he's managed to get into now!", Toji replied.

"Whatever…If you really wanna know, why don't you ask Ayanami?", Kensuke said and pinted at the blue-haired girl sitting a few tables behind him. She looked up coldly from her book with her good eye at them when she heard her name being mentioned. The 2 boys looked at her and was silent for a while.

"…You ask her. She creeps me out", Toji finally said.

"My feelings exactly", Kensuke replied, ending the conversation.

Back in her apartment, Misato looked around the house for any clue Shinji might have left. A lot of his belongings are still there, and only a few articles of clothing are missing. Pen Pen was asleep on her lap. She sighed.

'This place seems too big now that he's gone…', she thought.

------

End chapter 2

Goddamn that was abrupt….

Sorry about that, but I just had to cut this off here before it gets any longer than it already is. I was planning to do it volume by volume, but…

Well, we'll just see how it goes…

BTW, kudos to those who know where that BGM came from. And yeah, I decided to add the guy mentioned in that BGM into the story later on.

To see what Fuyutsuki was doing while he shouts "HENSHIN!", go to http/ appear:

An original Ultraman

2 very famous classic super robots

More super robots

Some Gundam robots

Etc.


	3. Meeting Rei Ayanami

**Chapter 3: Meeting Rei Ayanami**

**Go! Shine Buster!**

**Go! Assistant Author!**

**A/N**: Alright, back to the story. Thanks for all the reviews. They really help to motivate me.

By the way, I AIN'T THAT OLD!

I just happen to live in a country where everything Japanese comes in 5 years late….hell, we still have Doraemon playing in the local TV station.

-------

Disclaimer: Everything done in this chapter is the sole responsibility of the Assistant Author, a part of my mind I don't let out very often, and as such, is not too bright. If this chapter sucks, blame him. If this chapter does not, then thank me for releasing him.

(Cheap, dirty scapegoat trick)

-------

At the east side of Tokyo 3 lies a large green field filled with rubble. It used to be filled with residential blocks.

A stray angel and the ensuing battle changed all that.

In the middle of that field, Shinji meditated. His mind was currently empty. He had been doing this for a whole day, only pausing to eat his MREs.

He could hear the blades of grass behind him rustling. Someone was approaching. He did not sense any hostility from the sneaker, so he did not react. Not even when he felt something cold pressed to the back of his head.

"…Do you need something?", Shinji asked, his eyes still closed. He could feel the thing pressed against his head go away and there were more rustlings as the person who sneaked up on him stepped back. He stood up, opened his eyes slowly, and turned around to face the visitor. "Aren't you…", he began as he tried to recall where he had seen the boy he now faced.

"…You don't remember me, huh?", the boy replied. He was dressed in full combat gear, complete with a helm, BDU, a rifle, sidearms, etc. "Well, I'm not too surprised. We've never been properly introduced, after all", he continued.

"Yes. You were the one at the battle zone with Toji, and the quiet one in class. What's your name?", Shinji asked as he moved closer to the boy.

"Name's Kensuke. Aida Kensuke. Mind if I ask you what you were doing here?", the boy replied.

"Me? I was just training", Shinji replied.

"Training?", Kensuke asked.

"Yes…Captain Katsuragi told me that my actions in the last battle could have turned out to be a liability, so I came here in order to clear my mind and reflect on her words", Shinji replied. Kensuke's face fell slightly.

"…Was it because of us?", he asked. Shinji's eyes widened slightly. "You were reprimanded for bringing in civilians into an EVA, right?", he continued. Shinji shook his head.

"No, I was never reprimanded for saving your lives. The captain was angry because I had disobeyed her orders", Shinji replied. Kensuke's face showed his confusion.

"There is a significant difference between these two, Kensuke", Shinji continued after a moment of silence. "You should remember that…", Shinji finished.

"I…see…I think…", Kensuke said. He was still not sure what exactly Shinji meant, but it was never a good idea to ruin a shonen moment like this…right? Right! The author agrees! For he is still in love with Kamen Riders! Wait! No! The author did not mean that! He meant….uh….he's in love with Come On Sisters...The author has decided to shut up and get back to the story now…

"What about you?", Shinji asked.

"What about me what?", Kensuke asked back.

"What are you doing out here?", Shinji asked again.

"Oh. This is just a hobby of mine, really", Kensuke replied while giving his gear a once-over.

"Ah, I see. You like to play 'soldier'", Shinji replied, and _stab_ goes the word bubble…if there was one. Anyway, that was what it would have felt like to Aida Kensuke, military maniac, and his face shows it.

"…uh….yeah…I guess you can say that…", Kensuke said with his head down. Shinji looked at him with a questioning look.

"Why do you sound so disappointed? I personally think it's a good idea to train yourself to be ready for emergencies", Shinji said, and Kensuke lifted his head to meet his gaze.

"Really?", he asked tentatively. Shinji nodded firmly in reponse. "YES! Thank you ,Lord! FINALLY! SOMEONE WHO DOES NOT THINK I AM A GEEK!", he shouted to the sky while Shinji looked over his gear once.

"Hmm…your outfit could use a few adjustments, though", Shinji said. Kensuke turned to him and looked at him questioningly. "In a real emergency, you might not have the luxury of wearing clothes and camouflage, not to mention carrying a weapon", Shinji stated.

They were silent for a while.

"…You don't mean…", Kensuke said, unsure if he wanted to hear the rest of that sentence. Shinji nodded.

"I shall give you the most realistic survival training possible!", Shinji stated, right before he started unbuttoning Kensuke's BDU. Shinji worked fast, and he had already taken off most of the gear above Kensuke's torso before the latter could react.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKK! WHAT ARE YOU DOING!", Kensuke shrieked like a little girl and tried in vain to stop Shinji from removing his shirt.

"Calm down, my friend! I am only helping you experience the true meaning of survival!", Shinji said as he started to take Kensuke's pants off.

"NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO! MOMMY! HELP! HELP! SHINJI IS GOING TO RAPE ME!", Kensuke shouted even louder as Shinji pulled off his pants, causing him to fall backwards on his butt.

Meanwhile, a few meters away behind some bushes and rubble, some men in NERV special task force uniform watched the little spectacle.

Some were disturbed. They thought the 3rd child had finally lost it…not that he looked like he had much to lose in the beginning anyway.

Some were interested. They never thought the 3rd child is interested in men.

Some were…um…well…let's just say they had their hands jammed down the pockets of their pants and were shaking something within furiously. Obviously, these are the people who had a…different sexual orientation than most men at NERV. Or they could be female. It's kinda hard to tell from behind the mask and all that BDU.

They only moved into action, carrying out their intended mission (which was to bring Shinji back to NERV) when they realized that there is not going to be a yaoi lovemaking session anytime soon…or ever.

--------

"So, Shinji…would you mind explaining to me why you ran away?", Misato said as she stood in the very same room she gave Shinji his first lesson in life. "…and you might want to explain to me why you were taking off the clothes of your classmate-who is a boy, in case you have not noticed", Misato added after a brief period of thinking.

"…I was not running away, captain Katsuragi", Shinji replied, to Misato's surprise. "Didn't you read the note I left on the small table beside the toilet?", Shinji continued. Misato tried to think back to the day before.

FLASHBACK

"_GODDAMIT! Where's the toilet paper when you need them most!", Misato screamed in the bathroom. She had just finished her 'bombing' session and was looking for a roll of toilet paper to clean up. She had turned pretty much the entire bathroom upside down, but there was not a single paper in sight._

"_PEN PEN!", Misato shouted._

"_WAARK!", Pen Pen, the hot spring penguin, answered._

"_GET ME SOME PAPER!", Misato shouted again._

"_WAAARRRKK?", Pen Pen answered, or asked._

"_ANY KIND! I DON'T REALLY CARE!", Misato answered and a piece of paper slid out from underneath the door. Misato smiled and proceeded with her business. After she was done, she proceeded to throw the paper. _

_She had noticed Shinji's name written on one side somewhere with some words that could no longer be read thanks to…er…her stains…but she did not give much thought to it as she threw it into the trash bin._

END FLASHBACK

"Ahha ha...ha ha, ah ha ha…ha…", Misato laughed nervously. "Er…there's a…funny….story about that…", she continued while Shinji frowned in confusion. "Er, heh, anyway, what were you doing out there?", she said.

"I was merely training and clearing my mind to better understand your words, captain", Shinji said simply. Misato nodded. It seemed a reasonable enough reason for a shonen hero like Shinji, but one thing still needs to be addressed.

"OK, then why were you stripping your classmate?", she asked. Said classmate was currently being checked for any mental damage. So far, there had been none other than the new fear of going outdoors with anyone who wears a red scarf.

"I had discovered that Aida likes to do survival trainings, so I am merely helping him have the most realistic training experience he could get", Shinji stated without missing a beat.

"…And stripping him helps how?", Misato asked.

"Well, if you were stranded in a jungle, you might not have the luxury of wearing clothes, and I was simply emphasizing that fact to Kensuke", Shinji replied.

There was a moment of silence before Misato pinched the bridge of her nose and closed her eyes. It had been a long day and the last thing she wanted to do was remind herself how odd the pilot in front of her can be, among other things. She is now trying to purge the past few dialogues out of her memory. When she was done, she turned to Shinji.

"All right, Shinji…let's just pretend nothing ever happened today...", Misato said. Shinji had a question mark in his eyes, but decided to go along with her. She is, after all, his superior officer. "Now, let's go home before anything else weird happens", she said and led Shinji out of the room.

---------

The next day of schooling was pretty uneventful for Shinji, other than Kensuke obsessively holding onto his clothes whenever Shinji approaches. Yes, it's just a normal day, but we all know there is not going to be any depiction of that in this little story of ours, so we shall move on to the more interesting, such as gym period. Yeah, that will do.

"Hey, asshole", Toji called.

"Yes, Suzuhara?", Shinji replied as he donned a gi in the changing room, where they were currently the only ones present. Shinji's scarf was not part of his current ensemble. The others had gone on ahead of them. Judo was the theme for today's gym period.

"What the hell did you do to Kensuke?", Toji asked. He was also in a gi with his hands grasping his white belt.

"I was teaching him how to survive in the wild with nothing on you but a loincloth, but it seemed that he was not ready for such harsh trainings as of now", Shinji calmly said as he firmly secured his black belt.

"…Shit, you _are_ nuts…", Toji said and turned around to get out of the room.

"Is that all you have to say to me?", Shinji asked as he strode over to him. Toji looked at him. His eyes were hostile, but Shinji could tell he was trying to suppress any anger in them.

"I was going to say 'I'm gonna kill you', but we both know I ain't got the power to do that. Besides, we _did_ owe you for saving our butts back there… Kensuke could use a little wake up call anyway. He was starting to freak people out...", Toji replied as they walked out of the changing room and into the school dojo, a large square room with tatami mats on the floor to help protect fighters when they fall. On the wall hung portraits of the men who helped bring judo into Tokyo 3, and their descendants and predecessors.

Shinji sat at the end of the line of male students at one side of the hall, with Toji sitting right beside him to his left. Kensuke sat right at the other end of the line. He had been sitting at the _other_ end, and would have been beside Toji if he had not shifted. The stripping incident was still fresh in his mind, however, as well as the '100 Sakura Punches Nookie'.

On the opposite side of the hall sat the girls. The students who were of the fairer sex had protested about their having to practice judo, but the principal, whose identity has yet to be revealed, had decreed it important for students to know how to protect themselves from a fall. And judo is great for breaking falls. And that's it…no, not really…the author is just being his illogical self again. (A/N: Be silent, assistant author, or I shall insert you into the story as a certain redhead's wrestling dummy) Uh…well…on with the story…

"Well, looks like we have everybody here…", the judo instructor said. He is a large, stout man with barrel chests and incredibly large arms and legs. His small eyes scanned the students as he looked for the first sparring pair. We shall skip the basic warmup part since the author is too lazy to write about calisthenics. His eyes went back and forth until they finally stopped at Shinji's black belt. His brow furrowed and his eyes widened slightly. "You, Shinji Ikari, right?", he asked.

"Yes, sensei", Shinji replied.

"You are a black belt in judo?", the instructor, let's call him Sandayu Dokumamushi, asked.

"Yes, sensei. I had been trained by my god uncle", Shinji replied. Sandayu nodded slightly.

"I see…Well, then, I suppose you do not mind if I ask you to go first and show the beginners here what judo is capable of", Sandayu said.

"It will be my honor, Sandayu sensei", Shinji replied and bowed. Sandayu nodded and began to look at the boys' line for a suitable opponent for Shinji.

"Hayata! Step forward!", Sandayu said loudly and a boy of about Shinji's height stood up and stepped out in front of the line. His hair was long and shaggy, which conveniently (for me) hid most of his facial features except for his left eye and mouth. He was wearing a black belt. "Ikari, you shall go against Hayata for the first round", Sandayu said and Shinji bowed before getting on his feet without using his hands.

The 2 stepped to the center of the arena and bowed after taking their appropriate positions. As soon as they straightened up, they put one foot back and raised their hands. The right held in front of the face and the left held close to the chest. The fingers were relaxed and ready to grab at any time. Hayata and Shinji stared at each other, daring one to make the first move.

The staring match continued for 3 whole minutes. They had not blinked, and it made the rest of the students wonder if they were, in fact, aliens in disguise. (A/N: Last I checked, a normal human needs to blink at least once a minute) The atmosphere was too intense for the students to do anything but watch. Yamada was calmer. He had been in these situations before, and he knows that the match can take as long as….well…days. He decided to speed things up a little by slapping his left palm on the mat.

The loud smack spurred Shinji and Hayaya into action. Both of them rushed forward and grabbed each other's gi by the collar and hands, and immediately tried to throw each other. Hayata tried a reaping throw, pulling Shinji's upper torso and right hand towards him while his right leg swept Shinji's legs.

Shinji resisted by stepping forward and pressing his hip to Hayata's while pulling the latter over his shoulder. Hayata evaded by circling his right leg around Shinji's legs and stepped towards Shinji's front. Both of them ended up face to face again, but Shinji did not wait for Hayata to get a firm footing.

He slid his hip down and put his right foot on Hayata's stomach as he pulled backwards on Hayata's sleeves. When the latter was right above Shinji, he drove his right foot up and sent Hayata flying in a small arc as Shinji drops his torso to the mat. Hayata flipped over in midair and landed with his knees on the tatami. Shinji quickly rolled over and they stood up and faced each other again.

Hayata took the initiative this time and stepped forward in a circular motion, grabbing Shinji's collar and his right sleeve and pressing his back to Shinji's chest. Shinji tried to encircle his left arm around Hayata's throat, but he was already flipped forward in an Ippon Zeoi before he could do that. He did the only thing he could do; he flipped himself in the air much like Hayata had done and landed firmly on his feet. Before the stunned Hayata could react further, Shinji had crouched and grabbed the garment over his left shin with his right hand and his left hand was gripped firmly on the former's right collar.

The next second had Shinji pulling both hands in a circle as he rose up. Hayata was spun around like a windmill several times at several different angles as Shinji spun and moved around the ring in a small circle. After 6 spins, Shinji finally crouched, pulled his right arm down, and released the grip of his left hand. Hayata was slammed against the tatami and rebound once, his left shin still in Shinji's right hand.

"Ippon! Shinji's victory!", Sandayu said loudly and raised his right hand to indicate his decision. Shinji stood up and helped the dazed Hayata do the same. After bowing to each other and Sandayu, they returned to their seats. "Very good, you two. Especially you, Shinji. Where did you learn that last throw?", Hayata said.

"It was a modified version of the Dai Setsu Zan Oroshi taught to me by my uncle Benkei, Dokumamushi Sensei", Shinji said and bowed his head slightly.

"I see…well, let's get started with the training, then! Pair up, people, and start throwing!", Sandayu said and stood up, followed by all the students in the dojo. Now, as mentioned earlier, we shall skip the boring stuff and get straight to the important stuff. (Assistant author hates details…) Namely, important pairings.

Toji Suzuhara was paired with Horaki Hikari. The unlikely pair came about because everybody's got their partners already, and Sandayu, in an effort to blow some steam from his recent defeat, had chosen the weakest looking guy in class, which happens to be…Do you really need to ask? Needless to say, Toji was not too pleased. Horaki did not look too happy about it, either. The author will let you guess why boys are allowed to pair up with girls. For me, it's simply called 'plot power'. FEAR THE POWER OF THE PLOT! AND PLOTHOLES!

They ended up arguing 50 percent of the time, with the other 50 spent with Hikari trying to throw Toji down, mostly unsuccessfully, after a bout of insults. They usually ended up falling together, which leads to more insults, and the cycle repeats itself. It's interesting to note that Toji has not once tried to sweep Hikari's feet, much less throw her.

Now, Hayata and his partner, which would be Aida Kensuke, were doing fine. As in, Hayata was doing fine. Kensuke was just being thrown all over the place like a rag doll. His eyes were already swirly, and he only managed to stand up because Hayata keeps pulling him up.

Shinji Ikari was paired up with Rei Ayanami (as if we didn't see that coming from the first paragraph…). They were paired up together since no one dares to pair up with the black belt Shinji, and no one feels comfortable throwing Rei around, or being around her. Besides, she has a tendency to _really_ throw people. They were doing fine. Rei was pretty good at what she was doing, but there was nothing she could do that Shinji couldn't counter. He usually ended up throwing her softly to the mat.

"….", Goes Rei as Shinji flipped her over his back gently and she landed softly on her back to the tatami.

"…You do not speak very often, do you?", Shinji asked as he helped her get up.

"…I only speak when necessary", the blue haired girl said softly as she tried to throw Shinji over her back.

"A good attitude, but we should work on that if we are going to be fellow pilots", Shinji replied as he hooked his arm over Rei's neck and turned his torso before she had a chance to pull forward. She fell backwards softly on the tatami, tripping over Shinji's right leg, which had been placed right behind her own.

"…I could have piloted the EVA-01 just as well on my own", she said after she got up and tried to throw Shinji by pulling down on his left collar and sleeve while reaping his left leg. Shinji could sense a slight hostility in her face and immediately lowered his body to strengthen his stance.

"Forgive me for being so direct, but why do I sense hostility in your voice?", he asked. They were locked in position, Rei unable to continue the throw, and Shinji not letting them move in any way. The former looked at the latter in the eyes. Some surprise was registered in her face.

"…I was not aware such an emotion was present in my speech", she replied. Shinji continued looking into her face, which had gotten back to its usual cold, disinterested demeanor.

"…Well, you don't have to talk about it if you don't want to…", Shinji said as he easily reversed Rei's throw using his strength to simply place his left forearm against her neck and reversed her reap by going for her supporting leg. She fell to the tatami again.

"…", was all Rei said until the end of the period.

--------

Shinji sat in his chair in his and Misato's dining room. On the plate in front of him sat one of Misato's homemade dinners. There is no clue as of now as to what is made of.

The only thing we can say for sure is that a splattered brain from a traffic accident would look -and taste- more edible than this. If it is any consolation, our hero Shinji is currently not eating it.

He was staring at it, but not really looking at it. His mind was focused on a little event back during the evening, during EVA-01's routine plug in procedure.

FLASHBACK

_Shinji came out of the entry plug's hatch. The routine procedure had gone perfectly. He managed to keep an average synch level of 90, and Ritsuko had told him that this usually tends to go up during battles._

_As he stepped out of the hatch, he saw the blue haired girl he had thrown (gently) more than a dozen times that afternoon. She was talking to his father who had his back turned to him. His gloves were off, and Shinji could see a lot of scars on his palms, most probably burnt tissues. _

_That was interesting. It was not as interesting as the light blush on Ayanami's face, however. Shinji was interested, and he tried to strain his ears as much as possible to hear their conversation, which was not too interesting by itself. Gendo Ikari was just wishing Rei luck and courage for her plug in test tomorrow._

'_He never wished me luck', Shinji thought to himself. Now, this might seem depressing, but remember that this is our hero Shinji we're talking about. 'Guess I don't really need it', Shinji thought as he silently made his way back to the locker room. _

'_But why is she blushing?' _

END FLASHBACK

Back to reality.

Shinji was still thinking about the little event when Misato walked out of the shower with a button-up spaghetti strap and a nearly skintight short jean, er…shorts. (Damned lack of vocabulary…)

This kind of view usually makes 14-year old boys feel a little awkward, but since this is _our_ Shinji we're talking about...

"…Shinji?", Misato called out to Shinji, who was about to put a spoonful of Misato's dinner into his mouth.

"Yes, captain?", Shinji replied, unfazed. Misato looked at him, then at Pen Pen, who had looked up from his dinner (1 can of Yebisu beer) to ogle Misato's not-so-concealed assets, then back at him.

'I must be losing it…', she thought before taking out something from her jean pocket and handing it to Shinji. "Here, take this", she said as she continued drying her hair with a short towel hanging from her neck.

"What is this?", Shinji asked as he took the flat thing from her hand and examined it. It was a white piece of plastic with his photograph and a few stuff, like his name and birthday, written on the back.

"It's your new ID card. You'll need it to get into NERV tomorrow", she replied and started to walk into her room. "Oh, wait…", she stopped and pulled out another card similar to his, but with a different picture. "This is Ayanami's. Be a good boy…er…hero, and give this to her tomorrow morning, OK?", she said.

Shinji took the card and looked at it contemplatively with a pair of slightly furrowed eyebrows.

"Captain Katsuragi, may I ask a question of you?", Shinji asked in a firm, but soft, voice.

"Sure", Misato shrugged.

"What do you know of Rei Ayanami?", Shinji asked and turned to look at her. Misato's eyes widened. They stared at each other for a good minute before Misato gave a small grin and looked at Shinji in 'that' way.

You know, the look your friend, older sibling, or worse, mother, gave you when you reveal your crush to them. "Captain?", Shinji asked, confused by Misato's reaction. He was obviously not well-versed in this sort of thing.

"Little Shinji is starting to grow up, I see…", Misato said and giggled softly.

Shinji stared. For once, he was the one giving an odd look. That doesn't last long, however.

"I don't think little is an accurate adjective to give to me", Shinji said. "And you have not answered my question", he finished.

Well, what did I say? Misato did her usual honor of giving Shinji the odd look.

"You don't really understand what I just said, did you?", Misato asked. Shinji shook his head. She sighed. He waited. "Well…she is just the first pilot who was assigned to EVA-00. She's 14, about your age, and that's it", She said.

"Is that all?", Shinji asked, dumbfounded. Misato nodded.

"Oh, she also wears a C-cup, last I remember", she added and looked at Shinji.

"Ididntneedtoknowthat!", Shinji rambled as his face turned red and he quickly put a spoonful of…Misato's something into his mouth. Misato grinned when she got the reaction she wanted. Looks like Shinji is not as naïve with women as she thought.

"Mine's E-cup, if you're wondering", she added. A spray of nondescript matter burst forth from Shinji's lips. Misato laughed inwardly. 'Still got it…', she thought.

"A-anyway…", Shinji said in between hacks and coughs. "What about the burn marks on my father's hands?", he asked in an attempt to change the subject. Misato thought for a bit before answering.

"Oh, that. I remember Ritsuko mentioning something about that…Let's see…", Misato said and placed a finger to her forehead in an attempt to replay a memory. A brief glimpse into her mind yielded these results:

Yebisu beer

Sake

Yebisu beer

Bar

Yebisu beer

Ritsuko

Yebisu beer

Drunken Misato

Yebisu beer

A scene too shocking for even an M rated story like this.

Involves Ritsuko, Maya, whips, bondage clothes, dildoes, and lots and lots of tentacles.

Don't ask.

Yebisu beer

Any further attempt to dig in deeper will induce alcoholic intoxication and/or permanent mental damage, so we shall stop here for now.

"Hmm…Ritsuko told me that's from manually opening the hatch of EVA-00's dummy plug when something went wrong during its activation test. No idea what made him do that. That's where Rei's injuries come from, by the way", Misato said after compiling the above memories into a coherent recollection.

Praise should be given to Shinji for listening to her while eating her cooking without even flinching. He did not say anything as he contemplates his father's actions. 'Perhaps it's a paternal instinct…', Shinji thought to himself.

Misato decided to leave Shinji alone at this moment. After all, anyone who can eat her cooking without dying horribly (the last one's stomach literally ripped itself apart from the inside to get rid of the…food) must have a _lot_ in his mind.

------

The apartment door read '402'. Shinji had been pressing the doorbell for 6 minutes and there had been no reply. He looked around. There had been no tenants going into or out of the building during the whole time he was there. He waited another 2 minutes before cautiously opening the door. The view he got of the room surprised him.

Rei's apartment was messy, but empty. He could make out shoeprints at the entrance of the apartment stacked against each other. Apparently Rei had never bothered to clean these up. There was a bed, a small kitchen, a study table, and a dining table, all crammed into a small room. There were small boxes filled with what looked like trash.

Shinji entered cautiously and crossed the room slowly, alert for any unusual activities. He walked slowly up to a small cabinet beside a small fridge and looked at the things on top of it. A picture and books sat on it. There was also a pair of broken glasses. Shinji picked these up and examined it. He was sure Rei did not wear eyeglasses, but the design looked somewhat familiar.

He did not have time to contemplate further before he heard sounds coming from behind him. He quickly whirled around, his body ready to react to any threat coming his way. His scarf could not follow his momentum and streaked in front of his face as it followed a circular path to rest behind his back again. On hindsight, it might have been better if the scarf had entangled itself in front of Shinji's eyes.

Rei stood across the room, facing Shinji. She was drying her hair with a small towel around her neck.

This does not surprise Shinji. The fact that there was nothing else on her did.

She does not seem to share his sentiments, or maybe she did. It was just hard for Shinji to tell without any physical motion or verbal cue.

As had been (hopefully) established in the story so far, Shinji is hot blooded, which means the blood in his body flows faster than most people his age, resulting in an overall increase in temperament and body temperature.

It also leads to a smaller nose bleeding threshold.

One look at 'twin peaks' was enough to make Shinji expel a great amount of crimson liquid out of his nostrils.

The force of the jet of blood was enough to send him arcing slowly backwards. He passed out as soon as his back hit the floor.

------

Shinji opened his eyes. He squinted at the brightness suddenly hitting his eyes. His vision slowly readjusted itself and he found himself looking at a pale female face framed by a curtain of blue hair. Her crimson eyes were looking at him flatly.

"Are you awake?", she asked softly. Shinji's eyes shot open and he abruptly sat up from the cold, hard floor.

"A, Ayanami! Wh…what happened?", Shinji stuttered as he looked around him.

"You saw me coming out of the bathroom and sprayed blood out of your nose. You have fainted for 15 minutes and 28 seconds", Rei answered in her monotone. She was dressed in her school uniform and was squatting on the floor at Shinji's left.

"I did?", Shinji asked groggily and tried to recall the events leading to it. He blushed when he remembered what it was that caused such a violent reaction in him. "Oh….right…Sorry…", He mumbled and ducked his head. It was interesting to note that his blood had dirtied the floor, but none of it had gotten to his clothing. Not one drop.

"Sorry for what?", she asked. Shinji shot his head up in surprise.

"You know, for looking at…your…um…things", He explained hesitantly. Rei tilts her head slightly. "Never mind…", he said again and stood up.

"Were you referring to this?", Rei asked and held up the broken glasses as she stood up as well.

"…No…not really…", Shinji replied.

"Then why did you apologize?", she asked again.

"…Um…can we change the subject?", Shinji asked his question in reply to her question. Rei put the glasses back on the cabinet and turned to face him.

"Why have you come?", she asked. Shinji's brain took a moment to process the question.

"…Oh. Right! Here!", Shinji said and pulled out a card from his pocket. He quickly handed it to Rei.

"...Club 69. All the best beefcakes of the post-apocalypse showing all they have just for you. Come join us now and we will hook you up with Geoffrey, our very own Kama Sutra master, ruler of the pelvis, and the epitome of buff. Arnold Schwarzenegger doesn't have a thing on us. Call 909-322-4-", that was as much as Rei got to read aloud before a very shocked Shinji snatched the card away from her.

It was very disturbing hearing something like that said in a flat monotone by a cute girl. He looked at it. Misato must have been playing with his clothes while he was in school. I'm sure we don't want to know what she uses it for.

"Sorry! This is the correct one!", Shinji said as he handed her another card.

"My new NERV ID card?", she asked softly. Shinji nodded. Rei stuffed the card into her blouse pocket and started to walk out the front door.

"Ayanami?", Shinji asked as he watched her go. She looked back at him.

"School starts in 8 minutes, pilot Ikari", Rei said as she put on her shoes. Shinji's eyes widened.

"COMBAT RUSHER!", he quickly shouted into his watch. A loud roar sounded 4 floors below them and quickly traveled upwards. Shinji quickly rushed to Rei and grabbed her by the waist. He kicked the front door open and plopped her into the black bike waiting for them in the apartment corridor. "Hang tight!", he said after he quickly locked the apartment door and jumped into the driver seat. Rei sat behind him and hooked her hands across his chest.

Moosh…

"…Moosh?", Shinji mumbled as he revved up the engine and pulled on the handlebar to get the front wheel of the bike to go over the corridor's concrete fencing. He glanced back quickly. Rei looked back at him. Their faces were almost at kissing distance.

Shinji felt another blush coming.

The softness he felt at his back did nothing to help.

"R,right! Let's go!", Shinji said nervously and tore his head back to the front and activated the jump booster. The bike was launched several feet into the air and landed outside the apartment grounds, cushioned by its powerfully spinning back tires.

Shinji quickly straightened the bike and twisted the handlebars backwards. Combat Rusher tore off at over 100mph.

"…Ayanami?", Shinji called.

"Yes?", Rei answered.

"Whose glasses are those?", Shinji asked.

"…The commander's", she answered.

"Was it the one he wore the day he saved you?", he asked again.

"Yes", she answered.

"I see", he said and continued to push the bike past 130mph. "…You'll be testing EVA-00 today, right?", he asked and powered the bike through a 45 degree curve.

"Yes", she answered.

"…Do you feel any fear about it?", he asked as he corrected the bike's course again. They were now pushing 134mph.

"...I trust the Commander's decisions", she answered.

"…Ah…", Shinji said and lowered his body to reduce drag. Rei followed his movements.

"Do you not trust him, pilot Ikari?", she asked. Shinji smiled.

"I'm not really sure. He _does_ sound like Darth Vader the first time we met again, after all. That does not have anything to do with my mission, however", Shinji replied.

"Mission?", Rei asked.

"Yes. You heard it before, right? I remembered saying it the first time we met!", Shinji replied loudly. They were close to 140mph. Rei closed her eyes and tried to recall the moment.

'_I, Ikari Shinji, shall fight only for the sake of justice and peace! I fight for the sake of people like this woman here who was obviously injured in the angel attack! I shall not defy your orders! Unless it leads to evil! IN WHICH CASE I SHALL SHOW YOU HELL ON EARTH!'_

"…I remember now…", she said and mulled over a certain sentence he said. "I take it you do not fully trust your father, then?", she asked in as loud as a monotone goes.

"Perhaps! What about you!", he shouted. They had broken 140mph and were now pushing 150. Rei pulled up her body and spoke right into Shinji's left ear.

"He is the only person I trust in this world", she spoke in a loud whisper. Shinji shivered slightly from the sensation, but quickly brought his body under control. He decided against speaking further for fear of setting a record for the worst traffic accident of the century.

Once again, Shinji and his bike broke the record of fastest time from Rei's home to school at less than 4 minutes. They also created the first ever wall skid marks of Tokyo 3.

This stunt would be attempted years later by people who have got too much free time, and they would fail horribly. The only consolation for these poor souls would be that they died instantly upon impact with the ground.

-----

"Initializing reactivation procedures for unit 00", Maya said over the intercom.

"Are you ready, Rei?", Gendo asked from behind the reinforced window of the control room.

"Yes, commander", Rei answered from inside EVA-00, a blue giant standing in a pool of LCL at the other side of the window.

"Activate main controls", Gendo said.

"What happen?"

"Somebody set us up the bomb!"

"We get signal!"

"What!"

"Main screen turn on!"

"It's you!"

"How are you gentlemen! All your base are belong to us! You are on way to destruction"

"What you Say!"

"What do now, commander!"

"You have no chance of survive make your time! HAHAHAHAQA!"

"Captain!"

"Take off every ZIG!"

"You know what you doing!"

"Move ZIG! For great justice!"

"…Will you stop it with the Zero Wing jokes, Fuyutsuki?", Gendo glowered at his right, er, left…um…right…hand man…

"Sorry…", Fuyutsuki said and looked at the floor.

"Um…activate main fuel lines…", Ritsuko said.

"Emergency voltage stabilizers activated. All clear!", Maya answered.

"Proceed with secondary test protocols", Ritsuko said.

"Pilot-unit connector activated!", Maya said. "Heart rate and brain waves at acceptable limits. Synchronization complete! All nerve inductors activated. Central nervous systems normal! Safety components, all green! Fuel injection through inductor number 2590! Fuel level at 97.5 percent!", she finished.

Shinji watched the procedures beside Misato, his arms folded heroically at his chest (Ah…been a while since we last saw this…) and his scarf blowing to the side for no reason whatsoever other than to look manly. His intense eyes watched the entire procedure carefully and his body was ready to react to any kind of trouble.

"Fuel level at 100 percent! All activation procedures complete! Final synchronization phase complete!", Maya confirmed.

"Unit 00, activate!", Ritsuko said.

It was not a second later that Fuyutsuki slammed down the receiver of a pay phone in the room. Why a pay phone, you ask? Well, for an organization as large as NERV, you gotta scrounge up whatever money you can…in fact, it was a public secret that NERV secretly publishes a swimsuit magazine featuring the female staff members of NERV. Misato had single handedly kept the magazine in print for the first one year of its life. Do we need to explain why?

"Ikari!", he said loudly. Both Ikaris turned to look at him.

"We got signal!", he said. Gendo and the rest of the room sighed.

"Fuyutsuki…we already did that joke…", Gendo glowered slowly.

"Oh…right…well…the 5th angel has been sighted…", Fuyutsuki answered sheepishly. The whole room was silent for a minute.

"Cancel activation tests and set a level 1 alert!", Gendo broke the silence.

"Should we launch unit 00?", Fuyutsuki asked.

"Unit 00 is not ready for combat. How is Unit 01?", Gendo replied.

"Unit 01 should be ready to launch in 380 seconds", Ritsuko answered.

"Good! Prepare for launch!", he barked.

"SIR! YES SIR!", Shinjo roared in response. Ritsuko and Maya had managed to get their fingers to their ears in time. The others, who had yet to experience Shinji's shout, however, weren't so lucky, especially since his voice had gotten louder in the past few weeks, if such a thing was possible.

Most of them lay twitching on the floor.

Those who weren't on the floor were twitching in their consoles.

"Sh…Shi….Shiii….Shiinnnjiii…..", Gendo babbled on the floor. His eardrums were beating to the tune of Inna Gadda Vida. Fuyutsuki was mumbling incoherently right beside him.

"…Think we should've told them?", Misato asked Ritsuko, the only other person in the room still able to have a normal conversation.

"First thing when they wake up", Ritsuko replied, nodding slowly as she took in the devastation one loud affirmative did to the crew.

"Where's Shinji?", Misato asked after she realized that Shinji was no longer in the room.

"Must've gone to get changed. You know how fired up he gets when fighting Angels", Ritsuko replied as a monitor flickered to life on one of the consoles.

"Professor Akagi?", Rei's face said from the picture in the monitor that just flickered to life.

"Yes, Rei?", Ritsuko said and looked at the monitor.

"May I ask you to check my ears for any damage as soon as conveniently possible?", Rei requested.

"Ah. Heard that, did you?", Misato asked.

"The audio link was still open", Rei explained simply.

"Oh…", Misato replied. Ritsuko shrugged.

"All right, Ayanami. Come to my room after we're done here", she said and started to walk out of the room, followed by Misato.

------

"Target is positioned above Ashino lake", Shigeru said in the main command bridge. He and a handful of other staff were the lucky ones not present during the test. Misato and Ritsuko were there, as was Rei. Apparently, the audio link had been unable to take in all of Shinji's 210 decibel shout, and that had helped Rei keep her hearing.

"EVA-01, ready to launch", Shigeru said again.

"Alright then! Launch EVA-01!", Misato said loudly.

"SHINJI IKARI! EVA-01! LAUNCH!", Shinji roared from the cockpit and the catapult blasted him upwards through the surface elevator with a high-pitched whine.

On the surface, the rubicon-like Angel floated slowly above the buildings of Tokyo 3. Its sensors had detected something approaching and it prepared a welcoming shot for him. Its outer edges began to course with pink colored currents of energy.

Inside the bridge, Shigeru nearly jumped up from his console. He quickly turned towards Misato. The rest of the bridge crews also turned to her.

"Captain! A large build up of energy has been detected in the Angel's core!", Shigeru said loudly.

"What!", Misato barked and turned to look at his monitor, which showed a cutout view of the angel. The reactor's temperature was clearly shown as rising greatly. "This is…a particle beam!", she hissed loudly and turned to look at Ritsuko. The latter could only look back at her in shock.

In the elevator Shinji sat calmly in the cockpit. The ruckus in the bridge did not make its way to him. He kept his focus as the catapult continued ascending and finally broke to the surface. At that exact moment, the Angel fired.

Shinji had only a second to stare at a thin, pink beam burning a large hole in the building right in front of him before he felt intense pain and heat on his chest.

"GHHAAAAARRGHH!", he shouted in pain as the pink particle beam hit EVA-01 straight in the chest.

"SHINJI!", Misato and Ritsuko shouted when they heard Shinji screaming in the EVA.

In the cockpit, Shinji looked at the Angel furiously. His face was contorted with pain and a burning determination as he willed the EVA's arms to come up and protect the chest to buy him some time to escape the onslaught. EVA-01's arms and legs were still connected to the catapult, however, and it was, for all intents and purposes, immobile.

"Pull him back! NOW!", Misato shouted and the bridge crew quickly got to work, pulling the catapult back down before EVA-01 suffered too much damage.

In the cockpit, Shinji felt the pain on his chest lessen slightly as the EVA was pulled out of the Angel's reach. He took in ragged mouthfuls of LCL and winced in pain. He managed to keep his eyes open through the short ride back down.

"Target has ceased activities!", one of the bridge bunnies reported.

"How's the pilot's condition!", Ritsuko asked.

"Heart rate is very high and unstable! Central nervous systems are showing unusual activities!", Shigeru answered.

"Get the security systems up! I'm going to the hangar! Ritsuko, prepare the medics!", Misato ordered as she rushed out of the room.

"I'm right on it. Shigeru, pump some anesthetics into the plug to bring the heart rate down and stabilize brain waves", Ritsuko replied.

Rei watched all this with barely a hint of emotion in her face. A slight furrowing of the eyebrows, perhaps, but that's about it.

Ritsuko and her medic team reached the hangar and was met by a highly unusual scene. The plug removal had gone quickly and smoothly and Shinji staggered out of the hatch, clutching his chest and wincing in pain as he dropped out of the plug and onto the walkway. His wet scarf hung down his front.

"Shinji! Are you alright!", Misato asked him. He snapped his head to look at her and staggered towards her, his body doubled up in pain.

"C…captain! Send…me…up…a…gain…", Shinji coughed out as he got closer to Misato.

"What are you talking about! We need to treat your wounds!", Misato yelled as she caught a glimpse of blood oozing out from between the fingers of his right hand, which was clutching his chest.

"I…must…go…back…and…fight!", Shinji wheezed as he slowly turned around and headed for the plug's entry.

"What! Wait! Shinji! Come back here!", Misato shouted as Shinji pushed past the medics trying to get him into a stretcher.

"No, Shinji! It's suicide to go back up there now!", Ritsuko said as she grabbed his arm and tried to stop him.

Shinji did not respond and removed her arms with a soft flick. He was close to the plug's hatch when someone in a white and light blue plug suit stepped in front of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. He looked up to see a pale face framed by light blue hair.

"A…ya…na…mi…", he stuttered and coughed softly as she looked right into his eyes.

"There is no point in going out now, pilot Ikari", she said calmly.

"But…I must…", Shinji did not get to finish that sentence as he coughed softly and fresh blood spilled out the corner of his lips.

"You need to rest and heal your wounds. You will be needed when we are ready to fight it", she continued softly. Shinji continued to look at her as if challenging her words. They stared into each other's eyes for a good minute before he finally slumped forward and landed his face into her left shoulder.

Rei sat down as she placed her hands over the back of the unconscious Shinji's neck and shoulders, securing his position as she carefully lowered him onto the stretcher the medical team had placed on the floor.

"Good job, Rei!", Misato said and pat Rei on the shoulder as the latter stood up. Rei nodded and kept silent as Shinji was quickly carried away. "Where did you come from, anyway? I didn't see you walk in", The former asked.

"I came in right behind professor Akagi. You were too busy with Shinji to notice me", Rei answered.

Ritsuko followed the medic team, but turned back once to smile thinly at Rei.

Her eyes were not smiling, however.

-------

"_Come, Shinji. Do you see that little house?", a portly middle-aged man wearing a pair of glasses said to the 5 year old boy walking beside him. Shinji turned to look at a small house made out of wood, designed with the usual sloped roof and rectangular wall construction. "That, Shinji, will be your study room. You will be entering junior school next year, and we want to make sure you get all the peace and quiet you need to study properly for the entrance test", the man said. Shinji did not respond for a while as he looked at the house. _

"_Shinji?", his aunt, a middle aged woman with medium-length, curly hair, called out. Shinji turned to her and formed his mouth into a small smile._

"_Thank you. I shall use this room well", he said. _

'_and study alone', he thought_

_His uncle and aunt smiled and left him alone to let him warm up to his new 'home'. They're not abandoning him. They'll bring food and supplies when he needed them. They can't be called abandoning him if that is the case, right?_

_His life in that room was normal._

_Well, as normal as it gets for a depressed 5-year old living on his own. Nothing interesting goes on behind and outside those four walls. _

_The sad part was that he was used to it._

_Getting used to it was not enough to wipe away his depression, however. He often wondered why he had to live far away from his father. He could not think of a reason._

_And so, he decided to bring his father to him if he cannot be where his father is. _

_He walked up to the edge of a cliff he had found while exploring around the city. A 5-year old boy wandering around on his own would be unusual, but his relatives couldn't care less. He wasn't really their child, after all. He was just someone who was to be raised for a good amount of incentive from Gendo Ikari. _

_He stared at the jagged rocks below him. Spreading his hands straight out to his sides, he jumped._

'_I shall see you at the funeral, papa', Shinji thought in all of the 0.5 second of the fall before he felt the ground moving away from him. He was expecting the ground to meet him, so this was highly unusual. Just as unusual as the tug he felt at the back of his shirt. He turned his head to look into the face of an adult. His eagle eyes, hidden behind a pair of blue shades, looked at Shinji with an intensity and warmth that reached right into his little heart. Shinji's eyes began to water as the wind blew the man's shaggy mane and long black scarf back._

"_Aren't you a bit young to be committing suicide, little one?", the man asked in his deep voice. His right hand was clenching the back of Shinji's shirt. Shinji did not say anything. Could not say anything. He just cried silently. The man sighed. He slowly set the boy down on firm ground._

_Shinji continued to cry as the man took him by the hand through the mountain passes to a small wooden cottage. He continued to cry until the man gave him warm chocolate in a tin mug. His crying gradually stopped as the warmth of the beverage spread through his body. _

"_Feeling better now?", the man said as he raised his shades above his forehead. Shinji nodded and took in the man's apparel. _

_He was wearing a long-sleeved white shirt with a v-shaped neckline that reaches down to the middle of the chest, and an impressively large and sharp collar that is always raised, covering half of the side of his face. The sleeves were long and were secured at the wrists by a pair of cloth bandages. His pants were black and made of crisp cotton. His black leather shoes had sharp toes and his body looked like a deceased person named Bruce Lee who Shinji had heard about from…someone he can't remember._

"_Well, then, can I ask you why you wanted to end your promising life so quickly?", he asked. Shinji looked down to his half-empty cup._

"…_I wanted to see my father…", he replied softly. The man thought for a while before pressing on._

"_Do you think you can meet him on the other side?", he asked. Shinji shook his head._

"…_He is not dead. He is just…not here", he answered. The man pondered this before asking again._

"_If he's alive…then…did he abandon you?", the man asked. Shinji was silent. He did not know how to say it._

"_He did not abandon me…he just sent me to live with my uncle here", Shinji said after several minutes and sipped on his mug._

"_Were they the ones who abandoned you?", the man asked again._

"…_I don't know…I just don't feel like I am a part of their life…", Shinji answered. The man frowned. Shinji was very perceptive for a 5-year old._

"_So…in other words…you do not feel like you have aunts?", the man asked. Shinji nodded hesitantly. "All right then. I shall be your uncle", the man said. _

"_You will?", Shinji asked eagerly. _

"_Of course. A young boy such as you need to be nurtured by a proper guardian", the man said._

"_But…wouldn't I be a burden to you?", Shinji asked._

"_Don't be a fool! This place can use another occupant. Besides, I can see that you possess great potential", the man replied._

"_Potential?", Shinji asked._

"_Yes", the man replied simply._

"_Potential for what?", Shinji asked again._

"_To be a hero", the man said._

"_Hero? But, why me?", Shinji wondered._

"_Because you, Shinji, have felt sadness. You, Shinji, have felt the pain of loneliness. You know how painful an injustice can be", the man said._

"_But…I still don't understand", Shinji replied._

"_Do not worry, Shinji. You will understand once you have figured out what you have seen here, today, at this very moment", the man replied.  
_

---------

Shinji's eyes fluttered open. He could see a bright rectangular light far somewhere in front of his face. He closed his eyes for an instant as they tried to adapt to the amount of light streaming into them. He slowly got up and looked to his right. He could see steel walls and realized he was in a medical ward in NERV. The bed he was on and the medication he saw confirmed that. Then he turned to his right. His eyes met a pair of crimson ones, and his nose touched the tip of another's.

"GAAAAAAAHHHH!", he screamed and backed away in shock.

"You are awake, I see", Rei said from the spot Shinji had backed away from. She had been sitting right beside his bed.

"A…Ayanami?", he asked incredulously.

"I brought your food", she replied to the non-question. Shinji noticed the big tray beside the bed. "I was ordered to feed you once you are awake", she said and placed a tray filled with hospital food on a sliding table right in front of Shinji. He did not waste any time digging into them and took a bite out of bread on the tray.

"What happened while I was out?", he asked in between bites.

"The angel has been drilling into this base for several hours now. The captain tried to hold back the angel and distracting it by using long range artillery and EVA decoys. Results have been negative, however", she replied simply.

"I chomp see. I shall have to fight it, then", Shinji said as he continued to quickly devour the food in front of him.

"That is correct. We shall move out in one hour", Rei said and took out a small notebook from her uniform's pocket.

"Is there anything I need to know before we start?", Shinji asked as he scooped up the last spoonful of scrambled eggs into his mouth.

"You will be using a positron rifle which is being developed by the JSSDF as we speak. Our mission commences at 2400 hours and we are to assemble in the hangar at 1730 hours. The EVAs will be activated at 1800 hours and launched at 1805 hours. We are to reach our temporary base at Futago mountains at 1830 hours, where we will be briefed further on the mission. Is there anything else you need to know, pilot Ikari?", Rei explained. Shinji got out of the bed and stood up, not aware of the less-than-dressed state he is in.

"Well, what are we waiting for, then? Let's go!", Shinji said and faced Rei. She was silent, and there was actually a very light blush on her cheeks.

"…You might want to put something on before we proceed…", she said as she averted her eyes from his body. From a certain 'fireman's hose', to be exact. Shinji frowned and looked down at his body. His eyes immediately widened in surprise.

"O, Oh! Right! Forgive me!", he said awkwardly as he scrambled for his clothes.

"…I shall see you in an hour then…", she said and strode out of the room quickly, still blushing.

Meanwhile, in another part of NERV that controls security, a bunch of CCTV observers gaped as their eyes were glued to one particular monitor.

"Holy shit…", One of the male guard said.

"That…will never fit in my mouth…or anywhere else", one of the female guards said.

"Goddamn...how big was that?", another male guard said.

"I think…about this large…when up…", another female guard said, creating a circle with her palms the size of a mug.

"…Think the captain'd want to know?", the first guard asked.

"Nope. I bet we can sell this footage for a few hundred bucks, though", the third guard replied. The others nodded and decided to keep this one for Playgirl.

---------

"You see them, Kensuke?", Toji asked his friend, who was leaning on the railing in front of them.

"Not yet. They should be here soon according to my father's mission journal", the bespectacled boy answered. They were standing on the rooftop of their school. Strange how close they built that school to an EVA exit point.

"He better show up soon. We should have been in the shelter half an hour ago", Toji said as he continued to look at the hills where the EVA were supposed to be coming out of.

"OOOOHHH! It's here! It's here!", Kensuke shouted in joy and trained his camera on a purple giant coming out of a metal gate in a mountainside to Kensuke's right. Toji turned to look at EVA-01 walking out of the gate, its red scarf billowing backwards in the wind. Behind it, walking at the same pace, was a blue giant carrying a large kite-shaped shield. "And EVA-00 is here as well! Oh, yes! This is going into my permanent collection!", Kensuke shouted again.

"Heh. He's got Rei with him. Lucky dog…", Toji said as he observed the 2 EVAs walking to the combat zone.

--------

"All right, you two, listen well to what I am about to say", Misato said to Shinji and Rei. They were standing in the middle of the forests of Futago highlands. Rei listened quietly while Shinji stood with his arms crossed in front of his chest. His ponytail and scarf were blowing to his right. An odd phenomenon since there is no wind to speak of, but shonen heroes are entitled to a few farts at logic.

"The angel has been drilling into NERV continuously and it will take it about 3 hours and 57 minutes to breach the last steel plating. Shinji, you will be using the Positron rifle. This is a new weapon developed by the JSSDF to counter this latest Angel threat. It functions much like a bolt-action sniper rifle and we have calculated that this thing has enough power to break through the Angel's AT barrier. Now, remember that this weapon is still experimental, and gears much more on accuracy than any other combat uses. Shinji, please try to use the weapon as shown in your manual", Misato spoke to Shinji.

The latter nodded quickly in affirmative.

"Rei, your shield is made of the same material used in space shuttles, and we have added an extra electromagnetic coating on the surface. This shield should be able to withstand the particle beam for 17 seconds. Now, I assume you understand your role in this and why I have chosen you for it", Misato turned to Rei.

"Yes, captain. I am supposed to act as pilot Ikari's backup, and pilot Ikari was chosen as the shooter due to his much higher sync ratio", Rei answered. Misato nodded and turned to Ritsuko.

"Remember, Shinji. A positron beam is affected by many things, including the earth's gravity, magnetic fields, and the earth's rotation. Your shot will most likely not be straight, and you must take that into account", Ritsuko said. Shinji nodded as if he understood, but one glance at his eyes would confirm otherwise. Ritsuko sighed and turned to Misato.

'Why am I explaining this to someone who has a 0.000000000001 percent chance of understanding what I just said?', her expression said. Misato just shrugged. 'Go ask Mr. Desk Badass. He writes the script', her face replied. We would like to clarify that the Desk Badass does not, in fact, refer to the author. It was supposed to refer to Gendo. Though he did not write the script. We do.

"Well, just do as the manual says and you'll be fine", Ritsuko finished. Shinji nodded in true understanding.

"Remember, Shinji. It takes 20 seconds to cool down the barrel and load each shot, so make it count", Misato said. Shinji nodded. She smiled.

"Well, it is time. Are you two ready?", she asked.

"YES, CAPTAIN!", Shinji replied and stood on attention.

"Yes, captain", Rei followed. Misato grinned.

"Very well, then. Now, get back to your EVAs and wait for the signal", she ordered. Shinji and Rei nodded shortly and walked back to their posts.

--------

Shinji sat on a platform next to EVA-01. His seating position was relaxed with one hand supporting his body and the other resting on top of one raised knee, but his eyes show the intensity of his battle spirit. To his left, Rei sat with her feet together in front of her, her arms encircling them. She was looking calmly out towards the darkness of the night.

"The lights in the city have been switched off", Shinji observed. Rei kept silent. He glanced at her. She had no emotion whatsoever on her face. "So, how do you feel about going back into the battlefield?", he asked.

"Why do you ask?", Rei asked back.

"I just want to know", Shinji replied.

"…How about you?", Rei asked.

"Eh?", Shinji turned to look at her. She looked back at him.

"What are you feeling right now?", she asked again. Shinji took some time to ponder the question before he answered.

"A number of things", Shinji replied.

"…Is fear one of them?", Rei asked and turned to look at the stars.

"I hate to admit it, but there's a small amount of that too", Shinji replied with a small smile and followed her gaze. "Is that what you feel right now?", he asked. Rei nodded almost imperceptibly. "Why do you continue to fight, then?", he asked again.

"…Because piloting an EVA is the only the only connection I have", she replied and looked down.

"Connection to what? Dad?", Shinji asked. Rei was silent for a good minute before she answered.

"…I had…nothing else", she finally said and buried her chin in her knees. "It was like I was born to pilot EVAs", she continued. "If I stop doing it, there would be nothing else left for me…and I would be dead, even if my heart continue beating…", she finished. Shinji turned to look at her again and chuckled lightly. She turned to look at him again. Her eyes showed her curiosity.

"You know…I used to be like you", he said. Rei's expression did not change, but he could see the disbelief in her eyes. "I used to be very depressed as a child. In fact, I once tried to commit suicide by jumping off a cliff. I was lucky to have met uncle Tatsuya", he continued.

"…Is that so?", Rei not-quite-asked. Shinji nodded with his eyes closed as he reminisced on those times.

"Yes. He taught me that no matter how bad I think my life is, there are always ways to make it better. He taught me that there are still a few things truly worth fighting for", Shinji said and slowly raised his right hand and clenched it into a fist. "Even if I have to die in the process.", he finished as he concentrated on his newly-formed fist.

"Such as now?", Rei asked calmly.

"Especially now", Shinji answered shortly. He was no longer smiling.

They were silent until the mission commences.

"It is time", Rei said.

"Right!", Shinji nodded and turned to head to his machine.

"Pilot Ikari", Rei called out. Shinji turned to look at her. "You will not die", she said softly.

"I shall protect you"

"Goodbye", she said and went towards her EVA, leaving Shinji standing on the platform.

-------

"Commence OPERATION YASHIMA!", Misato shouted in the command truck.

"OSSU!" Shinji roared in reply as EVA-01 lay prone on the forest, its hands holding the large positron rifle trained at the unsuspecting Angel.

"Affirmative", Rei replied in EVA-00 beside him, crouching with the large shield held at an angle in front of her.

"Power lines connected! All components operating at optimal condition!", Maya reported. Gendo and Fuyutsuki observed the operations from a raised platform in NERV's headquarters, surrounded by anonymous bridge bunnies.

"Do you think this will work?", Fuyutsuki asked. Gendo shrugged. "…You don't really give a damn, do you?", Fuyutsuki asked again.

"After what he did to me? Hell no…", Gendo replied without once looking at Fuyutsuki. That damned bike Shinji asked for had cost a fortune, and thanks to Shinji's vocal display, Gendo was in a state of semi-deafness. It's a good thing they managed to rectify that before Gendo decided to start with the public executions.

"Power connections and ballistics check complete! Power concentration at maximum! Ready to fire!", Shigeru reported from his console.

"Deactivate safety! EVA-01! Start target acquisition!", Misato shouted.

"Beginning target acquisition!", Shinji roared in reply as EVA-01 loaded the chamber and a targeting module crept over his eyes. He could see the triangle and circle markers slowly gather to the center of the screen. When these 2 completely overlap each other, Shinji would fire.

"Captain! The Angel is starting up its reactor!", Maya reported. Misato did not reply.

'Shit! It found us!', she thought. 'No worries. We just need to shoot first!", she continued.

"Target acquired. FIRE!", Shinji roared and lets loose with a blue bolt of energy.

The Angel had finished charging by now and had fired its own blast of pink energy.

The bolts flew at each other and appeared to be in a collision course with each other. Just before they collided, however, the bolts twisted and managed to avoid each other. They continued on their respective courses and crashed into the ground close to their intended targets.

Shinji closed his right eye as the Angel's bolt blew up the ground to his right. The blast also took out the windows of the command truck, causing the crew inside to scream and reel back in panic.

"DAMMIT! I MISSED!", Shinji roared in EVA-01.

"The angel has breached through to Geofront!", Maya reported.

"Shinji! Prepare your second shot! Hurry!", Misato shouted at Shinji on one of the surviving screens.

"YES, CAPTAIN!", Shinji roared in affirmative and pulled back the cocking lever. It won't budge past a few inches, however. "What the!", Shinji gasped and tried to unload the bullet again. The lever does not move.

"Captain! The positron rifle has jammed!", Shigeru reported and turned to look at her. Misato and Ritsuko turned to look at Shinji's desperate face as he continued to try preparing for the next shot.

"SHINJI! Get out of there!", Misato shouted as she saw the Angel's energy readings spike up again.

Shinji could only look towards the angel as it fired another beam. He closed his eyes and turned his left shoulder outward to take the full impact of the shot. It never came, however. He tentatively opened one eye and saw a blue figure in the middle of a blinding pink background.

"Ayanami!", he gasped when he realized that EVA-00 had raised its shield in front if him and taken the full brunt of the bolt. "CAPTAIN MISATO!", Misato roared into the screen showing the ground crew. Misato turned to look at him from within the screen. "WHAT DO I DO NOW!", he asked. The latter could only look at him with a lost expression. "DAMN!", Shinji turned back to look at EVA-00's back and closed his eyes as he tried to concentrate.

Just then, the shield melted and the blast hit EVA-00's chest head-on.

"AYANAMI!", he roared. EVA-01 ditched the rifle and stood up to support EVA-00's body, which was slowly being pushed backwards.

"The shield melted!", Misato said in disbelief and pushed forward to get a better look.

"Damn! The Angel's positron beam must be more potent than we thought!", Ritsuko responded as she too pushed forward.

'I need to do something!', Shinji thought.

'But WHAT!'

'_Trust your heart'_

'What?', Shinji thought to himself as his uncle's words suddenly burst into his head. Words he had heard long ago.

'_When in doubt, always believe in your heart, for your heart is a true one and shall lead you to where you need to go and what you need to do'_

"…I understand, uncle Tatsuya!", Shinji said to himself and opened his eyes, a new determination burning within their blue orbs.

EVA-01 grabbed EVA-00 by the shoulders and quickly pushed it away from the incoming beam. The latter fell to the ground as the former formed a half circle by spreading its bent arms and legs outwards. The beam continued pushing, but was stopped a few inches from EVA-01's chest. The pink beam was pushed to the sides and gathered in a circle in front of EVA-01.

"What…the…", Misato said slowly in genuine surprise. She turned her head towards Ritsuko.

"It's…an AT field…but…this is far more complex than anything I have seen!", Ritsuko said, her eyes fixated on the battling EVA.

"…Counter…", Shinji exhaled slowly as the angel's beam stream finally ended and were gathered in front of Shinji in a large blue ball.

"Captain! EVA-01 has started to gather energy!", Maya reported loudly.

"We can tell…", Misato said on autopilot as she watched EVA-01's crystals activate and started glowing.

"SHINE!", Shinji roared and EVA-01 brought both palms together in front of its chest, compressing the beam into a brightly shining ball held in its hands.

As it glows, blue trails of energy began to leak out of the crystals and flowed onto the pink ball, combining with it to form an even brighter pale blue ball of light.

"Captain! The Angel is ready to fire!", Shigeru shouted.

"Already! Shinji! Whatever you intend to do, do it QUICK!", Misato shouted at Shinji's image in the monitor.

He looked calm, his eyes literally burning with confidence and determination.

"BUSTEEEERRRRRR!", Shinji roared and placed both palms vertically across each other and let loose a rough blue bolt of light the same time the Angel fired its positron beam.

The force of the shockwave from the bolt's release blew EVA-01's red scarf backwards and created a big gust that could be felt within the command truck.

Shinji's bolt traveled faster than the Angel's and completely engulfed it.

It headed with unerring accuracy towards the crystalline angel and hit it at one of the sharp points.

The bolt shattered the angel's crystal exterior upon impact and hit the core, which exploded violently, shattering the angel into millions of glass-like fragments.

"YES!", Misato yelled in victory and did the 'yes!' pose…you know which one…

"AYANAMI!", Shinji shouted inside EVA-01 as it quickly proceeded to open EVA-00's back and pull out the plug as soon as Shinji was sure the angel was defeated.

He quickly got out of his plug and bounded down EVA-01's back towards Rei's entry plug, which was clenched loosely in EVA-01's fist.

"Rrrgghhh….!", he hissed in pain as he placed his gloved hands on the hot plug's emergency hatch handle. He turned it quickly several times and braced himself as the pressure from within caused it to blow outwards. He quickly threw the hatch aside and leapt into the plug.

"Ayanami!", he said loudly as he saw the unconscious pilot in her seat. He quickly approached and held one of her shoulders. Her eyes slowly fluttered open and focused on Shinji's silhouette.

"…Pilot…Ikari?", She said softly and opened her eyes fully in confusion and surprise. Shinji stared at her for a moment and let out the breath he had been holding.

"I'm glad you're alive…", he said as his shoulders relaxed and a smile formed on his face. Rei looked on in bewilderment as a tear fell from his left eye.

"Why are you sad?", she asked softly. Shinji looked at her in confusion.

"…I'm not sad", he replied.

"Then why do you cry?", she asked again.

"Because I am happy", he said.

"You also cry when you are happy?", she asked. Shinji just nods. "…Should I cry too, then?", she asked again.

"Why would you want to do that?", he asked back. She turned to look into his eyes.

"Because I feel happy", she replied. Shinji's eyes widened in slight amusement.

"If that is the case, then you should smile", he said. She did not reply and continued to look into his eyes. "…Can you stand?", he asked as he offered his right hand. She took it and started to rise, her gaze on the floor of the plug.

Then, she looked up into his eyes again.

She smiled. A beautiful, gentle, and pure smile.

Shinji could feel his cheeks getting hotter as he stared at her face in amazement.

"Is there something wrong?", she asked when he continued staring.

"N, n, nothing!", he said nervously and quickly carried her on his back, her thighs encircled by his arms and her arms around his neck. "By the way, Ayanami", Shinji said as they walked through the forest to a small spot of light they saw in front of them.

"…Yes?", she replied softly.

"You might want to stop saying goodbye right before a battle", he said.

"Why?", she asked.

"You're going to make people around you sad if you imply you're not coming back like that", he replied. She did not say anything as she tried to see read his expression.

"You may think that there is nothing for you here besides piloting, but trust me!" Shinji said optimistically and turned to look into her face. His eyes were alive with fiery passion and he was giving her a confident half smile.

"As long as you continue to live, you _will _find something that you can truly enjoy doing! Trust me! I know!", Shinji continued optimistically as they got closer to the lights.

"It may take a long time", he said as the lights got closer and were revealed to be the search and rescue party.

"But you WILL find it!", he continued as Misato ran towards them with a flashlight in her hand, looking very happy and worried at the same time.

"I promise!"

--------

End Chapter 3

--------

Gah…that took a lot longer than I thought…

Coming up, Filler Number 1!

Fear the Writer's Block!


	4. Filler 1: Day off

**Extra Chapter: Filler number 1**

**Day Off**

**A/N:** Well, here it is, just as I promised, to tide you over until I'm done butchering chapter 4.

This chapter will attempt to (emphasis on attempt) put back the funny that seemed to be missing during the second half of the last chapter…or was it the last third?

Speaking of which, did anyone catch the cameos in the previous chapter?

---------

It was a bright Sunday afternoon. The sun shines high in the sky as white clouds swam around it. Birds of many species roam the sky, enjoying their freedom. It is a good day to be out in the sun and frolic with nature.

Yeah, well, for the hippies in us, anyway.

Since there are no hippies in this story, let us focus on an underground facility owned by the defense force known as NERV, just three letters away from the reaction people usually get when one of their dudes in black approach you.

That said, I ask that you turn your attention towards a certain blue haired 14 years old girl who was currently putting on her clothes in the examination room of one doctor/professor/mad scientist.

Pick one.

"I take it that there is nothing wrong with me, doctor?", Rei asked the doctor in her dull, yet somehow attractive, monotone as she slipped her shirt's collar over her head. She's dressed in her usual school uniform (what else?).

"None at all, Rei. There are no serious wounds from your last battle. You were just exhausted from the pain you felt in the EVA. You can go home now", Ritsuko answered while jotting down the latest results of Rei's medical tests.

"Home?", Rei asked.

"Yes…is there something wrong?", Ritsuko asked, looking up from her clipboard as she said the last part. Rei shook her head.

"This is the first time I am dismissed at this hour. Is there something I should be doing at my residence?", she asked in reply. Ritsuko realized that her words were true.

Rei usually don't come back home until at least 8 in the evening on any given day, at which point she just sleep for the next 9-11 hours. Today was a Sunday, and it was only 10 in the morning.

"…Uh…honestly…I have no idea…why don't you go to Misato's and see if she's got something you can do", Ritsuko replied. Rei nodded and went out the door. Ritsuko sighed once she was out of the room. "Like I'd know what to do on a lazy sun…day…after…noon…", she said.

It was not ten seconds later that she started banging her head on her desk.

From her mumblings, we can string together her thought at the time, which goes something like: Ishouldhavkepthatgodamngirlhereforcompanyinsteadofhercloneshelatleastshecantalk. Forgive the lack of spacing…and coherence. Thought translators are notorious for spelling errors, and thoughts are, by their very nature, not easy to read.

-------- (Hell, that was quick…)

Shinji punched the freestanding sandbag in front of him. It was red in color, made of tough canvas and filled with silicone that has been treated to feel as close to human flesh as possible. The bag stood on a concrete base encased in metal. The pole was also made of metal which vibrated every time Shinji threw a punch or kick. The bag also produced a very loud _bam_ every time it was hit by Shinji, drowning out most other sounds, like the sound of a doorbell.

That was the reason he did not open the front door of the apartment the whole 30 minutes the bell was ringing.

"I'm coming (not an innuendo)!", Shinji said loudly as he bound over the mess in the living room to reach the front door, his long scarf and ponytail flying behind him. He quickly unlocked the door and opened it. "…Ayanami?", he said to no one in particular when he saw the crimson eyed girl.

"Is the captain here?", Rei asked.

"Of course. She is not available at the moment, however", Shinji said with a small smile.

"Why is she not available?", she asked again.

"Alcoholic intoxication", Shinji replied shortly and looked over his shoulder at Misato sleeping on the couch in front of the TV, wearing nothing but her lacy black lingerie. Well, half-wearing, actually. I would say what can be seen exactly, but that would change the rating of this story to…what the hell am I saying? Anyway, back to fiction.

"…I see…", Rei said. Her face shows no emotion, but Shinji had learned to look straight into her eyes to see what exactly she feels. Right now, he saw a slight sense of disappointment.

"…Why don't you come in? I'll see if I can wake her up", Shinji said and opened the door fully. Rei nodded and stepped in. She decided against going in further than the shoe rack due to the large piles of…stuff on the floor.

Meanwhile, Shinji leaps over the stuff on the floor to a small, clean spot right next to the snoring Misato.

"Captain! Wake up! Ayanami is here!", he said as he shook her shoulder.

"Hmahhmnnnnglxptzzzzz…", Misato grumbled and removed his hand, then went back to sleep.

"Captain", Shinji called out.

No response.

"Captain!", Shinji called out again in a louder voice.

No response.

"Um…captain…", he called out for the third time.

Still no response.

Shinji sighed and slowly took in a deep breath. By the shoe rack, Rei stuck her index fingers into her ears.

"**CAPTAIN MISATO!**", Shinji roared. The exact decibel of this one was not known, but it created a mini-earthquake in the vicinity of the apartment.

"Wh…mh…what is it…uh…Shinji…?", Misato asked in a confused tone as she picked herself up from the floor. She was suffering a minor concussion from sonic waves, which does not help the hangover she got from last night.

How many cans was it again?

She stopped counting after 65.

"Ayanami is here, captain", Shinji replied, gesturing with his head to the blue haired girl covering her ears.

"Oh...okay…uh…what is she doing here?", Misato asked and put on a tank top and a pair of jean shorts which she pulled out from the mess of things under the couch.

"I have been sent here by professor Ritsuko", Rei said from the shoe rack, not moving an inch until Shinji cleared a path for her through the sea of…stuff, with a shovel.

"Ritsy? Why would she send you to my place?", Misato asked as she plopped down on the couch. Rei had made her way through the path Shinji made and stood in front of her.

"Professor Akagi said you might have something for me to do", Rei replied. Misato looked puzzled. She wondered why Ritsuko had not kept Rei back with her in the lab. She _has_ wanted a colleague to talk with on Sundays, after all.

In her lab, Ritsuko Akagi sneezed.

"Ah, I see. This is your first holiday in a long time, isn't it?", Misato said and went for a bottle of beer on the table in front of the couch. Rei nodded as the former drained half of the can in one gulp. Rei nodded. Shinji, meanwhile, had resumed his sandbag routine, sending loud booms throughout the apartment. "Well…in that case…", Misato said and drained the entire can with another gulp. "Why don't you walk around with Shinji for a while?", she said and grabbed another can, emptying it in less than one minute.

"…Is that your order?", Rei asked while Misato drained 15 more cans of beer in the space of 13 minutes.

"Yeah…shhurrre…go get Shinji and go out! Have fun!", the latter slurred. The alcohol she had last night had accelerated her descent into stupor, and the shirt came off.

Rei nodded and used the shovel Shinji left beside the couch to clear a path through the mess as she headed towards the room where the loud booms came from.

"Pilot Ikari?", she called as she went inside the room and saw Shinji delivering a right front snap kick towards the sandbag's upper portion. He was dressed only in a pair of tough white gi pants, a black belt holding it in place at his waist. His back was towards her as his foot slammed into the sandbag with another loud boom.

"Yes, Ayanami?", he asked as he turned his head towards her, right foot still stuck on the sandbag. Rei did not reply immediately. She was too busy counting the small nicks and scars on his well-toned bare torso. "…Ayanami?", Shinji repeated when she stayed silent for more than 5 minutes. Her eyes registered a slight shock that was not present anywhere else in her face.

"…The captain has ordered me to get you to take me for a walk", she replied calmly. Shinji slowly lowered his foot.

"…She did?", he asked. She nodded in response.

"…Was she drunk?", he asked again. She nodded a second time.

"Again? Already?", he asked, knowing the answer before Rei nodded for the third time.

Shinji sighed and straightened up.

"Well, let me dress up a little then", Shinji said and walked over to a closet on one side of the room. He was about to take off his pants when he noticed Rei, who was still standing in his doorway. "Um…Ayanami?", he said.

"Yes, pilot Ikari?", she replied.

"Why are you watching me change my attire?", he asked.

"Why not? I have already seen all of your body, and you have already seen all of mine", she replied, loudly enough for Misato to hear.

"WHAT'S THAT! YOU TWO SAW EACH OTHER NAKED! W000T! You go, SHINJI!", she exclaimed loudly as she chugged down the 19th can. Rei quietly glanced over to where the captain was hollering. Shinji took this chance to quickly take off his pants and put on his outfit, hoping against hope that Misato will not remember any of this when she sobers up

. When Rei turned back to him, he was dressed in a pair of black jeans, a plain white shirt, and a black leather jacket with its collar turned up to cover the sides of his neck up to halfway up his cheek. Of course, this Shinji won't be complete without a long red scarf hanging down his back.

"Right, then. Shall we go?", Shinji said and quickly led Rei out of the room. They had not gotten halfway through the living room before they were stopped by a drunk Misato, who stood groggily in front of them, blocking their path to the front door.

"Oh, helr nho…you ARE not gooooing out like zat, grrll", she slurred and grabbed Rei's wrist. She proceeded to walk/stumble/crawl into her room with Rei in tow. Shinji could only flinch and wish Rei luck. There is no telling what the captain will do when she gets drunk.

She tried doing a strip dance the last time she did that, which was just yesterday. Shinji was saved from massive nasal blood loss because she could not find her own goddamn feet, not to mention her bra straps. He sat on the couch, inwardly praying for his copilot's safety.

"Ta-hic-DAH-BURP!", Misato announced loudly as she stepped out of her room with Rei in tow. Shinji's eyes widened when he saw the latter.

Misato had been playing dress-up with Rei as her doll, and the latter stepped out in a very short blue jean skirt, a white tube top which was almost short enough to be a bra (almost), and a blue jacket with design and patterns that look surprisingly similar to the one Misato usually wore, only sea blue in color.

"Whaddaya think, Shiiin-hic-jiii…?", she asked.

"Uh…", Shinji said softly.

"Welllll?", she asked again.

"…uh…", he continued.

"…"

"…uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…"

"Aaahh…forget it…juz' take her downtown, will ya?", Misato finally said after Shinji's 5 minute recital of the word 'uh'.

"Okay…", Shinji said in a daze as Rei led them out of the flat.

"…Is there something wrong with my clothes, pilot Ikari?", Rei asked without looking at Shinji while they were in the elevator, going down to get Shinji's bike.

"What? Your clothes? Um, no, no, you look perfectly fine! Yeah, great, really great…", Shinji answered nervously, trying to focus on anything but her cleavage, which was not easy given how readily visible it is. Plus, it's a small elevator.

"Why are you blushing, then?", she asked, turning to look at him.

"Uh…", Shinji began. His mind was currently trying to look for the best possible reason to give without making him feel embarrassed. He was spared the effort when the elevator doors opened a few seconds later. "Oh, look! We're here!", Shinji said in a high pitched voice and quickly walked out of the elevator, followed by Rei.

They walked up to a large black bike parked near a red Renault and Shinji quickly hopped onto the front seat and turned on the engine. Rei quickly got on behind him and wrapped her arms loosely against Shinji's waist. She was not touching any strange places, so Shinji did not react.

"So, where shall we go?", Shinji asked.

"I remember the captain saying something about going downtown", Rei answered flatly.

"Ah, yes. A good idea. I have never been in the entertainment districts", he said and revved up the engine. The bike slowly made its way out of the apartment block.

"…Pilot Ikari?", Rei called once they were cruising along the highway that would lead to the center of Tokyo 3.

"Yes, Ayanami?", Shinji answered calmly, his scarf and ponytail trailing backwards behind him.

"Why are we moving slowly?", she asked.

"…Is there a problem with it?", he asked back, eyes never straying off the road.

"I was merely curious why Combat Rusher has not exceeded 100 mph yet", she replied. Shinji chuckled lightly when he heard her answer.

"Well, we are not in a hurry today, so I thought it'd be more relaxing to move at a more normal pace", he answered.

"…I see", she said.

"By the way, Ayanami?", he called out.

"Yes, pilot Ikari?", she asked.

"We're off duty, so don't be so formal. You can call me Ikari, or Shinji, whichever you prefer", he said.

"…I understand…Ikari", she replied and tightened her grip around his waist slightly.

--------

"Fuyutsuki", Gendo called out from the large black table in his office. The called looked at him from a corner of the room. Let it be known that Fuyutsuki does not have a desk of his own. He can always be found standing by Gendo's side.

Yes.

He has mastered the ancient art of evil sidekicks, which includes standing for god knows how long in one spot without moving. Anyway, back to the story.

"What is Rei's status?", Gendo asked.

"The first child? It appears that she has gone out on a date with the third child", Fuyutsuki answered.

There was a sound of a chair and a person in said chair tumbling, followed by a thud to indicate said objects had fallen to the floor, and ended with Gendo poking his head out from under his desk.

"She WHAT!", Gendo shouted. The volume was nowhere near Shinji's level, but it was loud enough to tell where the genes came from.

"You heard me. Well, that's what captain Katsuragi said, anyway", Fuyutsuki answered. Gendo stopped seething and regarded Fuyutsuki suspiciously.

"…Was she drunk?", the latter asked.

"She was slurring…I guess that'd be the case", the former replied.

"…Well, there's nothing to worry about, then…", Gendo said as he returned to his 'badass' sitting pose.

"Yes. We have satellites watching the progress of their date. That way, we can make sure things will go smoothly", Fuyutsuki answered.

Insert previous sound effect here.

"WHAT! GET ME THE NIB!", Gendo shouted. NIB stands for NERV In Black, in case you're wondering. They were going to use MIB, which stands for Mother!$ers In Black, but they couldn't afford to get sued by…whoever filmed MIB.

--------

"Well, where should we go now?", Shinji asked Rei as they cruised slowly along the downtown streets on Combat Rusher.

"…I do not know. The captain has not given me any further instructions", she answered while scanning the commercial buildings around them.

"…I don't think there are supposed to be instructions. She told us to have fun, after all", he said. She turned to look at the back of his head with a questioning eye.

"What does having fun mean?", she asked. Shinji turned his head and looked at her in surprise over his left shoulder.

"You don't know what having fun means?", he asked back. She shook her head. He sighed. "That's when…", he began, but could not quite find the words to describe it. After a few minutes of 'ah…'s, 'umm…'s, and 'er…'s, he pulled over and parked the bike.

"Why have we stopped?", Rei asked as she and Shinji got off.

"I could not find any words to describe having fun, so I'll just show you", he replied and led them towards a 5-storey mall to their left. Behind them, several pairs of eyes behind sunglasses and several inches of leaves watched silently. These eyes followed the pair in the form of traveling bushes.

Back at NERV, Gendo watched their progress and made a mental note to get the NIBs camouflage training that does not involve Looney Tunes.

Meanwhile, Shinji and Rei went up to the second floor of the mall and walked into an arcade. Rei scanned her surroundings as Shinji bought them a pair of magnetic cards worth 10000 yen each.

"Ikari?", she asked as she stared at the card Shinji just gave her.

"Yes?", he answered as he looked for an available console.

"What am I supposed to do with this?", she asked.

"You put it in the slot like this", he replied and showed her how to insert the card into a card reader for a shooting game console titled Area 51 version 15.9 -with 120 percent more naked women! Of course, the intelligent ones know that since there is 0 naked women in Area 51, the sum total adds up to nil.

"…What do I do now?", Rei asked. Shinji pulled out the gun controller and handed it to her.

"Now we shoot!", he said and snapped into action, his right hand pointing the plastic gun sideways towards the screen. Rei followed his movements, holding the gun in front of her with both hands.

Both shot at the same time, hitting the same virtual enemy twice. The next one popped up, and they shot together, again, hitting the enemy at the same time, again.

They passed through stage one, two, three, and four easily, and their near perfect synchronization in shooting had drawn the people around them. It started out small enough, with 2 to 3 people, before the ripple effect began. After an hour, the whole arcade was watching as the duo plowed through every stage in all the co-op games easily.

In another half hour, they were kicked out by the management for being 'disruptive'. As in, they were racking up so much exchange points that the arcade was actually running out of stuff to give to them. They had to actually use a lorry to drag the whole thing out. Here's a tentative list:

40 pink elephants

20 skeleton mugs

13 'Arcade Geek' sweaters

10 pairs of 'Arcade Champion' gloves

100 key chains of assorted designs

Many, many more stuff that I can't think of, but are definitely there.

"…We were just kicked out of the arcade", Rei stated monotonously.

"…Indeed", Shinji echoed.

"…Was that supposed to define having fun?", she asked without turning to look at him.

"Nope. Let's try something else!", he replied.

"Such as?", she asked.

The rumbling from their stomachs answered that question.

"Right! It's decided then! Let's go and eat something!", Shinji said loudly and led the way on a hunt for food. It took them less than 5 minutes to find a ramen stall thanks to Shinji's sense of smell.

They did not waste any time ordering two bowls of ramen. One beef-chicken-fish-prawn-pork-etc. special for Shinji and one vegetarian special for Rei. He split his disposable chopstick and looked at Rei, who was looking contemplatively at the same disposable chopstick she just picked up.

"Something wrong, Ayanami?", Shinji said as he slurped up some of the ramen in front of him. She glanced at him.

"…What do I do with this?", she asked. Shinji once again gave her an unbelieving look. He took the chopstick from her, split it in two and handed it back to her.

"…", she contemplated while holding the 2 long pieces of wood in the middle of her right palm.

"Ayanami?", Shinji asked before Rei started to watch the way Shinji used his pair of chopsticks and tried unsuccessfully to imitate his hand movements. He gave a soft, amused snort and grabbed her right hand.

"Here", he said as he manipulated her fingers to get it to grip the two pieces of wood to form a pincer.

"This is how you hold it", he said and manipulated her fingers again to make the chopsticks open and close several times. "And that is how you use it", he finished and let her experiment on her own. She turned to look at him straight in the eyes. He returned her look with an innocently questioning one.

"…Thank you, Ikari", she said and smiled, the same slight smile he saw in EVA-00's plug. His face started to turn red.

"Uh…no problem! C, come, let's eat!", he replied nervously and took a bottle of red pepper on instinct. He spread it in his ramen without conscious thought and immediately dug in.

He wondered how the ramen's taste got so strong so quickly.

Meanwhile, our NIB dudes were watching and giving Gendo a minute to minute report. Here is a transcript of said report, from 5 minutes ago.

"And he walks out of the arcade. Looks like he had a good run, John"

"Indeed, Larry. Let's watch a slow motion replay. There. Did you see that right there? He went for the green creature"

"I see it, John. Beautiful double play right there. 2 shots each, all landing at the same time. I'd say they've got good chemistry going on, wouldn't you say, John?"

"I'll say, Larry. Let's follow up on their next activity. Oooh, did you hear that?"

"I sure did, John. It looks like the male is starting to go empty"

"Sure sounds like it, my man. They are heading for the ramen store as we speak"

"I see them, John. The one in blue does not seem to comprehend how to use a chopstick, does she?"

"Most certainly not, Larry. And look, the one in black is showing great companionship here by teaching her how to use a chopstick properly"

"Indeed. Oh, look, he's blushing. Well, back to you, G-man"

---------

"…Sensei…", Gendo called to the middle aged man standing to his right.

"Yes?", Fuyutsuki answered.

"Was John Madden and the crocodile hunter on our list of NIB trainers?", the former asked.

"Yes. I believe they are", Fuyutsuki replied.

"Cross them out", Gendo said shortly, followed by sounds of pen on paper. "And tell our agents to commence operation heartbreak", he continued. Fuyutsuki nodded and pressed a button labeled 'commence operation heartbreck-I mean-heartbreak'.

---------

Meanwhile, Shinji and Rei had finished eating and were currently towing their ridiculous amount of prizes around the mall in an attempt at finding something to do. They had looked into several stores, but the only things they bought were bathroom supplies and grocery. Rei had not spoken a word since they finished lunch, and Shinji has no conversational ideas in his head at the moment (Much like the author most of the time).

"Hey, you two!", a harsh voice called out to the pair as they exit the supermarket. Both turned towards an old woman sitting in front of a pillar. She was wearing a _lot_ of clothing, so much so that only her eyes were visible behind a pair of black sunshades.

"...Us?", Shinji asked, pointing back and forth between himself and Rei.

"Of course! Who else? Come here!", the woman barked and motioned with her right hand for the 2 of them to come closer. Shinji looked at Rei. Her eyes show that she does not care one way or the other. He shrugged and they approached the woman together.

"How can we help you?", he asked once they were standing right in front of the table in front of the woman. She wagged her index finger.

"It is not how you can help me, boy. It is how I can help you", she said hoarsely from behind the layers of fabric on her face. Shinji frowned.

"…I'm sorry. I don't really understand-", he began, and was immediately cut off.

"Don't be so shy, boy! You're here for a love reading, aren't you!", the woman shouted. Shinji's face turned beet red.

"What! Love reading!", he shouted in defiance. Rei remained impassive, mostly because she had no idea what they were talking about.

"Of course! Why else would you approach my table?", the woman replied.

"You called us here!", Shinji said.

"Oh, yeah…Well! Anyway! No one comes here without getting a reading, so give me your palms!", the woman said and roughly pulled Shinji and Rei's palms. She began to inspect them and let go in less than 10 seconds. She sighed.

"…Is there something wrong?", Rei asked. The woman sighed again.

"Ah…", she sighed.

"…Ma'am?", Shinji called out with a hint of concern in his voice.

"…Ah…the tragedy! The tragedy!", she wailed. Shinji stared at her. "Such great irony! I read your hands for free only to discover a tragedy!", she continued to wail.

"…Uh…", Shinji said, not sure what to say.

"Listen, Boy! You! Must! Not! Pursue! This! Relation! Ship!", she exclaimed with a different bodily gesture after each exclamation mark.

"…What?", Shinji asked, his expression clearly confused.

"You heard me, boy! You must not date her! Or the universe is doomed!", she replied.

"But…", Shinji began, only to be interrupted once again.

"Doomed!"

"But, I-"

"DOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED!"

"Listen, we-"

"DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMEEEEEEDDDDDDDD……………………..!"

"…We're not dating", Shinji managed to finally say.

"DOOO-you're not?", she asked.

"I don't think so", he replied. "Besides, I don't believe in predetermined fate", he continued.

"…You don't?", she asked.

"Of course not!", Shinji roared. "With these 2 hands –clenches both fists and held them in front of chest, palm up-, and my burning spirit –places right fist over heart- there is nothing that I can't possibly accomplish! –looks and points with right index finger towards an invisible horizon, scarf fluttering behind him-"

"Oh. Ok then. Be on your way, then", she said and dismissed them with a flick of the hand.

--------

"And that concludes agent Ninny's report", Fuyutsuki finished. Gendo was speechless.

"…That's it?", he asked.

Fuyutsuki nodded.

"She spent an entire hour orchestrating her act just for that!", he asked again, rage clearly showing its horns in his voice.

Another nod from the oh so brave Fuyutsuki and Gendo screamed. A lot of people actually mistook this scream to be Shinji's in account for its sheer volume.

"…Shall we initiate –camera zooms in on eyes as he raised one eyebrow- plan B?", Fuyutsuki asked. Gendo collected himself and stood up.

"…Yes…Initiate –camera zooms in on eyes as he raises one eyebrow- plan B…", he said.

"Very well then. I shall make preparations for –camera zooms in on eyes as he raises one eyebrow- plan B…", Fuyutsuki answered and walked out of the room.

"…Have we sunk so low as to rip off another author's gimmick…badly?", Gendo asked to no one in particular. Unbeknownst to him, this question would evoke the author's wrath and activate the penultimate being's automated 'no common sense' reaction, which was to drop a frying pan right on his head, rendering him unconscious for the next 15 minutes, and giving him enough shock to make him forget all about the past 15 minutes.

---------

"So, is there anything else you need to get, Ayanami?", Shinji asked as he and Rei exit the mall and head for Combat rusher, a bag in each of their hands. The prizes they got from the arcade had been given away to a couple of kids who were regulars at the arcade but had never won a thing.

"No. I believe we can return to our respective residences now", Rei replied.

"Very well then", Shinji said as they got closer to the bike.

They had not taken 10 more steps before Shinji noticed that a group of people had surrounded them, and were closing in. Rei had noticed this too and Shinji motioned with his eyes for her to follow him to the bike, where they put all their stuff in a compartment under their seats. With that done, Shinji slowly turned around to face the people approaching them.

"You Shinji Ikari?", one of them, a punk wielding a metal bat, asked him.

"Indeed I am. Is there something wrong?", he replied. The punk sniggered.

"Nothing. We're just gonna beat you up 's all. Ya got 100000 yen on yer head, see?", he drawled.

'I do?', Shinji thought shortly before the punk rushed forward with his bat raised high above his head. Shinji's eyes registered this and quickly burned with his battle spirit.

There was a loud smack as the punk's head was jerked upwards, his lower lip slamming into his upper one, as he was thrown backwards by Shinji's nearly invisible front snap kick. The other aggressors watched, stunned, as the punk was thrown several feet upwards and backwards, landing in a heap with a loud crash. They turned their attention towards Shinji.

2 of them charged forward with knives in hand. Shinji quickly disarmed them with quick knife hand chops to the wrists and delivered a spinning back right roundhouse kick which caught one of them in the cheek and threw him against the other, causing them to land in a twisted heap.

"COME ON!", Shinji roared, causing the rest of the punks to flinch before they rushed towards him. Shinji rushed forward and met them with a barrage of spin kicks and punches. He was unaware that one of them, a large, burly punk, had separated from the group and approached Rei. He only took notice of it when he heard the large punk shout through the din of his battle.

"Hey, KID!", the punk roared. Shinji turned to look at the punk while delivering a spinning back fist at the last punk in the group. His eyes widened when he saw Rei being held in a rear choke by the burly man.

"AYANAMI!", Shinji called out and rushed towards her.

"Stop right there!", the man shouted as he tightened his grip on her neck, causing her to wince in pain. Shinji skidded to a halt a few feet away. "Now, you come here and play nice or I'll crush her neck", the punk said. Shinji looked desperately back and forth from the man and Ayanami's face. It was then that he saw her eyes.

They weren't the eyes of a scared girl.

They were asking him how to beat the enemy.

He nodded.

"Ayanami! Crush his foot!", he shouted. She did exactly that, lifting both legs up and bringing them down on the punk's left foot. The punk howled in pain and lowered his body in response.

"Now! Squat!", he ordered again. She followed, pulling the man further down, causing him to lose his center of balance.

"Now pull!", Shinji roared and rushed forward the moment Rei pulled the man's arm forwards and downwards, flipping him over onto his back with a loud thump. He did not waste any time to stand back up and was about to successfully grab Rei again when a black and white blur appeared in front of him. His eyes widened as he saw Shinji's furious eyes burning into his own.

"BURNING FISTS!", Shinji roared as he countless punches towards the punk, landing hits everywhere on his upper torso.

"OOOORYAAA!", Shinji roared a final time as he drove one last haymaker into the punk's stomach, shooting him back at least 10 meters before he hit the ground and rolled to a stop. Shinji straightened up and exhaled a long breath before looking at Rei.

"Are you all right?", he asked as he approached her and checked her neck for any injuries.

"I am fine, Ikari", she replied. He sighed in relief when he found no damage.

"Well, let us go home, then", he said. She nodded in reply and was about to get on combat rusher when her eyes wandered to a clothing store and stopped there.

"Please wait here, Ikari", she said and ran off quickly towards the store, leaving a confused Shinji behind.

She was back in less than 5 minutes with a small white paper bag in her right hand.

"What is it?", Shinji asked the panting Rei as she took out a kite-shaped piece of sea blue cloth. It has a slight sheen to it, which was accentuated by the setting sun.

"…Can you help me put this scarf on?", she requested. Shinji shrugged, not really understanding why she suddenly wanted to wear a scarf.

"Sure. Turn around", he said. She did as he said and he folded the cloth into an elongated triangle, which he proceeded to encircle around her neck and secure with a simple knot behind her neck. "There. Done", he said and got on the bike.

"Thank you", she said, following suit.

"No problem", he replied, a very light blush returning to his cheeks.

---------

"…So…plan B failed", Gendo said ominously from his desk.

"Pretty much, but we have confirmed that the 2 are not actually dating", Fuyutsuki answered. Gendo was silent as he pondered this.

"Very well, then. We'll return to normal operations tomorrow", he said. Fuyutsuki just nodded. All's right in the world for him. Things are back to the status quo other than a change here or there, which is how fillers are supposed to end.

---------

In her apartment, Rei looked out her bedroom window, looking at a boy in black jacket wearing a scarf tear off on a black bike.

A scarf encircled her neck, and she smiled for the last time that day.

--------

End Filler number 1.

I know. That last scene is missing a few sentences. Hell, maybe a paragraph, even.

But hey. It's filler.

Well, see you in the real next chapter.


	5. The Red Devil Comes

**Chapter 4: The Red Devil Comes**

**GO! DOUBLE TEN CHI OTOSHI KAI!**

A/N: Well, here it is, all chopped up and grilled to perfection…maybe…I dunno…it kinda looks like something Misato cooked up.

As for that price on Shinji's head…well…as with any filler, that may not make much of an impact in the storyline.

But, hey, keep reading.

I might just change my mind.

Or not.

Evil Grin

In any case, sorry this took so long to write.

---------

"So, what do you think, Shinji?", Misato asked. She, Shinji, Rei, and Ritsuko were gathered in NERV's briefing room. They had been watching a recording of a naval battle between an Angel and EVA-02, accompanied by the UN naval fleet. The EVA had jumped from ship to ship as the angel destroyed them and cut the Angel in the middle with a progressive knife when it leapt out of the water to attack the EVA directly. A few direct hits from the ship cannons finished it off.

"She is a good pilot", Shinji said, his arms crossed in front of him and his red scarf hanging down his back. "Her reflexes are good, and her tactical decisions are also impressive", he continued and turned to look to his left. "Don't you think so, Ayanami?", he asked the blue haired girl standing to his left and slightly behind. She nodded silently.

"She finished the battle in 36 seconds. We can't discount the fact that she got help from the UN fleet, but you saw how little that really mattered in the end", Ritsuko said as she sipped her latest brew, Super Ultra Special Cappuccino, with 10 times the caffeine of any of her previous brews.

Her usual brews can turn the laziest sloth into the next Carl Lewis.

You do the math.

"Indeed. She is far more agile than we previously thought", Misato said and looked at Shinji. "Her synch rate is not as good as yours at the present, but you could be getting a rival, Shinji", she continued. Shinji grinned and his eyebrows raised themselves slightly.

"Perhaps so. Where is she now?", Shinji asked, a little excitement apparent in his voice.

"Asuka's resting in the hotel. EVA-02's being serviced in hangar no.5", Ritsuko answered and took another sip from her mug. "I can't figure out what an angel is doing in Yokosuka gulf, however", she wondered.

"Perhaps it's after EVA-02 which was in transit at the moment", Misato answered.

"Hmmm…makes sense", Ritsuko replied and took another sip.

"What kind of person is miss Asuka?", Shinji asked. Misato grinned and looked at Shinji in 'that' way.

"Oh…you're interested, huh? What? Is Rei not enough for you?", she drawled. Shinji, being _our_ Shinji, did not really get it.

"I just wanted to know what my next comrade will be like, and what were you saying about Rei?", he replied. Misato sighed and smacked her forehead with her right palm.

"…You're no fun…", she said softly.

"Well, ignoring the thing about Rei, I can tell you that she is highly intelligent", Ritsuko said and sipped her brew. "She graduated from a famous German university at the age of 14", she finished. Shinji whistled.

"Hmm… A good pilot_ and_ a genius. Can't wait to meet her. Right, Rei?", Shinji said and turned his head towards Rei, who gave a small shrug.

"Yeah, me too. I can't wait to finally meet a pilot who behaves like a normal 14 year old child", Misato said.

"What do you mean by that?", Shinji asked as he turned towards her.

"Oh, nothing, nothing", Misato answered to a slightly confused Shinji. As far as he was concerned, he and Ayanami were biologically and mentally normal.

We all know what that really amounts to, however.

"In any case, you guys can meet her once the paperwork is done. It shouldn't take too long. It will probably be finished by tomorrow", she finished.

"I see", Shinji said and turned to leave the room. "I shall take my leave now if there is nothing else you needed", Shinji said as he and Rei started to walk towards the exit.

"Be sure to come early tomorrow if you want to meet her!", Misato called out cheerfully at the departing pair. Shinji smiled and raised his right hand in an affirmative.

"By the way, Misato…", Ritsuko called out.

"Yeah?", Misato answered and turned to look at her.

"Why was Rei wearing a scarf?", The former asked. The latter did not answer for a moment as she tried to think back to the previous Sunday.

"I don't know. I didn't really take notice of it since it didn't seem too important", Misato answered with a shrug. Ritsuko scrutinized her, trying to see if she was hiding something. Finding nothing, she sighed and sipped her brew.

Rei was silent as they strode down the hallways and boarded the elevator to the surface.

"I had no idea there were other pilots beside us, or that other countries were producing them", Shinji said as he leaned his back against the elevator wall, his hands crossed in front of him. "Do you know about it, Ayanami?", he asked and looked at her.

"Yes", she replied with a small nod.

"You know the new pilot, then?", Shinji asked again. Rei shook her head slightly.

"Not personally", she answered.

"I see…", Shinji nodded when she said nothing further and they continued the rest of the journey in silence.

-------

"Good bye, Ikari", Rei said as she headed towards the exit of their school building.

"Oh, you are going now?", Shinji asked and got a nod in reply.

"I shall meet you in headquarters", she said and turned away.

Shinji waved lightly to her departing back and turned around to get his stuff from his locker. He was met with the glares of 2 boys he had become very, very accustomed to over the past few weeks…wait…that didn't come out quite right…maybe I think about sex too much…

"Shiiinjiii…", Toji growled as he glared at the pony-tailed boy in front of him.

"She spoke to him…", Kensuke stated, more in shock than anything else.

"…Can I help you?", the object of their attention asked uncertainly. Toji opened his mouth and was about to say something loudly before Kensuke clamped a hand over his mouth.

"MMMMMMPHHHH! MMMPPHMMM! HHMMPPHHMMPP!", came Toji's muffled protests.

"Would you do us the honor of escorting you home, Shinji?", Kensuke asked in a somewhat ominous tone. Well, as ominous as a geek with glasses can be.

"Sure", Shinji replied with a shrug. "Combat Rusher is being serviced right now, and I gladly welcome any company I can get right now", he finished and walked off towards his locker. Kensuke let go of Toji's lips once Shinji had his back to them.

"What was that for!", Toji asked loudly. Kensuke put his index finger to his lips and shushed.

"Keep it down, will ya! We gotta play nice with him, or he'd just pummel us to death!", Kensuke replied in a hushed tone. Toji looked directly into his eyes. He knows Shinji has the strength to do just that, but would he actually do it? Does that not clash with his whole 'protect the innocent' philosophy and all that?

"Are you guys coming?", Shinji called out as soon as he was done with his locker.

"Oh! Uh…Yeah…yes, just wait for a bit!", Kensuke quickly replied and hurried to get his own stuff, followed by Toji who was still convinced that the whole 'play nice' thing was unnecessary.

The walk home was silent for the most part. Questions about the weather were asked, and stock answer was given. Toji and Kensuke was not sure how to begin their friendly interrogation…well, actually, _I_ don't know how to begin. Let's see if that changes by the next line.

…Nope.

"So, what's the deal with you and Ayanami?", Toji finally asked.

Thank you, buddy.

"What about me and her?", Shinji asked back calmly.

"Don't play dumb with me. She just talked to you, right in front of us", Toji answered.

"What is so strange about that?", Shinji asked.

"Of course it's strange, you idiot! She was never the first one to talk!", Toji replied loudly.

"That's right. Something must have happened between you two", Kensuke added as they walked down the streets that lead to Shinji's house.

"C'mon, man. Spill it. What happened?", Toji asked.

"Nothing. We just went out once to the mall downtown", Shinji answered casually. There were thunks as 2 lower jaws suddenly hit the pavement.

"You WHAT!", Toji shouted and grabbed the front of Shinji's shirt. Shinji did not budge.

"Shinji…I'h couldth noth believe'th thou forsook'th this'd beautifullh accomphanimhent withe thou wommanizing wayz'th…", Kensuke drawled in his best Shakespearian impersonation, which was…not very good…given he rarely, if ever, read Shakespeare.

Incidentally, neither does the author.

"…Kensuke", Toji called out, still grabbing the front of Shinji's shirt.

"Aye, faithful'h one'th?", Kensuke drawled, his hands and posture going into not-quite-ultra-bishonen posing mode.

If you don't know what that is, imagine Romeo declaring his love to Juliet on the balcony.

Got that?

Good.

Now, inject about 1000x more emotion, testosterone, estrogen, and pheromone, mixed with your uncle's smelliest underwear.

Great, now to wrap it up, wipe that puke off your keyboard.

Back to fiction.

"Kensuke, stop that", Toji said, his face going slightly green.

"Whhy dost thou ask'th that'h of'h mhe?", Kensuke asked, still in that weird attitude.

"One, you're giving me goosebumps and an incredibly powerful nausea", Toji said and let go of Shinji's shirt. "Two, this right here", Toji held up his right fist, "will be embedded in your skull permanently if you don't stop", he finished.

"EEP!", Kensuke gasped and quickly looked away from Toji and Shinji. The former turned back to the latter in an effort to continue the 'interview'.

It was then that Kensuke saw it. The most beautiful sight this nerd with glasses has ever seen in his 14 years being a geek. He quickly turned and grabbed Toji by his right shoulder, which got his attention.

"What is it, man?", Toji asked while Kensuke pointed almost spastically at what he saw just seconds ago. Toji looked towards where he was pointing and his jaw promptly hit the floor for the second time today. "Woooooooooooooowwwwwwwwwww……………", he sighed and drool streamed down his lips as he looked at the thing of beauty in front of him. This odd change in behavior got Shinji's attention, and he looked over his friends' shoulders to see a girl, probably about their age, playing with the doll grabber.

"Huh", Shinji said simply, not really getting it.

"Damn, she's hot!", Toji said, looking at the long legs visible beneath a short camisole.

"Totally my type…", Kensuke followed, admiring the red stream of hair running down her back, held in place by what looks suspiciously like the neural connectors of a plug suit to Shinji.

"…Her face looks Japanese", Shinji said as he lightly shoved Kensuke's shoulder out of the way. Both boys turned to look at him hostilely.

"Ikari, here's my once in a lifetime wish", Kensuke said.

"Do not, under any circumstances, put your moves on her", Toji finished for both of them as they started to crouch down to get a look at what lies beneath the skirt of the camisole.

"I wasn't going to do that", Shinji said with a frown and crossed his arms, his red scarf suddenly billowing behind him for no apparent reason…other than to look cool, as usual. The other two weren't listening as they focused on one word: Panties!

'Almost there…almost there…', the 2 boys chanted in their heads as they crouched lower.

"AAAHH!", the girl suddenly screamed shrilly. Toji and Kensuke jumped upright from their crouch. "Scheibe! This stupid machine must be broken!", she yelled and gave the machine a loud kick. Toji and Kensuke's face instantly fell. He slowly turned around while Shinji and Kensuke were glued to the spot thanks to a small dose of shock.

"…How energetic…", Shinji muttered softly.

"…Such a pity that a girl that beautiful should have that kind of temper…", Toji mumbled as he slowly walked away from the scene.

"Aaaahhh! My mistress! Please, command me!", Kensuke squealed, which got Shinji and Toji's attention.

One thought instantly formed in their minds.

Kensuke needs a psychiatrist.

Fast.

His squeal also got the girl's attention, who turned and scowled at them.

"Hold it, you! What were looking at!", she shouted loudly at the three boys.

"Uh…us?", Shinji answered after looking around to make sure she was referring to them.

"Us! Nothing! Nothing at all! Ah ha ha ha ha ha!", Toji answered nervously.

"Oooohh! She is talking to me!", Kensuke squealed once again with hearts in his eyes. Thankfully, this odd reply was overlooked by his friends who were too preoccupied with the girl at present.

She slowly walked towards them and thrust out an open palm once she was close enough.

"100 yen", she said curtly.

"…100 yen?", Toji asked.

"I ran out of coins, so give me 100 yen each. It ain't much", she said as she thrust out her palm further.

"WHAT! What the fuck do we need to give you 100 yen for!", Toji yelled and stepped closer to the girl.

"Ah…so beautiful…", Kensuke said dreamily to no significant effect.

"You were peeking at my panties, weren't you? That's just a small fee!", the girl replied.

"We haven't seen it _yet_! Shit, I mean…we weren't looking at your panties!", Toji replied heatedly. The girl scoffed.

"Dammit…don't tell me you have no money…", she crossed her arms and looked over the boys quickly. "Oh…that's right! You're vagrants, aren't you? That's why you don't even have 100 yen!", she said haughtily. Toji's face turned red and his lips tightened as his shoulders hunched.

"What did you say! BITCH!", he growled.

"Hey, hey, calm down, Toji…", Shinji tried to placate his irate friend, to no great effect.

"Don't think you can run your mouth off just 'coz you're a girl!", Toji yelled and grabbed her left wrist.

"HEY! Don't touch me, monkey face! Let go of my arm!", the girl yelled back and jerked her wrist backwards to free it. She did it, but hit something behind her back.

"OH! NO!", a male voice sounded behind her.

"Ooops. Sorry", the girl said and turned back to look at a large, black man. The console he was playing displayed 'GAME OVER! BEEEYATCH! MWA HA HA HA HA!'.

"SORRY!", the man turned around to look at the little group. His face was strangely reminiscent of Toji's own. Hell, they even had the same shocked expressions a few seconds ago.

Somewhere in the back of his head, Toji wondered if he really _was_ adopted from a place called the Bronx, or maybe Africa, where he had an accident with too much white paint.

"YOU PIPSQUEAK! YOU THINK SORRY'S GONNA DO IT? HUH! YOU KNOW HOW MOTHERFUCKIN' HARD I WAS TO GET TO THE LAST LEVEL! YOU GODAMOTHERFUCKINSONOFABITCHINASHOLESHITHEAD!", the man shouted right into the girl's face.

"Yer breath stinks, ya know? And I have no idea what you just said", the girl said softly under her breath. Good for her…or him.

"Toji! Do something!", Kensuke, who had been forgotten for the past few lines, said and pushed Toji's back to urge him into action.

"What! Why me!", the latter resisted.

"He looks like you, and talks somewhat like you. Maybe you can end this with diplomacy?", Shinji offered, resting his chin on the crook of his left fingers.

"Are you nuts! Does that look like a guy you can talk to!", Toji shouted back in reply.

"YOU SAY YOU'RE SORRY, BITCH! I'LL MAKE YOU REAL SORRY!", the man said and grabbed the girl's chin. Almost instantly, the girl's left foot shot up and connected with his right chin. The blow threw him backwards and he fell hard on the ground.

This latest turn of effects caused Toji and Kensuke's jaws to drop for the third time today. Shinji just widened his eyes slightly, but showed no other discernable signs of shock.

"Son of a….!", the man muttered as he got up from the ground. "Hey, GUYS! Wanna get yer hands on some chick here!", he shouted and groups of people came out of the arcade and the surrounding stores and gangs.

"The hell! You wanna gang up on one, pretty, little, delicate me!", the girl shrieked in surprise as a group of 20 something men slowly encircled her.

"This is a good time to get away, don't you think?", Toji asked his 2 friends.

"Ah…so pretty…", Kensuke said in non-reply.

"…Right. Let's go!", Toji grabbed him by the collar and started to drag him away from the scene. He had not taken 5 steps before Shinji uncrossed his arms and stepped forward.

"Hold it!", he barked to the men encircling the girl. They all stopped and turned to look at Shinji. The latter glanced over the men and suddenly stopped his gaze on one of them. "You. Haven't I seen you somewhere before?", he asked one of the thugs. The thug looked back at him and was silent as he tried to recall this boy with his ridiculously long scarf and upturned collar. It didn't take long.

"YOU!", the thug said. "You're the one who got away from us last Sunday!", he continued. Shinji widened his eyes slightly as he, in turn, tried to recall the thug's face.

"Oh. You. You're one of the thugs I beat up last week!", Shinji replied with a smile. The thug's face turned red from embarrassment as some the other thugs snickered behind him. About half of them had turned the same shade of red as the thug who spoke.

"Quiet, you! I, Deadly Thug number 1, weren't prepared last time! But I've got friends here! Come here, Deadly Thug number 2!", the thug said. A nondescript man wearing tank tops and jeans stepped out. Yes. I am lazy.

"WE SHALL MAKE YOU RUE THE DAY!", Deadly Thug number 2 shouted.

"…Rue the day…?", the girl remarked.

"Oh, please…", Toji added.

Kensuke whimpered another phrase containing the word or synonym of the word beautiful for the 10th time.

"Yes, indeed! We have Deadly Thug number 3, Deadly Thug number 4, 6, 7, all the way through to 30! Ya ain't got a chance, buddy!", Deadly Thug number 1 yelled.

"…There's only 26 of you", Shinji observed. There was a collective flinch from the group of Deadly Thugs 130, minus 4. Deadly Thug number 1 scratched his head sheepishly.

"Yeah, well, you see…Deadly Thug number 5 is getting married, and deadly thugs number 14, 21, and 29 are throwing him a bach-", was all Deadly thug number 1 said before Deadly Thug number 6, the dude who got kicked by the girl, whacked him upside the head.

"QUIET, FOO! WHO CARES ABOUT THEM! WE'RE HERE TO BEAT UP THESE PUNKASSES!", Deadly Thug number 6 shouted.

"That's right! We're gonna beat your ass so bad, it's gonna be featured ooooonnnn….", Deadly Thug number 19 added, prolonging his breath for dramatic effect while DT(what I shall refer Deadly Thugs as from now on) number 20 inhaled in preparation to continue.

"SUNRAY, SUNDAY, SUNDAY!

"WATCH **LIVE** AS THE DEADLY THUGS BEAT UP SOME POOR KIDS SENSELESS!

"ON PAY-PER-VIEW FOR THE LOW, LOW PRICE OF 49.99!

"YES!

"FOR THE PRICE OF A DVD, YOU CAN WATCH DEADLY THUGS WAIL ON SOME POOR INNOCENT KIDS FOR EXACTLY 5 MINUTES!

"ORDER NOW AND WE WILL THROW IN A SPECIAL, LIMITED EDITION, BLOOD SOAKED NAILBAT FRESH OFF THE FACE OF A KID!

"Special offer is limited to first 5 callers only. Shipping charges not included…sucka…", DT number 20 announced in a deep, uh…announcery voice. He puffed his chest, obviously proud of himself, just seconds before his nose became the receiving end of one redheaded girl's left foot's sole.

"Shut up! If you are going to beat me up, you better have more style than that!", the girl yelled loudly, a vein clearly visible on her left temple, as DT number 20 landed on his back to the pavement, unconscious.

"That's right! Shinji, show them!", Toji added, his fear momentarily forgotten.

"They are correct, you know…", Shinji said and stepped closer to DT number 6. A gust began to form in front of him, blowing back his scarf and bangs. Where that wind comes from? My special effects budget.

"This Ikari Shinji shall not let you harm the innocent", he said and continued to stride closer, his pace quickening. "I shall stop your evil ambitions! FOR JUSTICE!", he roared and broke into a run. Toji groaned and slapped his forehead as the girl flinched.

Too much testosterone-driven corny(?) heroic(?) statements tends to do that to normal(?), sane(?) people.

DT number 6 raised his hands up in front of his face and lowered his body to protect his torso as Shinji jumped up, his legs drawn in. DT 6 waited for the kick to his upper front, but it didn't come. Puzzled, he peered over his guard to see Shinji spinning once to the latter's right.

"MUGEN-RYU!", Shinji roared, his waist at eye-level to DT 6, and his right leg went straight up.

"KAKATO!", he roared again as his body realigned to DT6's front.

"OTOSHI!", he let out one final roar as he dropped his right heel downwards in an arc towards DT6's head.

There was a loud crack as DT 6 was driven face first towards the ground and landed with a crunch on the pavement. He was spared any pain from the loss of consciousness he suffered as soon as his face hit the cold, hard ground.

Shinji got into his 'ready' position as soon as his feet touched the ground.

"HEY! That guy was mine, you idiot!", the girl yelled as she kicked DT2, who was closest to her, in the family jewels. DT2 let out a shrill, high pitched scream. Days later, he would consider joining the opera, and getting testicle transplantation.

"I'm outta here…", Toji muttered as he resumed dragging Kensuke out of the battle zone. He had not taken three steps before 5 DTs appeared to block his path. "Ah, fuck…", he drawled before one of them swung the PATENTED, LIMITED EDITION NAIL BAT tm. Soon to be soaked in a kid's brain. Call now to get yours!

Toji quickly pushed Kensuke aside and ducked to avoid the swing. The latter landed in a heap to Toji's right. Shinji saw this and he quickly pivots on his heels and dashed towards them.

"Shyaa!", Shinji exhaled as he jumped up and delivered a flying kick, not unlike Bruce Lee, to Toji's assailant. DT 27 flew through the air, spinning 3 times like a ballerina as he did so, just for aesthetics, and landed on one of his buddies.

"I'm your opponent!", Shinji roared and threw a challenging glare towards the thugs all around him.

"Hey, don't interfere with my fight!", the girl shouted as she flipped forward three times, picked up a chair, and smashed it against DT 9's head. The metal legs bent and DT9 slumped to the ground out of the fight.

"Don't be so rude, lady! He just saved my ass!", Toji shouted back as he picked up a metal pipe and swung it wildly in an attempt to both hold the attackers off and hit…someone in their…something.

"That's just coz' you're weak!", the girl yelled as Toji hit someone at the temple and sent him to the pavement.

"Like HELL I am!", the latter yelled back as he continued swinging randomly, missing Kensuke by a millimeter and Shinji by a few inches. Kensuke began to curl up into a ball and pray against hope that this is all a dream…yeah…fat chance.

"Less talk! More action!", Shinji roared as he jumped and planted a right knee on DT 12's left cheek, launching him up into the air and he landed, crumpled, on the pavement. DT number 4, next to DT 12, swung his bat at the back of Shinji's neck.

Shinji swung his left arm out, hitting DT 4's hand with his left wrist with a loud bang. The bat flew out of DT 4's hands and flew right into the nose of DT 5. DT 5 fell backwards, unconscious.

The fight went pretty much like this:

Shinji kicks lots of asses

The girl kicks asses

Toji nearly kills Kensuke; and in some cases Shinji and the girl, each time he managed to kick any ass

That went on for a good fifteen minutes until the cops arrive with their blaring sirens.

"Cops?", Toji asked no one in particular as he heard the sirens.

"Shit! I'm outta here!", the girl exclaimed and quickly ran off as the police cars came closer.

"H-Hey!", Toji shouted and stretched an arm after the girl, but she was long gone. "Dammit! We better go too", Toji said and pulled Kensuke up from his fetal position on the pavement.

"Right. Much as I loath to break the law, I really do not have time for a half-day interrogation", Shinji answered and helped Toji carry Kensuke out of the area.

---------

Shinji walked down the path that would lead to the entrance of NERV HQ. His scarf blew sideways as he contemplated with his chin in the crook of his left hand. Why had there been so many fights in the past week? There was the fight which involved Rei last Sunday, and there were several more over the course of the week until today. His ears pricked up as they picked up a familiar voice around the corner.

"DAMMIT! Does anything work in this goddamn city!", he heard a female voice shout and slowly turned around the bend to see a red haired girl kicking the security gates. "Damn, this is a new card, too…", the girl said softly and turned around. She immediately jumped back in shock as she saw the boy with red scarf and ponytail she saw earlier today standing just a few steps behind her.

"Good afternoon", Shinji greeted with a small smile.

"Good afternoon my ass! Don't sneak up on me like that! What the hell are you doing here, anyway?", the girl retorted. Shinji quickly dug into his pocket and fished out a card which he immediately flipped to show the contents clearly to the girl. She looked closely at the information written at the front and immediately drew back in shock, her right index finger pointing shakily at Shinji.

"Y-y-y-y-yo-yo-yo-yo-you-you-you-", the girl stuttered. Realizing how stupid she looked at this moment, she quickly drew a breath to calm herself. "You're the 3rd child!", the girl asked loudly. Shinji gave a smile and a small nod. The girl's mouth formed into an O, but no sounds came out.

"…Shall we go, then?", Shinji said as he walked past her and inserted his card into the slot the correct way and walked into the facility, leaving her gaping for a few more seconds.

A while later, they would meet again deep in the facility's briefing room. Shinji and Rei stood opposite Ritsuko, Misato, and the girl. Shinji had his arms crossed in front of his chest and was smiling slightly in a good-natured way. Rei was standing right beside him, a short scarf, more like a kerchief, adorning her slender neck. The girl had no trace of the shock she seemed to experience less than an hour ago.

"Well, let's begin the introductions, then. Children, meet Soryu Asuka Langley", Misato said to Shinji and Rei, gesturing to the red haired girl.

"I am pleased to make your acquaintance", Asuka smiled sweetly.

"Pleased to meet you", Rei replied in her monotone, her expression unchanged.

"Glad to finally know your name", Shinji added, which got Misato and Ritsuko's attention.

"You two have met before?", Ritsuko asked. Shinji opened his mouth to answer, but Asuka quickly cut him off.

"Ah! That's right! Forgive me for not thanking you beforehand", she bowed in a most gracious, ladylike manner.

"…Excuse me?", Shinji and Misato asked at the same time.

"You see, I was walking around town today, enjoying the sights, when these rough men tried to bully me into giving them money and…other services. I was so scared…", Asuka paused for dramatic effect, but quickly continued when Shinji started to open his mouth again. "But this gentleman here persuaded them to leave me alone, but I was so scared that I ran off without even thanking my savior. Oh, cruel fate…", Asuka continued dramatically while Misato and Ritsuko stared. They glanced at each other once she was done.

"…Well…that sounds like something Shinji would do…", Misato said.

"Yes, given his attitude, that actually makes sense…", Ritsuko replied, and they were all suddenly averted to the sound of chuckles emanating from our hero.

"Is something wrong, Shinji?", Misato asked.

"No, no, nothing…", Shinji said as he stopped chuckling. He took one look at Asuka, and immediately snorts. Asuka, as can be predicted, was puzzled.

"Is there something amusing, Ikari?", Rei asked from beside him. He took one look at her and his snorts turns into full blown laughter, so full of mirth and amusement that it was impossible to tell what exactly he was laughing at.

'The most normal of us, indeed…', Shinji thought as he continued to laugh and slowly left the room.

"…You know, sometimes I think Shinji needs a psychiatrist", Ritsuko said after he was gone.

"Yeah, me too, if that weird brain of his was not the factor behind his strength…", Misato answered.

Asuka just stood gaping at what probably was the most obscure, unexplainable happening in this fiction.

…Alright. I admit it. I'm too lazy to explain without ruining the…uh…suspense…? Yeah. Let's go with that.

Rei did not say anything as her unreadable expression hid any signs of confusion, which was only visible in her eyes.

--------

Gendo stood in his office. The man standing on the opposite side of his desk had long hair which was tied in a ponytail and a light stubble on his chin.

"You know, we never expect getting attacked by an angel on the way here…", the man said.

Gendo did not answer.

"Was it because of this?", the man said again as he opened a metal package on the desk. "Deep frozen, yet it looks so alive…", the man continued.

Gendo kept quiet.

"This is it, isn't it? The key to instrumentality?", The man asked.

"Correct", Gendo finally answered with a sinister smile. "You are looking at the first human...", Gendo said and paused for dramatic effect. God, he missed acting like a badass like this.

"Adam"

--------

"Well, eat up, people!", Misato said cheerfully as she fished out a serving of fried vegetables. "We don't have much to eat here, but please try to enjoy yourselves", she added as she led them to the nearest table.

"Are you allowed to drink during work hours, captain?", Shinji asked, a serving of mashed potatoes, nondescript meatloaf, biscuits, some vegetables, a rectangular piece of firm jelly, tofu, scrambled eggs, and a carton of milk on his tray. You know, military grunt food.

Asuka followed behind him, nothing in her tray but a paper cup of NERV's specially balanced nutrition shakes, for females only.

Rei brought up the rear with a nondescript vegetarian meal which consists of chopped and minced up…somethings.

NERV personnel usually practice lynching their bastard of a commander with their food, and serve them as meals as a symbol of…you know.

It is interesting to note that Rei had picked up that single food item every day without fail. Whether she did it out of some spite or just habit is open to discussion at this point.

"Don't worry. I won't get drunk from one can of beer", she answered. "In any case, I have to say your last battle was quite impressive, Asuka", she continued and sat down.

"Indeed. I had not seen too many other people who pilot EVAs, but that was pretty good", Shinji said good naturedly.

"I agree. I have heard of the second child's amazing piloting, but I never expected a level of piloting that could rival Shinji's. That was pretty impressive", Misato said and scooped up a spoonful of stuff into her mouth.

"…Ah…no, no, you flatter me. It was nothing special…", Asuka said with a fake blush and leaned back in her chair, her left hand covering her cheek. Shinji felt a certain air of hostility suddenly flare up from her, but didn't pay any mind to it. "Nothing to be proud of! I still need to learn from the more experienced…", she finished and gave Shinji a barely concealed glare.

'…Something doesn't seem quite right here…', Misato thought as she and Rei witnessed Shinji fending off Asuka's fury with nonchalance. Her thought never got anywhere before something encircled her neck and lower face and pulled her head backwards. "What the!", her muffled voice shouts. "Who…Let go!", she said as she looked up to see a pony tailed man smiling at her.

"Kaji-san!", Asuka squealed.

"WHAT!", Misato yelled as her memory provided a name to the face she was seeing.

"Still drinking while on the job, I see…I'm surprised you have not been found out yet", the man said calmly. There was a sound of a chair being thrown to the floor as Misato scooted away from Kaji onto the table like he was the latest strain of Anthrax…or something like that.

"What the hell are you doing here!", she asked loudly, pointing a finger at him for good measure.

"Is that how you greet old friends now?", he asked back while Asuka quickly got around the table and clung onto his arm.

"Heyyyyy, Kajiiii, where have you been all day?", she asked like a 6-year old kid. Shinji watched the scene with a mildly amused expression, a thin smile on his lips. Rei continued eating.

"In answer to your question, I accompanied this little princess here from Germany. You know, like a business trip", he said with an expression that says 'please get this kid off me'.

"Is that so? Well, then, I guess your business here is done. Why don't you go back to whatever hell hole you crawled out from?", Misato replied with a smile that barely concealed any hostility.

"Actually, I don't think so. I plan on staying here for a while", he replied calmly.

"That so…", she said, quietly thinking up her next remark. Kaji, meanwhile, glanced sideways at Shinji.

"Are you Shinji Ikari?", he asked. Shinji widened his eyes slightly in surprise.

"Yes…I am. How did you know my name?", Shinji asked.

"Ah, well, you're famous as the one pilot who achieved over ninety percent synchronization on your maiden voyage", Kaji explained, then pat Rei's head, who gave him a look of disinterest. Kinda like how you'd look at a fly who buzzes around your head. "Rei's also famous, but, you…", Kaji continued and let go of Rei's head.

"You are the third child who defeated three angels without any training beforehand. Not only that, you beat them with methods that the greatest tacticians and scientists in the world can't even begin to think of, only manga writers and tokusatsu fans", he continued.

"Yes…that is good (I think), but I beat four!", Asuka remarked in as nonchalant a tone as she could muster.

"I suppose you are right, but…", Shinji began and stood up, his scarf suddenly blowing behind him. Kaji almost whistled. "It would be incorrect to say that I have no prior training", he continued, which got Kaji's interest.

"You mean you have been trained to pilot EVAs before?", he asked. Shinji smiled and shook his head.

"No, but I _have_ been trained to fight ever since I was 5 years old. In fact, I am now recognized as a master of Mugen-ryu Karate!", he replied. Kaji closed his eyes and smiled.

"That may be so, but there are other factors that are necessary in controlling EVAs beside knowing how to fight", he said and scratched his head. "You had the talent for piloting EVAs, Shinji. You were born to do it", he finished.

"I thank you for your kind words", Shinji bowed slightly. Asuka was glaring at him, her hostility no longer hidden under any pretense.

"By the way, I heard you are currently staying with Misato?", Kaji asked with a grin. Misato felt a slight chill deep in the pit of her stomach. A bad feeling, if you will.

"That is correct", Shinji replied, and Kaji's grin widened.

"So, tell me…", Kaji began and stole a sideways glance at Misato.

That chill in her stomach just got worse.

"Does she still sleep naked?", he asked the dreaded question.

Misato's eyes shot open, her mouth open in a cringe.

Asuka's jaw dropped to the floor.

Rei's spoon entered her mouth and she calmly chewed her food.

Yes, bliss to one who cares not…

"Oh, yes, indeed she does. It can be pretty awkward when I have to wake-", Shinji managed to say before Misato slammed her palms on the table.

"STOP SAYING SUCH THINGS IN FRONT OF THE CHILDREN!", she screamed.

Asuka was in a state of mild shock.

Rei was in a state of mild consumption.

"Hey, I was just curious...", Kaji replied with a shrug. Misato rubbed her temples.

"Please…just go…", she said softly.

"But-", Kaji started.

"GOOOO!", Misato interrupted with an expression that shows, once again, that hell hath no fury like Misato pissed off. Kaji gulped and retreated out of the room with a nervous smile.

Misato looked around the room as soon as he was gone. Asuka was looking at her funny, Shinji was doing the same in a less intense way, and Rei was eating.

"What a nightmare…", she sighed and left the room on weak legs.

--------

"WHHAAAAAT!", Toji's voice rang through the school. "That girl is an EVA pilot! No way!", he exclaimed loudly at Shinji who was sitting at his table, reading up on the latest advances in muscle training in a magazine called 'Martial Training for the Post-Apocalypse, because you NEVER know!'.

"That is correct", Shinji replied, not taking his eyes off the pages.

"Well, that confirms it. Being a weird kid is a requirement for being an EVA pilot…", Kensuke said, and contemplated. "Toji, do you think I'm weird?", he asked.

"As weird as they come", Toji replied on autopilot.

"DAMMIT! Why haven't I been chosen as a pilot!", Kensuke shouted and began to offer up prayers to whatever god lies out there with tears in his eyes. In NERV's basement, a certain Angel on a cross sneezed.

'_Who's talkin' 'bout me?'_, it thought shortly before a long bout of sneezing assailed him.

"Well, at least _I_ won't have to see her again, unlike you", Toji said to Shinji, ignoring Kensuke who had begun kneeling on a chair in desperation.

"She's not that bad, actually. A little shy, maybe, but that can be worked with", Shinji replied, his eyes still glued to the magazine. Toji gaped with a crooked smile.

"Shy, Shinji? Which part of her resembles anything like shy?", Toji asked.

"…You'll see…", Shinji answered with a small smile.

It was at this moment that the classroom's back door, located close to where they were, slid open. Toji took one look at the new arrival and his mouth involuntarily slipped open.

Reddish long brown hair.

Neural conductors for barrettes.

A pretty face.

Asuka.

"Y-y-y-y-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-yo-you-you-you-you-you-", he stuttered, much like she did yesterday. This got Shinji's attention and he looked up from his magazine and smiled politely when he saw his new copilot.

"Oh, so you three are classmates", she said happily and stepped in, walking past Hiakari, and said nothing more. As soon as she was sure no one was looking, she turned back and stuck her tongue out. "…losers!', she said to them softly under her breath.

Shinji saw this, and immediately snorts and his body start to shake as he buried his face in his magazine, which earned him Asuka's glare and Toji's 'what a screwball' look.

Kensuke was still praying.

The angel was still sneezing.

'_COOL! I've got fans!'_, it thought.

-------

"You may now introduce yourself, miss", the teacher, an old…wait, I already described him in chapter 2, right? He is currently hiding behind a blast shield, is wearing full body armor usually worn by the bomb squad, and has very big mufflers stuck to his ears. So did everyone else except for Shinji, Rei, Toji, and Kensuke.

'...What the hell did 3rd do to them?', she thought briefly before speaking. "Pleased to meet you", she began and bowed. "My name is Soryu Asuka Langley", she finished.

"…Um…we can't hear you. Can you repeat that?", the teacher said as he removed his mufflers, as did everyone else. Shinji suddenly stood up. Rei, Toji, and Kensuke immediately covered their ears.

"SENSEI!", Shinji shouted with gusto at approximately…120 decibels. "SHE SAID HER NAME IS SORYU ASUKA LANGLEY, SIR!", he continued, which took the entire class off guard except for the aforementioned trio. "SHE ALSO SAID SHE IS PLEASED TO MEET YOU, SIR!", he finished and sat down.

Toji and Kensuke opened their eyes. Half the class had fainted. The other half were mumbling incoherently. Asuka was among the former. She lay twitching on the floor, her eardrums beating to the beat of Inna Gadda Vida, like Gendo's did a few days ago.

Sometime before she faints, she regretted finding out what exactly the 3rd child did.

Especially since she found out by first hand experience.

Class resumed as normal roughly 2 hours later, once everyone had been cleared of the effects of sonic concussion and hallucinations of a large airplane with an afro and an Elvis accent impersonating System of a Down, badly.

Don't ask.

--------

The rest of the school day was pretty uneventful.

The students marveled at Asuka's beauty.

Oddly enough, Toji and Kensuke did not take part in the discussion…well, actually Kensuke tried to, but his Shakespearean accent was too much to handle, and he was thrown out of the discussion before anyone spilled their precious, partially digested, liquefied lunch.

Asuka put on her best 'pretty girl next door' act for the duration of school, and talked to everyone but Shinji, who, as Rei noticed, had fallen prey to a newly-discovered disease called hyperlaffitis, a condition where the sufferer seems to laugh randomly at things unnoticed to everyone else.

It used to be called minor insanity, or weird sense of humor, but Ritsuko, the discoverer, just had to give it a cool, sciency (is that even a word?) sounding name, and voila.

Let us now turn our attention to 2 young people walking on a corridor that leads to NERV.

"Man, that was boring…I can't believe how low the education standard is in Japan", Asuka muttered, hands behind her head.

"Well, I suppose it can't compare to lessons given at a German University", Shinji said calmly, his scarf and ponytail billowing behind him.

Explanation; Shinji is actually made of recycled 32 bit sprites, very few of which has the scarf down when walking. These happen to be missing, hence the billowing stuff.

Of course, since I don't need sprites, that explanation makes no sense.

Don't think too hard.

It might cause a drop in IQ.

Yours and mine.

"To hell with that! That ancient four-eyes should at least get his facts straight, for goodness' sake! Don't just swallow the governments' lies straight out like that", Asuka rants. The last part caught Shinji's attention. He stopped walking and turned to face her.

"What did you just say?", he asked. There was a moment of silence as realization dawned on Asuka.

"…You didn't know about second impact?", she asked, a grin slowly creeping onto her lips as she finally find something she can shove in his face.

"It was caused by a big meteor that landed on the Arctics, right?", he answered, his arms crossed. Asuka's grin widened.

"You had no idea what really caused it, did you?", she taunted.

"…What do you mean?", Shinji asked back, honestly confused.

"HAH! And you call yourself the 3rd!", Asuka retorted haughtily. Shinji puffed his chest and huffed.

"Of course not! I call myself the MUGEN-RYU KARATE MASTER!

"UPHOLDER OF JUSTICE!

"PURSUER OF ALL THINGS EVIL!

"PROTECTOR OF THE WEAK!

"VANGUARD OF THE INNOCENT!

"THE SHIELD OF MANKIND!

"EVA-01'S PILOT!

"SAVIOUR OF ALL LIVING BEING!

"IKARI SHINJI!", he roared his answer, snapping into various sentai poses with each exclamation, and ending with his left leg on the railing of the corridor and his right index finger pointing to the setting sun where he gazed with his left hand on his waist, his scarf and hair blowing heroically all the while.

There was another moment of silence as Asuka started to gauge Shinji's sanity. She came up with 'do not prod with any kind of rod, pointed or otherwise'.

"Right…well…in any case, 2nd impact was not caused by a meteor at all. It happened when we discovered an angel in the Arctic 15 years ago. Things go BOOM, yadda, yadda, yadda…", she explained.

"Is that so? What caused it?", Shinji asked, back on his feet in front of her, one hand cupping his chin.

"Well, that was never found out", she answered and grinned. "I bet you don't know why you are even piloting an EVA, do you?", she asked.

"Of course I do! TO PROTECT THE INNOCENT AND DESTROY ALL EVIL!", Shinji answered, looking and pointing to the horizon. Asuka wanted to stop the conversation there, but a part of her wanted to continue. After all, how often do you get to show up _this_ Shinji?

"…Half right…Our mission also includes preventing 3rd impact", she commented. Shinji's eyes widened and he looked at her in shock. She grinned in her feeling of victory.

"…I can't believe it…", he said slowly.

Her grin grew wider.

"…To have to prevent 3rd impact…"

Wider.

"…Father…why have you not told me…"

Even wider.

"…That I would be doing this noble task!", Shinji roared, and her grin turned upside down.

"GODDAMMIT! WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE SHOCKED LIKE A NORMAL BOY!", Asuka screeched and approached him. "I swear, I'm gonna-"

"Excuse me", a calm voice suddenly said from behind her. She quickly turned her head around to see Rei standing right behind her. "May I pass?", the latter asked. Asuka stepped aside on autopilot and watched as Rei walked past her and Shinji.

"H-hey! Hold it!", Asuka yelled at the blue haired girl.

"Yes?", Rei stopped and answered, turning her gaze the red haired girl.

"I heard you are the commander's favorite…", the former drawled with a cynical grin. "Now, why would he like a stiff girl like you?", she continued.

"Which part of that is any business of yours?", she asked back as her gaze returned to the front. Asuka's eyes turned hostile and her grin was gone in a split second to be replaced with a scowl.

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!", she shouted and grabbed Rei's scarf, catching her attention. "Don't think you can do as you like just because you're the commander's favorite!", she continued, but did not get a chance to do anything more drastic before her wrist was seized by a gentle but very firm grip.

"That is enough", Shinji said firmly, Asuka's wrist in his hand. There was a moment of silence (we seem to be doing that a lot, don't we?) as the three of them stared at each other.

"Hmph!", Asuka scowled, breaking the silence. "I see how it is…", she said as she snatched her wrist free of Shinji's grasp. "First the captain, and now you guys…You make me sick!", she finished and ran down the path.

"I think there has been a misunderstanding here…", Shinji said with a sigh as he and Rei watched Asuka's retreating back. "I hope this won't affect our combat performance too much", he continued.

"I am willing to work with her if ordered. There is a high probability she will not think the same way, however", Rei replied.

"…Indeed. Let's hope we can get this straightened out before anything bad happens", Shinji stated.

Rei nodded in reply as they resumed their journey to NERV.

-------

Doctor Akagi Ritsuko was staring at a computer monitor in front of her. It was displaying information about the three EVAs they currently had stored at NERV. While I am sure you would love to find out what exactly it says, the whole data is simply too large - not to mention boring, and might induce aneurysm in the less crazy and/or intellectually capable.

The good(?) doctor was typing away on the keyboard when a pair of strong hands suddenly encircled her neck.

"Still a workaholic, eh, Ritsuko?", a male voice asked huskily. The startled doctor recognized it as Kaji's. "Looking at you, I'd say you have not found yourself a man yet, have you?", he continued when he got no reply from her.

"Long time no see, Kaji", Ritsuko said as she turned her head to look at him, and stopped him before he could say anything else. "You might want to look behind you before you say anything else, player", she said as she turned back to the monitor.

Kaji, curious, turned his head around.

He immediately wished he had not. Misato being pissed off and shouting about it is bad enough. Misato _looking _pissed off and being quiet is worse. It's like standing near a nuclear bomb that runs on a very short and silent timer.

"Oh! Uh…hi! Misato! I didn't see you there!", Kaji stuttered nervously. Misato did not reply. She merely drew both fists to her waist. "Um...you're not mad, are you? I may seem like I'm coming on to Ritsuko here, but you're not mad about that! Are you!", Kaji said, his panic level reaching the next apex as Misato slowly advanced forward. "He, hey! We're not together, right! So you don't have to be angry! Right!", Kaji continued his tirade as his back hit the metal wall behind him.

Bad move.

Misato inhaled. Kaji stared at his impending doom like a deer looking at the headlights of an 18 wheeler with a sleeping driver in the seat. He does not know what is going to happen, but he is sure he would not like it.

"BURNING FISTS!", Misato yelled as she lowered her body threw a rapid barrage of left and right punches. Kaji closed his eyes, put up his hands to cover himself and stayed in that position for the next minute as loud metallic bangs came from behind him where Misato's fists made contact with the wall.

He slowly opened his eyes when he realized he was not injured and looked at the wall behind him, where there were dent marks outlining his upper torso.

"Uh…", he said, unsure whether to feel lucky to be alive or scared because Misato was still glaring coldly at him.

"I'm not finished yet…", she said and drew back her right leg.

Kaji chose option number 2 just as her knee slammed right into his family jewels. He let out a high pitched scream, a perfect accompaniment to the sirens which started blaring at that exact moment.

"Ugh…what now?", Misato asked to no one in particular.

"That would be our next angel, I believe", Ritsuko stated flatly and sipped her coffee before she stood up.

On the floor, Kaji whimpered.

"Well, no sense wasting time here. Let's go", Misato said as she grabbed the whimpering man by the collar and dragged him out of the room, Ritsuko staying in step beside her.

"So. Shinji taught you a few things, eh?", the latter asked as they walked down the hallway.

"Yep, and it was easy enough to get the hang of it if you're forced to listen to him practicing every day", Misato replied as she recalled the exact sequence of combos Shinji usually use on his freestander. "P, k, uc, p-p-hm-rh-rrh-dck, p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-", she recited softly to herself.

"…Misato?", Ritsuko called out, slightly concerned for her friend who seemed to be chanting some new age mantra.

"Huh?", Misato turned to her.

"What were you reciting back there?", she asked.

"Oh. Nothing, really. I was just recalling Shinji's rhythm", she replied and scratched her head in slight embarrassment.

"…In bed?", Ritsuko asked.

"…Don't get any ideas now…", Misato replied. Ritsuko stopped walking when she realized just what she just said and looks through the camera (we have a camera?) at you…well, me, actually.

"Look. I know you are a normal young man who thinks about sex at least 80 percent of the time, but don't drag me down with you!", she said sternly to you…err…me….um…we…us…yeah…

"Who are you talking to?", Misato asked.

"…No one…", Ritsuko replied and continued walking, unknowingly crushing Kaji's precious jewels under her stiletto heels within the next 5 steps.

Kaji no longer had any strength to scream, and just continued whimpering. He wondered if he will ever be able to have children.

I would like to take this opportunity to say that I do_ not_ think about sex 80 percent of the time. Just 79.9999999999999 percent of the time!

…….

……..

………

………..

…………

………….

……………

……………..

What are you looking at!

Go to the next part already!

---------

Sirens blared as NERV went into alert level 1.

'_Code Blue! Code Blue! All EVA pilots, proceed to battle stations immediately! Repeat…'_, Maya's voice sounded through the corridors, prompting Shinji, Rei and Asuka to head to the hangars immediately.

Within 5 minutes, Shinji and Asuka were in their respective EVAs.

"All right, you two. Listen well. The defense troops of Tokyo 3 has not recovered from the last angel attack, and are currently operating at 26 percent efficiency. We have no chance of repelling one at our current strength", Misato said into a monitor showing Shinji and Asuka in EVA-01 and EVA-02 respectively. "You must prevent the angel from reaching the shore. Keep it in the ocean. Got that?", she continued, and got a sharp nod from Shinji. "Good! You two will be fighting the angel together. We will put priority on close quarters weapons, and all your fuel and weapon arrangements will be taken care of according to the usual procedures. Are you with me?", she stated.

"Ossu!", Shinji roared.

"Yes, Miss Misato!", Asuka replied cheerfully.

"Good! Now, go forth! For great Justice!", Misato yelled and assumed her 'bridge commander' pose, body facing the side and her right arm stretched out in front of her.

"…Does she always get that fired up?", Kaji, who had recovered by now, asked Ritsuko in NERV's command center, where they observed Misato's crew on a monitor.

"Ever since Shinji showed up", Ritsuko replied as they continued observing the interior of the armored vehicle that was Misato's field headquarters.

"Really?", Kaji asked again.

"Yep", Ritsuko replied.

…

Yeah, I know. I'm just filling letter space here.

Meanwhile, Shinji tried hard to suppress laughter when he heard Asuka's reply to Misato.

"What are you laughing at, third?", Asuka asked from a display to his left.

"Nothing, nothing…", Shinji replied and tried his best to look as serious as possible. He was doing a pretty good job.

Except for the eye twitching. Not to mention small tremors of the torso and a stiffly bit lower lip.

"…Well, whatever. Just don't get in the way once we're out there!", Asuka said.

"Yes, ma'am", Shinji replied, almost laughing.

Author warning: comedic factors will appear a lot less(not that there's too much of it right now…right?) starting from the next paragraph. I mean it.

-------

"Units 01 and 02 are exiting linear route number 26", Maya reported in the command vehicle. Misato nodded and watched as the 2 EVAs plugged in their fuel lines and stepped into the rubble-filled water of Tokyo 3's beach.

"Right. Let's do this…", Asuka said from within EVA-02, which was carrying a glaive in its hands. Her face was eager, but tense. To its right, EVA-01 strides confidently without carrying any armaments. Asuka noticed this, and quickly turned to address the monitor on her left. "Hey, 3rd! Where's your weapon?", she asked to Shinji's image on her monitor.

"Right here", Shinji said calmly as they stopped and took their stances. As EVA-02 crouched slightly and prepared its glaive in front of it, EVA-01 lowered its stance and brought its fists close to the sides of the waist.

"Right where?", Asuka asked again.

"…Here!", Shinji exhaled sharply and the crystals along the arms began to glow. Asuka's eyes widened in surprise.

"What the hell…? Hey, is that some kind of new weapon!", she yelled into the screens to her right, which displays Misato, Ritsuko, and Kaji at different locations.

"What? Those things on EVA-01's body?", Misato asked plainly.

"Yeah! Those glowing things! What are those?", Asuka replied.

"Those are…hang on…lemme check…", Ritsuko typed something in her computer. "…UMKR-X power crystals", she said after a few seconds of browsing.

"…What does it do?", Asuka asked again.

"Well, we're not really sure, but it seems to react to Shinji's battle spirit and amplify it, allowing for the use of certain special techniques that only Shinji knows how to use", Misato answered.

Asuka blinked.

"…You don't get it, do you?", Misato asked.

"…I do. It just sounds too much like a shonen thing to me…", Asuka replied.

"Well, don't worry. You'll get a better idea when you see it", Ritsuko said.

"…It's coming", Shinji said softly but sternly in Asuka's monitor. She quickly turned back to the front and saw a wake in the water approaching them.

"All right…I going in!", Asuka said and willed her EVA to move, but the hulking red giant had barely twitched before EVA-01 put both fists together in front of it in a purple blur, its red scarf trailing behind it.

"SHINE BLASTER!", Shinji shouts as a pale blue bolt of light was launched from the knuckle crystals and hit the center of the wake.

Asuka gaped in surprise as something in the wake was hit and thrown back into the water.

"What are you waiting for, Miss Soryu! Let's go!", Shinji shouted as EVA-01 dashed in the direction of the repelled object.

It took her a moment to recover from her shock, but EVA-02 quickly moved, and her anger for being so easily shocked manifested itself in her EVA's dash, which quickly overtook EVA-01.

"Stupid third…", she muttered as she got closer to the object. "I'll show him!", she continued and EVA-02 leapt up, its glaive raised above its head. "EAT THIS!", she yelled and swung the glaive down as soon as she saw the humanoid looking angel. She noticed 2 cores on the torso, but did not give it much thought as she continued to drive the glaive down.

A loud screeching sound emanates from the point where the glaive met the angel's…head, for lack of a better description. The glowing blade drove cleanly through the upper portion of the torso and upper waist, cutting through the middle of the cores and nearly splitting the angel in half.

"All right, Asuka! Good job!", Misato cheered in the screen to her right.

"Ohohohoho…that's nothing…", Asuka replied with one of her faux smiles and immediately turned to look at Shinji's face on the monitor to the left. "See that, third? Don't ever think of upstaging me!", she said.

Shinji was about to reply when he saw the 2 halves of the angel behind EVA-02 split into 2 new angels.

"Pilot Asuka! Behind you!", Shinji yelled and quickly dashed forward.

"What!", Asuka snapped as EVA-02 quickly turned around to see 2 angels identical to the one she just killed, only with one core each this time. "The hell! Impossible!", she yelled as the angels quickly dived underwater and headed for the 2 EVAs.

"Be careful, you two! It's not over yet!", Misato shouted from the command vehicle.

"Ough!", Shinji roared in reply as he continued to run towards one of the angels.

"Dammit!", Asuka yelled as she swung her glaive at the one which had gotten close to EVA-02. There was another loud screech as the glaive drove a deep gash across the angel's torso.

The gash closed the next second, leaving Asuka gaping in disbelief.

"What the hell! That's cheating!", she shouted as EVA-01 got close enough to the other angel, which was still swimming towards in high speed.

"SHINE!", Shinji roared as EVA-01 drove its right fist back, energy coursing and settling on the crystals along the forearms and knuckles. "DRIVER!", he roared again as EVA-01 drove its fist forward.

The angel stopped in its tracks as EVA-01's immolated fist drove a large hole through its upper torso.

As with the angel Asuka faced, it did not take long for the hole to close up completely.

"Damn! This is not good!", Shinji cursed roughly as he pulled back for another attack.

"Asuka! Shinji! Attack the core!", Misato shouted.

"Got it!" Asuka answered and EVA-02 quickly thrust its glaive into the angel's core and swiped sideways to inflict greater damage.

She looked on hopefully, and that hope was gone in less than 2 seconds as the wound quickly closed up.

"It's no use! The wound heals too quickly!", she yelled as EVA-02 prepared to defend itself. "What should we do!", she continued.

"Can't be helped! We'll just have to destroy them all at once!", Shinji roared and EVA-01 quickly leapt backwards from the battle. "Miss Asuka! Hold them off while I prepare the attack!", he said as EVA-01 dashed in her direction and passed her.

"What! Wait a minute!", Asuka yelled and her eyes followed EVA-01's movements. This, unfortunately for her, took her attention away from the angel she was fighting. It used this opportunity to quickly pull EVA-02's feet up and threw it at EVA-01 before Asuka had a chance to react.

"WAAAUGH!", she screamed as EVA-02 landed on EVA-01's back.

"What the-", Shinji started right before the swimming second angel grabbed EVA-01's hands, which were stretched out in front of it in an attempt to break their fall.

Before he could react, the first angel, which had followed EVA-02's path, grabbed EVA-01's feet and both angels pulled up at the same time, throwing both EVAs in the air, stuck to each other.

To make matters worse, both angels kicked together at EVA-01's torso, sending both EVAs flying like a missile towards a ruined building. The building was destroyed by the impact of both EVAs crashing into it, and the latter two were thrown up to continue their stone flight in a higher arc, rolling to a stop a few kilometers away.

---------

"…_.And both EVAs stopped functioning at 3.58 PM local time today, after losing to angels 7A and 7B"_, a recorded voice stated in the NERV main auditorium where Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Gendo, Misato, Ritsuko, and Fuyutsuki are seated.

Asuka was looking at the screen showing the video recording of their fight with a look of sad, guilty depression, and a little hint of annoyance. Her shoulders were hunched and her hands were limp in her lap.

Shinji sat one seat away, seething with his arms crossed and his left leg over his right thigh. His eyes burned with anger for his own weakness.

Gendo was, as usual, though not in this fic, sitting in his 'bastard' pose.

"_At 4.03 PM, NERV handed all mission responsibilities in official capacity to the UN forces"_, the voice continued.

"…Hmmm…", Fuyutsuki sighed.

"…Fo…forgive me…", Misato whimpered weakly in her seat.

The two children did not say anything.

'…_I had not intended for father to see me defeated that badly…', _Shinji thought to himself.

"_At 4.05 PM, UN troops commenced N2 bombing runs on the angels", _the recording continued.

"Well…we'll need to update our maps soon", Fuyutsuki commented when a diagram showed the extent of the blast of the bombs, which took out part of the coastline.

"_UN tactical teams estimate internal and external damage to the angels at approximately 28 percent"_, the recording continued.

"Does that mean they're dead?", Asuka asked, pointing to the screen as she did so.

"No, just temporarily immobilized. Their regenerative capability has not been affected", Fuyutsuki answered.

Silence followed as the children contemplated on this.

"…You two", Gendo broke the silence by calling out to Shinji and Asuka.

"Y, yes?", Asuka replied hesitantly.

"Yes, father?", Shinji replied as 'enthusiastically'.

"Do you know what your purposes are?", Gendo asked. The children were silent as they contemplated the question.

"….To pilot the EVA?", Asuka answered nervously.

"Wrong…", Gendo stated, and let the silence hang for a while before continuing. "Your purpose is to defeat angels", he continued and stood up. "NERV does not need this kind of negative publicity", he finished and turned to leave the room.

"Y, yes, sir…", Asuka stood up and answered like a child who was just scolded.

Shinji stayed in his seat.

Rei followed Gendo out of the room, but not before sparing a glance at Shinji and Asuka. Fuyutsuki followed soon afterwards.

--------

Minutes after that, Shinji and Asuka walked down the hallway that would lead to the dining room.

"…It's your fault, you know", Asuka finally said.

"What is?", Shinji replied, not looking at her, his bangs covering his eyes (He's got long bangs and a ponytail if you somehow forget).

"That battle. My first battle ended in defeat thanks to you!", she yelled and pointed a finger at him.

"How so?", he responded icily. It sent a slight chill down her spine.

"We, well, of course it's your fault! You left me to fight them while you go running off like a scared-", her tirade ended there as Shinji stopped walking and turned to finally look at her. "H, how am I supposed to fight them by myself, huh!", she continued, half of the venom seeming to have evaporated in the coldly burning anger in Shinji's eyes.

"…You should not have had any problem if you had not been too busy thinking about taking all the glory for yourself and took your eyes off the enemy. Is that not correct, miss Soryu? You _are_ the one who has defeated more angels than me, are you not?", Shinji shot back, his words searing straight through Asuka, and she was unable to say anything.

She was saved by a man who came up behind Shinji and held his shoulders.

"Hey. Why are you two fighting here?", Kaji asked from behind Shinji, who had turned around to regard him with slightly less hostile emotions emanating from him.

"Kaji!", Asuka squealed and grabbed Kaji's right hand. "Shinji was being mean to me!", she complained as she hung from his arm.

"…Is that so, Shinji?", Kaji asked Shinji calmly. The latter thought for a moment before answering.

"…I suppose so. I can't stand people who blame others for their own failings", Shinji replied, his hostile emotions lowering slightly.

"Well, that may be so…but you may be too harsh on her, don't you think?", Kaji said, which got Shinji thinking. "…well, why don't we discuss this over dinner? I'm sure you two are hungry by now", the former offered after a few moments of silence.

"YAY! I love having dinner with Kaji!", Asuka squealed as she continued to cling to Kaji's arm.

"…Very well. I suppose I need some time to calm down as well", Shinji replied and followed Kaji's lead. "What of the captain, sir?", he asked after they have walked for a while.

"I don't think she will be having dinner with us tonight", Kaji replied casually. "Being the commanding officer has a lot of drawbacks, you know", he finished with a small smile.

Warning: Humor will be restored from this point.

In another place, Misato sat and stared at her desk in utter, complete depression.

It was not the desk that did it.

A desk is simply a construct made of wood and metal, after all.

It was the ocean of paperwork on top of it.

Those are the list of damages in every district and complaints from the ministers connected to them", Ritsuko said, referring to the stacks of paper easily 3 feet high and covering every inch of the desk's surface. "And this is the bill from UN", Ritsuko added, pulling out an envelope and handing it to Misato.

The latter took it and tossed it aside carelessly to land on the stack of papers, never to be seen again.

"What about the EVA's repairs?", she asked, eager to get the conversation to a new direction.

"It will take five days", Ritsuko replied as she filled out a mug with her new special brew.

"What about the angels?", Misato asked again.

"They are recuperating, and should be able to fight in 5 days if the MAGI is correct", Ritsuko answered.

"So we have got five days to get our act straight…", Misato sighed.

"Precisely. The commander might fire you if you fail this time", Ritsuko said.

"Don't scare me like that, girl…", Misato shuddered. She still want to enjoy drinking Yebisu beers to her hearts content.

'To her hearts content' usually means at least one crate a day.

"Of course, there is a brilliant idea to _not_ get you fired", Ritsuko sipped on her coffee and pulled out a floppy. "Interested?", she asked.

It did not take Misato 1/60th of a second to snatch the disk away from Ritsuko's hand and hug her tightly.

"Oh, Ritsy! Thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouthankyouhthankyou-", she squealed.

"You might want to read what's written on it", Ritsuko sighed and sipped her coffee while Misato released her grip and looked at the label.

"...To…my…ho…ney…", she read slowly and looked at Ritsuko with disbelief, fear, and disgust mixed into one.

"What?", the latter asked as Misato slowly backed away.

"Uh…sorry…Ritzy..but I don't think I swing that way…", the latter replied slowly, causing the former to choke on her coffee.

"What! No, no! That's not from me! That's from Kaji!", She yelled and turned once again to the fourth wall. "I thought I told you to leave me out of your sick fantasies!", she scolded, and a brick promptly crushed her foot, causing her to curse loudly.

Never mess with the author.

"Oh…Kaji, huh…", Misato said and held the disk an arm's length away with only her index finger and thumb.

…….

…….

……..

…….

Your line, Ritsuko…

"What! I'm in pain here!", Ritsuko yelled.

Would you like me to release the Gendo and Rei clones with enhanced libidos?

"…All right, all right…", she shuddered. "Would you prefer an early retirement, then?", she asked Misato, and stab goes the non-existent word bubble.

"…Fine, I'll look at it…", Misato sighed and went to a room with a computer.

--------

"Now, Kaji. Please understand that the last battle was not a good gauge for my ability", Asuka said as she sipped on her coke. "Well…I'm not too sure about Shinji…", she added, causing the person being spoken of to stop chewing on his food and glare at her.

"Now, now, you two. No need to get so emotional about it", Kaji said calmly.

"…I suppose you are correct. We still have another chance anyway", Shinji said and went back to eating, his anger almost completely gone.

"But how am I going to fight it with a broken EVA?", Asuka whined, just right before the speakers came to life around them.

"_Pilots of EVA-01 and EVA-02, please report to Conference room number 2 immediately",_ a female voice boomed.

"…Well, I guess that's your answer. Work hard now", Kaji said calmly.

Minutes later, the 2 children walked down the corridor leading to the conference room.

"I wonder why they called us. I believe our EVAs are not fully repaired yet", Shinji thought aloud as they walked.

"Who cares? I just want to know why they had to break my romantic dinner with Kaji", Asuka retorted.

"…Can it be called romantic if there was a third party around?", Shinji asked honestly.

"You don't count, shonen cliché", Asuka replied.

"…What?", Shinji was beginning to get confused.

"Shinji! Asuka! Over here!", Misato called out cheerfully around a corner in front of them, saving Shinji from the discovery of the omnipotent being that is me.

Note to self: put Asuka in La Blue Girl.

If you don't know what that is, you don't want to know…unless you really, really, really like tentacles and she-males.

"Where are we going?", Asuka asked.

"Preparing our next operation", Misato answered.

"Next operation?", Shinji asked.

"Our computer simulations show that the two angels were moving symmetrically with each other. It seems that it is basically just 2 bodies with one mind", she answered. "The only way to defeat it is to strike both cores at the same time, and this requires perfect timing from both EVAs", she added.

"…OK…so what does this have to do with us?", Asuka asked.

"Well, you two will need to synchronize your movements in order to pull it off, and that's where this place will come in handy", Misato answered and opened the door to what looks like a large bedroom with two beds in the middle of it.

What?

You don't believe me?

Fine.

Let's see what Shinji says.

"…Isn't this just a large bedroom with two beds in the middle?", Shinji asked. See? It _is_ a large bedroom with two beds in the middle.

"Yep!", Misato replied cheerfully.

"…OK…how will this help us beat the angel?", Asuka asked, a little afraid of the answer yet to come.

"Well, shouldn't it be obvious?", Misato grinned mischeviously.

"…Wait a minute…", Shinji began.

"…You don't mean…", Asuka continued.

"Welcome to your new room for the next 5 days!", Misato announced cheerfully.

"WHHHHAAAAA-", Shinji began.

"-AAAAAATTTTT!", Asuka ended.

"There! See! Your communication with each other are improving already!", Misato clapped her hands and said cheerfully.

"What are you smoking! How can you let a boy and a girl stay together in a room for 5 whole days!", Asuka yelled.

"Captain! I must protest! What will people say should they ever find out!", Shinji shouted.

"Don't worry! This is top secret. Only the people at NERV will know. Besides, this is necessary to bring your biorhythms in sync with each other. So, all you have to do is sleep together, wake up together, eat together, train together, and take baths together! No problem ,right?", Misato said in an easy tone.

"S-sleep together!", Asuka screamed.

"On different beds, of course", Misato clarified.

"B-bathe together!", Asuka screamed again. Misato opened her mouth to answer, but stopped when it hit her what she just said.

"…OK, maybe not that…", she muttered.

"What if Shinji tries to take advantage of pretty, defenseless me when I'm sleeping!", Asuka yelled, and Misato laughed.

"Hey! What do you think I am! I am Shinji Ikari, the Champion of Justice, not some low life desperate for girls!", Shinji retorted.

"Oh, come on! Look at him!", Misato said and stretched her arms out towards Shinji, who had his hands crossed in front of his chest with his feet shoulder-length apart and his red scarf blowing behind him. "Does that look like a guy who will try to do you in your sleep?", she asked.

"…Uh…", Asuka said softly.

"This is a guy who will challenge you to a fight, beat you, let you wallow in your defeat,_ then_ do you!", Misato stated.

Asuka blanched.

"Captain! Stop trying to scare her!", Shinji yelled, his face getting red.

"Well, in any case, all you need have been provided for, and if you need anything else, feel free to contact me. We'll wake you up at 6.30, so sleep tight! Ta-ta!", Misato said cheerfully and walked out of the room.

There was a moment of silence as the two tried to grasp what exactly just happened there.

"…This…is…a nightmare…", Asuka spoke first. "I can't believe I have to go this far to defeat an angel….", she put her face in her hands. "Noooo! If only this is to be done with Kaji", she plopped down on one of the beds.

Shinji sighed.

"Well, we have an early morning tomorrow. We should take a bath and go to bed soon", Shinji said and Asuka instinctively scooted backwards to a corner of her bed and pulled the sheets up to her chin.

"NO! NEVER! YOU SHALL NEVER TAKE MY VIRGINITY!", she yelled to a confused Shinji.

"What are you…oh…well, I meant separately, of course", Shinji replied.

"Oh…well, in that case, ladies first!", Asuka said and jumped out of her bed.

"Be my guest", Shinji answered and sat down on the other bed. There was a click as the bathroom door closed behind her, and another as it immediately opened again.

"No peeking!", Asuka said with her head sticking out of the doorway.

"I told you I'm not-", Shinji began and was cut off immediately.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Just stay where I can see you!", she snapped.

"…You want me to go in there with you?", he asked slowly.

"HELL NO!", she yelled.

"But, you just said-", Shinji said back.

"JUST STAY WHERE YOU ARE!", she snapped and slammed the door shut.

"……How energetic…", he said softly to himself and sighed. It has been a while since he felt this tired, which was amazing since there was actually not too much going on. "Well, at least it won't get too boring in here…", he said and started to doze off.

It was not five minutes later that the bathroom door opened. Shinji turned his nearly asleep eyes towards it and saw Asuka walking out and looking at him seductively with apparently nothing on her but a towel. Operative word: apparently.

"Sorry to make you wait, Shinji", Asuka said seductively as she dried her hair with another towel, moving in a way she believed would get any man's hormones going.

"…Oh…you're done…did you leave your clothes out here?", Shinji replied calmly, and Asuka stopped in her tracks as her brain screeched to a grinding halt.

"UmmShinjiHow do I look? Sexy enough for you?", she tried to get his hormones going again.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, sure. I'm going to take my bath now", Shinji replied calmly and strode into the bathroom, leaving a very stunned Asuka behind.

"…Goddammit…Is that really a male? How can any man not have a reaction when a young girl stands almost naked in front if him!", she cursed silently right before the bathroom door opened and Shinji stuck his head out.

"I forgot. If you're going to change, watch out for the surveillance cameras", he warned and withdrew his head.

"What! Ca-camera! Where!", Asuka blabbered as her eyes frantically searched every corner of the room for signs of said camera.

Somewhere else in NERV, Misato watched a screen in front of her with glee.

"Oh, this is going into my permanent collection…", she said softly as Asuka continued searching the room in the screen.

--------

The next day, Shinji and Asuka were assembled in a special NERV underground studio, usually used by Gendo when he wants to practice songs and dances by the Village People.

Yes.

He does the YMCA, and loves it.

"All right, you two. The thing in your hand is a dance choreography that you will be practicing together. Memorize them well", Misato said as Shinji and Asuka looked over the sheets of paper they held in their hand.

"…Dance, huh?", Asuka said in slight disbelief.

"Do we really have to wear these tights?", Shinji asked and pulled at the shirt and tights combo Misato had picked out for them. There was a musical note in front, and Shinji was wearing his scarf, as usual.

"Yeah…They kinda chafe after a while", Asuka pointed out.

"Stop complaining. The perfect outfit is vital for creating the perfect mood and atmosphere. The angel you will be fighting controls 2 bodies with one mind. You will need to move together in perfect harmony in order to beat them", Misato said and drew a breath. "Now, remember. This music score will help you remember its attack patterns, and is the best way to defeat it. You only have four days to master this. Got that?", Misato finished and panted. "I hate expositions…", she muttered softly.

"Well, I'm the one who chose the music and choreography", Kaji said as he walked into the studio with a 2-fingered salute.

"Kaji! Well, if you chose it, then I shall do my best to do it!", Asuka squealed.

"…I didn't need your help", Misato scowled.

"Yes, yes, I know…", Kaji grinned and pat her shoulder.

"Well, in any case, let's begin the first part. Listen well", Misato said and pressed the button of the player next to her. No. Not Kaji.

Shinji and Asuka stretched out their right hand in front of them and their left at the back as the music began, their torso bent forward and feet apart, their eyes looking straight in front.

As the music advanced, they slowly raised their heads and right hands as their left hands went down.

So far so good. Well, this is where things went downhill.

As the music continued, Asuka slowly lowered her right arm as her left went up along with the slow rotation of her torso as her body swayed to the left.

At the same time, Shinji swung his right hand downwards as his left fist drove up along with the torque of his torso as his body quickly shifted to his left.

Then Asuka rotated her body to the left, her right hand moving to point in her new direction as her left hand tossed backwards.

At the same time, Shinji spun his waist to the left, throwing his right fist in that direction as he did so, and his left hand swung to the side to deflect a supposed attack. He missed Asuka's head by a few millimeters.

"…What do you think…?", Misato mumbled to Kaji.

"Umm….", Kaji contemplated as he watched Asuka slowly crossed her hands as she moved them downwards and Shinji doing a low cross-arm block. "This is like watching a collaboration between Kamen Rider and a geisha…", he finally said as Asuka continued to dance and Shinji continued to 'snap' into his various fighting poses.

"In other words…", Misato started.

"…This will take a while…", Kaji finished for her.

Three hours later…

"Goddammit…that was tiring…", Asuka muttered as she and Shinji walked down a corridor to get their lunch.

"I wonder what we did wrong. I was pretty sure I did all the moves in the choreography as instructed", Shinji thought aloud.

"You were not supposed to snap, goddamn it! This is ballet, not some tokusatsu show! You're supposed to move gracefully!", Asuka yelled. "Hmph! I knew it would be so much quicker if I do it by myself", she added.

"…I suppose. We'll just have to adjust to each other's movements then", Shinji replied.

"You're the one who needs to adjust! I was doing it perfectly!", Asuka shot back at Shinji.

"Oh, hi, father!", Shinji called out towards the man in black in front of them, Asuka's last sentence slipping out of his mind as soon as it entered.

"C, commander Ikari!", Asuka squealed and put on her best 'cute girl' smile.

Shinji started snorting.

"How are your trainings going?", Gendo asked.

"Perfect, sir! We are sure to win the fight!", Asuka said cheerfully, her fists raised in the victory pose.

Shinji stifled his laugh.

"Is that so…", Gendo said as he started to pass them. "Well, let us see how it goes…", he finished.

Shinji was laughing now.

"Is there something funny?", Gendo turned back and asked.

"No, no, nothing too important. Anyway, father?", Shinji asked back.

"Yes?", Gendo replied curtly.

"Do you want to have lunch with us?", Shinji asked.

"No, thank you. I have work to do", Gendo said coldly and walked off.

"Oh, well. Let's go, pilot Soryu", Shinji said and walked off in their original direction.

Gendo looked back upon their retreating backs.

"Dammit! He was supposed to be sad when I rejected his invitation!", he cursed and sauntered off to his lonely office.

-------

"I can't believe she is making us listen to this music 24 hours a day…", Asuka said with her hair in a towel in her right hand as she walked out of the bathroom and took a can of cola from the fridge. She was clad in a spaghetti strap tank top and very short jeans. Something Misato would wear.

The music they had been practicing for the day was playing softly in the background.

"I do not mind. It is quite relaxing", Shinji said as he lie down on his bed, eyes closed and lips curled in a small smile, his hands behind his head.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'm sick of it", Asuka replied and sat down on the edge of Shinji's bed.

"To each his own…", Shinji said back enigmatically with his eyes still closed. Asuka frowned as if the concept was alien to her (it may be, for all we know) and decided to change to subject.

"By the way, what's with you and your dad?", she asked. Shinji opened his eyes.

"What about us?", he asked back.

"Well, you two don't seem much like a father and son to me", she replied.

"Is that how you see it? I suppose we may have been separated for too long to look much like son and father anymore", Shinji said.

"But he rejected your invitation just now, didn't he?", she asked again.

"Well, he must be pretty busy. He is the commander of this facility, after all", he replied. Asuka was silent for a while.

"…That's all you make of it?", she asked after 3 whole minutes.

"Yes. Is there something wrong?", Shinji asked back and glanced at her.

"No, not really. I just admire your simple-mindedness", she said and sipped her cola.

"I prefer directness, thank you very much", Shinji said and sat up on the bed. "What about your parents?", he asked.

"I don't have a father", she answered.

"…Oh…I'm sorry…when did he die?", Shinji said and slumped his shoulders forward.

"Idiot. If I don't have one, how could one have died?", she retorted. Shinji's eyes widened.

"I see…", he said, and Asuka started to nod. "So your father left you while you were in your mother's womb! What kind of father is he!", Shinji suddenly roared, and a spray of black, fizzy liquid burst forth from Asuka's mouth.

"Hey, wait a minute! I never said that!", she yelled.

"Of course! You must have run away from home then! Your father must have been a drunk who hit you and your poor mother every time he hits the bar! I admire your courage!", Shinji roared again. Asuka could only gape.

"HELL NO! Listen! I don't-", Asuka began, and was immediately cut off.

"WHAT! He also tried to rape you!", Shinji roared a third time.

"NO! JUST LISTEN TO ME, WILL YOU!", Asuka yelled and clamped her hands over his mouth before he could say anything else.

Meanwhile, Misato, Ritsuko and Kaji are laughing very, very, very, very hard at the scene unfolding in the monitor which connects to the cameras in the children's room.

"Man, I didn't know things are gonna turn out this great!", Misato panted in between laughter as she held her aching stomach.

"Make it stop! I can't take it anymore!", Ritsuko said as she slumped in her chair, exhausted by laughter.

"I'm sending this to NERV's funniest home videos…", Kaji wheezed.

Meanwhile, back in room, Asuka was still holding Shinji's lips.

"Listen! I don't have a father because I am a test-tube baby!", she said, and Shinji's eyes widened.

"You? A test tube baby?", Shinji asked in disbelief.

"Of course! I am the product of the best egg cell and sperm there is in the world!" Asuka said proudly, with the correct 'proud noble lady' pose, of course. I have no idea what that is, so I'll let your imagination take over.

"…You…the product of…", Shinji looked her over with the same disbelief he showed a few moments ago.

"What! You don't believe me!", she yelled. Shinji tried hard to not say 'of course'.

"Of course not", he said instead. "…Isn't it lonely? Growing up without a father?", Shinji asked. Asuka took a moment to collect her words before replying.

"…Not really. It never really bothered me. All I know is that I have to be the best EVA pilot there is", she said and set her empty cola can down. "After all, I am chosen out of so many other children. The only way for me to be happy is to make people recognize my work as a pilot", she added.

Shinji did not reply, and the conversation ended there, and continued to end until they get to sleep.

Yes, it ended there.

Really.

Okay. I ran out of ideas. Happy?

Later that night, Shinji was awakened by rustling sounds coming from Asuka's bed. He shot up to a sitting position and stared at her bed, alert for any signs of unusual activity.

"…ther…", Asuka mumbled softly, and Shinji strained his ears to listen.

"Mother…", she repeated. His eyes widened slightly in surprise. "Mother, why did you leave me?", she continued to mumble.

Shinji smiled slightly and went back under the covers.

"What a stubborn girl…", he said softly moments before drifting back into sleep.

---------

The day before the big fight, the children practiced as usual.

Shinji moved very slowly this time, even slower than Asuka, who had left him behind by a few moves within the first few seconds of the song.

"You two! Stop!", Misato shouted over the music.

The two quickly stopped and turned to face her.

"Shinji…I know we told you not to…snap…but that was ridiculous…", Misato said to the 3rd child, who just nodded curtly in response. "And Asuka. I know you are moving perfectly in tune, but can't you at least attempt to follow Shinji's tempo?", Misato sternly asked the 2nd child.

"Well, I am doing it perfectly, right? Why should I lower myself to his level when I am already doing it the right way?", Asuka retorted and turned her head haughtily away. "Besides…", she continued and turned towards Rei, who was standing next to Kaji next to the door. "What is that doll Ayanami doing watching us? I can't concentrate properly with her looking at me", she said. Misato sighed.

'This girl doesn't get it, does she?", she thought to herself before turning to Rei. "Rei, take over for Asuka", she ordered.

"Yes, captain", Rei answered in her usual monotone and stepped beside Shinji as Asuka looked on in stunned silence.

"Shinji, move as you like", Misato said to Shinji, who quickly nodded.

"I ask for your cooperation, Ikari", Rei said to Shinji.

"As do I, Ayanami. Now, let's begin!", the latter answered back and the music started once again.

Shinji brought his right palm up above his head in a smooth semicircle, relaxed, and his left palm did the same as it went down to form a vertical line in the center of his body. His right leg bent as Shinji lowered his body and his left hung in front of it. Ayanami did the same, following him move for move.

"…Hey, that wasn't in the choreography", Kaji said softly to Misato.

"Doesn't matter. What's important is that they're moving in perfect sync, and the tempo is actually correct for this song", the latter replied, never taking her eyes off the two 'dancers'.

In the meantime, Shinji had lunged forward and spun his left arm forward in a semicircle in front of him, striking at an imaginary enemy's throat as his right drove down to block an imaginary strike to his midsection, which Rei copied perfectly.

As the music went on, Shinji and Rei continued to move quickly in a fusion between ballet and a martial dance derived from all sorts of indiscernible sources, snapping and driving to add power to their 'strikes'.

"What the hell! This is not even ballet anymore!" Asuka cursed softly, which caught Misato's attention.

"As I said before, that was not important. What is important is for them to move as one", Misato retorted. Asuka froze. "If unit-00 is not being repaired, we would have paired them up right now and save ourselves all this trouble", Misato added.

"…Fine then…", Asuka said softly.

"Hmm?", Misato looked at her.

"Why don't you make her EVA-02's pilot then?", Asuka said and started walking.

"Hey, Asuka!", Misato called out, but Asuka was already running.

"…Some captain you are…", Kaji commented casually.

"Arrrrgh! Dammit! I'm not trained to take care of spoiled kids like this!", Misato yelled as she clutched her head.

"Should I go after her?", Shinji asked, his wrist communicator already close to his lips.

"That's a good idea", Kaji replied. Shinji nodded in response.

"Combat Rusher!", Shinji roared into his communicator.

Just then, Misato remembered that they are currently in an underground facility.

The bike is above ground.

"Wait, how is that bike going to-", she was cut short by a very loud rumble coming from above them. "…Don't tell me…", Misato's lips twitched as she realized that she really _does not _want to know the answer to her question.

A second later, the ceiling fell in as the large black bike burst through it and landed in the middle of the room.

Kaji whistled, impressed.

Misato gaped in horror as she started counting the deficit this is going to create in her bank account.

"Rusher GO!", Shinji roared as he jumped onto the bike and immediately streaked out of the room.

Rei slowly waved her hand as Shinji rumbled off into the distance.

On that day, many staffs of NERV would be confounded by the tire tracks that seemed to suddenly appear with a large gust of wind that runs through the hallways.

And so, the legend of the Phantom Rusher of NERV begins…

…no. I am not turning this into an Initial D rip off.

Not yet, anyway…

---------

Asuka sat in a pavilion in the middle of an Edenic garden, with palm trees and great sculptured pillars strewn about the beautiful landscape.

The garden is a statement to how 'poor' NERV really is. Indeed, staff has complained how the higher ups can afford to make such a beautiful garden that serves little purpose other than to relax in while at the same time denying vehemently any requests of pay raise, claiming that their accommodations (which is no better than a rusted oil tanker's) more than makes up for it.

Hey, if you're only paid 4000 yen per month, you'd complain. (roughly equal to 44 bucks)

But enough of that little talk about the welfare of NERV staffs.

Asuka stared into the shallow pond in front of her, her gaze wilting the lotus flowers growing there. Her eyes never strayed from the water. Thankfully for the fishies in the water, her radioactive gaze did not linger for long as our savior comes in his big metal steed.

"…What the hell was that…?", Asuka muttered softly as her ears picked up a rumble somewhere behind her. She stood up and her eyes immediately shot wide in surprise as she saw a large cloud of dust and grass bearing down on her position.

"PILOT ASUKA!", Shinji roared as Combat Rusher…rushed towards Asuka, who was looking more and more like the rabbit who was about to be run down by a 14-wheeler…

I need to get more prose…er…metaphors…whatever.

His eyes burned with his passion as his red scarf trailed behind him. To shonen heroes, this is the ideal look. For everybody else, including the redhead in the headlight, he just looks maniacal…and homicidal.

"GGGGGYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", Asuka screamed and started running.

"WAIT! PILOT ASUKA!", Shinji roared as he set the bike on an intercept course.

"GET AWAY FROM ME! MOMMY! I DON'T WANT TO DIE A VIRGIN!", she screamed and continued to run.

Back at command center, Misato was recording the whole event onto her blank DVD.

"Shit, I'm keeping this…", she giggled as softly as possible.

Any idiot can figure out that the human leg can never outrun a motorcycle that has a top speed of more than 200mph.

With that in mind, it is no surprise that Shinji managed to easily overtake her and skid to a halt no more than half a meter in front of her.

"NO! Don't kill me!", Asuka screamed as Shinji got off the bike.

"What are you talking about?", Shinji asked, confused.

"…You're not going to kill me?", Asuka asked.

"Why would I want to do that?", Shinji asked back.

And just like that, Asuka was back from 'scared little girl' to 'the bitch'.

"Hmph. You must be here to brag then", she said coldly and started walking away.

"About what?", Shinji asked, following her.

"Don't play dumb with me. You managed to shift the blame on me, didn't you? Me, the one who was dancing perfectly!", she retorted. Shinji stopped waling. "You were the one who did not get it…Why am I the one being blamed! You were the one at fault!", she yelled, back turned towards him.

"…What a stubborn girl", Shinji said, which caught Asuka's attention.

"What did you say!", she whirled around to face him.

"I said you are a stubborn one", Shinji replied and walked closer. "You really should loosen up a little", he added and scratched his head absently.

"What makes you think you have the right to say that to me!", Asuka yelled.

"Well, I'm just giving you some suggestions here", Shinji said calmly. "After all, aren't you tired of putting on that good girl face all the time? I know _I_ can't stand it for long", he added.

"Shut up! What makes you think you can understand me!", Asuka yelled back defiantly.

"Of course I do", Shinji replied, and continued before Asuka could say anything. "I used to do that quite often as a child, until I realized that doing so will never make me feel happy. It's just going to make me feel worse. Imagine that…living behind a mask your whole life, shackled in chains of your own design. Not a happy thought at all!", he said at length, and Asuka could tell from his eyes that he was not lying.

She could not say anything and they stood there in silence for a good five minutes before Shinji finally walked away and got on his bike.

"Well, in any case, I don't think the music we are currently using now is compatible with our combined movements. I shall ask the captain for a better theme. Come back whenever you are ready!", he said and took off on Combat Rusher at a slower pace than his arrival.

Asuka was silent.

--------

"Asuka has not come back…", Ritsuko said casually and sipped her latest brew, twice as strong as her last one. I lost track of how strong it is, but it goes without saying that it would have been lethal to any other kind of organism, including me and you.

"Dammit. The battle is tomorrow, but they have not been able to move in any kind of sync at all", Misato said, gently stirring her own cup of coffee. They were both sitting in the cafeteria. "I wonder if we should get Rei to take her place", she added.

"Should we prepare for it, then?", Ritsuko asked.

"I don't think we need to", Kaji said as he leaned against one of the pillars.

"What makes you think so?", Misato asked and sipped her coffee.

"Well, Shinji just asked me for a more fitting song. I think we can afford to wait one night", he replied.

Silence.

"Misato?", he called out and turned towards her. His eyes widened in surprise when he saw her shaking uncontrollably. "What the-Misato!", he yelled and quickly rushed over to her. "What happened to you!", he asked as he frantically checked her vital signs.

"I think she tried one of my brews…", Ritsuko said calmly and pulled out a syringe from her coat pocket.

"…Oh…", Kaji relaxed and let Ritsuko get to work.

"Now, this won't hurt _me_ at all…", she said and immediately stabbed Misato's but with the sharp needle.

"AAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!", the latter screamed and jumped five feet off her chair. She landed in Kaji's arms and promptly proceeded to slap him silly.

She made an oath that day to check the contents of any coffee brewer Ritsuko has come in contact with before pouring herself a cup.

Meanwhile, Shinji waited in the music room, his eyes closed as he studied the song he is hearing right now. He had changed into his usual school clothing, sans shoes and socks. Of course, the scarf stays.

He stopped the player when he heard the electronic door open.

"Welcome back, pilot Asuka!", Shinji greeted lively and stood up. She was still in her dancing clothes. She still looked pissed, but there were no signs of depression in her face.

"Right. I'm back. So where's this new music you've got for us?", Asuka replied curtly.

"Ah. Of course. Right here", Shinji said and turned on the player.

_YOU wa SHOCK_

_Ai de sora ga ochite kuru_

"…That?", Asuka asked in disbelief.

"Yes. That. It's a lot livelier, don't you think?", Shinji replied.

_YOU wa SHOCK_

_ore no mune ni ochite kuru_

"Ok…I'll give you that…what about the choreography?", Asuka asked again.

"We don't have one", Shinji replied with a big smile. Asuka's eyes nearly popped out.

"…What did you just say?", she asked in disbelief, again.

"We don't have any choreography. We'll just have to try each other's moves as best we can", Shinji smiled.

"ARE YOU NUTS! There is no way we can do that without-", Asuka started, but was cut off.

"If we follow a set choreography, I fear your focus will be on following the choreography as correctly as you can instead of moving in sync with me", Shinji said.

Asuka opened her mouth, but realized that it was indeed true. After all, was that not what happened the last few days they practiced together?

"Alright. We'll do it your way", she sighed and turned towards the camera in a corner of the room. "But first…", she said softly before jumping up and delivering a kick at the camera, causing it to break into pieces.

In another part of NERV…

"DAMMIT! She broke the camera!", Misato screamed at the monitor which was showing white ants moving rapidly across a black background…or was it the other way around?

"Well, she's probably shy about showing her true colors to us", Kaji commented beside her.

5 minutes passed before Misato broke the silence.

"Aren't you going to try coming on to me?", she asked.

"After the last time I tried? No thanks", Kaji replied with a slight shudder.

"…Good point", Misato replied and tried to find other cameras that had a feed to the music room.

Back to the children…

_atsui kokoro kusari de tsunai demo_

_ima wa muda da yo_

_jama suru yatsu wa yubisaki hitotsu de DOWN sa_

Shinji and Asuka threw their arms and feet about in an imaginary battle against their imaginary opponent.

They were moving at roughly the same tempo, but always in opposing sides.

Whenever Shinji threw a right punch, Asuka would throw a left. Whenever Shinji threw a right kick, Asuka would throw a left, and so on and so forth.

After a good 30 minutes, both of them stopped to take a break.

"Well, that went better than I expected", Shinji commented as he chugged down a bottle of mineral water.

"Of course! After all, I AM the best pilot there is!", Asuka said haughtily as she sipped her water, which got Shinji's laugh in return.

"Well, whatever you say. Come, we must perfect this before daybreak tomorrow!", he said and pointed his finger towards the unknown horizon.

"Alright, alright…", Asuka sighed as she joined Shinji.

---------

"Both targets has penetrated the Gouran defense line!", Shigeru reported in NERV's command center. The giant monitors in front of the staff shows the 2 angels Shinji and Asuka fought 5 days ago walking towards NERV.

"They are currently en route to the mountains of Tokyo 3. Target has breached point Zero", Maya reported.

"Damn! They are 3 hours earlier than we anticipated!", Misato fumed and turned to Aoba. "How are the EVAs?", she asked.

"Well, they are ready to launch, but the pilots seem to be stuck in the changing room", he replied.

"…what?", Misato asked incredulously.

"You heard me", Aoba replied.

A minute later, Misato strode down the hallway to where the changing room is. Shinji was already outside the men's room in his plug suit and red scarf, but Asuka was nowhere to be seen.

"Shinji! What's going on?", she asked.

"Oh! Captain! Pilot Soryu is still changing, ma'am!", Shinji replied.

"What! What's taking her so long!", Misato yelled.

"Well, she must be tired. We didn't get to sleep much yesterday", Shinji replied, and Misato noticed that his eyes were a little droopier than usual and he was desperately stifling yawns.

"Well, whatever. I know just the trick", she said and pulled out a cup of Ritsuko's latest brew from her jacket. Don't ask me how she carries that without spilling the contents.

With that, she went into the room and came out shortly afterwards with a very alert Asuka.

"Alright. Get to positions, you two!", Misato yelled.

"YESMAAM!", Asuka squeaked loudly. It was like watching a videotape on fast forward.

"…Uh…is she OK?", Shinji asked.

"Don't worry. I just gave her some of Ritsuko's brew", Misato replied.

"Is that not lethal?", Shinji asked in alarm.

"Don't worry. The effect should wear off pretty soon. Now GO!", Misato ordered. Shinji and Asuka threw a crisp and, in Asuka's case, lightning fast, salute and ran off to the hangar.

"I hope they'll be fine", Misato sighed and went back to the command center.

--------

Up on the surface, 2 elevators ascended from the ground with EVA-01 and EVA-02 in each.

"Has the cable been removed?", Misato asked Makoto.

"Nope. Hey requested to remove it themselves", he replied.

"What are they thinking now?", she sighed as she watched the monitors.

"Don't worry. You know how Shinji is. He's probably got some trick up his sleeve", Kaji said from beside her. Misato just crossed her fingers.

"Hey, Shinji…", Asuka called out from inside EVA-02's cockpit, the effect of the brew apparently gone.

"Yes?", Shinji replied.

"Are you sure we should do it?", she asked.

"Of course! It shall affirm our superiority over these monsters!", he roared back.

"Hooo…He's getting fired up", Kaji commented.

"That's good", Ritsuko added and sipped her brew.

The angels came into view in the monitors and in the EVAs' cockpits.

"They're here!", Maya reported.

"Right! Let's do it!", Shinji said optimistically and EVA-01 and 02 stepped out of the elevator and pointed their index fingers. Right and left, repectively.

"This battle…", Shinji began dramatically.

"…s…shall be…", Asuka continued in a wavering voice.

"OUR VICTORY!", both roared at the same time…well, Asuka didn't roar so much as squeak in shame.

In the command center, the staff could only gape in incredulity.

"…card up his sleeve, eh?", Ritsuko asked. Kaji scratched his head with an uneasy grin.

"Music ON!", Shinji roared as both EVAs unplugged their umbilicals.

_YOU wa SHOCK_

Both EVAs ran towards the approaching angels and jumped horizontally forward to deliver a flying kick to the angels' midsection, EVA-01 with the right foot and EVA-02 with the left.

_ai de sora ga ochite kuru_

"YES! PERFECT!", Misato yelled in the command center as the angels were thrown back several kilometers by the attack.

_YOU wa SHOCK_

_ore no mune ni ochite kuru_

"YOSH! NEXT!", Shinji roared and EVA-01 put both fists forward as EVA-02 picked up a pair of rifles which sprang up from the ground beside it.

_atsui kokoro kusari de tsunai demo_

_ima wa muda da yo_

_jama suru yatsu wa yubisaki hitotsu de DOWN sa_

"SHINE BLASTER!", Shinji roared as EVA-01 lets loose a series of blue bolts of light from its knuckles towards the angels.

"EAT THIS!", Asuka followed with bursts of rifle fire.

_YOU wa SHOCK_

_ai de kodou hayaku naru_

The rain of bullets and energy bursts hit the angels, but not at crucial places, and they quickly retaliated with bursts of laser fire from their…uh…eyes, for lack of a better description.

_YOU wa SHOCK_

_ore no kodou hayaku naru_

Seeing this, EVA-01 quickly unlocked its arms and EVA-02 ditched its rifles as they avoided the shots in a criss-crossing zigzag patterns which takes them on a direct path to the angels.

_omae motome samayou kokoro ima_

_atsuku moete iru_

_subete tokashi muzan ni tobichiru hazu sa_

"OOORRYAAAAA!", Shinji roared once he got close enough and delivered a powerful haymaker at the angel on the right, causing it to collide into the angel on the left.

"SSEEIII!", Asuka yelled as she drove a kick into the faltering angel on the left's midsection, sending both of them flying back into Shinji's punches. It went like that for a while, both EVAs alternately attacking both angels, causing them to bounce around like pinball balls.

"YAY! GO, SHINJI! GO, ASUKA!", Misato cheered inside the command center as Kaji looked on in wonder.

_ore to no ai wo mamoru tame_

_omae wa tabidachi_

_ashita wo miushinatta_

"ASUKA! FINISHING MOVE! DOUBLE!", Shinji roared.

"ALRIGHT! FINISHING MOVE! DOUBLE!", Asuka roared back and both EVAs grabbed one angel each and drove several vicious uppercuts into their midsections, followed by a powerful thrust kick straight up that sends both angels flying straight up.

"TEN!", both roared and streaked upwards at the same time.

"CHI!", both roared again as they grabbed their respective angels.

"OTOSHI", both roared a third time as they kicked at the AT barrier formed behind them and drove both angels down at incredible speeds.

"KAIIII!", both yelled a final time as they kicked the cores with different feet on the way down and drove right through both angels.

_hohoemi wasureta kao nado mitaku wa nai sa_

_ai wo torimodose_

Time seemed to pass in slow motion as both EVAs landed crouching on the ground and stood up.

"Omae wa…", Shinji began sternly.

"…mou…", Asuka continued in a softer tone.

"shindeiru!", both said together as the angels above them began to split up and explode, eventually getting engulfed in two large crosses of flame.

"YAY! WE DID IT!", Misato cheered and instinctively hugged Kaji around the neck. Realizing what she just did and seeing Kaji's lecherously happy face (her words, not mine), she quickly let go and slapped the confused man.

--------

"Well, we did it…", Asuka said as they walked down the hallway that leads from the changing room to the debriefing room.

"Yes, indeed…", Shinji answered and immediately yawned.

"Hey! What kind of answer is that! You should be happier than that!", Asuka retorted and slapped his back good-naturedly, and the unexpected happened.

Shinji stopped in his tracks and slumped forward, straight into the shoulder of a blue haired girl with red eyes.

"Sh, Shinji! What's wrong! And what are you doing here, wonder girl!", Asuka yelled.

"I had thought Ikari may need assistance after staying up for nearly 24 hours straight, and it appears that I was right to assume so", Rei answered as she carefully sat down on metal bench and placed Shinji's head on her lap.

"Oh, c'mon! He can't sleep now! We still need to get debriefed!", Asuka yelled and began pacing back and forth.

"The commander allows incapacitated staff members to be absent from non-urgent matters like debriefings. I am sure it would not matter", Rei replied calmly. Asuka looked at her curiously as she observed Shinji's sleeping face.

"…Oh, well. If you say so. I guess he does deserve a little break", Asuka replied and left to head to the briefing room.

"Indeed…", Rei said softly once Asuka was out of earshot.

"…he deserves it", she whispered and gently began stroking Shinji' hair, a small smile forming at the edge of her lips.

------

End chapter 4.

Damn, that was long.

I just broke my own record.

Well, hope you guys enjoy it, and keep the reviews coming.

Can't say what exactly I'm gonna do for the next filler.

Just wait for it.

Note:

Omae wa mou shindeiru You are already dead.

I don't think I need to explain where this comes from, right?


	6. Filler 2: Da biggu matchi!

**Extra Chapter: Filler Number 2**

**TATAKAE! Mirai no kodomo tachi!**

**FIGHT! Children of the future!**

**A.K.A**

**THE SUPER CORNY TOURNAMENT THINGY EPISODE!**

**A/N:** I decided to make this while my mind was still reeling with ideas and other stuff…which was a few weeks…well, months ago now.

Speaking of Ultramen, 1 has already appeared in the story so far in human form if you had been paying attention and are really old…or an otaku like me.

Wait a minute.

I'm not an otaku!

I swear!

…Ah…who am I kidding?

I even wrote the title in my half-assed Japanese…which I know is probably wrong anyway.

Well, in any case, enjoy.

Oh, and forget whatever you learned in physics.

Don't forget to throw common sense out the window too.

--------

It was a beautiful day in Tokyo 3. Of course, the word beautiful here is objective. For most of us, panoramas of ruined buildings, giant footprints, flooded beaches, and other ruined whatnots would not be part of the word beautiful.

For the citizens of Tokyo 3, however, such sights are things to hold dear.

…You know, this dramatic stuff ain't really working for me. Let's just skip to the good stuff, like NERV.

…Yes, I know it's the home of one of the biggest bastards in the anime-verse (what the hell is that?), but we're not focusing on him anyway.

Somewhere deep within NERV, Gendo sobbed.

"-sniff- No one cares…", were his words as he sat in his lonely office with only the much older Fuyutsuki as company.

Well, like I said, we're not talking about him…much, so let's turn our attention to one meeting room which was currently being occupied by Misato, Kaji, Ritsuko, and the bridge bunnies.

"So…why did you call us here, Kaji?", Ritsuko asked, sipping on her latest brew, which…

You know, the stuff she keeps making are getting so out of hand that I'll just say this for all of them; they are lethal and should not be drunk by any normal(?) person under any kind of circumstances.

Asuka in the last chapter was an exception.

It was only one drop, and you saw how she almost killed herself from it…

OK, maybe not, but you get the idea…right?

"Yeah. I've got things to do, you know", Misato said, sipping from her can of beer.

Take note that 'things to do' here refers to guzzling fermented yeast 'til kingdom come, and ''til kingdom come' is really not too far in the future, actually.

"Well, I was just thinking of our pilots today when I realized that there is a way to enhance their performance in combat", Kaji said, his hands crossed in front of his chest as he sat leisurely in his chair.

"So do we. It's called training", Ritsuko said coldly.

"Yes, yes, I know that, but what kind of training?", Kaji asked.

"Well, sync trainings, of course. What else?", Misato asked back. Kaji smiled and held his right index finger up in front of his face.

"Ah, yes, of course. Sync training! Now, tell me. Whose synch rate is the best here?", he said with a winning smirk.

"Well, that's easy", Shigeru commented.

"Shinji, of course. He gets 80 percent on a bad day and comes close to 130 when he's on a roll", Makoto answered.

"Indeed! Now, with that in mind, what do you think is the contributing factor for this?", Kaji asked with a hint of triumph in his voice.

"Uh…martial training?", Maya offered hesitantly.

"Exactly!", Kaji yelled in victory. Misato frowned when she began to grasp what it was Kaji was trying to say.

"Wait…you're not thinking of-", she began only to be cut off by Kaji who pulled out a poster from his back.

"Yes! Precisely! We will enter them in this!", he said cheerfully and brandished the piece of glossy paper for all to see.

On it were pictures of various martial artists duking it out in different venues. Printed in large yellow letters was 'ULTIMATE DOJO FIGHTING CHAMPIONSHIP THINGY!'.

"…Ultimate dojo fighting championship…thingy…?", Ritsuko asked, her eyes betraying the incredible incredulity she was feeling.

"Hey, don't look at me. The guy who crushed your foot was the one who gave this to me", Kaji retorted.

"Ah…", Ritsuko nodded and paid no further mind. "No wonder it's so goddamn corny", she said.

HEY! I said PAID NO FURTHER MIND!

"So? You gonna do something to me?", she asked the author…which would be me.

Well, no…but what will people think of a person who talks to the wall?

"I'm not talking to the wall. I'm talking to you", Ritsuko answered.

That's not what _they_ think.

And with that, the good(?) doctor turned to see all eyes trained on her.

"Uh…are you OK, Ritsy?", Misato asked.

"Yeah…you were kinda talking to the wall there…", Kaji added. Ritsuko's face flushed and she quietly sipped her coffee.

"…Right…well, what were you saying again?", Misato continued.

"Oh. Yeah. We'll enter them in this!", Kaji said and brandished the poster once again.

"Is this really a good idea? I mean, we don't even know if they are qualified for this kind of thing", Shigeru said and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

"Oh, don't worry about that. I found an excellent trainer for them. Besides, we know Shinji probably won't need any help, so that's one down", Kaji said and sipped his coffee.

"Trainer?", Ritsuko asked after sipping hers.

"Yep!", Kaji said as he walked to the door and opened it to reveal a tall man wearing what looks like the ensemble of a 70's action hero. You know, shirt with impossibly large upturned collars, incredibly crisp pants, etc. His sharp eagle eyes scanned the staff.

"Good morning", the man said with a smile, his gruff voice a perfect accompaniment to his robust facial features, complete with thick eyebrows and an impressively macho beard and mustache combo.

"People, Mugen Tatsuya. Mister Tatsuya, people", Kaji instantly introduced the people.

"Hey, don't group us collectively like that. We have names, you know", Misato huffed.

"Hey, I'm just doing what the script says I should do", Kaji raised his hands and pulled out a script for this sad excuse of a story.

"…Lazy author…", Ritsuko said sipped her coffee. Almost instantly, a large anvil with ACME written on it fell on her head, causing a large amount of pain, just enough to make sure she suffers for a while without knocking her out completely. Needless to say, this caught everyone's attention.

Never mess with the author.

"…O…kay…", Shigeru said slowly and looked back at the newcomer, who was scratching his head, full of medium length hair that's tied back in a ponytail not unlike Shinji's.

"…Mugen…?", Misato wondered aloud.

"…Something wrong, lady?", Kaji asked.

"I think I've heard that name before…", Misato looked at the ceiling as she tried to recall. Tatsuya looked at her and thought for a bit before speaking.

"…Might you be Katsuragi Misato?", he asked. Misato looked back at him, slightly confused.

"Uh…yes. That would be me", she replied hesitantly. Tatsuya laughed heartily and quickly stepped forward, bowed, and shook her hand. "Uh…?", Misato reacted in surprise.

"Thank you for taking care of little Shinji! I am his previous guardian, Mugen Tatsuya!", Tatsuya replied heartily. Misato's eyes widened and her mouth opened wide in shock.

"You're the one who taught him how to fight?", Misato asked. Tatsuya nodded sharply.

"I guess we won't have to worry too much, then", Makoto commented.

"Of course not! I shall whip those kids into lethal fighting justice defenders in less than a week!", Tatsuya said and gave another hearty laugh as Misato looked on with a sense of déjà vu.

"…Well, it's easy to tell where Shinji's attitude came from", Maya said under her breath to the other bridge bunnies.

"Yeah…", Shigeru agreed.

-------

"Wait. Run that by me again?", Asuka said to Misato in front of her, her right hand stretched out in front of her in a gesture of protest.

"Like I said, the three of you will be participating in this…", Misato said and looked at the poster in her hand again. "…ultimate dojo fighting championship thingy…man, that _is_ corny…", she continued and sighed.

"A martial arts tournament, I see. It has been a while since I have participated in one", Shinji said from Asuka's right, his arms crossed in front of him and his red scarf blowing behind him, without any wind, of course.

"You've been in one of these?", Misato asked in genuine surprise, though on hindsight, it should not be too surprising, what with him being a shonen hero and all.

"Of course! It is only one of the many tests I had to face to become a qualified instructor of Mugen-ryu karate!", he replied with a wide, confident smile.

"That's good. At least now we know what to expect", Misato said in relief.

"Are you serious?! Why the hell would we want to waste time participating in some stupid competition when an angel can attack us at any moment?!", Asuka protested loudly. Misato sighed.

"Well, that is true, but we are not doing this for no reason, you know. We have calculated that your piloting abilities should be increased somewhat if you can keep your focus during battles, like Shinji most of the time", the latter explained.

"But, captain…", Shinji began.

"Oh, god. Not you too! You are supposed to be the brave hero here, for goodness sake!", Misato retorted.

"I'm sorry, captain, but I must point out that the tournament committee only accepts group applications of at least 5 combatants", Shinji said.

Misato was silent as she counted the to-be-combatants present in front of her.

Shinji, that's one.

Asuka, that's two, like it or not.

Rei, which makes an easy three.

No four.

"Ah…shit…", Misato sighed in defeat.

"Do not despair, captain!", a loud voice boomed from behind the children, and they turned to look at their soon-to-be-trainer.

"Uncle Tatsuya!", Shinji exclaimed happily with a very big smile on his face.

"Nice to see you again, Shinji!", Tatsuya said, heartily, of course.

The two of them stepped briskly towards each other and, without any warning, launched a series of lightning-quick hand strikes towards each other, which was simultaneously blocked by the other, which ended after a brief 3 seconds.

"Good to see you have not been neglecting your training!", Tatsuya said as he dusted his sleeves off.

"Of course not, uncle! I am glad to see you are in top condition as usual!", Shinji replied as he did the same.

"…Who is that?", Rei asked in her monotone, her eyes showing a very slight glint of interest.

"Oh, him? Well, that is your trainer", Misato replied cheerfully.

"...Please tell me you are kidding…", Asuka blanched. One Shinji was bad enough for her. Two of them is more than pure nightmare and pure evil combined together to form the ultimate milkshake of…yeah…worse than whatever that will be.

"Why not? He's a great boost to anyone's morale! Besides, he turned Shinji into what he is now. I bet he can at least improve your fighting skills!", Misato said with a wide smile.

"Thank you for that vote of confidence, Miss Katsuragi", Tatsuya thanked her with a bow. "Now, I understand you have a problem?", he asked as he straightened up.

"Damn right we do. I ain't parti-SHMMPPHH!", Asuka said right as Misato clamped a strip of very strong duct tape over her lips.

"We do not have enough people to participate in the tournament, uncle Tatsuya", Shinji said over the background noise of Asuka struggling to get free.

"I see…well, do you have anyone in mind who can help us?", Tatsuya asked.

"There are several I can think of…", Shinji shrugged.

"Good! Work on them while I work on shaping your teammates into shape!", Tatsuya roared cheerfully and turned towards the calm blue haired girl and the rampaging red haired one as Shinji gave a sharp nod and headed out of the room.

Rei looked back passively and Tatsuya noticed the pale blue scarf she was wearing.

Asuka looked back with equal amounts of fear, anger, anxiety and other minor unpleasant emotions mixed into one. Tetsuya noticed the tape plastered firmly on her lips.

He laughed, so full of mirth that it was hard to tell exactly what it was he was laughing at.

Recycling your used phrases and sentences is good, people.

HELP SAVE THE PLANET!

"Come now! No need to be so tense! We'll have a lot of fun exploring your combat potentials!", Tatsuya said and started to approach the 2 children.

Asuka began to scream into the duct tape.

Apparently, the only word she heard from that sentence with that selective brain of hers was 'fun' and 'exploring you'.

Go figure.

---------

"…Can you run that by me again?", Toji asked as he sucked the cola in a paper cup in his right hand through the straw, dressed in his usual trainers.

"I am asking the two of you to participate in the ultimate dojo fighting championship thingy as part of our team", Shinji answered. Toji's face was blank as his brain went into high gear processing what had just been said to him.

"OK…", he began after a minute. "I don't know about him", he points to Hayata who was standing next to him, "but what makes you think I can or will fight in that championship thingy?", he asked.

"Well, you two are the only people of my age has any fighting skill at all", Shinji shrugged.

"…Right…what makes you think I have any fighting skills at all?", Toji asked while Hayata continue to chew his burger.

"You held up well enough during the clash with the deadly thugs", Shinji shrugged again.

"That was because you and that mad bull of a girl took care of most of them!", Toji raised his voice.

"Well, I don't really mind, but Suzuhara is right. I can't see him competing in a professional level tournament such as this", Hayata spoke for the first time in this fic.

"Worry not! My uncle shall prepare him for battle. There is none more qualified for the job!", Shinji said optimistically. Toji was not sold.

"…Was he the one who turned you into what you are now?", he asked, and Shinji quickly nodded. "…I ain't goin'", Toji said and began to walk away.

"Why not?", Shinji asked as he and Hayata followed Toji.

"You really think I wanna get turned into a guy as weird as you?", Toji asked back to a confused Shinji.

"…Well, I guess we'll have to use force, then…", Hayata said as he threw the last piece of burger into his mouth.

"Huh? What did you-ugh!", Toji turned back just in time for Hayata to judo chop him across the neck, sending him into blissful unconsciousness.

"Are you sure this is alright?", Shinji asked as Hayata slung Toji over his shoulder.

"Well, I don't think he will agree by any other means", Hayata shrugged.

"I suppose", Shinji sighed as they walked towards Combat Rusher. "Why _did_ you decide to help me, by the way?", he asked.

"I want to take part in the competition", Hayata answered simply.

"…That's it?", Shinji asked.

"Pretty much", Hayata affirmed. "They have a large monetary reward, right?", he asked.

"Yes, something close to 2 million yen for second place and about 10 million for first place", Shinji answered, and a realization suddenly hit him. "Hey! Couldn't we have told him that instead of knocking him out?", he exclaimed and both of them stopped in their tracks.

"…I guess…", Hayata droned. "Ah well…", they shrugged and continued on their way.

---------

"NO! LET ME GO!", Toji shouted as Shinji and Hayata dragged him by the arms down the corridors of NERV that leads to Tatsuya's training grounds.

"Do not worry, my friend! You shall be trained to be a great warrior!", Shinji tried to placate his struggling…captive.

"Oh, FUCK NO! WHY WOULD I WANT TO RISK LIFE AND LIMBS IN A TOURNAMENT I KNOW I CAN'T EVEN WIN?!", Toji shouted back and Hayata quickly took out the poster and brought the prize part to Toji's eye level.

"How about that?", Hayata asked as Toji started drooling.

"…I'll take that as a yes", Shinji said when Toji began to smile. "Well, here we are!", the former said once they reached a double door and opened it.

"NOOOOOOO! GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME!", a loud female voice burst out of the room, causing Toji and Hayata to immediately close their ears with their palms. Shinji could shout louder than that, and as such, was unfazed.

"What the hell was that?", Toji asked to no one in particular as they observed the strange sight before them.

Asuka was hanging from one of the weapon stands in one corner of the dojo, looking very much like a scared kitten…or monkey, swinging a bo from one hand while gripping the top part of the stand tightly with her other arm and legs, screaming all the while.

Tatsuya was busy deflecting the bo swings while trying to get Asuka to calm down and get off the weapon rack.

Misato was laughing her ass off on the floor, thumping the tatami with her fists as her body shook under the humorous onslaught.

Rei was standing in the middle of the dojo, looking over the ridiculous sight in relative peace.

"…What's going on here?", Shinji asked after a few minutes. Apparently, none of them had heard the three boys arrive.

"Oh, Shinji! Good timing! Please get her to come down from the rack before she broke it!", Tatsuya exclaimed as he deflected yet another blow.

"Why would that crazy bitch want to climb up there, anyway?", Toji commented, and Asuka heard.

"Who you calling a bitch, asshole?!", she yelled and, in an impressive feat copied straight from the Matrix, ran along the walls and jumped off it, bo in hand, straight towards Toji. She swung down, and the stunned Toji closed his eyes and raised his hands to prepare for the impact, but it never came.

"Thank you, boy! Now we can get things moving!", Tatsuya said, his right hand holding the tip of the bo Asuka was about to use to turn Toji's head into brain pudding. Toji opened his eyes in surprise.

"Uh…you're welcome?", he said weakly as Asuka looked at Tatsuya with a look of pure horror.

"NO! LET ME GO! YOU SHALL NEVER HAVE MY VIRGINITY!", she screamed. Her hands released the bo and she ran in a random direction, not knowing she was heading straight for a wooden pillar.

"Wait! Pilot Asuka! Watch out for that-"

BANG!

"-pil…lar…", Shinji said, a fraction of a second too late to stop Asuka from colliding into the pillar and knocking herself out. WARNING! RIPOFF ALERT!

…why do I bother?

"…Well, that takes care of that", Misato said with an amused smile as she approached the boys. "So, Shinji, who are they?", she asked, gesturing towards the 2 boys Shinji came in with.

"My name is Gou Hayata. An honor to meet you, ma'am", Hayata bowed as he introduced himself. One of the veins in Misato's temple quickly popped up.

"I see A pleasure to meet you, Hayata. By the way…", she said sweetly and moved her face closer to the boy's. In a split second, her beauty turned into a hellishly furious one of equal magnitude. "Please…do not call me ma'am. Ever. Again", she hissed.

Hayata gulped and quickly nodded. He could swear there was a forked tongue coming out of her mouth.

"And this is…", Misato moved on to Toji.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……..", Toji gaped, drool streaming down the sides of his mouth as his gaze rested on Misato's face and her easily discernible E-cup assets.

"Um…are you OK?", Misato asked.

"Gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa……", Toji continued to drone.

"Hey, Shinji, is there something wrong with your friend?", she asked.

"I have not a clue. He seemed to be in high spirits when we came in", Shinji replied as Tatsuya observed with some amusement.

"Captain…how about moving out of the boy's line of sight?", Tatsuya suggested and immediately lead Misato away from her current position. Toji immediately snapped back to normality…well, as normal as anyone gets in this fic. "There we go! Now, what's your name, young one?", Tatsuya asked.

"Huh? Me? Oh, I'm Suzuhara Toji", Toji answered and bowed slightly.

"Toji, eh? Let me check you two for a minute", Tatsuya said and immediately began to squeeze Toji's arms, chests, butt, abs, and legs.

"HEY! What are you doing?!", Toji screamed in surprise when Tatsuya's hands squeezed his buttocks.

"Don't worry. He's just assessing your muscle density and flexibility", Shinji said just as Tatsuya finished.

"…Now I know where all the weird comes from…", Toji muttered under his breath as Tatsuya gave Hayata the same treatment.

"Hmm…", Tatsuya pondered once he is finished with them, his bearded chin in his right hand. "…Hayata, do you practice any martial art?", Tatsuya asked.

"Yes. I am a judo practitioner", Hayata replied.

"I thought so…you've got a pretty tough body", Tatsuya commented. "What about you, Toji?", he turned to Toji next.

"Me? Uh…does fighting games count?", Toji asked back with a sheepish grin.

"Nope", Tatsuya answered shortly.

"Oh. Well, then…I guess not", Toji scratched his head.

"Are you sure?", Tatsuya asked, one eyebrow raised in mild surprise.

"Yes…Is there something wrong?", Toji asked back. Tatsuya just looked at Shinji.

"He does not practice martial arts, uncle, but he is known in school as one of the best all-around athlete", Shinji replied with a shrug.

"Ah! That explains the muscles…" Tatsuya exclaimed. "Well, I know enough to give you boys and girls a proper training schedule now. We shall begin practice the next day. Return to this room at exactly 8 AM sharp tomorrow morning. Now, dismissed!", he said.

"Wait! What about school?", Toji asked.

"Yes. We need to attend classes at that time", Hayata added.

"Do not worry about that", Shinji began.

"NERV has requested that the school give special permits for the participants of the tournament, and we shall be exempt from classes for at least a month until the tournament is over", Rei continued for him. God knows when she got to his side.

"A month without classes?", Toji asked in slight disbelief.

Shinji and Rei nodded at the same time.

"YES! THIS IS MY DREAM COME TRUE!", Toji exclaimed and started doing the victory dance.

"Now, now…", Tatsuya began with a small laugh. "Do not be over eager. After all…", his face changed to a more sinister color. "You _will_ be training intensively for the next month", he said with an evil grin.

"Uh…Okay…", Toji gulped.

"Especially you, since you do not have any prior martial training", Tatsuya warned, and Toji gulped again. "Alright! If you all got that, we'll meet back here tomorrow morning! Dismissed!", Tatsuya ordered loudly.

"YES, SIR!", Shinji roared loudly and turned to leave the room.

"Yes, sir", Rei followed Shinji's lead.

"Uh…OK", Toji said and left after them.

Hayata just bowed before leaving.

Misato had to drag the unconscious Asuka out of the room.

Tatsuya sighed once they are all out.

"…Well, this will be pretty interesting…", he said before leaving.

---------

The next morning, they are all gathered back in the dojo.

Tatsuya stood alongside Shinji facing the other children. They were both wearing their worn karate gis with a black belt for Shinji and a black with 3 gold stripes at one end for Tatsuya. Shinji was wearing his scarf as usual.

"Well, for today's session, I shall break you into 2 groups. One group shall practice under Shinji, and the other will train under me", Tatsuya began. His right hand went out and pointed towards Rei. "Ayanami and Hayata, you will be in Shinji's group", he said and shifted to Toji. "Suzuhara and Soryu, you're with me", he finished.

There was a collective groan from both Toji and Asuka.

Rei and Hayata, on the other hand, said nothing whatsoever.

"Well, let us do our best, shall we?", Shinji said with an energetic smile as he approached his trainees.

"It's an honor, Ikari", Hayata bowed while Rei nodded with a ghost of a shadow of a hint of a smile which is only visible to the trained eye. Hayata and Rei were both wearing the judo gis they usually wore in school.

"Right, then! Let's go to that side", Shinji smiled and gestured with his head to the western portion of the dojo.

Meanwhile, Toji and Asuka were silent as Tatsuya happily approached them. Asuka was wearing a taekwondo outfit, provided by Misato just prior to this, a pair of bandages secured to her heels for support. Toji was dressed in a white tank top and black baggy long pants. Think Bruce Lee.

"What's wrong with you two?", Tatsuya asked when they remained silent.

"…Why do I have to be partnered with her?", Toji asked first.

"Yeah! And you're not going to do anything strange to me, are you?", Asuka added.

Tatsuya replied with a laugh.

"Relax! I'm not that kind of person, and I raised Shinji to not be one too", he said. "As for you two getting paired up together, well, it's really just a matter of style compatibility", he added.

"…What?", Toji asked.

"What part of him and me are, in any way, compatible?", Asuka added.

"Well, you both will be relying a lot on striking. Shinji's group will be relying a lot more on grappling and other gentler arts. Granted, Shinji is good enough to do both, but I decided to train your group because one of you is an amateur when it comes to martial arts, and I am the one with more experience in teaching", Tatsuya said and looked pointedly at Toji.

"…All right, all right…", Toji sighed and threw his hands up in defeat.

"Let's just get this over and done with quickly", Asuka finished for both of them.

"Good! Let's begin then!", Tatsuya said and the training began in earnest.

Over the next 30 minutes, Shinji's group did loosening exercises and Tatsuya's warmed up using quick, short combative forms. Shinji's group had no trouble since loosening exercises were, for the most part, done in a slow pace. Asuka and Toji, however, are a different story. Within only 5 minutes, both were trying to catch their breath while trying to follow Tatsuya's speed.

After 5 minutes resting, Shinji instructed Rei to do some forms taken from the Tai chi and Aikido styles of martial arts while he and Hayata engaged in freestyle sparring. Tatsuya, meanwhile, continued to lead Toji and Asuka in form practice, this time taken from karate.

After three and a half hours, Tatsuya decided to let the children take a lunch break.

"All right, people! You have an hour to have lunch and rest. Meet back here at exactly 1 PM. Dismissed!", Tatsuya announced.

"Yes, sir!", Shinji bowed before leaving the room. The rest did the same, but with less energy.

"So, Shinji…" Toji called out once they were sitting in the cafeteria eating their lunch, sitting across each other.

"Yes?", Shinji replied, sweat still drying on their bodies….That does not sound like they just did 'it', did it…?

…..Please disregard the last sentence. 'Tis just a figment of my overactive libido. The 'wrong' part of it.

"Is the captain coming?", Toji asked.

"I am not sure. Why do you ask?", Shinji asked back.

"Well, it's pretty obvious, isn't it? The little pervert wants to ogle the good ole' captain!", Asuka retorted from her place at Shinji's left.

"I do _not_!", Toji said, his face turning as red as the tomato in his dish.

"Don't worry, my friend. We can understand", Hayata commented beside Toji.

"I do not understand. What is this ogle thing?", Rei asked from Shinji's right.

The whole table, nay, the whole cafeteria was silent for a moment as they tried to digest this latest piece of information Rei just spit out at them.

"…Did you just say you do not know what ogling is?", Maya, who had just sat next to the children with Shigeru and Makoto, asked.

Rei nodded.

The other children plus three bridge bunnies looked at each other.

"Well, Ayanami, you see…", Shinji said as he leaned closer to her and whispered in her ear. Rei nodded once in understanding once he was done.

"I see. If that is the case, I can understand why Suzuhara would want to…ogle the captain", she said.

"Eh…I can kinda understand his feelings. Right, Makoto?", Shigeru said.

"Yes, yes! That hourglass figure! Those seductive lips! That smooth purple hair! Those round hips and peachy ass! Those long limbs! Ohhhh…CAPTAIN MISATO!", Makoto expounded, going into a mode similar to Kensuke whenever he talks about NERV.

Needless to say, this left everybody else speechless.

"…Have you been stalking her again, Makoto?", Maya asked.

"What? No, no, of course not! I just have a very good memory!", Makoto replied quickly, going from fanboy to flustered in a split second.

"Yeah, I don't think he'd dare to do that after the last time. What did she do to you again?", Shigeru asked.

"…Made me eat her…", Makoto began, and hesitated to continue.

Maya and Shigeru formed their mouths into 'oh's and resumed their meal.

"The captain cooks?", Hayata asked.

"Yes. She is not a very good cook, however", Shinji replied as he spooned up some mashed potatoes, unaware that he just made one of the biggest understatements of the century.

"Well, what did she make you eat?", Asuka asked, chewing on her sandwich.

"…Ch…", Makoto gasped.

"Ch?", Toji wondered aloud and stuffed his something-burger into his mouth.

"…Chick…", Makoto gasped again.

"Chick? Chicken?", Asuka offered.

"…Chicken…curry…surprise…", Makoto finally gasped out.

"What's so bad about that?", Toji asked.

"Well, for starters, it was moving", Shigeru explained with a shrug.

"…Moving?", Asuka asked nervously.

"Yep, moving. Oh, it's gray, too", Shigeru continued. Maya and Makoto seemed to have lost their appetites.

"G, gray…?", Toji blanched.

"Yes, and it tastes worse than a splattered brain from an automobile accident", Shinji added, to everyone's surprise.

"You…you ate one of those?", Maya asked, not really sure if she wants to know the answer.

"Indeed, though I can't really tell what exactly it was", Shinji replied and continued eating.

"…Are you sure you're not a ghost?", Makoto asked and Shinji beat his chest once.

"Of course! It will take more than toxic cooking to kill me!", he replied proudly.

"...Yeah…I guess we should expect that out of a shonen stereotype like you", Asuka commented, and a hammer promptly fell on her head, knocking her out.

"What the hell?", Toji exclaimed.

"Don't worry, it's just the Oblivious Shinji Security System in operation", Shigeru said calmly.

"The what?", Toji asked.

"Nothing. By the way, shouldn't you guys be heading back to practice pretty soon?", Shigeru answered.

"Why? We've got an hour to finish lunch", Toji said.

"Yeah, well, about that. Time in this chapter seems to flow really fast, and you've actually got about 5 minutes right now", Shigeru explained.

The children looked at the clock on a wall close to them and found that it is indeed true. Now, you can attribute this to a twilight-zoney, star trekky time-space effect, or you can just attribute it to my laziness and/or lack of ideas to keep the conversation going. Your call.

"Shit, he's right. Let's finish up and get back quickly", Toji said and gulped down the rest of his burger.

"Right. Let's go. Ayanami, can you carry pilot Soryu back to the dojo?", Shinji asked as he too got up. Rei nodded her reply. "Good. Let us go, then", he nodded and left after giving the bridge bunnies a polite bow. Toji and Hayata followed close behind him.

"…You know, things seemed to be a bit weird there…", Makoto said.

"Yeah, it's as if we're talking out of a hastily written script", Maya added.

"Well, we _are_ talking out of a hastily written script, you know. We're just not aware of it most of the time", Shigeru answered.

"More like lazily written, if you ask me", Maya chipped in. "I mean, how long has it been since the last chapter? A year?", she added.

"Who'd want to read this crap anyway?", Shigeru asked, and all three of them looked at you. Yes, you.

After a moment of looking at you and back at each other, they shrugged and resumed their meal.

--------

"All right! People! That concludes today's practice!", Tatsuya exclaimed to the 5 not-quite-kids standing in front of him. The clock on the wall shows the time to be 10 PM.

Shinji was smiling with sweat soaking his gi.

Rei was just standing there like she usually does.

So was Hayata.

Asuka was panting and scowling, as was the case with Toji.

"Well, I'd say you guys had a good workout. We'll meet back here tomorrow, same time, same place. Dismissed!", Tatsuya announced loudly.

"YES, SIR!", Shinji roared and turned to leave the room.

"Yes, sir", Rei said in her monotone and followed Shinji.

"Ugh…finally", Asuka panted and headed off.

"Yeah…", Toji followed suit.

"Wait! Toji!", Tatsuya called out before he could leave.

"…Yes?", Toji asked as he turned back to face Tatsuya.

"Here. Watch these and memorize them for the trainings", Tatsuya said and handed Toji a few boxes of DVDs.

"…Hokuto no Ken? Enter the Dragon? The Game of Death? Big Boss? Terminator?", Toji wondered aloud as he read the titles of the DVDs.

"Yes. Those will be your learning materials. Know them by heart", Tatsuya explained.

"…Uh…OK…", Toji replied uncertainly and turned to leave.

"…Now, Hayata…", Tatsuya said once the others are out of the room except for him and Hayata.

"Yes, sensei?", Hayata asked.

"Drop the act. Why are you here of all places?", Tatsuya asked. Hayata closed his eyes and smiled.

"The same reason you are here, I believe", he answered. Tatsuya returned the smile.

"I see…well, I ask for your assistance when it is time, then", he said.

"Of course. I shall take my leave now", Hayata answered and left the room.

Once outside the main NERV complex, the group split up.

"Well, I'm going back to the hotel then", Asuka said with a yawn and walked off to a fancy building located just across the street, back in her regular clothes

"What about you, Toji?", Shinji asked, wearing his jacket over shirt and jeans ensemble.

"Me? Well, I'll be taking the train home with Hayata. We live in the same neighborhood", Toji answered, wearing his usual trainers.

"Is that so…well, what about you, Ayanami?", Shinji turned to the blue haired girl, who was clad in her uniform.

"I shall be returning by the subway as well", Rei answered.

"…Isn't your house a bit far from the station? It's in the suburbs, if I recall correctly…", Shinji asked.

"That is correct", Rei replied.

"…Why don't I take you home on Combat Rusher?", Shinji offered.

"Hey! No fair! You only take the pretty ones for a ride!", Toji exclaimed while Hayata snickered.

"Oh. Would you like to come too? I doubt the Combat Rusher can be ridden safely with 4 people on board, however", Shinji said just before a red Renault pulled up behind him.

"Hey, Shinji! How did it go?", Misato asked as her head popped out of the driver seat's window.

"Oh, captain! Perfect timing! Can you take Suzuhara and Gou to their homes? I think it's getting a little late for the subway", Shinji said.

"Sure. Why not?", Misato shrugged and turned to smile at the 2 boys. Hayata replied with a small bow and Toji was frozen in place, his nose expanding and contracting sporadically.

"Are you sure it is not a burden, ma-miss Misato? I do not wish to impose myself on you", Hayata asked.

"Of course not! You two don't live too far from my place anyway. Hop in!", Misato replied and gestured with her thumb for them to get in.

"Well, if you say so…", Hayata shrugged and walked over to the rear passenger seat, followed by Toji, who was starting to do the Robocop walk involuntarily.

"Well, see you later, Shinji!", Misato said and the Renault sped off. Shinji waved until the car was out of sight before he and Rei walked over to Combat Rusher, parked a few meters away.

"Well, then, hop on", Shinji said once he was securely on the bike. Rei got on after him.

"Ikari…", Rei called out as Shinji eased the bike into first gear and they drove off leisurely along the roads.

"Yes?", Shinji replied.

"Can I call you Shinji?", Rei asked.

"…Uh…sure. Why not?", Shinji replied, a little taken aback by the unexpected request.

"Thank you", Rei said and encircled her arms around Shinji's waist.

"…A, Ayanami?", Shinji called out. He could feel his cheeks getting hotter.

"Please call me Rei, Shinji", Rei said.

"O, okay. Rei", Shinji stuttered slightly.

"By the way, Shinji?", Rei called out again.

"Y, yes?", Shinji replied nervously.

"Can we take our time driving back to my place? I wish to enjoy the night air", Rei requested.

"…Okay, if that is what you wish", Shinji replied.

"…Thank you", Rei smiled her small smile and rested the side of her head on Shinji's back.

Shinji gulped and tried to focus on the road instead of all the soft and warm things on his back. It won't do to lose concentration or have a massive case of nasal bleeding in the middle of the road.

An hour later, they arrived at Rei's apartment building.

"Rei, we are here", Shinji called out as he stopped Combat Rusher's engine and parked it in the parking space close to the stairs. "…Rei?", Shinji called out again when he got no reply.

He turned his head and saw the girl slumped on his back, snoring lightly.

"…Oh, boy…", Shinji sighed with a small smile and maneuvered her around in order to carry her in his arms.

With that done, he ascended the stairs to the 12th floor.

Yes, I know that was probably wrong, but I'm the author here and now, so what I say goes.

Once they reached the correct floor, Shinji looked around in an attempt to jog the memory of the last time he was here. Unfortunately, what came out was not the door of the apartment.

What came out was the scene a few moments _after_ that, right after the scarf passed over his eyes…

If you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about, please check chapter 3.

It took him all his mental discipline to stop his nose from bleeding and rewind that scene to the part where the door was clearly visible. That done, he headed straight for it, Rei curled up in his arms, both hands clutching at parts of Shinji's clothing that she could lay her hands on, head tucked into her and Shinji's chest as her lags dangled on the other side of Shinji's breadth.

"Um…Rei?", Shinji called out in an attempt to wake her up once they reached the entrance to her apartment.

A slight stir, and she settled back into sleep.

"Rei?", Shinji called out once again, shaking her a little bit.

"…Umm…Shinji?", she opened her eyes groggily and looked up at his face.

"Rei, we're here", Shinji said and gently put her feet down. She stood up and looked at the door, then back at him.

"…I see. I am sorry you had to carry me all the way here", she said and gave him a light bow.

"Oh, no! Don't worry about it! You are not heavy at all!", Shinji said quickly. "Not that I'm saying you are fat, of course!", he added hastily.

"…Thank you", Rei smiled and unlocked the door.

"I…I'll be going then", Shinji said once she heads inside and headed for the stairs, not looking back. If he had, he might have seen her head peeking out of the door, smiling slightly, something she seemed to be doing more often in recent times.

--------

All right…pointless, probably OOC, corny, romantic(????) moment is done. Now, TIME WARP!

--------

Two weeks later

"HEY, GIMME SOME SCREEN TIME ALREADY, DAMMIT!"

Quiet, Gendo.

"BUT, BUT…!"

I told you. You're not in this chapter.

"BBBAAAAAAAWWWLLLLLLL! YOU MEAN TO LITTLE OLD ME!"

Please disregard this man-baby, dear readers.

Back to fiction.

--------

"So, how are they progressing?", Ritsuko asked as the trio of her, Misato, and Kaji walked down the corridor that leads to the dojo.

"Well, they seem to be doing pretty well from what I've seen. There are definitely some improvements", Misato answered.

"Really? Well, that's good. The commander's not going to be too happy if it turns out that we did all this for nothing", Ritsuko said.

"Yeah. What with all the 'no screentime' episodes he's been having lately…", Kaji added.

"Well, here we are", Misato said and opened the double doors of the dojo. Almost instantly, the trio backed away from the doorway as a loud noise pierced their ears.

"WAAA-TAH!"

"What?! What was that?!", Misato stepped into the room in shock, followed by the other 2 who were trying to determine the location the noise came from.

"A-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-WHA-TAA!", the voice rang out again, and three heads turned to the source.

"Su…Suzuhara…?", Misato stared in disbelief at the boy clad in only a pair of black baggy pants and a pair of kungfu shoes.

"…Are you sure things are going fine…?", Kaji asked.

"…Well, I was pretty sure two weeks ago…", Misato replied.

"Ah, captain Misato and Mr. Kaji! The good doctor too! Glad you could make it!", Tatsuya greeted them with a warm smile.

"Uh…yes…what happened to the boy?", Ritsuko asked, her gaze fixed upon Toji, who was currently performing combos of lightning fast punches and kicks on a wooden dummy.

"Oh, Suzuhara? Don't worry. It's part of his training", Tatsuya said and turned his gaze back to his students. "Soryu! Suzuhara! Start your sparring!", he instructed to the 2 children.

"All right! Time to kick some ass!", Asuka yelled cheerfully and stopped kicking the sandbag hung from the ceiling, just slightly above her head.

"Only if you can do it, woman…", Toji said coolly, which caught the attention of the visitors.

"…Wait a minute. Since when does Suzuhara talk like that?", Misato asked.

"Yeah, he sounds like an 80's action hero…", Kaji added.

"Ever since he started his special lessons!", Tatsuya said heartily.

"Special lessons?", Ritsuko asked, not sure if she wants to know the answer.

"Yes. I made him watch these!", Tatsuya replied and pulled out several DVDs from inside his gi.

"…Hokuto no Ken?", Misato asked in disbelief.

"…Enter the Dragon? Big Boss?", Kaji followed.

"…Terminator?", Ritsuko brought up the rear.

They did not have much time to contemplate before their attentions were taken away by Asuka, who had jumped up and performed a spinning back kick, which Toji deflected with a flick of his right arm.

"Dammit! I ain't done yet!", Asuka yelled as she landed on both feet and threw a quick right roundhouse kick at Toji's face.

"Whua-TA!", Toji shrieked as he blocked the kick using his left hand and threw a right snap kick at Asuka's face just as quickly.

Asuka blocked the kick with both forearms and immediately drew back her right foot and launched a right thrust kick to the head in one motion. Toji ducked, turning to his right as he did so, and launched a right back sweep towards her left foot as soon as the duck and spin was complete. Asuka quickly drew back her right foot and placed it back on the floor as her left foot came up to avoid the sweep narrowly.

Toji launched his body up and forwards in a lunge with his left foot and threw out a right back fist at Asuka, with a loud 'WA-TAH!', of course. She quickly blocked the lunging strike, but was forced backwards from the force of the blow. Toji straightened up, his body in a loose, high stance, with his feet skipping forwards and backwards in a certain rhythm, his right side facing Asuka with both hands moving in tune with his torso. Asuka, too, straightened up and began to bounce up and down on her insteps, both hands close to the waist as her left side faced Toji.

"…Did…did Suzuhara just force back Asuka?", Kaji asked.

Tatsuya nodded in reply.

"H…how is that possible?", Misato wondered aloud.

"Well, it's not that unthinkable, actually. Toji is, after all, a male. In terms of weight and size, he has an advantage", Ritsuko analyzed.

"Indeed. He is also a very well-rounded sportsman. The muscles and reflex are there. All he needed to do was to get used to combat", Tatsuya added.

"Makes sense. So, what did you teach Asuka?", Ritsuko asked, her eyes still on the battling children.

"Taekwondo and some Wushu. She's not as strong as Toji in terms of brute strength, but she is very flexible, and is very well-suited to acrobatic forms of combat", Tatsuya replied.

The other 2 were silent as they contemplated on this. Ritsuko's eyes slowly shifted from the sparring Asuka and Toji to Shinji, who was currently doing a push-hands routine with Rei while Hayata practiced with his throwing forms.

"What about them?", Ritsuko asked, and the eyes of Misato and Kaji turned to the other 3 students.

"Shinji? I don't have to teach him anything. He can easily train himself", Tatsuya replied.

"Yeah, we know that, but what about Rei and Hayata?", Misato asked.

"Hayata just needs to sharpen his throwing forms, groundwork, and add strikes to his repertoire. He doesn't need too much handling", Tatsuya said.

"I can see that. What about Ayanami?", Ritsuko asked.

"Shinji's training her in Taichi and Aikido forms. He figured she would be calm enough to make full use of the softer styles", Tatsuya replied.

"Hmm…makes sense, I guess", Kaji commented, and they continued watching as the 2 children moved their hands, stuck to each other, back and forth, each trying to get an advantage by unbalancing the other.

It should be noted, however, that this kind of movement can be very boring and, in some cases, hypnotic to the untrained eye.

Thus, no one noticed it when Rei was thrown backwards. Misato reacted first, but that was only because the blue-haired girl's trajectory had taken her straight into Misato's bosom, and they crashed to the ground with a loud…uh…crash. Where's the damn thesaurus when you need 'em?

"Wh-wha, what happened?!", Kaji asked as he snapped out of his temporary nap and looked around in slight panic. He stopped when he saw Rei laying on her back atop Misato.

"Are you all right, Misato?", Ritsuko asked as she helped Rei get on her feet.

"Uuuuughhh…my chest…", Misato groaned. She was trying to get up, but the impact had knocked the wind out of her, and her movements were sluggish.

"Rei! Captain! Are you all right?", Shinji asked in his booming voice as he ran towards them.

"I am all right, Shinji. The captain's mammary glands broke my fall", Rei replied, fully upright. Misato could only wheeze in reply, her hands clutching Kaji's shirt for support.

"Well, I guess I should have warned you not to get too close when the children are training", Tatsuya said as he smacked his palm hard into Misato's back, reminding her to breathe.

"H…has this happened-cough-before?", Misato asked as she nursed her aching back and chest.

"The throwing or the crashing?", Shinji asked back.

"Either one", Misato replied.

"Well, the throwing happens pretty often, but the crashing has only happened this one time. She's usually able to fall safely, but you seemed to have intercepted her path", Tatsuya replied with a shrug.

"…Right…well, I guess we should leave you people to your trainings", Kaji said.

"Yeah, this has proven to be quite a dangerous undertaking for us", Misato followed.

"I see. Well, it's truly a pity you can't stay longer, but I understand you have other duties", Tatsuya said and nodded sagely.

"Indeed. We _are_ the ones keeping this large facility up and running, after all", Ritsuko shrugged.

"Well, be sure to come by once in a while to check up on our progress", Shinji said as the trio walked out of the room. Misato looked back at him and replied with a nervous smile.

"Well, that's done. Back to training, all of you!", Tatsuya commanded once the trio are out the door.

"Yes, sir!", Shinji bowed and resumed his position, followed by Rei.

"So, we goin' back there again?", Kaji asked outside the room.

"Sure. Just remind me to bring full body armor and a riot shield next time", Misato said.

"I'll remember that", Ritsuko said and they left to their respective stations.

--------

"SCREEN TIME!"

Shut up, Gendo.

"I DON'T CARE! SCREEEEN TIIMEE!

Don't make me do something drastic. starts twirling trusty ol' 10t hamma'

"JUST TRY IT, PUNK! SCREEEEEEEEENNNN TIIIIIIM-CRASH-ugh!"

Told ya.

Well, back to…

Sorry, people. We're out of time. See ya next chapter, which will be significantly longer (I hope) and where we will see our favorite characters fighting (I think).


	7. End of filler 2: Have some coffee handy

**Filler 2 part 2: Da LONGASS Matchii!**

A/N: Well, not much to say here, other than 'prepare a cup of Ritsuko's special brew. Now sold for only 0.99 yen. Continuance of life not guaranteed.'

--------

The day has come at last.

Today, the children shall fight.

"FOR HONOR!"

"FOR GLORY!"

Hey, I ain't done here!

"Sorry…", Misato said sheepishly. The group, consisting of Tatsuya, Ritsuko, Misato, Kaji, Shinji, Rei, Asuka, Toji, and Hayata are assembled outside the Tokyo 3 stadium.

"A-HEM!"

Oh, sorry. Fuyutsuki and the bridge bunnies are here too.

"A-HUM!"

Oh, right, so are Hikari, Kensuke, and the rest of the students.

"EH-HU-HUM!"

…As are the rest of the people I'm too lazy to list out.

"HEY!"

Shut up before I throw you into the intellectual recycle bin with the tentacle monsters with unlimited stamina and love juice which does women and men indiscriminately!

"EEEP!"

Well, with that done, let us follow our heroes into the locker room.

"…Does anyone know how we got here so quickly?", Asuka asked, dressed in a generic looking karate gi.

"Yeah…Last I remembered, we're still outside", Kaji said. He was standing near the entrance to the room with Misato, Ritsuko, Kensuke, Fuyutsuki, Hikari, and the bridge bunnies.

"Author physics, people. Time and space bends to his lazy will", Ritsuko answered.

"What are you people talking about?", Shinji asked as he approached them, having just finished getting into his outfit.

"Nothing, nothing. So, are you ready, Shinji?", Misato said. Shinji replied with a very powerful 'YES!' pose, not to be confused with the ordinary 'yes' pose. Don't feel too bad if you don't know what I'm talking about. I'm only 10 sure about anything in this story myself.

"…Is the commander not here?", Rei asked. She was standing between Asuka and Shinji.

"I'm afraid the commander cannot make it", Tatsuya said as he appeared from behind Shinji.

"Why not?", Shinji asked.

"Well, it seemed that he had suffered a major head trauma. His physical and mental conditions are being monitored closely as we speak", Fuyutsuki answered.

"A concussion? What happened?", Shinji asked, his brows starting to furrow.

"We can't tell, but it seemed to have been caused by a large mallet with 10t written on it. We recovered the weapon from the crime scene", Fuyutsuki answered.

"Ah…of course. The dreaded mallet of doom!", Makoto nodded.

"…You know what that thing is?", Shigeru asked.

"Of course! It's the mallet commonly used by lead females in many anime shows to whack the lead male silly, no matter how powerful the lead male is. Best examples are Tendo Akane and Kaori from City Hunter!" Kensuke expounded.

"…Do I really want to know?", Maya asked no one in particular.

"I know I don't", Ritsuko said with a shrug.

"Well, enough of that. Where's Suzuhara?", Hikari asked as her eyes went around the room.

"Right here, miss…", a calm voice answered and she and the others in the group turned towards the source.

"…To…Toji…kun…?", Shigeru said, his disbelief clearly apparent in his voice.

"Whooo…", Toji let out a low Bruce Lee-esque sound as he skipped around a portion of the room, chest bared.

"Uh…To, Toji…buddy?", Kensuke called out.

"WHAAATAAA!", Toji yelled as he threw a side snap kick towards Kensuke's face. The wind generated by the speed of the kick and the resulting shock was enough to make the latter lose consciousness and fall over backwards, foams spewing out of the lips.

"Toji! Look what you did to Kensuke! What's wrong with you?!", Hikari yelled as she quickly bent down to tend to the fainted boy.

"Toji? Who is this Toji you speak of?", Toji(?) asked.

"You! Who else could it be?", Hikari asked back.

"Me? I am afraid you are mistaken, miss. My name is Suzuhara. Suzuhara Kenshiro!", Toji replied, and was met with stunned silence.

"Suzuhara…Kenshiro…?", Misato asked with a nervous half-smile, as dumbfounded as everybody else in the room.

"Indeed! I am Suzuhara Kenshiro! I travel the wastelands in order to search for my beloved!", Toji replied with a fiery disposition not unlike Shinji's.

"…Your beloved?", Shigeru asked, and immediately regrets his decision.

"Yes! WAIT FOR ME, YURIA! I SHALL SAVE YOU FROM KING'S EVIL CLUTCHES!", Toji screamed his reply, which caused people in the nearby vicinity to close their ears with their hands.

"…Uh…who is Yuria?", Maya asked.

"What?! You do not know who Yuria is? Could it be…that Yuria…is dead?!", Toji said.

"Uh…that's not what I meant…", Maya said hesitantly.

"No…It can't be! YYYUUUUUUUURRRIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", Toji screamed at the top of his lungs, and stopped only to inhale. This one was actually close to Shinji's volume.

"GOD! Someone stop him!", Fuyutsuki yelled as he clutched his ears in pain.

"YYYYUUUUUUUUUUUUUUURRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", Toji shouts again.

"…Why do I get the feeling that we have done this before?", Ritsuko asked, a very thick ear muffler placed securely over her ears.

"Well, we _have_ done this joke a few times prior to this chapter with Shinji…", Misato replied, a pair of earplugs stuck in her ears.

It's a wonder how they are able to talk with stuffed ears, and I shall leave that as a plot hole for you to fill in.

"YYYYYYUUUUUUUUU-mmpppphhhhhhhh!", Toji was stopped in mid-scream by a hand belonging to Asuka.

"SHUT UP ALREADY, ASSHOLE! Who the hell is Yuria, anyway?", Asuka yelled as she held onto Toji's lips with both hands.

"I…believe that is a character from Hokuto no Ken…", Makoto answered as he tried to clear the ringing in his ears.

"Can anyone explain what is going on here? I can understand him trying to emulate Bruce Lee, but Kenshiro…?", Kaji asked.

"Well, it seemed to me and Shinji that Suzuhara here has put himself in a state of self-hypnosis", Tatsuya answered, his arms crossed in front of him.

"…So…he thinks he's Kasumi Kenshiro?", Misato asked, turning to face him. Tatsuya just nodded his reply.

"Well, I don't care about all that! Make him stop screaming already!", Asuka yelled as she desperately tried to restrain Toji. Of course, like any good hero, ours stepped to the rescue.

"Calm down, Suzuhara! Win the tournament and you shall find her!", Shinji roared as his eyes looked straight into Toji's. After the former said that, the latter calmed down considerably, and Asuka let go with a huge sigh of annoyance and relief. "Good. Now, Suzuhara, Asuka, Rei, Hayata, let's get ready", Shinji ordered.

"Alright, alright, let's just get this over with quickly…", Asuka replied, throwing her arms nonchalantly in slight annoyance.

"Yes, Shinji", Rei replied in her usual monotone.

"Ossu!", Hayata roared with a smile.

"Yuria…", Toji muttered softly.

"Well, I'm afraid you'll have to leave us now, people. But do not worry, you all get front row seats for the upcoming matches", Tatsuya said as he ushered them out of the room and turned back to prepare his students for the first match.

--------

The hall was filled with various buzzes from the myriad of conversations going on in the stands. Most speculated about the winners. Others speculated about how much money they can make betting on said winners. Yet others speculated about how they can get money off the people speculating about said winners and losers. Yet others…you get the idea.

The NERV group was sitting right in the front row of the 10th ring, where the NERV group's initial match was to take place. They, too, had their own predictions, but they, as well as the entire hall, were silent as the first team made its way to the center of the large hall, their team flag, held aloft by a stout boy in black school uniform, announcing them to be the representatives of the Kanto region of middle school athletes, with the teachers and managers trailing behind them. In that fashion, the teams filed out one by one.

Notable among them was a group of 5 small boys who seemed to have the ability to walk without moving their feet.

Soon, it was our heroes' turn.

Shinji led them by walking at the very front, his gaze steadily trained in front of him. He, as well as the others, were wearing weathered karate gis. Rei and Asuka wore a shirt under theirs while Shinji, Hayata, and Toji had nothing else underneath other than a pair of briefs…and boxers. Behind them, holding the team flag aloft in one muscular hand, was Mugen Tatsuya.

After the opening speech by the current head of martial arts administrations was done, the fighters went to their respective rings. The NERV team took their position on one of the rings close to the corner of the building. Their supporters, mostly people from NERV, sat in a line on one side of the ring. Ritsuko, Misato, and Kaji were among the people sitting in front.

"All right…here we are at last. Are you people ready?", Tatsuya asked once Shinji, Asuka, Rei, Hayata, and Toji sat down on one edge of the ring.

"Ossu!", Shinji and Hayata affirmed together.

"Yeah, yeah, let's get this over and done with so I can get on with my life", Asuka sighed.

"I am ready", Rei said.

"…Yuria…wait for me…", Toji muttered.

"…Well, I'll take that a yes. Do your best and win!", Tatsuya said and walked down from the ring.

"So…who's our opponent?", Hayata asked.

"That would be…", Shinji replied and checked a list in his right hand. "…The Hokkaido 12th division international sumo athletes", he read it out loud.

"Wait…sumo?", Asuka turned to face him in slight shock.

"Yes…and that would be them", Shinji replied as the ground beneath them began to shake rhythmically, increasing in magnitude as the sounds of _extremely_ heavy footsteps closed in on their position.

"DOSHKOI!", the men responsible for those steps shouted as they reached the ring, lifted one foot high, and slammed them down as they bent to a half-squat. Shinji could feel himself being elevated a few inches into the air along with his team members and landing back down without changing position at all.

"…Please tell me God is kidding…", Asuka muttered as 6 sumo wrestlers sat across them on the opposite side of the ring. They were of average height, but definitely not of average weight and girth. Each one of them was easily twice the size of any of the NERV fighters. One of them leered at Asuka and Rei, drool dripping from his face.

"…I am starting to feel uncomfortable", Rei stated as the fighter across her continued leering.

"Do not worry. I am certain we can achieve victory", Shinji said with a calm, knowing smile and turned to look at Toji. "Suzuhara, you'll be our opener", he said. Toji just nodded and stepped to the starting position in the ring as soon as the referee calls out the first fighters. His opponent looked at him smugly, certain he can win in a matter of seconds.

"Ready?", the referee asked Toji, and got a nod. "Ready?", the referee asked his opponent, and got a smug nod. "OK, FIGHT!", the referee shouted and jumped back.

"DOSHKOI!", the sumo wrestler, whom I shall not bother naming, immediately dropped into his half-squat and launched himself forward, going straight for Toji with 200+ kg of fat and muscle. Sumo guy number one was almost upon him when Toji seemed to suddenly disappear and he felt sudden sting on his left cheek.

"Slow…", Toji said from his left, having smoothly sidestepped and launched a very quick snapping jab at the wrestler's cheek. The latter quickly got into position after a moment of stunned silence and launched himself at Toji again, this time with numerous palm attacks. Think E. Honda, but with 2 hands.

"A-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA!", Toji shouts as his fists flew forward and intercepted all the palm strikes the sumo fighter launched. After a minute of this, the latter drew back to catch a breath, and Toji did not waste this chance. "WHA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TA-TAH!", he shouts once again as numerous punches landed all over the sumo wrestler's upper torso, most of them landing around the face. After another minute of this, he turned around and started walking back to his seat.

"H, hey, wait! The match is not over yet!", the referee called out to him.

"It is", Shinji answered for Toji.

"Wha-", the referee began again, but was immediately cut off.

"He is already dead", Toji answered with closed eyes as he resumed his seat. Behind him, his opponent's nose suddenly blew out a red stream of blood, his eyes white in their sockets as he fell thunderously to the mat.

"…Oookaaayyy…NERV team wins the first round. Get the next one up here", the referee said as the fallen (and extremely heavy) fighter was dragged out of the ring by ten men.

"You're next, Hayata", Shinji said.

"Ossu!", Hayata answered and stepped into the ring, followed by another generic sumo fighter.

"OK. Ready? Ready? Fight!", the referee asked, not really bothering to confirm the fighter's answers, and stepped out of the way. He was bored. For no reason other than to speed this thing up.

…It has been long enough, people.

"DOSHKOI!", the sumo wrestler, just like the one before him, decided that the best offense is to charge blindly into the battle with palms thrusting in front of him. Hayata sighed and quickly sidestepped to his right to avoid the charge.

"Don't you guys ever learn?", he muttered softly as his right hand grabbed his opponent's waistcloth and pulled back using his entire body, sending the wrestler tumbling as his momentum, combined with the pull, threw him off balance and teetering at the edge of the ring. Hayata did not realize, however, that our good(?) doctor Ritsuko was sitting right where the sumo wrestler was about to land.

"Oh, shit…", Ritsuko muttered softly as the huge man loomed over her, ready to let gravity do its work. She closed her eyes and put her hands up in an attempt to brace herself for the impact that was about to come as the people around her started scrambling for safety. It never came, however. What _did _come was a large booming sound, as if a 200kg+ piece of meat had just slammed to the ground… and a sickening thud and groan, as if 3 fleshy things had just received the full brunt of that fall.

"Well, I say! That was pretty close!", she heard, and opened her eyes to see Tatsuya crouched on the ground, the wrestler somewhere to his right where he had thrown him.

"Uh…thank you…", Ritsuko said tentatively, not really believing what had just happened.

"Don't worry about it! Can't have Shinji's caretakers injured now, can we?", Tatsuya answered and walked away.

"…Help…", a small voice, presumably a short-haired female NERV employee, squeaked from underneath the wrestler. It appears that Tatsuya had not bothered to check where the sumo wrestler was going to land after he was thrown, and had thrown him right on top of 3 persons.

"…please…", another voice, perhaps a bespectacled male NERV employee, chorused.

"…I'm dying…", yet another, perhaps the long haired one's, chirped in to no great effect.

"Not bad, Hayata", Shinji said as Hayata returned to his seat.

"That's not a victory, however", Hayata answered flatly.

"Interference from outside party! No contest!", the referee shouted and waved both hands above his head.

"…Well, it does not matter. It's only the 2nd fight out of 5, after all", Shinji sighed lightly and crossed his hands.

"If you say so. Who's next?", Hayata asked.

"Go, Soryu! For great justice!", Shinji called out in reply. The person he mentioned looked incredulously back at him with a finger pointing at herself. He nodded. She grumbled and stepped towards the ring.

"All right. Which idiot's gonna fight me now?", Asuka challenged. A generic sumo fighter lumbered over to the starting position with a leer on his face, and the match began.

"DOSHKOI!", the sumo fighter yelled and charged forward, bent low just like the others before him. Asuka easily avoided this by jumping up into a flip and kicked…shoved the sumoist's butt when she landed. He went hurtling in the direction he was going and rushed right off the ring, landing right on top of the previous one, and another squeak was heard.

"Ring out! NERV team wins!", the referee announced and Asuka walked back to her seat with a triumphant smile and a raised right fist.

"…Well, that was fast…", Misato commented, incredulous.

"Well, if you have seen one generic, made-for-cannon-fodder-character attack, you've seen them all", Ritsuko said. Kaji nodded sagely behind her.

"Good job, Soryu! Rei, you're next!", Shinji said as Asuka sat down.

For lack of diligence, the proceeding dialogue from the referee and Rei's entry into the ring shall be omitted.

"…Lazy author", Ritsuko said under her breath, and an ACME anvil promptly fell on her head.

"DOSHKOI!", the next one yelled, much like the one before him, and the one before that, and the one before that, and…you get the idea. Also much like the one before him, he charged towards Rei with no tactical consideration whatsoever. Rei promptly sidestepped and stuck her left foot out. Like the one before him, this sumo wrestler quickly found himself outside of the ring and -guess what- right on top of the previous wrestler, who was right on top of the previous one, who was right on top of Makoto, Shigeru, and Maya.

"…oooohhhhh…", one of them whimpered. It was impossible to tell who. Or maybe it was all of them.

"ALL RIGHT NOW! TIME FOR THE MATCH THAT PITS CAPTAIN AGAINST CAPTAIN!", a loud voice suddenly boomed from the speakers around the ring.

"Hey! What the hell?! How come only the shonen stereotype gets an announcer?!", Asuka yelled, almost standing up.

"Well, he's supposed to be the hero of this fiction, it's only natural he gets the good bits", Misato observed from right behind her.

"What?! I'm gonna sue that author for discrimination!", the former yelled again.

"Forget it. It's said in fine print on our contracts that we can never take any kind of legal action against him", Ritsuko said calmly, still rubbing her aching head.

"I never saw that in the fine print!", Asuka protested, turning towards the doctor.

"_Very, very, very fine _print…", Ritsuko answered and showed her a contract paper with 'the contracted, thereafter referred to subject A, which is not to be confused with subjects K, L, or U, shall never take any legal action against the author on any and all basis' written in letterings smaller than the dot you see at the end of this sentence.

On a totally unrelated note, Shinji had untied his shoulder-length hair and is now trying to tie it into a chonmage.

"Can someone help me hold my hair in place for a while?", Shinji asked through clenched teeth, which were holding a piece of string used to tie his ponytail.

"Allow me", Hayata said and held the long strands of hair on top of Shinji's head while the latter ties it up. He was done in a few seconds.

For a moment, Asuka was silent as Shinji dramatically stood up together with his opponent, Wile E. Honda, considerably more massive than the other sumo wrestlers. A moment later, she found her voice, and the others in the audience lost their hearing.

"DIESER GOTTVERDAMMTE MUTTERFICKENDE SOHN EINES UNEHELICHEN ARSCHLOCHES!", she yelled.

"Well, that's one way to put it", Ritsuko sighed.

"Quiet, people. They're gonna start", Fuyutsuki said, relishing his 10 seconds of fame where people will actually follow his order in this fic.

In the ring, Wile E. Honda squats, legs wide apart. He lifted his right foot and slammed it down onto the ring floor. A very loud boom resonated in the hall, thanks to over 400 pounds of weight suddenly dropping to the ring floor.

Those in a 100 meter radius could feel themselves floating up briefly and settling back down to the ground.

Shinji grinned confidently, took off his gi, and threw it aside. It was caught by Rei, who automatically started folding it. He raised his right foot up until both legs were nearly in a vertical straight line, and slammed it down to the tatami as he got into the same squatting position as his opponent.

There was no shockwave, but a very loud crack could be heard from where the soles of his right foot hit the mat.

For some unexplainable reason, the ring is now circular and the edges are made of straw ditches. Also, sumo rules are to be used for this fight. No need to worry, this will all go back to 'normal' once the fight is over. Not like you'd care, would you?

"MIATTE!", the referee, now clad in a kimono with a ridiculous headdress that was supposed to look like a sumo referee's but ended up looking like a banjo stuck to his head, shouted, a traditional sumo fan raised above his head.

Shinji and his opponent lowered their torso and hands, clenched in a relaxed fist, until they were nearly touching the floor.

"HAKKEYOI! NOKKOTA!", the referee shouted and stepped out of the way as both Shinji and his opponent rushed forward at the same time.

Honda threw out an enormous left palm at Shinji's face, which the latter quickly dodged and he struck out with his right palm at his opponent's throat, using his feet as a springboard to propel his palm to incredible speeds. Honda ducked, moving his entire body to the side as he did so, and Shinji missed.

Now too close to trade blows, they rammed their shoulders into each other. Shinji quickly wrapped his fingers over Honda's waistcloth while Honda wrapped his enormous hands over Shinji's small black belt. Not wasting a breath, Honda quickly pulled Shinji by twisting his entire body to his right, his left foot reaping Shinji at the waist, throwing Shinji's entire body over his left leg.

The audience's eyes widened (except for Asuka, who was busy cursing me, and Rei) as Shinji quickly flipped and landed both feet on the ground. Honda had to let go of Shinji's belt in order to prevent his right arm from being twisted. Shinji quickly ducked under Honda's still-raised left leg and leapt to the far corner of the ring.

He stood near the edge, body lowered in anticipation of another attack.

"Come on, Shinji! You can do it!", Misato yelled, her hands cupped beside her lips. _I've got 10000 yen riding on you_ was what she did _not_ say.

"Come on, Honda! You can do it!", Kaji yelled, and everyone from NERV snapped their heads to look at him. "What?! I've got 10000 yen riding on him!", he said just before Misato's right fist slammed into his balls, almost on autopilot. "Urk….not…again…", he whimpered and slowly slumped to the ground.

Meanwhile, Honda had charged his way to Shinji and grabbed his belt again. Like before, he pulled, to his left this time.

Shinji followed the motion and instead of flipping over the leg, he sailed right past it before his right hand grabbed the left side of Honda's waistcloth and he quickly regained his footing, placing his legs apart, his body ready to follow in its motions. Tatsuya, who had been watching intently, suddenly widened his eyes.

"Good, Shinji! NOW! PULL!", he yelled.

"OOOORRYYAAAAAAA!!!!!!!", Shinji roared in response and pulled for all he's worth, both feet planted firmly on the ground. The muscles in his entire body suddenly tightened, increasing their size and definition as they worked on bringing the behemoth down.

Still unbalanced, Honda could not resist when he was suddenly and powerfully pulled to his left. His left leg moved forward in an attempt to regain his footing, but Shinji kept pulling, and eventually pushing, as hard as he could.

Unable to get his foot down, Honda was flung outside the ring, landing on top of his downed teammates and our beloved bridge bunnies.

'Oh holy shit!' were their final thoughts before sweet unconsciousness (and a severe crushing sensation) overtook them.

"WINNER! IKARI SHINJI OF NERV!", the referee announced, the fan pointing to where the NERV team sat.

The NERV staff, excepting Asuka, who was still cursing, clapped and cheered at the victory. Shinji, meanwhile had squat down, feet wide apart, and was doing the sumo victory pose…whatever that is.

"Well, well…I had no idea Shinji practiced sumo as well", Ritsuko commented, smiling her usual nonchalant smile. (Did she smile like that in the previous chapters? Ah, what the hell. She does now.)

"It's not in his usual curriculum, but Mugen-ryu practitioners are expected to know at least the basics of other martial arts", Tatsuya replied, smiling confidently.

"SHINJI!", Misato yelled and ran over to Shinji, who had put his gi back on, still unfastened, and returned his chonmage to his usual ponytail. The others of his team had stood up in preparation for the debriefing, I mean, end-of-match…let's just go with debriefing. She quickly grabbed his hands and shook them up and down. "YOU DID IT! I AM TEN THOUSAND YEN RICHER! YIPPEEEEEEE!", she cheered and ran off to get her money.

"Uh…thank…you?", Shinji said to his superior's fast disappearing back.

"Hey, Mr. Invincible, get up here!", Asuka yelled at him.

"Oh, right! Just a second!", he replied and quickly tucked in his gi as he strode to take his place in the NERV line. The sumo wrestlers stood opposite them, mostly unharmed except for one with a bleeding nose and one with a sore butt. The same cannot be said for the people who broke their fall, who were currently being carried out of the great hall in 3 stretchers.

The next scene is supposed to contain some dramatic(corny) moments, but keeping in mind that this 'filler is already 2/3rd of the way to breaking my record, once again, we'll skip that.

Besides, I'm starting to get some gas here.

Instead, let us turn to some cameo appearances.

--------

"Hey, fat ass, it's our turn", a short boy wearing a gi and a green hat, looking strangely cut-out with abnormally big head and short limbs, said to the boy beside him, also looking strangely cut-out.

"'Ey! Stop calling me fat, you jew! I'm not fat! I'm big boned!", the fat, I mean, big boned, boy he talked to retorted.

"Yeah, sure, fat ass. Whose turn is it?", another boy in a blue hat asked with a shrug.

"I said, I'm BIG BONED! Kenny goes first, by the way", the fat boy answered and pointed to another boy in a gi and orange hood.

"Hmmm?! Whmhhmm?!", Kenny said, which meant, 'What?! Why me?!'.

"You're the one with the hood, Kenny. You have better protection than most of us", the fat boy said.

"Cartman, that does not make any sense", the boy in the blue hat frowned.

"Shut up, Stan. Of course it does", Cartman answered.

"No, it doesn't!", the boy in green hat said.

"How so, Kyle?", Cartman asked.

"Well, what kind of protection is fur gonna be against a blow to the head?!", Kyle asked back.

"Well, we ain't got no choice, you stupid jew! You think Butter's gonna last 5 seconds against that?!", Cartman shouted, pointing at another boy, blonde, in a gi, smiling at them and waving ("Uh-Hi, guys!") and their opponent, 200 pounds of pure muscle. Literally. It's even got a label that read 'pure muscle, literally'.

"Well, no, but what makes you think Kenny's got a chance?", Stan asked accusingly.

"Hhhhhhhhh (Yeah!)!", Kenny followed, and Cartman seemed to think for a minute, operative word being 'seemed'.

"Well, his fur hood contains air, right? And contained air cushion. Therefore, Kenny is better protected than the rest of us", Cartman said.

"That still does not make sense, fat ass", Stan said, frowning.

"Oh, all right, then. Would you like to go first, Stan? Or perhaps you, Kyle?", Cartman shrugged, and the ones he spoke to looked at each other for a while.

"OK, Kenny. You go first", Stan said.

"WHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH???! (WHHHHHAAAAAAAAAT?!)", Kenny yelled.

"Well, we got lots of spare yous back in Southpark. No one will be too sad to see you die for the 300th time coz' we know there's many more where that came from anyway", Kyle said.

"Hhhh, whhh ffhh hhhrhhhh mh hhpp, dhhwdd (Oh, way to cheer me up, dickwad)!", Kenny mumbled, but went into the ring anyways.

Almost immediately, a large foot came down on him and squished him like a little bug. The children gaped for a while.

"Oh my God! They killed Kenny!", Stan yelled.

"You bastards!", Kyle followed.

"Goddamit!", Cartman cursed, and Butters quickly filled out the withdrawal form as rats gathered around the pool of blood that used to be Kenny.

O, Kenny boy

The rats, the ratsare cooomiiing

---------

"So, who's our next opponent?", Shinji asked. He was holding an onigiri in his right hand, which he promptly stuffed into his mouth. The team was taking a break in one of the hallways of the building after winning 4 of their matches.

"According to the schedule, we're going up against…Crimson Roses?", Hayata said and took a bite of the onigiri he was holding in his left hand. His right was holding the schedule for the matches.

"What kind of stupid people call themselves Crimson Roses?", Asuka asked in between bites.

"Perhaps they are so strong that they do not care about names at all and chose one at random using a random name generator they downloaded from the internet", Rei answered softly, her hands busy in her lap making a ball of rice with raw salmon slices inside. Asuka stared as she finished, handed the onigiri over to Toji, and immediately fished her hands into the rice cooker for more.

The rice and ingredients had been brought by Hikari. Misato was going to do it, but everyone ruled her out on grounds that anything she prepares is highly likely to be detrimental to the fighters in some way or another.

After all, she has turned a cup ramen (add hot water, cover and leave for 1 minute, enjoy) into a biological weapon before, with methods the gods deem to horrible for the ordinary human eyes to even read.

There is cause for worry.

"Right. What are the odds of that?", Asuka said and rolled her eyes.

"Why don't we ask them ourselves?", Toji said coolly and motioned with his head towards a group of strangers approaching them.

The one leading them was an impossibly handsome and slender man. His sunny blonde hair was straight and flows down his back like a waterfall. His porcelain face was incredibly fair and free of any mark. His eyes were crystal blue, like the sky. He was taller than any of the children, that is for sure. Each step he took was carefully measured to exude beauty.

Now, if you can't stand reading that as much as I can't stand writing it (shudder), here's a short description: bishonen.

Then one behind him was another young man, also impossibly handsome and slender, but in a much darker way. He had shorter, spikier black hair. His eyes were red, like the angry fires of hell, but also sad and dark like the night. Don't ask me how those get mixed together. His mouth was a perpetual scowl and his entire body posture just screams 'badass walking, get outta the way or I'll kill you, or cry and be angsty if I can't, whichever works'.

That one is the 'dark, brooding, angsty, emo-powered boy', a.k.a. what Shinji was before he got into this story.

The one beside him was a young woman, looking just like the girl next door, but with several differences. One, her muscles are well-defined, small as they may be, and are strong enough to break down doors with one blow, weak as they may look. Two, her eyes were holds a lot more fire than any other 'girl-next-door', which seems to imply unlimited potential, confidence and genius. Three, her short hair, believe it or not, was green. Yes, green.

This one is simply known as 'Mary Sue v1.0'.

The one beside her was another young woman of impossible beauty with abilities similar to the first one, slightly enhanced. Differences are: Her hair is impossibly long. Only Rapunzel can hope to compete with her. Two, she is very knowledgeable about cosmetics, evidenced by the things she put on her face to accentuate her beauty. Three, her assets (you know what I mean) are bigger. Like the one before her, she is also good at combat, in ways that does not make any sense in any other fiction other than this one.

We shall call this 'Mary Sue v2.0'

The one behind them was another handsome man with medium-length platinum hair. This one wearing glasses which was supposed to detract from the handsomeness, but enhanced it instead. He wears a knowing smile which seems to say that he knows everything there is to know about everything. In spite of looking like a guy who uses his brains more than his brawns, he possesses a very athletic and well-trained body which, combined with good reflexes and confidence, makes him nigh unbeatable in combat. Plus some other energy manipulating thingies that are nigh impossible to explain away.

This one is 'Gary Stu'.

"Good afternoon. You are the NERV team, correct?", The bishonen greets them.

"Indeed we are. You are the Crimson Roses, I presume?", Shinji greets back, standing up and dusting himself off as he did so.

"That's us. My name is Jerry McCorman", the bishonen answered and offered his hand. Shinji took it. Almost immediately, he could feel Jerry's hand trying to crush his.

"…Nice to meet you, Jerry", Shinji said, his grip being maintained at a level that would offer enough resistance without crushing the other man's hand. The handshake match went on for 30 seconds before Jerry finally relaxed his hand and Shinji released it.

"Well, it's nice to meet you too. Let me introduce you to my teammates. This is Arlock Strayvinsen", Jerry said and gestured towards the emo kid, who simply huffed in frustration.

"Annie Smith", he gestured to Mary Sue v1.0, who waved back cheerfully.

"Opelia Wisconsin", he gestured to Mary Sue v2.0, who bowed demurely.

"And Seth Neilson", he gestured to the Gary Stu, who just looked at them all knowingly.

"Hold on a second here…", Asuka said. "Is any one of you even remotely Japanese?", she asked.

"Why, yes. All of us has at least one Japanese ancestor somewhere in our family tree. In fact, my mother is Japanese", Jerry answered.

"So is mine!", Annie followed.

"And mine", Seth followed.

"My father is Japanese", Opelia said.

"…My great grandma was raped by a Japanese soldier and gave birth to my no-good banker granddad, who married a chica and gave birth to my even worse drunkard of a stingy father", Arlock retorted.

"…O…kay…too much information", Hayata said.

"…And I hate loudmouthed German redheads", Arlock continued, and Asuka immediately sprang up.

"WHAT WAS THAT, ASSHOLE?!", she yelled. Her fists swung out to hit Arlock, but she was being held firmly in place by Shinji.

"You heard me. I HATE YOU!", Arlock yelled back and stormed away. A few seconds later, he could be heard bawling in the hallway.

"Is he going to be OK?", Hayata asked.

"Oh, don't worry. He always gets like this around new people. First he gets mad, then he gets all angsty and cries, then he starts forming a more positive view of the new person in his life, and his life in general, after he/she/it does something good to him repeatedly, then he gets moody again once the person gets familiar enough to be boring, and the cycle repeats itself over and over and over", Annie answered.

"…Wow…", Hayata remarked.

"Tell me about it", Annie sighed with a smile. "Well, we gotta get ready for the match. See you then!", she said cheerfully and proceeded to leave, followed with the rest of the Crimson Roses.

"…That was one messed up individual", Hayata said after they were gone.

"Damn straight! I'm gonna kill that crybaby!", Asuka retorted after Shinji released her.

"Well, I get the feeling the next match will be pretty interesting", Shinji shrugged.

"That does not matter. All we need to do is win", Toji said as he finished eating his onigiri.

"Of course, my friend! Let's go get ready, shall we?", Shinji answered brusquely.

"Hell yeah! Can't wait to punch that bastard's face in", Asuka replied.

"…Our nutrient intake processes are complete. I believe we are ready", Rei reported calmly as she finished packing all their utilities and threw the rubbish into a bin near them.

"Very well, then! Onward!", Shinji said energetically and led them towards the great hall once again.

--------

All right, people. Sorry to drag you through all that Stu and Sue crap.

Fear not, however, for they are not going to be integral to this fiction.

Remember.

It's filler.

No matter how long it is.

Oh, and, if you hate Mary Sues, Gary Stus, and Emo kids, or love the laws of physics, you might wanna skip the next round of battles.

--------

It did not take long for the NERV team and the Crimson Roses to find their way into the great hall, get to their arena, and sit on opposite sides of the ring. Mainly because the author is too lazy to write about them walking around until they get here. In the spectator seats, Kaji could be seen refusing another bet with Misato. The damage done to his balls is enough to last through this chapter.

"First match! Gou Hayata versus Jerry McCorman!", the announcer's voice boomed through that part of the hall.

Hayata quickly stood up and walked to the center of the ring amid cheers coming from the NERV staff.

"Good luck, friend!", Shinji said and Hayata responds by raising his right fist.

Jerry did the same, this time amid the cheers of every female in a 1 mile radius, and some sexually confused males. The females included Horaki and Misato.

"JERRY!JERRY!JERRY!JERRY!JERRY!", the crowds chanted, and Jerry took a moment to wave to them, leaving Hayata to ensure his gi and belt are secured properly. Jerry's was a lot more form fitting.

"Forgive my fans. They simply cannot resist my beautiful allure", Jerry said as he turned to look at Hayata.

"Don't worry about it. More time for me to get ready", Hayata replied as his feet tested the mat's roughness.

"All right. Ready?", the referee asked and turned to Hayata, who nodded curtly as he lowered himself into his usual judo fighting stance. "Ready?", he asked Jerry, who did a flourish, a spin, and a bow before settling into a high stance with his right foot in front and both hands raised in front of him. "FIGHT!", the referee yelled and immediately stepped away.

Jerry immediately snapped his right foot towards Hayata's chin. Hayata quickly stepped backwards and the kick missed completely. Before Hayata could react further, however, Jerry's foot seemed to suddenly grow larger in his vision as Jerry stopped his foot just in front of Hayata's face and quickly drove forward.

Hayata ducked, and the foot hit his forehead. He quickly took a few steps backwards to lessen the impact and stood in his ready position.

"How rough! I expected more beauty out of you", Jerry taunted before hopping forward with a left jab. Hayata quickly intercepted it and grabbed the gi.

Before he could do anything else, however, he could feel the sleeve he grabbed suddenly pulling down. A second later, he could feel a sharp pain on top of his head and he stumbled to the ground. To his credit, he did not go to his knees.

Jerry smiled confidently, his right foot high above his head. He had lowered his torso the moment Hayata grabbed his sleeve and thrown his right leg behind him with such force and flexibility that it went right over his head and struck the top Hayata's head with the toes.

"Allow me to introduce you to my scorpion's tail", Jerry said to Hayata, who was still doubled over, and quickly whipped his leg forward in a smooth arc, intending to hit Hayata in the chest. Unable to do much, Hayata braced himself for impact, his forearms raised in front of his chest. The kick sent him flying a few meters backwards, but he quickly regained his footing.

Meanwhile, Jerry's supporters broke into raucous cheers, with some fainting on the spot, while the others, mostly males and females who are jealous of Jerry's beauty, urged Hayata to rise and show the former who's the man.

"…Scorpion, eh? Not bad…that actually hurts", Hayata mumbled as he got into his fighting stance again, this time lower than his usual stances.

"Come now! Have a taste of my beautiful scorpion!", Jerry exclaimed confidently and changed his stance. His right foot went up behind and above his head while his torso was lowered to the point where it was parallel to the ground, his hands forming a large open circle around his head. His left leg, supporting the bizarre structure, was perfectly straight.

Hayata smiled heatedly and dashed forward, body low to the ground.

"Useless!", Jerry exclaimed and once again whipped his right leg forward to kick at Hayata.

"SHUWATCH!", Hayata yelled as the kick connected and his body was thrown upwards along with the leg's movement.

'I have you', Jerry thought as his right leg continued its arc upwards.

It was only a second later that he realized his mistake.

Hayata had jumped up the moment Jerry's leg hit him, greatly reducing the impact. Not only that, he had grabbed Jerry's right pants' sleeve and used the momentum to launch himself upwards. He was now at the apex, and soon, he will sail towards Jerry's back and drop behind him, Jerry's right leg still in his hands.

Jerry's expression of confidence turned to surprise and helpless horror as he realized his mistake.

Hayata's left arm quickly encircled Jerry's neck as he dropped behind the latter, and his legs coiled around Jerry's waist like a pair of powerful snakes. His right hand encircled Jerry's right knee as his right hand grabbed his left sleeve and his left grabbed his right. Both arms formed a triangle around Jerry's neck and squeezed.

Unable to bear their combined weight with his left leg alone, Jerry tumbled backwards and both of them crashed to the tatami. Hayata continued to squeeze, burning determination in his eyes, while Jerry, consciousness slipping, struggled to get himself free.

Meanwhile, Jerry's fans started to become hysterical as their idol stood…well, lie, on the verge of defeat.

It was over in 5 seconds. The referee stopped the fight when he saw that Jerry had lost consciousness and held Hayata's right hand high above his head to acknowledge his victory.

There was a loud, high pitched, incredibly fan-girly, medley of hundreds of voices shrieking together and, seconds later, complete silence as they faint, together. The initial shriek had drowned out any sound of cheers for Hayata and the referee's decision, but they returned full force as soon as it stopped.

"Not bad, Judo-boy!", Asuka exclaimed loudly with a raised fist.

"Thanks. That was pretty close, don't you think?", Hayata replied as he sat down.

"Indeed. How is your head?", Shinji asked.

"I'll be fine", Hayata answered and began nursing the bump on his head.

"Next match! Soryu Asuka Langley versus Annie Smith", the announcer…announced…dammit, I really need a thesaurus.

"All right! My turn!", Asuka heatedly said as she stood up, cracking her knuckles as she walked to the center of the ring. She was met with applause from everyone but the guys in the NERV group, excepting Kensuke.

"Yay! My turn!", Annie cheerfully said as she stood up and bounced to the center of the ring, waving to the crowd as she did so, and was met with thunderous applause and cheers from the males in the audience, and some females. "I shall not let you down, my loyal fans!", she yelled before finally getting to the designated spot.

"Hey! I thought I'm fighting that crybaby!", Asuka yelled.

"Oh, sorry about that, but our team's policy is to only fight those of the same gender", Annie answered cheerfully.

"Dammit! Ah, well. You better give me some fun, girl!", Asuka pointed at Annie, who cheerfully nods.

"Ready?", the referee asked Asuka.

"Any time!", Asuka said confidently and got into her high stance, palms held in front of her in the knife-hands position and feet bouncing off the tatami.

"Ready?", the referee asked Annie.

"Bring it on!", Annie said confidently, apparently switching her entire personality to Asuka's the moment she assumed her pose, also a high stance with bouncy steps.

For the record, their feet ain't the only things bouncin'. Get my drift?

"FIGHT!", the referee yelled and stepped back.

The two immediately began circling around each other, waiting for the opportunity to attack.

"SEEIII!", Asuka yelled as her right foot went up in a side kick to Annie's face.

"YAH!", Annie yelled as she quickly ducked and threw her left foot in a side thrust kick to Asuka's face.

Asuka quickly dodged by swaying her upper torso back. Her right foot quickly retracted at the knee and immediately went into a sweep, using the momentum from her sway to propel the leg.

Annie quickly retracted both legs, jumping a little as she did so, and turned her waist so that her right foot was shot out at Asuka's head while her left went to the ground to act as support.

Asuka avoided this by quickly swaying under the leg and quickly leapt back with only her left foot.

"Not bad, girl!", Asuka taunted as she began to bounce in place again.

"You too!", Annie returned the taunt.

"Come on!", Asuka shouts and dashed forward.

"Eat this!", Annie did the same.

For the next few seconds, they traded kicks, with none gaining any advantage over the other. Annie's fans cheered her on while Shinji shouted instructions to Asuka from the sidelines.

After an instance where the 2 fighters managed to meet kick with kick, they leapt back a few paces, but immediately went forward again.

"YAAAHHHH!", Asuka yelled as she jumped up, feet drawn in and hands at her side.

"SSEEEIIIII!", Annie shouts as she followed in a similar pose, but with her body angled slightly to the side.

Annie's right foot drove out in a thrusting kick, headed straight for Asuka's chest. 'Gotcha', she thought. That immediately went to 'WHAT THE HELL?' as Asuka used her hands to catch the kick at the shin and raise her entire body over the leg.

Her two feet immediately set to work raining down thrust kicks on Annie's open torso, and it was only after 6 hits that the latter managed to get her guard up.

"Not yet!", Asuka yelled as she grabbed Annie's gi and pulled so that she was falling faster than her.

She landed hands first on the ground and immediately pushed back, launching her body into the air to meet Annie's falling form.

"EAT THIS!", she yelled as her right foot extended out in a perfect 45 degree rising kick and struck her opponent at the ribs just as she started to turn in the air.

"AAAAAAAHHHHHHH!", Annie yelled shrilly as she was thrown up several meters.

Things went in slow motion as Annie managed to pirouette not once, not twice, but five times in the air as she rose up and fell down. For no reason other than to look dramatic, complete with an announcer yelling 'YOU LOSE! BEEEYATCH'…Ok, maybe not the beeeyatch part…

Asuka landed with a soft thump as her feet touched the tatami. Annie followed her, crashing onto her back. Mary Sues fear landing face down because it ruins their faces and assets, and have undergone extensive training to ensure they never do, even if they were to fall to their deaths.

"WINNER! ASUKA!", the referee yelled as he grabbed Asuka's right hand and raise it above her head and loud groans and hysterical screams could be heard from Annie's fans, which, combined by cheers from the NERV team, completely drowned out everything the referee said.

Silently, the author thanked the gods…which would be him/her/it(?)self in this fiction, since that means he/she/it(?) does not have to think up more lines of dialogue for a one-time-appearance character.

"No…my fans…father…mother…brother…uncle…second uncle…third uncle…cousin…aunt…third cousin…that guy I never met…that girl I never knew…that thing I never thought of…forgive me…", Annie whispered dramatically before fainting.

"Yahoo! See that?!", Asuka leapt in the air and skipped back viciously to her seat. I shall let you wonder how skipping can be vicious. Meanwhile, Ritsuko's head slumped forward as she tried to calculate exactly how Asuka won.

"That kind of flying kick should be impossible to do with a normal human's body…dammit…the angle is all wrong...maybe her muscles are a lot denser…", she mumbled to herself.

"Well, you're in a fiction made by a fan. Laws of physics apply only when I want them to", a voice suddenly said behind her, and she turned her head to see an obese, no, stout, broad shouldered, big boned, slightly overweight, I mean, large (no, I am not fat…or so I refuse to believe) young man, probably in early twenties, looking at her. He was wearing a leather jacket with a hood that covered most of his upper face, and his bangs covered the eyes. Only his small mouth was visible.

"Who the hell are you?", Ritsuko asked.

"You're a smart woman, doctor. I am sure you already know who I am", the man said.

"…You…you're the one that's been messing up this universe, aren't you?", she spat venomously, and looked around to see if anyone noticed this little intercourse…no, not that kind of intercourse.

"Indeed I am. And, for convenience's sake, the only people moving through time right now are you and me, my good doctor. No one else knows I'm here", the man said. She turned back to regard him suspiciously, slowly reaching for the gun she had hidden behind her waist.

"So, why have the great and mighty author decided to come and talk to me?", she asked, and he snickered in reply.

"Well, I wanted to make sure you don't ask too many questions. And put that gun away, doctor", he said calmly, and Ritsuko flinched. "I know every little detail of your lives here, professor. Don't try anything funny", he said and took out a lit cigarette from behind his back. He took one dreg of it and immediately fell victim to a very bad coughing fit. "Shit! cough cough I forgot I don't cough smoke!", he said and threw the cigarette aside.

It landed right on top of Kaji's crotch.

Ritsuko took this moment of distraction to quickly pull the gun out and aim it at him. He saw this and sighed.

"Look, doctor. I'm the master of this universe. You can't possibly kill me…Not with a dildo, anyway", he said. Ritsuko looked in surprise at what used to be a gun. It is now a rubber penis with a gunmetal paint scheme.

"Wha…you…how…when…I…you…this…it…", Ritsuko stuttered, looking back and forth between the author and her dildo.

"Don't lose your verbal skills from this little incident, doctor", the author grinned and took out a giant mallet from behind his back, again. "Well, in any case, doctor, I'm givin' you a memory wipe", he said.

"…Memory wipe?", Ritsuko asked.

"Yep. You won't remember ever seeing me, and you shall ask no questions about the way physics work in my fiction", he said and raised the mallet above his head.

"Wait. Why shouldn't I ask questions about that?", Ritsuko asked, her cognitive abilities back in her head and the dildo thrown hastily to the floor.

"Coz' I ain't got the answers for those, and you'd just go mad thinking about it", he said and prepared to drop the mallet.

"Wait! Before you do that, can you tell me about what will happen in the future?", Ritsuko asked again.

"…Like, in this universe?", the author asked, and Ritsuko nodded. "Nah, can't spoil the story for them", he said and motioned with his head to the fourth wall.

Ritsuko looked at you and I took this time to bonk Ritsuko upside the head. She fainted back into her seat.

"Right, well, back to fiction", I said to you and snapped my fingers.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", Ritsuko was woken from her sleep (at least, that's what she thinks) by a very, very loud scream.

She looked to Kaji, the source of the din. Her eyes widened as she saw his crotch on fire.

"Holy Shit! Ritsuko! Do something!", Misato yelled, and Ritsuko frantically searched around her for anything of use. Her fingers clasped a random object and she quickly passed it to Misato.

"Here. Use this!", Ritsuko said, not bothering to check what the hell she just picked up. Misato, not bothering to check either, started beating Kaji's crotch viciously with the thing.

"AAAAA-OW-OW-OW-OOOH-OUCH-OW-OH-YEAH-OWoowowowowowowowoowwww-you can stop now!", Kaji said to stop Misato, but had little effect. The beating only stopped when the children came to check on them.

"What happened?", Shinji asked, genuine concern in his voice.

"I do not know, but his crotch was on fire", Tatsuya answered, pouring some cold water over the smoking remains of said crotch-fire.

Meanwhile, Asuka was staring at the thing in Misato's hand.

Misato noticed this and looked at the thing she had been using to smother the fire.

She immediately threw it to Ritsuko and wiped her hand on the chair in front of her.

Ritsuko was not paying attention and the thing hit her face before landing in her hands.

She immediately threw it away and proceeded to clean her face and hands furiously.

"…Miss Misato…", Kensuke began, making sure this fic does not forget about him and the others with him, who are collectively called 'secondary support characters'. You know, they are support characters. Secondary ones. Not primary, and definitely not binary, tertiary, or visionary. Got that? Didn't think so.

"Is that…", Hikari began…too…god, what poor sentence structure.

"Was that a dildo?", Fuyutsuki asked as he looked at the thing on the floor.

Indeed, it was the dildo which was transformed from Ritsuko's gun.

Silence prevailed for a few lines.

OK. We're done.

"…God…that was…just…wrong…", Kaji muttered weakly, and promptly passed out.

"…Should we take him to the hospital?", Kensuke asked.

"…Nah…I'm sure he'll be awake in a few minutes…or hours", Misato replied.

"Well! Shinji! I think it's time for your next opponent!", Tatsuya said, a little too enthusiastically.

"Right! Right! Let's go, people! We have another match waiting for us!", Shinji said and led his team hurriedly back to the ring, where the referee was already waiting with the emo boy, their next opponent.

"Next battle! Suzuhara Toji…er…Kenshiro versus Arlock Strayvinsen!", the announcer declared as the 2 combatants stepped into the ring.

"…I hate my fucking life…", Arlock said as he settled gloomily into a loose, high, hunchbacked stance.

"At least you still live", Toji said calmly as he got into his Jeet-kune-do/Hokuto Shinken stance, taken directly from Bruce Lee and Kenshiro. "And you shall continue to be alive if you had not decided to fight me", he continued.

"Whatever…", Arlock replied as the referee signaled for the fight to begin. Almost immediately, his right arm lashed out in a lateral swiping movement.

Toji stepped back to avoid the blow narrowly and immediately moved forward, closing the distance between them in one quick step. At the same time, his left arm, the one in front, snapped forward in a very quick jab.

Arlock avoided this with a slow lurch which followed the momentum of his swinging arm and almost immediately swung his extended arm in a wild backswing which utilized both arms. Toji quickly leapt aside, his movement taking him to Arlock's back.

"Hokuto…HYAKU-RETSU KEN!", Toji roared and his hands quickly struck out at numerous places on Arlock's body. The latter just took it and was bounced around like a rag doll. Toji could sense something was wrong. 'Why isn't he fighting back?', he thought and ended his barrage prematurely, leaving Arlock swaying in place, reeling from the blows.

What happened next was entirely unexpected. Arlock straightened up and looked directly at Toji. He was crying, no, bawling.

"I HATE YOU!", he shouts and threw a rough and blindingly fast right punch towards Toji's head. The latter was barely able to dodge. Arlock didn't wait and threw another one, which was, again, dodged. This went on for a while as Arlock continued to swing wildly at Toji. A few of them managed to get through Toji's guard and delivered scathing blows. For the most part, however, Arlock was hitting air. It only stopped when Toji managed to get a good straight punch to Arlock's chest, which threw the latter a few meters backwards.

"…It's useless…", Arlock said listlessly. "The more you strike me, the more anger and sadness gathers in me, and the stronger I become", he continued as he put his palms together, one with the fingertips facing the ceiling and the other with the fingertips facing the ground. Toji immediately put up his guard.

"EAT THIS!" Arlock shouts and draws back. "SHI SHI HOKODAN!", he yelled and steps forward, thrusting out his palms. A wave of energy, barely visible, shot forward and forced Toji backwards in spite of his defensive stance.

"Urgh!", Toji grunts as he regained his footing. He opened his guard and looked at his opponent, who was, once again, looking listlessly back at him. "You are not the only one who possesses that kind of attack", Toji said coolly. Arlock just stared back. Toji's breathing became deeper as he placed both palms in front of his chest much like Arlock did a few moments ago, but looser.

"Hokuto…", Toji said softly as the air around him began to ripple in reaction to energy being focused in his body.

"GOUSHOU HA!", Toji shouts as he threw his palms outwards, creating a similar blast of energy that hit him a few moments ago. This one powered by fighting spirit instead of emo energy.

Arlock was thrown back as the shape of two palms was temporarily imprinted on his chest.

"GGHHHH!!!!!", he spat and landed on his back. He quickly stood up and swayed on the spot. His eyes were fixed heatedly on Toji. "You…", he said softly as a dark aura started to gather around him. He shrieked and the aura solidified into black tendrils of mist.

Meanwhile, the referee was trying to figure out if all these attacks are in breach of any of the rules. He couldn't find anything about energy waves and pseudo-magical gothic tentacle things, however, and decided to let it be. Of course, any physicist out there, except for those in this universe, will disagree.

"aaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", Arlock shrieked again and the tendrils whipped towards Toji repeatedly. The latter tried blocking them, but they were too numerous and quick, and he ended up being tossed around by them.

"Urgh!", Toji grunted as he lands roughly on the tatami. His head was spinning from the many blows that connected and he supported himself on one knee. 'No…will I die here…? What…about…Yuria…?', he thought and winced from the pain.

"Well, this looks bad…", Ritsuko said from her seat, her arms crossed loosely in front of her chest.

"COME ON, KID! I'VE GOT 100000 YEN RIDING ON YOU!", Misato yelled, her hands cupped in front of her mouth. Beside her, some random guy was desperately counting the odds of Toji making a comeback. So far, he's still smiling.

"…Well, I suppose I should do something", Tatsuya said and walked over to where Asuka was sitting.

"GET UP, IDIOT!", Asuka yelled before she noticed Tatsuya walking up to her. "What do _you_ want, gramps?", she asked as he took out what looked like a pair of strapless goggles. The frames are blue in color and the elongated hexagonal lenses looked like yellow tinted glasses.

"Well, simple. Asuka, I want you to look right here. Shinji, Rei, and Hayata, close your eyes!", Tatsuya said as he put the goggles a distance away from his eyes and aligned the lenses to Asuka's eyes. Meanwhile, Shinji closed his eyes and used his hand to cover Rei's. Hayata closed his eyes on his own accord.

"Hey, just wait a minute he-", Asuka managed to get out before a bright white flash came out of the goggles. She stared dumbly ahead.

"Right. Perfect. Now…this is what is really happening…", he said and quickly whispered into Asuka's ear. A moment later, she perked up and looked at the struggling Toji, clearly distraught.

"NOOOOOOO! KAAAAJIII SAAAAN!", she yelled, and Toji looked at her. As soon as he did, Tatsuya aligned the goggles to his eyes and the flash went off again. Toji was stunned for a moment before he reacted to Asuka.

"Yu…YUUUURRIIIAAAA!", he shouts as his eyes fixed on Asuka.

"KAAAAAAAAAJIIIIIIIIII SAAAAAMAAAAAA! DON'T DIE!", Asuka screamed.

"YURIAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", Toji yelled shrilly. _'No! She is right in front of me! I must move! But I can't! Oh! TRAGEDY!', _he thought, incredibly cornily.

"Kaji? But he's-", Misato started.

"-right here", Kaji finished, having just woken up.

"…What the hell…?", Ritsuko wondered aloud. "What did you do to them?", Ritsuko asked Tatsuya as soon as he sat down back in his seat.

"Nothing much, just a little bit of pep talk to boost their spirits a little", he said with a smile. Ritsuko did not buy it, of course, but decided to stay quiet lest another anvil fall on her head.

"Enough! Die!", Arlock shouted as the tendrils merged into one single tentacle and swung down on Toji. There was a loud boom as it hit the tatami. Arlock smiled maniacally, but the smile was gone in a second. "Wha-", he gasped in disbelief as the smoke and dust cleared to reveal no Toji on the mat.

"Where are you looking?", Toji's voice floats from behind him. Arlock whirled around but Toji was not there. "Over here", the voice floats again from his right. He snapped his head quickly to the right, but found naught but empty air once again. "Not there. Here", the voice floats again. Arlock turned his head slowly and saw Toji directly behind him.

"Wh…what manner of trickery is this?", Arlock wondered aloud as Toji's body seemed to phase in and out of his vision, moving randomly to the left, right, front and back.

"Hokuto Shinken sai dai ougi…", Toji said softly as Arlock's vision started to blur from watching Toji's phasing form. "Musou Tensei", Toji finished and stepped forward.

Arlock quickly closed his eyes and sent his many tendrils forward to intercept. Not a second later, he could feel something blunt stabbing several of his body parts. He quickly leapt back in shock and opened his eyes. Right in front of where he stood, and apparently right at the spot the tendrils could not reach, stood Toji.

"What did you-hmph-do?", Arlock asked, the beginnings of a giggle emerging from his throat. A second later, he was chuckling uncontrollably. "What –snicker- did you –HAH- do?", he asked again as a full blown laughter threatened to escape is mouth.

"Taking away your source of power", Toji replied as he stopped phasing.

"What do you-HA HA HA-m-HA HA HA HA!", Arlock crumpled to the ground in a fit of violent laughter. The referee looked at the rule book once again. Finding nothing, he looked at the ringside referee, who shrugged his shoulders. The referee looked between Arlock, Toji, and the ringside referee and shrugged as he grabbed Toji's right wrist.

"WINNER, SUZUHARA!", the referee announced, which was met with a thunderous applause from old-school otakus around the world. Toji silently removed himself and walked to the NERV side of the ring.

"Very nice, Suzuhara!", Shinji congratulated him. The latter merely nods his thanks and turned to Asuka.

"Yuria…", he said softly as he looked at Asuka.

"KAJI SAMA!", Asuka yelled as she scrambled up and dashed towards him.

Toji stretched his arms out and she ran straight into them, her hands immediately encircling his torso.

"Yuria!", Toji gasped as he hugged her back.

"Kaji sama!", Asuka blushed.

Meanwhile, the NERV side was very silent. Pretty much everyone had their mouths agape, eyes twitching furiously, and, if you listen closely, you can hear the gears in their heads trying very hard to turn, operative word being 'trying'.

In one freckled inchou's case, you can actually hear the cracking sounds of the gears inside her head as they went into overload.

"…Yuria…how I longed for you…", Toji said and brought his face closer to Asuka's. She was a little surprised by this development, but her hesitation was momentary as she lifted her lips to meet his.

And (big surprise, hopefully) they kissed deeply, passionately, longingly, enduringly, (dramatic adjective goes here).

The gears in Hikari's head snapped and she slumped back into her seat.

Ritsuko was the first one to get her brain moving again. She immediately turned to look at Tatsuya.

"You hypnotized them, didn't you?", she asked quickly. Tatsuya merely nodded. "…How long is the effect going to stay in place?", she asked again, and Tatsuya checked his watch, one of those limited high grade military issue kinds given to soldiers from the M-85 nebula.

"…I'd say in 5 seconds", he replied simply. Ritsuko and Misato immediately turned their heads back to the action.

Meanwhile, Asuka and Toji snapped their eyes open at the same time.

Asuka stared into brown orbs in a white background that was too close to her eyes.

Toji stared into blue orbs in a white background that was too close to his eyes.

'_Why do I taste fish…no, wait, monkey in my mouth?'_, Asuka thought.

'_Why do I taste milk…no, wait, devil in my mouth?'_, Toji thought.

Both wiggled their tongues and were surprised when they felt something else wiggling in there. Both pulled their heads back.

That's when the screaming began.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", they yelled at the same time as they instinctively propelled themselves apart, fingers pointing accusingly towards each other.

"YOU!", Asuka yelled.

"HOW?!", Toji yelled back.

"WHAT ARE YOU-"

"DID YOU JUST-"

"DID YOU JUST FRENCH ME?!"

"HEY! THAT'S MY LINE!"

And that went on for a while as the rest of the world, excepting Shinji, Rei, Hayata, and Tatsuya, picked up the scattered pieces of gray matter that used to be their brain and tried putting it back together.

"Th…that…this…", Hikari tried to begin.

"…was…um…unexpected…", Fuyutsuki finished for her.

"NNNOOOOOOOO! TOJI! YOU BACKSTABBING SONUVABITCH! I THOUGHT YOU WERE BETTER THAN THAT!", Kensuke screamed as loud as his geek's lungs allowed, throwing cusses like the best of 'em.

"Not in the scenario, not in the scenario, not in the scenario, not in the scenario, not-", Gendo mumbled to himself as he glued his eyes to the TV screen at the foot of his bed somewhere in a NERV hospital.

"…Well, I see no resolution to this anytime soon if we continue to be stunned at the fact that Toji just kissed Asuka. What do you say we move on to the next fight?", Tatsuya offered.

Everyone nods silently except for Kensuke who was still cussin' and Asuka and Toji, who were still trying to figure out just who kissed who.

"…You know, I didn't think he had it in him", Hayata commented as he looked at Cussin' Kensuke.

"Neither did I", Shinji answered. Just then, the announcer's voice boomed out from the loudspeaker, thankfully ending this awkwardness.

"Next battle! Ayanami Rei! Versus! Opelia Wisconsin!", and Rei stood up, followed by Opelia. Both of them walked to the center of the ring, Opelia with a demure smile and Rei with no readable expression whatsoever.

"An honor, miss Ayanami", Opelia said as they reached their starting lines and bowed. Rei returned the bow. Cheers erupt from all corners of the hall from fans of both girls. Somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach, Rei shivered. Someone was thinking about her, and they're pretty nasty thoughts. Hey, maybe it's you.

"Ready?", the referee asked her, and she nodded silently. "Ready?", he turned to Opelia, who nodded in reply. "FIGHT!", he shouts and stepped out of the way.

Rei settled into her stance calmly, turning her body so that her left side and her hands, set loosely in front of her left side, faced her opponent, and began to slowly circle Opelia. The latter turned her body to keep Rei in front of her at all times.

Without warning, Opelia stepped forward, almost too quick to be seen, her open palms coming together in front of her waist, and twists her waist inward as she gathers force. Rei barely had enough time to register this before Opelia's right arm swung diagonally upwards, as if cutting across Rei's torso. The latter managed to evade by twisting her waist to lower her torso and move it aside as her left hand deflected Opelia's attack with a loud smack. Rei immediately backed away to a safe distance. Shinji's eyes narrowed as he noticed her left palm shaking.

'_Could it be…?'_, he thought to himself. In the spectator's seat, Tatsuya thought the same thing.

"A worthy opponent indeed You are one of the few who can dodge the Shadowless Sword at that distance", Opelia said in a sing-song voice as her palms come together, her left fingers touching the area where the right wrist meets the palm. She raised her palms up and dashed towards Rei. The latter narrowed her eyes and stepped diagonally forward as Opelia's hands swung down.

Rei's right palm shot towards Opelia's face as she moved towards Opelia's back. The latter managed to move her head aside at the last moment, and Rei turned clockwise in a complete circle, sending her left forearm towards Opelia's midsection. Opelia leapt back, spinning as she did so, sending her hands slashing horizontally towards Rei's head. Rei ducked to avoid the attack, and succeeded.

The hall was silent as Opelia stood in her stance, her hands together beside her right hip. Rei stood up and returned to her previous stance. Shinji was looking on intensely, arms folded across his chest. His eyes were on an area of the ring around Rei's feet. He could see several short strands of Rei's blue hair.

"It is just as I thought…", Shinji said, and amazingly got the attention of Toji and Asuka on top of Hayata.

"What is?", Toji asked, not having followed the events that transpired a few moments earlier.

"Miss Wisconsin is a practitioner of the Mugetsu Kenjutsu", Shinji stated.

"…Practitioner of…what?", Asuka asked, understanding clearly not present in her eyes.

"The Sword of Emptiness, or the Vacuum Blade. A discipline that enables its practitioner to create an invisible blade made of energy by placing both palms together. It is as strong as a normal blade! And it's invisible! No normal human can predict its movements with eyes alone!", Shinji explained, his voice rising and his speech going faster as he neared the exclamation mark(!).

"So…you're saying Ayanami is…screwed?", Toji asked.

"…That may not be the case…", Hayata said, his right fingers cupping his chin.

"Indeed! All she needs to do is know what she is dealing with!", Shinji exclaimed before cupping his hands around his lips. "REI!", He shouts, and that got her attention, as well as everyone in a 100 meter radius.

"…Shinji?", She said softly as she looked at him.

"Remember your training, Ayanami! If you can't see the attack, FEEL IT!", Shinji shouts his instructions. Rei was, predictably, puzzled, and turned back to her opponent.

"Ya think wondergirl gets it?", Asuka scoffed.

"I hope so. Otherwise, she might lose", Shinji replied and looked on hopefully.

"Are you ready to continue, miss Ayanami?", Opelia, a.k.a Mary Sue v.2.0 asked.

Rei took a moment to ponder before closing her eyes.

"What on earth is that girl doing?", Ritsuko wondered aloud, just one voice out of the many murmurs now starting to spread in the hall.

"The essence of tai chi is to use an opponent's force to your advantage", Tatsuya said cryptically.

"…Aaaand…?", Misato asked. The cryptic stuff never was her specialty.

"By closing one's eyes, one can more effectively utilize senses other than sight to react to an enemy's attacks. Especially when fighting one skilled in the Mugetsu Kenjutsu!", Tatsuya replied spiritedly.

"Skilled in the what?", Ritsuko asked. Mugetsu Kenjutsu was, obviously, no public knowledge.

"Please scroll up a few paragraphs for further information", a voice suddenly said over the intercom, and this prompted everyone in the hall to look at the script of this fiction and look for the part where mugetsu kenjutsu was explained. Don't ask me how everyone else knew about this little conversation, or how the script got into their hand. Nobody asked when Robin Hood and his men in tights did it.

"…Where have I heard that voice before…?", Ritsuko wondered aloud before shifting her eyes back to the action.

"Wellgetting desperate, are you?", Opelia wistfully said as she raised her hands above her head.

Rei kept quiet as she settled into her stance.

"Heregoes", Opelia said as she charged forward and swung her hands down.

A loud smack resonated through the hall as a depression, forming a straight line, formed on the ring's floor, dust billowing up from where the invisible impact had been. Rei stood to the side of that line.

"What the hell…?", Misato gaped, her eyes studying the line on the mat.

"What just happened? What did she do?", Ritsuko mumbled to herself.

"That impact was made when the invisible blade made of the user's energy hit the floor", Tatsuya elaborated.

"…I'll be damned…You _were_ serious…", Fuyutsuki remarked, once again confirming his existence in this chapter, no matter how small.

"I…is Ayanami all right?", Hikari spoke, her brain finally fixed enough to form coherent sentences.

"Don't worry. She dodged it at the last second", Tatsuya replied. Down at the sidelines, Shinji smiled confidently.

Opelia had stopped moving for a moment. She was sure she would hit her opponent. Shaking her head to clear off her confusion, she settled back into her stance, her hands placed in front of her waist in a classic kendo stance. Not a second later, her hands lashed out straight forward, sending forth an energy equivalent of a sword thrust towards Rei's face.

The latter moved her head aside slightly, just enough to avoid the attack narrowly. Those who watched could see her hair being blown backwards from the wind generated by the thrust. Opelia did not stop, and continued to rain thrust after thrust at Rei, who continued to dodge smoothly.

After a moment of that, Opelia drew back, her hands placed beside her head, the equivalent of a kendo high stance, panting heavily. She eyed Rei, who still had her eyes closed and standing in her relaxed stance. She stepped cautiously forward. Rei did not move. Opelia, seeing no resolution to this anytime soon, drew back her hand and immediately thrust forward.

Rei silently stepped aside as Opelia's energy blade moved towards her chest and positioned herself to Opelia's right. Opelia made to draw back the blade, but was pulled forward before she could do so by Rei's gentle hand movements. The former tried pulling back, but found herself being forced back as Rei subtly changed her footing and body position to push her backwards.

Nearly off-balance, Opelia pushed forward again with all the strength she could muster. She looked at Rei, who chose that moment to open her eyes. Opelia's eyes met hers, and widened when she felt Rei pulling her forward, and felt the latter's movement flowing from the toes, up to the knees, waist, torso, shoulders, and finally her hands. She did not have the time to scream as her body was suddenly flung forwards.

The audience watched with mouths agape as Opelia sailed through the air, heading outside the ring. Opelia put both hands up in front of her to brace for the impact, and was surprised when a pair of hands suddenly grabbed her gi in midair and pulled her to cancel her inertia and set her on her feet. She opened her eyes to see Seth standing before her.

"Are you all right?", he asked crisply.

"Yes. There are no major injuries. Sorry, Sethchan", Opelia answered. Seth shook is head.

"It is all right as long as you are safe. Now, go take a seat and watch me take down their captain", Seth smirked and looked at Shinji. The latter was also looking at him and their eyes met. Shinji gave a confident grin, which Seth returned with another smirk.

"RING OUT! VICTORY FOR NERV TEAM!", the announcer's voice boomed as he took Rei's wrist and hoisted her hand straight up in the air. A loud cheer and claps soon followed as Rei's hands dropped back to her side. She walked back to her team's side slowly, where the rest of her team were waiting.

"Not bad, wondergirl! I bet I can do better than that!", Asuka said loudly as she puffed her chest and stood proudly with her arms akimbo.

"Right, right, whatever. Good job, Ayanami", Toji followed and gave Rei a pat on her left shoulder before an angry redhead punched the back of his head.

"Well, with this, we're assured victory even if Shinji were to lose", Hayata said from where he stood.

"He will not lose", Rei said suddenly.

"Fear not, Rei! I won't lose to anyone as long as I fight in the name of Justice!", Shinji roared heartily as he came up to them.

"…Of course not. I was merely speaking hypothetically", Hayata replied as Rei turned to look at Shinji.

"Right, well then…what are we waiting for?", Shinji said confidently as he pulled his black belt tighter around his waist, a confident grin on his face, and stepped into the ring.

"LAST BATTLE! CAPTAIN VERSUS CAPTAIN! IKARI SHINJI VERSUS SETH NEILSON!", the announcer screamed into the microphone in his hand as Seth, a.k.a. Gary Stu, stepped to the center of the ring along with Shinji.

"Don't disappoint me, Ikari…", Seth said with yet another smirk as he and Shinji stood face to face.

"Same to you, my friend!", the latter replied confidently.

"Ready?", the referee asked as he looked at Seth, who put his hands in front of him in a high stance not too dissimilar to a certain fainted bishonen's.

"Ready?", the referee asked as he looked at Shinji, who went into his 'cat' stance…no, not the one Ranma uses. See chapter 1 for details.

"FIGHT!", the referee shouts and steps back as he quickly crosses both arms in front of him and let go.

Almost immediately, Seth stepped forward and his left hand went out in a blurry jab.

Shinji used his left hand to parry the jab as he quickly stepped forward, his right fist drawn back in preparation of a driving gut punch.

Seth moved his right hand to his left rib as soon as he saw Shinji chambering the punch.

Twisting his hip and shoulder, Shinji rammed his fist into Seth's right hand.

Shinji's fist connected with Seth's hand with a loud smack and the latter floated backwards in an attempt to minimize the force of the impact.

Seth threw out a snapping left front kick towards Shinji's face as he floated backwards, which was quickly blocked by Shinji's outer right forearm and left palm with a loud bang.

Seth landed on both feet gracefully and returned to his high stance.

"Not bad. You actually live up to my expectations…", Seth smirked, yet again.

"Thank you for the compliment", Shinji replied as he returned to his usual stance. "Now, COME!", his entire body tensed the moment he let out his roar.

"With pleasure", Seth smirked confidently (seeing a pattern here?) and advanced.

As soon as he was within range, Seth threw out a low right kick, which was quickly met with Shinji's solid stance and lower body defense. Seth's leg rebounded and he used the force of the rebound to launch 2 more consecutive snap kicks to Shinji's torso and face, in that order. Both kicks met, again, with Shinji's solid defense, rebounding off his raised thigh and left forearm.

Using the force of the rebound from his high kick, Seth spun his entire body around, his left leg as the pivot, and launched a backspin thrust kick towards Shinji's midsection. This was quickly smashed aside by Shinji's left elbow.

Almost as soon as the kick was deflected, Seth lifts up his left foot and launched it towards Shinji's face from the outside as his right foot took the place of the left one.

Shinji, not hesitating for one second, quickly lifts his legs off the ground as he goes into a spinning crouch and launched a broad backsweep kick towards Seth's supporting leg.

The kick connected and Seth's right leg was launched in the air as his torso went to the ground. He quickly threw out his hands to the ground and, with a loud smack, used them to support his body.

"Allow me to show you the _real_ scorpion", Seth smirked (see the pattern now?) as he spun around to face Shinji, supporting himself on a triangle support point provided by his palms and his right tiptoe. His left leg was raised high above him, the toes pointing towards Shinji, much like a scorpion's tail.

"Interesting", Shinji smiled confidently and went into a high stance, the left side of his body facing Seth, his left hand at his side and his right drawn up to the middle of his chest.

"Hmph. Let's see how long you're going to stay that confident…", Seth smirked (need I say it?) as he started bouncing up and down in his stance.

Without warning, he attacked Shinji with a series of quick jabs using his left foot's toes, which were all quickly deflected by Shinji's left hand. After the last jab, Seth quickly drew his left foot back and joined it with his right as his legs began to spin along the ground with his hands and powerful torso providing support in a series of wide circular sweeps to attack Shinji's legs and, occasionally, his torso and head.

Shinji managed to evade or block most of these by jumping, body sways, or blocking directly with his arms, their combined movements a beautifully deadly dance in itself. Seth quickly changed his strategy and advanced until he was directly in front of Shinji, his entire body drawn up into a ball with his face towards the ground and his palms on the ground. Shinji quickly caught on, ducked, and raised his hands to his face in a cross block.

"Too late", Seth smirked for the umpteenth time today and launched both feet towards Shinji's face, his entire body launched forward off the ground by the motion of his hands and torso. The devastating double kick impacted Shinji's forearms with a loud bang and Shinji was launched off the ground, his upper torso bending backwards. His contorted face and gritted teeth showed his pain.

Following through the motions, Seth landed on tiptoes and immediately launched himself forward, this time twisting his body to spin horizontally downwards, the sides of his body facing Shinji as he spun.

Shinji, in the meantime, used the momentum of the impact to twist his torso and landed crouching with his back towards the spinning Seth. Stepping back, he generated his own momentum which went upwards, both hands drawn tightly against his body.

"Now…die!", Seth said loudly and threw out his right foot, which arced viciously downwards, powered by his spinning motion, towards Shinji.

"IKUZE! RISING DRAGON!", Shinji roared and extended his right elbow, arcing upwards powerfully towards Seth's leg, powered by his grounded upwards spinning motion.

The two attacks met with a very loud boom, and everyone in the audience held their breath in excitement.

Shinji drove through, throwing Seth's leg arcing back the way it had come, and followed his spinning motion until he went into a deep, wide karate stance, facing Seth.

Seth managed to regain his balance in mid spin and regained his footing after three backward hops. He smirked, but his eyes showed his wavering confidence.

"…Wait a minute…How come only he gets original named attacks?", Toji commented from the sidelines.

"…Hey! Yeah! How come only Mr. Shonen Stereotype gets named attacks?!", Asuka followed, and a stack of documents promptly fell in front of her. "What the…?", she wondered aloud and read the title of the document on top. It says 'Contract agreements'. "Dammit! Not this again!", she yelled and promptly knocked it aside.

"It is not conduct becoming of a pilot to make a mess everywhere you go, pilot Soryu", Rei said calmly as she picked up the scattered documents and arranged them in order.

"Fuck that!", Asuka retorted and brought her view back to the ring.

"You are better than I thought, Mister Ikari…", Seth said coolly as he stood in a standing position. "I suppose it is time for me to get serious", he continued and moved his arms outwards slightly.

"Likewise, mister Nielsen!", Shinji grinned confidently and returned to his high stance.

"Now, Ikari…prepare to DIE!", Nielsen said as he raised his hands to shoulder level. Small red wisps of light started to emanate from his forearms and gathered around his hands, covering them in orbs of red energy.

"Th, This is…!", Shinji gasped as he witnessed the events unfolding before his eyes.

"What the hell?!", Asuka wondered aloud in the sidelines.

"This is like that thing my opponent was using!", Toji followed.

"No, this one seems to be stronger…", Hayata commented simply.

Rei was silent, but her eyes had widened slightly.

"Oi, oi, this could be bad…", Kaji said softly.

"Damn! We have to get him out of there!", Misato cursed in her seat.

"Not yet", Tatsuya said calmly.

"But-", Ritsuko began, but was immediately silenced when Tatsuya looked at her intensely.

"…He won't lose, doctor. You just have to believe in him", he smiled confidently, ending the discussion there.

"Eat this", Seth smirked and swung his left arm, throwing the orb down there in Shinji's direction.

"Damn!", Shinji cursed as he stepped aside to avoid the ball of energy. It hit the floor a ways behind him and exploded with a loud boom and engulfed a good portion of it in fire.

"NOT YET!", Seth screamed as another orb appeared in his left hand. "DIE!", he yelled as he alternately threw orbs of fire from his left and right hands at Shinji, who was dashing all over the ring to avoid getting hit.

As Shinji dashed, he slowly moved closer to Seth. Once he was set, he launched himself forward and threw a strong right punch at him.

"Wha-", Shinji gasped when he found his fist hitting air.

"Too slow", Seth taunted. Shinji looked up and behind him to see Seth in the air, having jumped away at the last second. "Now…", Seth smirked as his hands glowed brighter. "DIE!", he yelled and launched a barrage of flaming orbs at Shinji, who did not have time to evade and resorted to merely guarding his vital parts. Each orb explodes upon impact with either Shinji or the ring. In a matter of seconds, half of the ring was engulfed in fire and explosions as Seth continued his assault.

"Shinji", Rei said in a strangely muted version of an exclamation as she stood up and tried to enter the ring.

"He, hey, Ayanami! What are you doing?!", Toji shouted as he grabbed Rei's left wrist.

"I am getting the third child out of there", Rei replied flatly.

"Are you nuts?! There's no way you can survive in there!", Asuka yelled as she held on to Rei's right wrist.

"That does not matter. The third must not be allowed to die", Rei said as she tried to make her way forward.

"He'll be fine", Hayata suddenly said from where he was sitting. The others turned to look at him, part in shock, part in incredulity.

"The hell he is!", Toji retorted loudly. Meanwhile, Seth had stopped his barrage and stood panting in the ring. In front of him were billowing smokes where Shinji had been standing moments ago, give or take a few meters.

"Heh heh…heh…Hah! Take that, you son of a bitch…", Seth panted and the rest of the people in the hall waited with bated breaths as the smoke began to clear. Seth, for his part, was exhausted. That continuous barrage he just unleashed had taken its toll on his body.

"IKARI JUMP!", a loud roar suddenly reverberated through the hall as the smoke in front of him suddenly swirled outwards and was sucked upwards in a spiral. He snapped his head upwards to see-

"Shinji!", Misato shouted in surprise from the spectator area, and indeed it was Shinji who had leapt high above the ring, hands stretched out widely on his sides, his eyes focused on Seth below him. Most of his upper gi was in tatters thanks to Seth's attacks, and wisps of smoke trailed from parts of his skin, but he otherwise looked fine.

"You! How-!", Seth began, but quickly stopped when he realized he was at a grave disadvantage. He cannot move because he had expended most if not all of his energy on his last attack, and he was basically a sitting duck right now.

"An attack like that…", Shinji began as he continued to rise through the air. "SHALL NEVER DEFEAT ME!", he shouts, which was met with loud cheers from the NERV team.

"IKARI!", Shinji roared as he drew up his entire body into a ball and let his momentum guide his body to spin horizontally to his right slowly.

Below him, Seth desperately tried to move his legs, but all he managed to do was fumble around, nearly losing his already fragile footing.

"KIIIIIICKKKKK!", Shinji roared again as he kicked downwards with his right foot, spearing diagonally towards Seth from at least 10 meters up at an incredible speed. During his descent, a faint blue aura seemed to surround his body, trailing behind him like wisps of smoke from a fire.

Seth did not have time to say anything before Shinji's foot slammed into his chest, sending him crashing to the ground, breaking the ring's mat where his body made impact, and creating a small wooden crater around him, splinters flying in its wake.

Shinji, meanwhile, retreated with a quick back flip, landing in a deep karate stance.

Seth lifted his head with tremendous effort and looked at Shinji.

"You…how did…you…survive my…attack?", he asked in a hoarse voice, blood dripping out the corner of his mouth.

"By the power of my fighting spirit!", Shinji roared his reply.

That answer made no sense, but no one in the audience really cares. Neither do you.

"But…how…I'm the Gary Stu in this story…", Seth gasped out.

"That may be so…", Shinji began, straightening up into a very manly standing position. "But I am the hero!", he finished, and Seth promptly slumped face down on the mat.

"…He's got to be kidding…", Ritsuko muttered, her head slumped into her hands. Too many unexplained shonen phenomena has that effect on her. Beside her, Misato was shaking uncontrollably in excitement.

"YAAAAHOOOOOO!", the latter suddenly burst out and started jumping up and down, taking and shaking the hands of anyone she can get her hands on.

"Hmph! I told you to trust him", Tatsuya said, leaning back into his seat with his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"…So…do you mind explaining to us what he just did?", Kaji asked.

"Not at all. He merely shielded himself at the last second with his ki, or fighting spirit, if you prefer", Tatsuya replied.

"…Ok…let's go with that…", Kaji said and slumped back into his seat, just moments before Misato skipped and stepped on his toes. The grimace and tears were pretty indicative of what he feels right now.

"WINNER! IKARI SHINJI!", the announcer shouts above the din of the hall, lifting Shinji's left hand above his head while medics swarmed to get Seth into the infirmary. As soon as the referee let go of his hand, Shinji stood straight with feet at shoulder with and crossed both arms in front of his face, inhaling as he did so.

"OSSU!", Shinji roared as he uncrossed his arms, which was met with more cheers from the crowd. With that done, he went to where his teammates were sitting.

"Okay! What the hell did you just do, third?", Asuka asked loudly and vehemently.

"What are you talking about?", Shinji asked back with an innocent smile.

"Well, for one, how did you jump ten meters into the air…come to think of it, is this hall's ceiling even supposed to be ten meters tall?", Toji said.

"Yeah! And what about that flame thingy on your body when you came down?", Asuka asked again.

"Well, those are just manifestations of my fighting spirit. When one has trained long enough in the Mugen-ryu style of martial arts, these kind of things are possible", Shinji answered matter-of-factly.

"Oh, come on! No one is going to fall for that!", Asuka yelled, throwing out her hands in frustration.

"Interesting. So that's how you were able to do all that", Hayata said from behind her, hands on his hips.

There was a slight pause as Toji and Asuka turned to stare at Hayata.

"…What?", Hayata shrugged.

They did not reply.

"Are you injured, pilot Ikari?", Rei asked softly from behind all of them, breaking the silence.

"Oh, Ayanami. No, not at all! Thanks for asking", Shinji replied with a smile as he turned to face her.

"Are you sure?", she asked again as she looked over his body, which was still smoking slightly.

"Of course! It will take more than explosive energy balls to take down a master of Mugen-ryu karate!", he replied and thumped his bare chest once with his right hand.

"Heh. Looks healthy enough to me", Toji scoffed while Asuka fumed.

It only took three seconds to change their minds as Shinji toppled stiffly backwards onto the floor, confident smile still plastered to his face.

"H, hey! Shinji!", Kaji called out. He and the other surviving members of the NERV team had went down to the children's place to say their congratulations.

"Do you require assistance, pilot Ikari?", Rei asked as she bent down to look at his face.

"…I…I…guess…it does…sting…a…little…", Shinji winced, still smiling despite the pain.

"I guess he's not as invincible as we thought", Toji commented, bent over to get a good look at Shinji.

"Just goes to show what you get for showing off", Asuka sneered beside him, hands crossed in front of her chest.

"Well, it was amazing enough he survived through that entire explosion", Misato sighed while Ritsuko started checking Shinji's body for any injuries.

"So, how's he holding up, doctor Akagi?", Fuyutsuki asked, once more reaffirming his existence in this story.

"There are no external wounds that I can detect. It's probably just a large amount of fatigue. I can only hope there are no internal injuries", Ritsuko said as she stood up. "In any case, we should probably get him to the infirmary. I should be able to do a more thorough check up there", she finished.

"Leave that to me!", Tatsuya said as he picked Shinji up and slung him over his right shoulder.

"You kids might want to come too. Your injuries need to be treated properly", Ritsuko said as she turned to follow Tatsuya to the infirmary.

Toji and Asuka looked at each other, shrugged, and followed her, along with Hayata and the others from the NERV team.

---------

"So, how is he doing?", Tatsuya asked, his arms folded in front of his chest as he stood next to Shinji, who was lying on a bed while Ritsuko checked his injuries.

"Just as I thought. Muscle fatigue, and a few minor burns and bruises. Nothing serious. He should be back to normal in less than an hour", Ritsuko answered as she straightened up.

"So, can he fight the next round of battles?", Kaji asked. He was seated on the bed next to Shinji's, a nurse tending to his crotch. No, not in that way, perverts.

"Do not worry! It takes more than this to stop a Mugen-ryu master such as myself!", Shinji said confidently, sitting up cross-legged on his bed.

"That's my boy!", Tatsuya roared heartily and smacked Shinji in the back. The latter immediately slumped forward in pain. "…Oops…", Tatsuya mumbled.

"Mister Mugen. Please kindly refrain from aggravating your student's injuries", Ritsuko sighed.

"Sorry", Tatsuya said sheepishly and scratched his head.

'_Amazing how boyish he can look'_, Ritsuko thought to herself. Then, realizing what she just implied, no matter how small, she looked to the sky…er, ceiling. "You're not doing what I think you're doing, are you?", she asked, which left everyone else in the room understandably puzzled.

Hey, better some superhero I made up than Gendo or Fuyutsuki, right?

"…I suppose so", she shrugged and returned her attention to the others. "Don't mind me. I just need to take some medications", she said as she slowly made her way to the door, followed by the stares of everyone else there.

The door flung open away from her before she could touch it, and Opelia burst into the room, followed by Rei, Asuka, Toji, and Hayata, in that order.

"Sethchan", Opelia called out and opened the curtain that separated Shinji's bed from the one beside his. On the bad was Seth, his torso wrapped in bandages.

"Ah! Seth! I had no idea you were here!", Shinji said heartily.

"Well, believe it or not, I had", Seth said as he gingerly sat up. Opelia helped him by propping pillows on his back and shoulders.

"Yo, Shinji, you OK?", Toji asked as he took a seat across Shinji.

"YOU!", a loud voice suddenly screamed out from the bed across Shinji as the curtain there was thrown open.

"Hey…aren't you-", Hayata began, and was immediately cut off by Asuka.

"Hey! It's the emo kid!", she yelled and pointed towards Arlock, who was sitting up on the bed. Jerry was holding the curtain that was covering him, and Annie was sitting beside the formers bed.

"Who you callin' an emo kid?!", Arlock yelled back.

"You! Who else?!", Asuka replied in kind.

"WHY, YOU!!!", Arlock shrieked and tried to get out of his bed.

"Now, now, Arlock…", Annie grabbed his shoulders and tried to pull him back. Perhaps it was his injuries, but it only took her one try to plop him back down to the sheets.

"Well, I'll be damned", Toji mused to himself. "This seems a little too much to be a coincidence", he continued.

"Actually, it is _not _a coincidence we met here", Jerry smiled, which was met with curious stares from everyone from the NERV team.

"What do you mean?", Rei asked flatly.

"This is the only infirmary in the whole goddamn building's what he means", Seth answered for Jerry.

"…How does that _not_ make any sense?", Kaji said.

"I dunno. I'm just following the script", Seth said and pulled out the script conveniently placed under his bed.

"We should have figured that out, really, what with the author being a cheap bastard who makes no sense and all…", Ritsuko commented nonchalantly, and yet another anvil fell on her head, just heavy enough to give a major headache.

"…Where the hell did that come from?", Misato wondered aloud as she stared at the ceiling, standing beside her.

"Are you all right, professor?", Tatsuya said as he took her right hand and helped her up.

"I'll be", Ritsuko replied, her left hand clutching her head.

"Good afternoon, Asuka", Annie called out as soon as she managed to restrain Arlock, who was literally trying to lash out and bite Toji.

"Good afternoon. How's your wounds?", Asuka asked as she and Rei took seats at the sides of Shinji's bed across each other.

"It still stings, but it should heal in a couple of days", Annie smiled, and Asuka merely nodded her understanding.

"…How are your injuries, Ikari?", Rei asked.

"It's just fatigue, as Doctor Akagi said. I'll be fine in a few minutes", Shinji replied with a confident smile.

Rei did not say anything, and merely exhaled the small amount of air nobody, not even herself, knew she had been holding in her lungs.

"By the way, there was something that had been bugging us", Hayata said to Jerry.

"What is it?", the latter asked.

"Why did you name yourselves Crimson Roses?", Asuka asked on behalf of her teammates.

"Well…", Jerry scratched his head. "…Actually…I have no idea. Opelia came up with it", he said and pointed to Opelia who was sitting beside Seth, tending to the latter's wounds.

"Ohit was simple, really", Opelia began. "We were so strong that we decided our team name is not important at all, and I, who was assigned with the task of naming the team, used a random name generator I downloaded off the internet", Opelia sing-songed her answer.

There was a minute of silence as Shinji, Asuka, Toji, and Hayata turned to stare at Rei.

"…How did you…", Asuka pointed and tried to start, but words seemed to fail her.

"Ah! Toji! Here you are!", a female voice said from the doorway, and they turned to see Hikari standing there with Kensuke following close behind her, a scowl on his face.

"Yo, Kensuke, Horaki. What are you doing here?", Toji greeted them with one raised hand.

"Oh, we're just here to help tend to your wounds", Hikari answered and turned to Kensuke. "Right, Aida san?", she asked, a vein suddenly visible on her forehead.

Kensuke sneered in reply.

"…I think there's some hostility here…", Fuyutsuki observed calmly and wisely took ten steps away.

"Uh…is it just me, or do those two look evil right now?", Asuka leaned closer to Toji and muttered.

"I pray for our sakes that it is just you…", Toji muttered back as Kensuke and Hikari approached them.

"It seems that the best course of action we must take right now is to close the curtains and take cover", Rei said. Everyone else but Shinji, Tatsuya, Toji and Asuka nodded in agreement and promptly did as she instructed.

--- 30 seconds later ---

"AAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!", Toji screamed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!", Asuka followed suit.

"Now, now, Asuka. You know nothing is better against cuts than a bottle of sterilizing alcohol", Hikari said with an evil smile as she poured an entire bottle of said liquid onto Asuka's left cheek, careful to rub everything in so she does not miss a single spot.

"What she said, buddy", Kensuke followed suit with a similar, much geekier smile, also doing the same thing as Hikari, only he was doing Toji's right arm.

"There was no cut there before!", Toji yelled back.

"Yeah!", Asuka followed.

"But there's nothing better against bruises than gratuitous sandpapering", Kensuke replied as he continued on his task.

"What the fuck are you-OOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWW!", Toji screamed as Kensuke prodded, no, stabbed at Toji's wound with a cotton wad soaked in vinegar.

"HHHKKKKKKKKKKKHHHH! HHHHHHHHNNNFFFFFFMMFFFFFFFF! (Hikari I can't breathe)", Asuka screamed as Hikari began wrapping Asuka's head tightly with a roll of bandages.

"Now, Asuka, don't make this hard on yourself. We need to wrap you up nice and…_tight!_", Hikari said as she yanked harder on the ends of the bandages.

In the curtained off beds, the others prayed for the survival of the tortured ones.

--- 10 minutes after that ---

"…So, how are they?", Misato asked. Ritsuko was squatting on the ground where Toji and Asuka lay, a white line on the floor around each of their twitching bodies. Who knew moldy socks can be such wonderful weapons?

"Well, they're alive, that much I can tell", Ritsuko replied as she prods the two bodies on the ground, which occasionally moaned in pain.

"Oh, don't worry. We won't kill them so quickly", Kensuke answered with a smile as dark as a geek can get.

On the ground, Toji whimpered.

"I don't think they'll be able to participate in the next round, though", Ritsuko said as she stood up.

"Oh, don't worry about that. The final fight is for team captains only", Shinji said.

"Yes, and (for convenience's sake) there are no more tough opponents between now until the next fight, so we can easily rack up the necessary three victories until we get to the finals", Tatsuya added.

Just then, the intercom crackled to life.

"_NERV team, please report back to the ring! I repeat! NERV team, please return to the ring for the next bout of matches! I repeat! My tiny little penis just went to France! All those with a vagina, please find it before it impregnates Minnie Mouse! I repeat! My ti…what the hell?!", _and with that, the intercom fell silent.

Silence prevailed for the next 10 minutes.

"Did the announcer just say-", Shinji began.

"Right! Well! Let's go, people!", Tatsuya immediately interrupted him by grabbing his gi's collar and literally throwing him out of the infirmary. Everyone else walked out after him, not really wanting to discuss anything about the intercom message.

--- 2 hours, 45 minutes, 34 seconds, 14 fights, and 28 rice balls later ---

"All right, people! Let us prepare for the final battle!", Shinji roared with his right fist raised in front of him. In front of him stood his remaining teammates.

"Final battle?", Misato wondered from her seat.

"Already?", Fuyutsuki followed.

"Wait a minute…I don't remember all the other fights leading up to this", Kaji scratched his head as he tried to remember the past few hours.

…Well, let's fix that, shall we?

Three anvils promptly fell on the their heads.

"OW! Where the hell did that come from?!", Misato yelled as she rubbed a large lump on her head.

"Hell if I know!", Kaji replied, and slowly looked around. "…What were we talking about again?", he asked Misato and Fuyutsuki, who were sitting beside him.

"…I can't remember", Fuyutsuki said as he turned his eyes to the ceiling. "Ah, well, I'm sure it's nothing important", he shrugged and turned his attention back to the ring.

Shinji stepped onto the ring, his hands firmly clasping his black belt by the sides of the knot in front of his waist, a confident smile on his face. He watched as his opponent entered the ring and his smile quickly vanished, to be replaced by a confused expression. His opponent walked up to him and flashed him a confident grin. He looked exactly like Shinji in terms of…everything.

"YOU!", Shinji yelled and pointed towards the other Shinji.

"YOU!", the other Shinji did the same, in a voice that is a lot more boyish than Shinji.

"Who are you?!", Shinji asked heatedly.

"That's my question, you nincompoopal impostor!", the other Shinji retorted, in a voice that tries unsuccessfully to be powerful.

"Wait. Why do you not sound like me?", Shinji asked.

"…I don't know. What am I supposed to sound like? Your grandma? Huh, why, I oughta-", the other Shinji asked.

"Well, like me, of course! And stop insulting me with ridiculous names that don't fit with the movement of your lips!", Shinji replied.

"I think you meant like _me._ In any case, why do we have different voices? Huh? Huh? Hmmmmmmmmmm?", the other Shinji asked back. No one knew how he could produce a 'Hmm' when his mouth was wide open the whole time.

"ALLOW ME TO EXPLAIN!", a voice suddenly rang out from the speakers. The NERV team turned to look at the source of that voice and saw a long-haired blonde girl, another girl with long, slightly wavy dark blue locks beside her, a dog, a…miniature of the galaxy…maybe…with arms…and an overweight man in black leather…well, the author, all sitting in a row, a long referee's table in front of them. The blonde started speaking.

"Hi there! I am E-Chan! Otherwise known as Hanako-"

"DOSHKOI!"

"Right, thank you sumo guys! What a way to tell the readers you still EXIST! EXISTENCE BANZAI! And right beside me is Ha-Chan! Next to her is Menchi! Or Mince! Depending on the situation! (Mince: Whimper) Next to him/her/it is Iz-chan, straight from her recent honeymoon!"

Somewhere else in the world

Pedro: "NOOO! Where's my SEXY wife?! Did she find another man _again?!_ NNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Back to scene

"And right at the end there is the one and only creator of this universe! AUTHOR! Otherwise known as DancingBrain, but that's not a cool code name! SO! For this segment, we shall call him SUBARASHI-no-SUTEKI-yo-SAIKYO-o-TENSAI-no-MENDOKUSAI-ni-AHO-to-BAKA-no-HENTAI-"

"Author will do, E-chan", the man at the end said, his slightly annoyed eyes hidden under the hood of his black jacket.

"Right! Author will do, for I fear whatever he has in mind for punishment is a hell of a lot worse, not to mention disgustingly sick, than the worst Nabeshin or Rikudo has ever thrown at us! Now, a word from Ha-chan!", the blonde finally finished and turned to Ha-chan, who looked back, turned blue, dripped blood out of the corner of her lips and promptly fainted. Or died. "Um…Iz-chan…", Hanako Doshkoi threw a glance at Iz-chan.

"-sigh- All right, all right…"

flip

"There, good as new", Iz-chan said as the scene was reset to just a few seconds ago, minus a dead woman.

"Arasenpai. Did I faint again?", Ha-chan asked.

"No. You died. Now, get on with the announcing thingy", The author said calmly, though impatience clearly oozed out of him.

"RIGHT! As I said before, allow me to explain! THAT ONE!", E-chan said and pointed to Shinji. "Is the Subbed Shinji! THAT ONE!", she pointed to the other Shinji. "Is the Dubbed Shinji!", E-chan exclaimed.

"Right…so…what does that mean?", Toji, who had miraculously healed due to a plot hole and had walked up to the referee's table, asked her.

"Eh?", E-chan sweat-dropped.

"He said, what does that mean?", Asuka, who had also miraculously healed due to the same plot hole, said.

"Eh………", E-chan turned to Author.

"It means exactly what it means. Your Shinji is the one with the original Japanese voice. The other one was the one used for the American television", Author replied.

"Right! What he said!", E-chan turned to Asuka and Toji.

"…I don't get it", Toji scratched his head.

"Me neither", Asuka frowned. The author sighed and muttered something around the lines of 'wastin' my fuckin' precious time' before snapping his left fingers. A cloud of smoke instantly appeared close to him. Toji and Asuka watched and gaped as the smoke cleared.

"AAAAAHHHHHH! I'TS A DOPPELGANGER!", Asuka screamed as she pointed towards an exact replica of her emerging from the smoke, who was doing the same.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I'M GOING TO DIE! MOMMY! MOMMY! HELP ME! NO! KAJI!", the other Asuka screamed back in a slightly less shrill voice. No one knew how she spoke without moving her wide-open-mouth.

"O-O-O-O-O-O-O-"

"HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-HO-"

"KE!-KE!-KE!-KE!", the two Tojis shout out, never really completing the word they're supposed to say.

"Get it now?", Author asked while the four continued screaming.

"I don't think they're listening", E-chan said.

"…Damn them all to hell…", Author said and clicked his fingers again. All four Tojis and Asukas instantly disappeared from the scene.

"Arawhere did they go?", Ha-chan asked, and Author pointed his back with his right thumb and forward with his right index finger, in that order.

A few rows up behind them, where the other NERV members were sitting, Asuka and Toji suddenly appeared, screaming and kicking, right where they were sitting before Author appeared. The other Asuka and Toji appeared on the other side of the ring across Author in the same condition as the previous Asuka and Toji. Not 3 seconds later, 4 anvils appeared on top of each of their heads and knocked them out.

"Wow, Author! You really like abusing your powers, don't you?!", E-chan proclaimed.

"Sure do. Now get the fight started before I decide to use one on you", Author curtly said.

"YESSIR! LET THE FIGHT BEGIN!", E-chan shouted loudly and put her right hand up.

Out of nowhere, the dings of a boxing match's bell resounded through the hall. I mean it. There was no bell in sight. Unless you count the one in my head, of course.

Shinji and Shinji leapt back and got into their battle stances, which are virtually identical to each other.

"OOORRRYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAA!", Shinji roared and charged forward.

"YYYYYEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHH!", Shinji shouted and charged forward.

The two met each other in a furious clash and-

"OOOOHHHH! Shinji is going for Shinji! Shinji right hook! Shinji duck! Shinji kick! Shinji sway! Shinji punch! Shinji block! Shinji throw back! Shinji chased! Shinji haymaker! Shinji miss! Shinji gut punch! Shinji deflect! Shinji elbow! Shinji deflect! Again! Shinji knee chop! Shinji sweep! Shinji jump! Shinji stomp! Shinji Roll! ShiIIIIII'MMMM FAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGG!"

"I really wished I didn't have to do that…", Author said as he let go of the end rope he held in his left hand. The other end was headed towards the ceiling. There was a square black hole where Hanako Doshkoi was sitting, and a resounding splash came out of the hole after 10 minutes, complete with screams of 'aahh, it's not just crocodiles this time' and 'no, not those tentacles again'.

"Ara, Senpai, are you all right?", Ha-chan asked towards the hole…er, square, on the ground.

"Do not worry, my junior! I have survived far worse than this in Master Ilpallazo's service!", E-chan yelled back.

"I don't think so", Author said as he leaned back in his chair.

"Huh? Hey, wait, where's that tentacle-whoa-wait! No! Not there!", E-chan's voice floated.

"Senpai?", Ha-chan peered into the square, but couldn't see anything due to its depth.

"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH! NOOOOOOOOO! MY VIRGINITY!", E-chan screamed as the author snickered and pulled the rope to close the trapdoor, shutting out Hanako Doshkoi's screams.

Meanwhile, in the ring, the 2 Shinjis were circling around each other after the initial contact, waiting for an opening. The audience held their breath.

"Not bad, impostor!", Shinji, our Shinji, growled.

"That's my line!", the other Shinji growled in response…well, tried to, but ended up sounding like a whiny teenager, which is exactly what Shinji was before I got to him. (Another Fic Shinji: Hey! I resent that!)

"Prepare yourself!", Shinji roared and charged forward.

"YAAAAHHH!", the other Shinji rushed to meet him.

Shinji threw out a right punch, which was blocked by the other Shinji with his left elbow. The other Shinji, henceforth referred to as Shinji 2, threw out a right hook in response, which was blocked by Shinji with his left forearm. From there, both Shinjis grabbed a part of the other's gi where they could reach them. Shinji grabbed the right collar and left sleeve while Shinji 2 grabbed the left sleeve and right collar.

"SEEIIIII!", Shinji roared as he tried to send Shinji 2 flying with a turning hip throw.

"HAAAA!", Shinji 2 shouts as he tried the same, only succeeding in neutralizing both moves and they returned to their original position.

Shinji 2 immediately let go of Shinji's collar and latched onto Shinji's left wrist. He immediately went into an ippon zeoi.

Shinji followed the motion, landing on both feet as he descended from the apex, his left arm crossed with Shinji 2's throat. Grabbing his left sleeve with his right arm, he forcefully pulled Shinji 2 to the ground.

Shinji 2 followed the momentum and landed on both feet like Shinji. Once on the ground, he immediately pried himself out of Shinji's arms and delivered a quick side thrust kick with his left leg.

Shinji raised both hands up in a cross block and let himself float backwards to lessen the impact.

"Kick of Anger!", Shinji 2 roared as he launched a flying kick towards Shinji, his legs enveloped in red aura.

"IKARI PUNCH!" Shinji roared as he countered with a dashing punch, his right hand enveloped in blue aura.

There was a loud boom as Shinji's right punch met Shinji 2's flying kick and the 2 fighters were thrown backwards from the impact.

The two fighters wasted no time in charging forward as soon as they could. The two met in the center of the ring in a flurry of punches and kicks too fast and numerous to be written here in too much detail. Besides, they were stirring up dust which really blocks my view.

Their movements suddenly stopped and the dust around them settled, revealing them to be locked in the middle of counter blows. Shinji's right wrist was in Shinji 2's right grip very close to his face while the latter's left wrist was gripped in the former's left grip in a similar position.

"HHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!", Shinji roared loudly as his body was gradually enveloped in blue aura.

"YYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!", Shinji 2 yelled loudly as his was engulfed in red aura.

A loud crack resonated through the hall as both combatants' grips were forcefully thrown off by the expanding aura.

"Well…this could be bad…", Author said as he slowly sidled away from the edge of the ring, followed by pretty much everyone else.

"This is not good", Tatsuya commented from his seat, his arms crossed in front of him.

"Why do you say that?", Ritsuko asked, not taking her eyes off the ring.

"If they continue to fight like this, one of them may die", Tatsuya replied.

"Shouldn't we try to stop them if that is the case?", Misato asked.

"It's impossible to stop those who have already gone to that level", Tatsuya said as he got up and started towards the ring. "The only thing that can be done is to try to keep the loser alive, or make sure one's victory comes quickly", he finished.

Meanwhile, in the ring, both Shinjis rushed towards their opponent, their entire body enveloped in aura. Shinji 2 threw a fast straight right, almost invisible to the naked eye. Shinji immediately deflected it with his left forearm and countered with an equally fast right gut punch.

Shinji 2 deflected this with his left forearm and immediately used the same hand to perform a knife hand strike towards Shinji's temple. The latter ducked his head to dodge and simultaneously brings his left elbow slashing down towards Shinji 2's collarbone.

Shinji 2 continued with his strike and used his left palm to deflect the elbow while at the same time chambering a right gut punch. Shinji had done the same and was preparing to strike.

"IKARI DAIHO KEN!", Shinji roared as he stepped in and delivered the punch.

"ANGER'S REVERSE CANNON PUNCH!", Shinji 2 roared back as he stepped back and delivered his punch.

Both attacks clashed with a loud boom…or BOOM, if you're tired of the small letter case sound effect, and both combatants were thrown backwards. They immediately started circling around each other and rushed forward when the moment came. Both of them struck with their palms, which immediately met halfway through the attacks with a resounding crash, forcing both combatants closer as they pushed against each other.

"NOT BAD, IMPOSTOR!", Shinji roared.

"THAT'S MY LINE!", Shinji 2 roared back.

"SHINJI!", Tatsuya shouted from the edge of the ring, and both Shinjis immediately turned to him. "REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING IN CHINA!", he shouts again.

Shinji started to blush while Shinji 2 looked confused.

"China?", Shinji 2 asked.

"Uncle Tatsuya! I can't do it when I'm sober!", Shinji shouted back.

"Don't worry about that! That's why I'm here!", Author yelled with a wicked smile and pulled another rope hanging from the ceiling.

"Eh?", was all both Shinjis managed to say before they were dunked in very strong-

"AAAH! What is this?!", Shinji 2 shouted as he released Shinji's hands and started shaking himself dry. "…Rice wine?", he said to himself as he smelled the thick liquid.

"…"

"Rice wine?", Hayata wondered aloud from his seat right next to the still unconscious Toji and Asuka, with Rei on the other side of the pair. "…Don't tell me…", he continued, a sweat drop starting to roll down his face.

"..."

"…What's wrong with Shinji?", Misato said to no one in particular.

"I have no idea", Ritsuko answered. Kaji, meanwhile, was chuckling.

"What are _you_ laughing about?", Misato asked with an annoyed expression on her face.

"Nothing. I just thought _you_ would know what's going on more than any of us", he answered and pointed at Shinji, who had begun swaying slightly where he stood.

"…Wait a minute…you don't mean…", Ritsuko started, but was unable to finish. So ridiculous was that idea.

"…Hic", a sound emanated from Shinji's lips, confirming Ritsuko's ridiculous but true idea.

In the ring, Shinji continued to sway and eventually stagger in place, somehow managing to stay on his feet despite the fact that he is standing on nothing but his toes and was tangling his own feet up with his erratic steps.

"…H, hey, are you OK?", the referee in the ring, forgotten until now, asked Shinji. The latter waved dismissively.

"I'mHICfine…heh...HIC!", he smiled stupidly. The referee turned towards the bench referee, which would be the Author, and looked questioningly at him. The latter simply nodded. After another few seconds, the referee shrugged and motioned for both combatants to resume the fight.

"HaaAAAAHHHH!", Shinji 2 roared as his red aura returned while Shinji continued grinning like an idiot.

"Hey, this doesn't look good…", Ritsuko commented as she came up behind Tatsuya, who merely laughed.

"LET'S GO!", Shinji 2 yelled and rushed forward with a right punch.

Shinji continued grinning and staggering.

"GOTCHA!", Shinji 2 smiled in triumph as his fist came closer to Shinji's face.

That smile disappeared the next second as Shinji swayed drunkenly away from the fist and launched several lightning fast strikes with the back of his hands and fingers which hit Shinji 2 squarely in the nose, mouth, eyes, and chest.

"UGH! What the hell?!", Shinji 2 wondered aloud as he retreated and rubbed his stinging face and chest. Shinji meanwhile, continued to stagger, his 2 hands stretched in front of him, his fingers curled up as if holding a cup of wine with his arms slightly bent as if he was hugging a big jar.

"I knew it…", Hayata sighed.

"Hey, Kaji…is that…?", Misato asked.

"Yep. The one thing Dub Shinji can never do because of censors…", Kaji began dramatically, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Drunken fist", Tatsuya concluded Kaji's sentence, Ritsuko standing wide eyed right behind him.

"Hiccoooome on", Shinji said drunkenly, beckoning Shinji 2 to attack with his left hand.

"YEEAAAHHHH! ANGER KICK!", Shinji 2 yelled as he attacked with a flying kick.

"HIC", was what came out of Shinji's mouth as he leaned back, grabbed Shinji 2's pants, and pulled in a circular motion with his waist, throwing the latter against the mat.

Shinji 2, not anticipating the attack, was slammed to the mat. Shinji wasted no time and went down after him with a full body slam, his right hand stretched out to dampen the impact should he miss.

"ARGH!", Shinji 2 shouted in pain as Shinji's attack connected. The former quickly pushed Shinji off and got to his feet, clutching his damaged left ribcage.

"Hic! Have some wine!", Shinji hiccupped with a grin as he staggered around the ring in his drunken stance, his outstretched hands moving in quick, erratic horizontal circles.

"Damn you…I shall not be defeated!", Shinji 2 yelled as his red aura came back and he charged forward with a right haymaker. Shinji quickly bent his body backwards while his right foot lashed out in a front kick to Shinji 2's stomach, his arms deflecting the blow upwards.

Shinji 2 quickly blocked the kick with his left forearm.

Shinji wound up his arms, forcing Shinji 2 to move further forward than he planned, ruining his balance. While Shinji 2 tried to recover, Shinji pivoted his body forward, bringing his hands down towards Shinji 2's face while his right leg kicked backwards to provide balance.

Shinji 2 blocked the hands with his left forearm and pushed them back to make Shinji lose his balance. Shinji staggered backwards and the former rushed in to attack. Before Shinji 2 could do anything, however, Shinji swung out with his forearms, bent like they were holding a big jar of wine. Shinji 2 quickly blocked this, but was unable to defend himself when Shinji stepped forward with his back foot and swung out towards his stomach, and the attack connected with a thud.

Shinji 2 doubled over and Shinji quickly lifted his feet off the ground, spun horizontally once, kicked Shinji 2 with both feet in the face while spinning, and staggered up in one fluid, awkward motion.

Shinji 2, meanwhile, was blown backwards by the kick and was dragged a few meters on the mat with a loud screech.

"…Screech?", Misato wondered to herself.

"He's running out of sound effects", Kaji explained calmly.

"Who?", Misato asked.

"That guy", Kaji pointed to the sitting author.

"Oh", Misato nodded.

Meanwhile, Shinji staggered quickly towards Shinji 2, who had gotten up and was also rushing towards Shinji.

"Eat this!", Shinji 2 yelled as he threw a right roundhouse high kick, which Shinji avoided by bending his head backwards. Not stopping there, Shinji 2 drew back the leg in midswing and threw out a side thrust kick with the same leg. Shinji avoided this by bending his torso and throwing his hip back.

Shinji 2 quickly retracted his leg and, to his surprise, Shinji followed at the exact same speed and managed to encircle his arms around the former's head.

"Come on! HIC! Let's DANCE!", Shinji roared with a drunk grin and hit Shinji 2's head with the inside of his left forearm, which caused the latter's head to fly straight into Shinji's right inner forearm, where it immediately bounced back to the left, and so on as Shinji kept up a rippling horizontal circular motion with his arms, bouncing Shinji 2's head between his arms.

After several rotations, Shinji opened up his arms, bouncing Shinji 2 out of the rotation. The latter staggered after so many concussions while Shinji's hands started to glow with blue aura.

"Aaaahh...my head...", Shinji 2 mumbled while Shinji quickly advanced on his position.

"HIC!A CUP OF WHIINE FOR YOU!", Shinji shouted as his hands flew towards Shinji 2's body, hitting the latter quickly in vital areas in a chaotic but orderly stagger. Shinji 2, stunned from the earlier attack, was unable to put up any kind of defense.

"ONE LAST CUP! HIC! COME AND HAVE A DRINK!" Shinji roared a final time as he threw his body forward like a spinning torpedo, hitting Shinji 2 many times during the spin with his arms and ending with a headbutt propelled with the momentum of the spin.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!", Shinji 2 yelled as the last attack connected and he was thrown out of the ring, landing hard on the floor.

"WINNER! SUB SHINJI!", Excel Excel (you have to know who this was by now, right?) announced from her seat, dripping wet (with water and some other…unmentionables…) and punching the air above her head with pom poms.

"Ara Senpai. You're back", Hyatt demurely turned to the girl mentioned above this line.

"YES, HA-CHAN! And let us never speak of whatever was in there…", Excel replied, continuing her victory dance.

Back in the spectator's seat, Misato and Kaji looked on with a sense of wonder. Not because Shinji won. We all know that would happen. No, they're wondering if they had finally gotten numb to the author's gimmicks as she felt no excitement in seeing Shinji's victory.

"YEEHICAAAHH!", Shinji roared in victory as the crowd broke into applause. Not for his victory, but for the fact that this long-ass chapter is _FINALLY_ coming to an end. YIPPEEKAYAY!

"…Well…this is pretty generic…", Ritsuko said as Tatsuya clapped and congratulated Shinji beside her.

"Don't worry about that", a voice suddenly floated from her left, and she turned her head in surprise to find the author standing right to her left. "Things are still going to get a bit more interesting", he grinned evilly and disappeared before the blonde doctor could say anything. How did he disappear, you ask? Um…author power.

"All right! Shinji! You are indeed my best stu-OH GOD! STOP! SHINJI! NO!", Tatsuya cried out beside her and she turned her head to get a look at just what is getting our OC all flustered. She froze.

So did Hayata, Misato, Kaji, and everyone else except for Rei and Hikari, who were blushing madly, and Kensuke, who was getting it all on tape.

On the ring danced Shinji.

Topless Shinji.

Bottomless Shinji.

Stark naked Shinji.

Shinji with a life-size fireman's hose for a penis and tennis balls for…well, balls…

And the crowd goes wild…

----------------

A week later…

----------------

"So, how is Shinji?", Ritsuko asked Misato who was sitting across her. They were in the Katsuragi residence. Kaji and Tatsuya occupied the other 2 sides of the square dining table.

"Not too bad, actually. He still goes to school as usual", Misato replied while Ritsuko sipped her coffee, specially brewed, of course.

"Well, that's good to hear. I would have expected him to lock himself up in his room for days", Tatsuya said, his arms crossed in front of his chest.

"Actually…", Kaji stated hesitantly.

"…How long?", Tatsuya turned to Misato.

"All of one hour. He came out when I told him skipping school is not something a virtuous defender of justice would ever do", Misato sighed.

"And that he won the tournament and that is all that matters", Kaji added.

"Well, that's Shinji for you", Tatsuya chuckled.

"Speaking of which…shouldn't he be home right about now?", Ritsuko asked.

"Yes. That might be him", Misato said as a faint rumbling sound approached the apartment.

"…Are you sere that's him? It sounds like more than 10 people are running down the hall out there", Tatsuya asked as he stood up cautiously.

A second later, Shinji burst into the room and immediately slammed the door behind him.

"PREPARE FOR BATTLE!", Shinji roared as he struggled to keep the door closed against whatever deviously evil mass is on the other side.

Misato was about to ask what he meant when the entire wall behind Shinji cracked and throngs of girls started pouring into the room, trying to claw at Shinji.

"STAY AWAY!", Shinji roared as he leapt away from them and retreated to where Tatsuya was standing.

"WHAT THE HELL?!", Misato screamed, her hands ready to pull out some of her purple locks.

"IT'S A FANGIRL ATTACK!", Kaji yelled and reached for his handgun.

"SHHIIINJIIIIIIKUUUUNNNNNN! MARRY MEEEEEEEEEEE!", the girls called out as one in an unbelievably sugary voice that not even Asuka could top.

"AAAHHHHH! THE EVIL CUTENESS! DO SOMETHING!", Ritsuko shouted, shielding her ears and eyes.

"LEAVE IT TO ME!", Tatsuya said and pulled out his goggles and aligned them towards the girls. A bright flash emanated from the goggles and the girls were left in stunned silence. A second later, they screamed as one and, as abruptly as they had come in, fled the scene.

"…What did you do?", Ritsuko asked.

"Just a bit of mental projection", Tatsuya said with a sigh.

"Thank you, uncle Tatsuya", Shinji said with a grateful smile.

"Don't mention it…", Tatsuya replied.

"…My apartment…", Misato squeaked, drawing their attention.

"Uh…Misato…are you…", Kaji started, and stopped immediately when he noticed just how dark and stormy the air around her had become.

"Well, this looks pretty bad…", Ritsuko said, increasing the dark and storminess around Misato.

"Don't worry! We can always use the reward money from the tournament to fix this!", Shinji said cheerfully, which cleared the air around Misato.

"…Well…Shinji about that…", Kaji began, unsure how to proceed without being killed by Misato.

"Remember your first training lesson, Shinji?", Ritsuko asked, and Shinji nodded. "Well, all the reward money had been used to fix that gaping hole you made, as well as the one you created when training with Asuka", the former explained.

"…Oh…", Shinji mumbled as his shoulders slumped, and Misato fainted dead away when a random stray pebble dropped from the ceiling onto her head. Kaji thanked the gods and a certain angel on a cross sneezed again.

'_YAY! MORE FANS!'_

--------------

End of chapter.

Finally.

I really don't have much to say here…well, all I can say is that one original Ultraman will appear after the next chapter.

And sorry the ending was so abrupt…and hopefully crazy…

And keep the reviews coming, I guess.


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